after an abortion emotions

LegacyUser

I had an abortion, the father didn't approve and made the whole ordeal rather traumatic, not as if it was traumatic already. was violent to and threatening and just plain nasty.
I understand that it was his 'baby' too but i just wanted nothing to do with him or his life, if i had the baby i'd be in hell for the rest of my life no matter which option I would have chose
I don't need the whole abortion is wrong crap, please.

this all happened around 7 months ago and i'm still traumatized, i have very bad anxiety but do not want to go on them tablets. i'm not myself anymore. just feel glum all the time.
the ex bf wanted to kill me, i know it sounds like a joke but seriously,i can't go to sleep with one window open.

I think maybe its post-traumatic stress, i'm not sure. but I cant speak to my doctor about it and i know if i went for therapy id just fall apart with just one foot in the door.
i just want to forget about this part of my life and move on but i cant seem to , my choice of aborting was the right one

brianthebard

You should see a counsellor, you may fall apart but you might need that. You've been through an awful lot and to find closure you will have to deal with it.

Overheal

if you are really that afraid of your ex you really should file a case report about the death threats. you really should try and see a counsellor they can do a lot to put you at ease.

LegacyUser

The best thing is to go talk with a councellor. My ex gf called a timeout with our relationship about 2weeks ago. I think she also might have had one in her past, she never said anything to me,but has been going for councelling once a week for a long time now and has said something once which hinted at one in her past. I know she has been a bit down with a few weeks and she needs time to herself to sort things out in her head, like yourself.

The bottom line is that you made a choice for you for the better, your ex sounds like an asshole and should never be allowed to be a father.

Don't listen to anyones emotional blackmail and guilt. You made the better choice, you need to talk with someone to help you come to understand that.

Beruthiel

wednesdaychild wrote: »

if i went for therapy id just fall apart with just one foot in the door.
i just want to forget about this part of my life and move on but i cant seem to , my choice of aborting was the right one

Until you can learn to live with how this is making you feel, you will not be able to get past these emotions.
Go talk to a professional, yes you may fall apart with just one foot in the door, but that just means you need to talk very badly and it will be the first step to healing.
Best of luck.

Marksie

OP: this will not go awat unless and until you can come to terms with what has happened. Even then it will be something you will remember.
But there are two issues here both interconnected yet separate: The post abortion emotions and the ex- Boyfriends reaction. Perhaps they need separating.

You mentioned that if you went to see a therapist you would fall apart when you walked through the door. I do not believe that its being harsh to say that it may be exactly what you need to do to start the healing process.
I really sense you are bottling things in hoping that they will eventually work themselves out. Such a release of emotions may be necessary as it is obvious they are doing you no good being bottled up.
A good therapist will have seen this before and wont feel embarrassed or judgmental.


I am going to put my mod hat on here now, given the nature of the thread:
Deal with the OP issues solely.
Its a preemptive warning for anyone wishing to be judgmental

star-pants

OP I have to agree with the other posters, as much as you don't want to fall apart, sometimes it's the best way to deal with things slowly one by one, start from scratch.
It may seem like a mammoth task, something you hoped would go away itself, but clearly it's not and you need to sort out why.

Marksie is correct in there being two intertwining issues - both of which need to be addressed. You did what you felt was best for you, and you shall have to come to terms with that properly before you can move on as such. The ex-boyfriend issue appears to have traumatised you a bit, something which you also need to work through.

A counsellor is most likely your best option - they will know how to help you deal with these things and even if you fall apart, they'll help you piece things back together.
good luck

Karen_*

You poor thing Op you've been through an awful lot. Have you got a close friend you can talk to about this if you don't want to see a therapist? But I really do recommend you contacting an organisation like Cura and asking them have they anyone you can speak to. And maybe you need to fall apart - as in have a damn good cry and let all those emotions out. It's cliche but time does heal but a little help from friends or even someone you don't know can really help things along. And be kind to yourself, you need a bit of minding so do it for yourself.

Nevyn

http://www.ifpa.ie/services/postabort.html

Pregnancy and post abortion counselling services at the IFPA are free of charge and by appointment only.

IFPA National Pregnancy Helpline - Appointments: 1850 49 50 51 (Monday to Friday 9-5pm).

Like any loss it usually takes about a year to start coming to terms with having had an abortion and it usually has a lot of mixed emotions. IN you case you also have the fact that you are living in fear of your ex boyfriend and are still being effected by your toxic relationship with him.

Please get help.

Riverside

Hi OP,

I had a friend who had an abortion about 8 years ago. Similiar situation to yourself. All her friends turned against her and didn't want to know.
I shared a house with her and I lost count of the amount of times she came to my room at 3/4/5 in the morning a tortured soul.
Eventually I talked her into seeking counselling and went with her for the first session. She was afraid of totalling breaking down in that 1st Session but she did and it was the best thing she ever did. Within 6 weeks of counselling she was a new woman and a pleasure to be around!
I feel for you. I don't know what you are going through per se, but I know what she went through..she was a torturted woman!
Please seek help!
All the best!
R

AnonoBoy

You must go to a counsellor. Seriously OP - I have a few friends who have had abortions and counselling really really helps.

Dragan

wednesdaychild wrote: »

I think maybe its post-traumatic stress, i'm not sure. but I cant speak to my doctor about it and i know if i went for therapy id just fall apart with just one foot in the door.

This is, pretty much, the point of therapy. It gives you a place where you can just break down and build yourself back up.

You really need to look into this avenue of help for yourself.

Burial

Goto a counsellor and get a restraining order and inform the police that he has/is threatening you. Not much more anyone here can do for you other then that. I'd say your brain is worried if you made the right choice. Be confident with yourself. You HAVE made the right choice!

(I'm presuming you made the decision without discussing with him, if you had discussed it with him, ignore this)

If my GF/ex-GF did this, I wouldn't forgive her, and make her known how much she is hurting me, etc, etc. There was two in that decision, not one. Though you had the deciding vote. To not tell him why your doing it, I can understand where he's coming from, (Being violent/threatening you, I don't agree with and I don't understand where he's coming from in that regard), and you'll receive no sympathy from me for your actions. He's just as truamatised as you. So in future, have a discussion with the father of your child to at least tell him why/what your decision will be and hear his thoughts, etc. rather than keeping him out of the loop??

Nevyn

You don't know the circumstance which lead her to make her choice, Burial.
Women can get trapped into relationships via pregnancy not just men.

Burial

wrote:

You don't know the circumstance which lead her to make her choice, Burial.

No, I don't know why she made her choice, which is why I'm advicing her/anyone getting an abortion, that keeping her/your BF out of the loop isn't a nice thing and that the ordeal isn't just traumatic for the woman involved. You can't expect to be comforted by the BF if you didn't even include/tell him of your choice.

wrote:

Women can get trapped into relationships via pregnancy not just men.

Yes I know this... What was the point of telling me it?

AARRRGH

I know a girl who had therapy because of an abortion - the father of the child was her own father.

It really helped her.

Therapy, or at least therapy with a good therapist, is a loving and safe environment. They will be supportive and caring. You have nothing to be scared of.

I am sure someone will be able to recommend a kind therapist.

You need to take control of your situation - it'll be a lot easier with a professional guiding you.

Dragan

Burial wrote: »

If my GF/ex-GF did this, I wouldn't forgive her, and make her known how much she is hurting me, etc, etc. There was two in that decision, not one. Though you had the deciding vote. To not tell him why your doing it, I can understand where he's coming from, (Being violent/threatening you, I don't agree with and I don't understand where he's coming from in that regard), and you'll receive no sympathy from me for your actions. He's just as truamatised as you. So in future, have a discussion with the father of your child to at least tell him why/what your decision will be and hear his thoughts, etc. rather than keeping him out of the loop??

Awesome, this isn't about you though.

*checks to see if he and everything else is revolving around Burial*

Nope.

Who knew.

As far as i am concerned the OP was right in her decisions, death threats and fear are exactly what you hope for from a possible father.

Marksie

Dragen: lets not get too personal here ok?

Hagar

Seek professional help and if you are in contact with the father advise him to do the same. He probably needs it as much as you do if he is handling his grief so badly.

panda100

wednesdaychild wrote: »

I think maybe its post-traumatic stress, i'm not sure. but I cant speak to my doctor about it and i know if i went for therapy id just fall apart with just one foot in the door.

Unfortunatly,post abortion counselling or indeed medical care in Ireland is dire beacuse most medical proffesionals pretend abortion doesnt exist.
If you feel that you cant talk to your gp then change to another one. Im sure your local IFPA wil give you the number of a compassionate gp.

Dragan

Marksie wrote: »

Dragen: lets not get too personal here ok?

Apologies, and to Burial also. I was more than a little pissed off about other things when i made that post.