Cant get over that hes leaving...

LegacyUser

Hi All, hoping someone might be able to shed some light or been through something similar.

I recently got back with my bf, we broke up about a yr and half ago but constantly saw each other and now it feels right for both of us to be with each other. Now I can honestly say I love him so much, he is my saviour and means the world to me. I missed him so much when we weren't together and am so happy to be with him now.

The thing is... in a few months he is leaving Ireland, hes going to work abroad and hes made it quiet clear from the start that its something he needs to do himself and I knew he was going before we decided to try again. He hasn't asked me to go and avoids talking to me about, I try to bring up the subject but he just says "its ages away no need to worry about it now". But I am worried, How can I get over the fact that hes leaving? I dont want a long distance relationship, have tried it before and am not suited to it. I know I could never leave him or want to, I mean could you really leave the person you love? Or am I being selfish for being upset about it, its a wonderful opportunity for him.

I dont really know what advice I am looking for or if I need advice. But I find myself dreading the day that hes leaving. Is it foolish to be in a relationship that you know will come to an end after xmas

I dont want him to go or take me with him, I have no ties here so I could but I know he wants to go alone

Can I let the love of my life just leave ???

Cadyboo

Well it seems to me that he is serious about doing this alone. Its hard but id say you just need to face up to the fact that he is going, and its terrible he hasnt asked you to go.
Obviously he wants to experience other things and people, but he might change his mind when the time comes.
Why not enjoy the time you have left together, because if you keep fretting, you wont, and you might even end on bad terms.

Craft25

ooh it really jumps out when somebody calls someone their saviour, could be wrong but it stood out for me..

at least its not over a fight, cheating etc. so you will still be able to talk and visit and see if your relationship survives the test/impass(for want of a better word)..

its like they say if you love something set them free, if its meant to be they'll come back to you.. usually changed for the better.. that is really a true statement in life, possibly the only one - you cant stand in the way of what was meant to be in someone you care about's life, you can only hope they'll want to share their experiences with you

Smurfpiss

It's not terrilble that he didn't ask you to go with him.
he's got his life, you've got yours.
I just went through the same thing myself.
things have a way of sorting themselves out. not in the best way always. but if you don't do long distance I think you answered your question...

dazberry

Hes leaving ... wrote: »

I dont really know what advice I am looking for or if I need advice. But I find myself dreading the day that hes leaving. Is it foolish to be in a relationship that you know will come to an end after xmas

I dont want him to go or take me with him, I have no ties here so I could but I know he wants to go alone

Something similar happened to me years ago. There's no problem in still being in the relationship but you need to be prepared to accept that when he goes that that is it. An ex (who was also the one going away) left me with the impression she was coming back within a period of time, so although I was heartbroken I was just getting by waiting - she never came back and so it was like a long slow painfull realisation - its definately the worst way to break up. If you can't accept that or he can't be completely open about his intentions - I'm sorry to say that you'd be better breaking up sooner rather than later.

D.

Karen_*

Poor you OP, thats an awful sitation to find yourself in:( Very painful too.

I think you have to decide that the person you love the most in the world at the moment is yourself. And end it now instead of torturing yourself more. And if its meant to be then you don't know what's down the road. But let it go rather than have it wrestled from you.

mbren

Hes leaving ... wrote: »

Is it foolish to be in a relationship that you know will come to an end after xmas

Hey Op,

If you asked me that question a few years ago, I would have said it is foolish, but now I think you might as well spend as much time with someone while they are around because you never know what can happen down the line!

Thats just my opinion anyway, but I hope your happy with the decision you make.

Best of luck

CavanGal

Hey Op
I think you should enjoy the time you have left together but when he leaves accept that its over and move on. Just be glad that you shared very happy times together.

My friend's boyfriend went to Australia 2 1/2 years ago for a year! She is still waiting for him. He's been coming home "in two months" for the last year. She cant move on and she feels guilty everytime she kisses another guy! My point is that she hasnt and/or cant accept that he most likely wont move home (he's a tradesman so to return would be foolish given the job situation here at the mo). Its possible he may one day and all will be rosey but until then she needs to live her life and so will you when the time comes.

Make the most of him now and then as another poster said give him his freedom.

Good luck.

MagicMarker

If you know that the relationship is over when he leaves, then you should end it now. The longer you leave it the harder it will be. ''Savoring'' the next few months is really just a waste of your time.

Xterminator

MagicMarker wrote: »

If you know that the relationship is over when he leaves, then you should end it now. The longer you leave it the harder it will be. ''Savoring'' the next few months is really just a waste of your time.

So the poster should cut off her nose to spite her face, and break up with someone she wants to be with?

Sorry to be harsh, but grow up.

I'd advise to enjoy it while you can if you are able to. Yes it has to be dealt with, and later when the tickets are bought and the date is set you wil have to discuss it.

Good luck.

Wibbs

Xterminator just because you don't agree with another poster, "grow up" is not an acceptable retort around here.

pookie82

What jumps out at me are the facts that a) he definitely, no questions asked, wants to do this ALONE, and b) you can't see yourself ever doing the long distance thing.

This doesn't leave much room for any other suggestions.

I wonder why he wanted to get back with you while being insistant that in a while he'd be going abroad to live alone with no question of you being a factor in that. I presume you've told him you don't think you can do it. I know that although it works very well for some, long distance is something I could never see myself doing. Having said that, I might find it very manageable and surprise myself if I had to try. Never say never and all that.

Unless he changes his mind or you change yours, this looks set for tears. Maybe you should sit down with yourself first and really ask yourself if he's worth making a go of something long distance for. If there's no other option than it might not hurt to at least give it a try before you give up on it all.

Sorry, just re-read the OP about having tried long distance before and not being suited to it. The only other option is for him to allow you to go or stay at home. Neither of which it sounds like he'll do. Again I question his motive for getting back with you only to cut things short when he goes away again. It's not really fair on either of you unless he was just looking for short term gratification.

S.L.F

dazberry wrote: »

An ex (who was also the one going away) left me with the impression she was coming back within a period of time, so although I was heartbroken I was just getting by waiting - she never came back and so it was like a long slow painfull realisation - its definately the worst way to break up. If you can't accept that or he can't be completely open about his intentions - I'm sorry to say that you'd be better breaking up sooner rather than later.

D.

Same thing happened to me.

God it hurt for a long time after when she finally came home she didn't give a toss. Damn that really hurt.

My advice to the Op would be if he is definitely going then the best thing is to break up with him now it will save the OP such awful heart ache.

It is not a nice thing to have to do but that would be my best suggestion.