People With Umbrellas

Sofa_King Good

Its coming towards the time where I'll be ending my daily slog for the day. Unfortunately rain + rush hour city centre = despite my best ducking and weaving, me getting a couple of smacks of people under umbrellas that could keep small towns dry. I've nothing against umbrellas, I think they are a great invention, especially in the rain; even apes use them in the jungle. Just oblivious, self-centred, ignorant people.As far as I know, nobodys ever died in an umbrella accident, and I wouldn't want to be the first cause of that, so if your walking home with a brolly please remember that your brolly is wider than you.

whiskeyman

Just put your hands up in the air and whirls them around in anger, thus knocking any offending invading umbrella out of harms way...

Dinter

Just put the head down and walk purposefully. You'll be surprised how many people miss you with their umbrellas.

seamus

Get yourself a golf umbrella. The biggest one you can find. With steel spines poking out around the rim. Hold it comfortably and stride along confidently. Move it for no-one. You'll be happy then.

ScumLord

there's only one way to win the umbrella war and that's to have the biggest umbrella.

armour87

whiskeyman wrote: »

Just put your hands up in the air and whirls them around in anger, thus knocking any offending invading umbrella out of harms way...

Ahh "The Helicopter"

Textbook stuff.

Degsy

ScumLord wrote: »

there's only one way to win the umbrella war and that's to have the biggest umbrella.

Or a hammer on a long handle!!

KnifeWRENCH

Sofa_King Good wrote: »

As far as I know, nobodys ever died in an umbrella accident

Not quite true.

R.I.P. Shary Bobbins

chin_grin

This is how I dodge umbrella's,

http://www.geocities.com/oscarmovs/fmat.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v508/felicia_valis/PatchesOHoulihan.jpg

Dragan

Ah, you get used to it. I don't mind when they hit me in the shoulder or anything but i will happily ensure the carrier of said umbrella knows they are a spanner should it hit me in the face.

shenanigans1982

Sofa_King Good wrote: »

Its coming towards the time where I'll be ending my daily slog for the day. Unfortunately rain + rush hour city centre = despite my best ducking and weaving, me getting a couple of smacks of people under umbrellas that could keep small towns dry. I've nothing against umbrellas, I think they are a great invention, especially in the rain; even apes use them in the jungle. Just oblivious, self-centred, ignorant people.As far as I know, nobodys ever died in an umbrella accident, and I wouldn't want to be the first cause of that, so if your walking home with a brolly please remember that your brolly is wider than you.

People should also take them down before they get on the bus. Preferably when they see the bus approaching the stop. It's possible to lose both eyes as people are funneling in the bus doors.

Also when you let them down don't shake them on the person behind you.

AnonoBoy

ScumLord wrote: »

there's only one way to win the umbrella war and that's to have the biggest umbrella.

This isn't a war it's an idealistic struggle.

And there's only one way to win an idealistic struggle - that's to have lots of meetings in coffee shops and write poetry about the damn umbrella oppressors.

Oh yeah - and grow a goatee.

Smart Bug

I find razor blabes on the edge of my umbrella keeps people out of my way.

Ruu_Old

Tackle them to the ground before they get to you. Wham! Clothesline! Alternatively, an umbrella like Burgess Meredith Penguin in 1966 Batman telly series works.

whiskeyman

shenanigans1982 wrote: »

Also when you let them down don't shake them on the person behind you.

Sounds like a line from 'Toilet Etiquette for Gents'...

Noopti

What I also hate is people who stand under bus shelter with umbrellas open. I mean....wtf?

robinph

Umbrellas should be banned, if your really that scared of a bit of water falling out of the sky then get a coat with a hood. The umbrellas are generally pretty useless at keeping the rain off you anyway unless it's falling straight down so that big contraption is clearly overkill for just trying to keep the top of your head dry.

kevmy

Also umbrellas at football matches. There'll always be some ignorant hoor down near the front who will put up his parachute as soon as he gets a couple of drops of rain just as the match is entering it's final 5 mins

Sabre0001

robinph wrote: »

Umbrellas should be banned, if your really that scared of a bit of water falling out of the sky then get a coat with a hood. The umbrellas are generally pretty useless at keeping the rain off you anyway unless it's falling straight down so that big contraption is clearly overkill for just trying to keep the top of your head dry.

Or get yourself one of these:

Sofa_King Good

at least I have the consolation that there is a much higher likelyhood of them getting bad luck by having an open umbrella indoors...

Noopti

Sabre0001 wrote: »

Or get yourself one of these:

I'd rather get a cold

stehigg

AnonoBoy wrote: »

This isn't a war it's an idealistic struggle.

And there's only one way to win an idealistic struggle - that's to have lots of meetings in coffee shops and write poetry about the damn umbrella oppressors.

Oh yeah - and grow a goatee.

and be working class

OK-Cancel-Apply

It's those bank manager types with HUGE 5 person umbrellas that piss me off. I once passed by 3 of these guys in a row, only to then see two asian girls huddling under one small one (they were also holding hands...)

What's wrong with a rain coat FFS?

AnonoBoy

stehigg wrote: »

and be working class

Everyone knows working class people can't grow goatees! :rolleyes:

Shows how much you know!

AnonoBoy

OK-Cancel-Apply wrote: »

two asian girls huddling under one small one (they were also holding hands...)

Nice touch!

EL_Loco

I was once in close proximity to a lady on a rainy day, who exclaimed to her partner after a umbrella clash "They have no umbella etiquette". She was either English or American, I can't quite remember. Anyways, I was intrigued.

So what's the rules?

Men raise their brollies over the ladies carrying theirs?
someone with a brolly always gives clearence to someone without one?
If more than one umbrella carrying individual stands beside another do they combine in some sort of pattern to increase the coverage of overhead protection?

your thoughts, theories and suggestions please people.

RubyXI

WHY CAN'T PEOPLE JUST LOOK WHERE THEY'RE GOING AAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHH

Carsinian Thau

phi3 wrote: »

WHY CAN'T PEOPLE JUST LOOK WHERE THEY'RE GOING AAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHH

They do. You've recently been rendered invisible and have yet to realise it. We're all laughing at you now.

Tee hee.

RubyXI

Carsinian Thau wrote: »

They do. You've recently been rendered invisible and have yet to realise it. We're all laughing at you now.

Tee hee.

I knew it! I had suspected that for a very long time. But now that you've confirmed it i intend to use it to my advantage and get my own back. Let the fun begin mwahahahahaha

Tar.Aldarion

umbrellas.

dr.bollocko

I have a car. Why would I ever need an umbrella? Everywhere I park has a roof over it.
Especially after 5 or 6 pints.

dsmythy

Sofa_King Good wrote: »

Its coming towards the time where I'll be ending my daily slog for the day. Unfortunately rain + rush hour city centre = despite my best ducking and weaving, me getting a couple of smacks of people under umbrellas that could keep small towns dry. I've nothing against umbrellas, I think they are a great invention, especially in the rain; even apes use them in the jungle. Just oblivious, self-centred, ignorant people.As far as I know, nobodys ever died in an umbrella accident, and I wouldn't want to be the first cause of that, so if your walking home with a brolly please remember that your brolly is wider than you.

http://www.witn.com/home/headlines/26820344.html

Not quite a small rain one, but an evil umbrella nonetheless!

entropi

whiskeyman wrote: »

Just put your hands up in the air and whirls them around in anger, thus knocking any offending invading umbrella out of harms way...

This here must be the best thing i've read all day:D And only just today did i buy myself another umbrella, a feckin huge one that could keep a herd of cattle dry. Still i hate the way others almost slice my carotid or jugular as they are too *****ng lazy to move it 2 feet, at least have the courtesy to move it over people's heads as you pass...:mad:

nasher

Does anyone else find when they do have a brollie up, that you get a few random guys without umbrellas trying to steal a bit of shelter without asking? I usually hold mine up higher to avoid poking guys eyes out! But I might stop from the threat of the silent ninjas! This has happened a few times to me... I wish they would just ask!

Ross_Mahon

An umbrella with a machine gun built into it...:cool:

Tar.Aldarion

dr.bollocko wrote: »

I have a car. Why would I ever need an umbrella? Everywhere I park has a roof over it.
Especially after 5 or 6 pints.

They especially have a roof when you have been drinking?

Try people cycling with umbrellas! Epic stupidness.

bug

Meh, I vote all the culchies go home.

Less people = less umbrellas.

the_syco

I lol @ umbrellas. My head is at umbrella height, so rather than ducking to the side, weaving around them, I push them to the side with my arm. And the people (who are smaller than me) apologize.