Drunken mistake...

greenapplesea

Guys I'll be really quick with the story here- was out the weekend and got a little over affectionate with a friend of a friend. I was completely out of it, cannot remember a single instance in the night after a certain point which I know is very dangerous and I feel very very stupid (have never been like this before). Both me and this guy have long term OHs. Nothing major happened, no kissing, nothing. But my friends have told me that I was very affectionate, hugging him and kissing him on the cheek. At one point I said I wanted to kiss him, but didn't act on it, was just a random drunken blurt. I thought they were lying when they told me (they had to fill me in as the night is a big, gaping, black hole!), I was just so shocked! I NEVER act like this, love my boyfriend very much and never get this drunk either.

But my friend is acting like I am a complete homewrecker and it's really getting me down. Obviously what I did was wrong, nobody knows that more than me, and I do feel very guilty and ashamed at my behaviour, but she is acting like I've completely betrayed my boyfriend and is asking if I'm going to tell him. But I don't think he'll ever trust me again if I do. Is my friend over-reacting or should I own up? HELP!

copacetic

your friend is wrong. you went over the top but didn't actually do anything.

homerun_homer

Tell your friend that since you were so drunk and not in full control that it is not entirely your fault and instead of ruining your own relationship you are going to make sure you don't let yourself go that far again.
Getting hammered and doing things that you would never dream of doing sober is an unfortunate fact of life. People say the things you say and do when drunk are what you feel deep down but that is Bulls**t most of the time. If you feel guilty for what you hear you have done then I'm sure you will do your best not to let it happen again.
If I was the BF in this case I wouldn't want to know because then I would be a bit paranoid any time you go out with the girls. By not doing anything drastically wrong by him then you shouldn't have to worry him.

Burial

Tell your friends it's not her BF so it's not her business and you'll tell him as/if you feel like it. (Tell her to tell the other boys GF first if she cares that much)

I'd say tell him. It's better he hears off of you rather than this "friend" who'll more then likely exagerate the story. Moral of the story, don't go get really really drunk again.

jarvis

homerun_homer wrote: »

Tell your friend that since you were so drunk and not in full control that it is not entirely your fault and instead of ruining your own relationship you are going to make sure you don't let yourself go that far again.
Getting hammered and doing things that you would never dream of doing sober is an unfortunate fact of life. People say the things you say and do when drunk are what you feel deep down but that is Bulls**t most of the time. If you feel guilty for what you hear you have done then I'm sure you will do your best not to let it happen again.
If I was the BF in this case I wouldn't want to know because then I would be a bit paranoid any time you go out with the girls. By not doing anything drastically wrong by him then you shouldn't have to worry him.

I agree. Forget about it, fob your mate off the subject, don't let her know it's getting you down and just be careful in future. Because you are so ashamed for not doing anything means you most likely will never do anything like that again. Good lesson I say.

greenapplesea

I definately will not do this again, believe me I'm more embarrassed than I've ever been. I have been considering telling him but I definately think the trust will just go out the window. We have different groups of friends in different counties so head out separately as often as together and I just think he would be wary of me going out on my own which would eventually lead to problems down the line.

tbh

if you got that drunk and you still didn't make a move on the guy, your OH should be chuffed. You've nothing to feel bad about, and nothing to apologise for. I think it's pretty obvious that your friend likes this other guy.

xzanti

Some friend tbh.. yeah ok you were drunk and you probably got a little over zealous with the guy but she's suppposed to be YOUR friend, she should be there to comfort and advise you not kick you when you're down..

Dinter

Nah don't come straight out and tell him. It'll just wreck the trust unnecessarily.

Just make sure you tell him that the lad was there and he was in really strange form etc. If your oh doesn't know him tell your oh that something bad's happened to your friend and you spent the night trying to console him. That way if stories do come out you can just dismiss them as people reading way too much into a situation.

Tbh though telling him you wanna kiss him is a dangerously close to cheating. Sounds more like it didn't happen because he didn't want to pursue it. I'd try keep a bit of distance there.

greenapplesea

xzanti wrote: »

Some friend tbh.. yeah ok you were drunk and you probably got a little over zealous with the guy but she's suppposed to be YOUR friend, she should be there to comfort and advise you not kick you when you're down..

This is something I was kind of afraid of bringing up because of the friction it could cause- she should have been supportive of me right? I feel like she's totally made out that it's all me when I do in fact remember him kissing my cheek and being touchy feely earlier in the night but he's getting off scot free, probably because I made the silly comment that I wanted to kiss him.

AngryBadger

tbh wrote: »

if you got that drunk and you still didn't make a move on the guy, your OH should be chuffed. You've nothing to feel bad about, and nothing to apologise for. I think it's pretty obvious that your friend likes this other guy.

+1 hard to argue with the truth!

Dixie Chick

Tell her that you have discussed it with the BF, ye had massive row and now its all ok and that ye will never metion it again.:D IT NONE OF HER BUSINESS!

A mistake learned the hard way but dont beat yourself up for too long more.

greenapplesea

Dinter wrote: »

Tbh though telling him you wanna kiss him is a dangerously close to cheating. Sounds more like it didn't happen because he didn't want to pursue it. I'd try keep a bit of distance there.

I don't know...I have no interest in this guy whatsoever and don't even remember saying this. I don't even know why I would have said this as I am very respectful of other guy's girlfriends (being one myself for the last five years!)

But will definately be keeping my distance, out of embarrassment more than anything! My friend keeps mentioning this to the guy in question so it's quite a big issue (I feel like they're bitching unnecessarily being honest) and one that I want to stay well away from.

Greaney

A situation like this takes a little bit of humble pie, a little bit of tact and a lot of wisdom.

Lets look at the situation with your friend first. Re-acting defensively to your friend may not be a wise idea. She witnessed the goings on and you can't blame her for feeling like she does over what she witnessed. She may feel morally torn and burdened by what she now see's as keeping your secret. Have you apoligiesed to her? you didn't mention that in your post, some folks will understand that you were hammered but I think she may have found the situation too much, it's not up to others to decide if she should be "cool" about it, I think that's a lot to ask of her.

I think a sincere apology would be wise, a little bit of humble pie and not defensive, and perhaps talk it out a little without it getting out of hand. A cool head is what's needed over this, and a little perspective.

As for your boyfriend, I don't think it'd be wise to do a big confession. You didn't snog this guy, you flirted outrageously and drank too much.

If he does find out, to say you got hammered, flirted outrageously with someone else might be enough, again, a genuine, and I mean really genuine attitude if this comes to pass, is always advisable.

You're a big girl, and if the way you reacted to drinking so much is not acceptable to you... then take it on the chin and learn what you can from it. You were lucky to get home safe and sound that night really when you think about it. To black out takes some fairly serious drinking and can do a little damage a long the way.

Mind how you go..

00_katie_00

Im sick to the back teeth of people getting starting "oh i got so drunk & did X Y & Z".

Next time you decide to drink, do so responsibly, im irish & i can manage it!

And that way you dont need to come on boards.ie & get everyone to stumble over your mistakes after you wake up from your drunken slumber.

/RANT

Dinter

greenapplesea wrote: »

This is something I was kind of afraid of bringing up because of the friction it could cause- she should have been supportive of me right? I feel like she's totally made out that it's all me when I do in fact remember him kissing my cheek and being touchy feely earlier in the night but he's getting off scot free, probably because I made the silly comment that I wanted to kiss him.

I don't mean to be unnecessarily severe but drunkenly telling another drunk person that you want to kiss them after the pair of you have been flirting and kissing all night does not equal "a silly comment". Tbh you mention that the lad was touchy feeley earlier and yet you stayed in that situation. Where exactly did you want it to go?

Perhaps your friend is annoyed with you because she thinks you've let yourself down rather than because she's jealous of you. Perhaps she just didn't have the same expectations of the bloke you were flirting with.

Dixie Chick

00_katie_00 wrote: »

Im sick to the back teeth of people getting starting "oh i got so drunk & did X Y & Z".

Next time you decide to drink, do so responsibly, im irish & i can manage it!

And that way you dont need to come on boards.ie & get everyone to stumble over your mistakes after you wake up from your drunken slumber.

/RANT

join the real world, these things happen. mind you dont fall form your high horse:rolleyes:

mikemac

homerun_homer wrote: »

Tell your friend that since you were so drunk and not in full control that it is not entirely your fault .

Not it might look like I taking a single line out of context but sorry, that's a cop out!

00_katie_00

Dixie Chick wrote: »

join the real world, these things happen. mind you dont fall form your high horse:rolleyes:

I've got one word for you.... and its... Ownership:)

Dinter

tbh wrote: »

if you got that drunk and you still didn't make a move on the guy, your OH should be chuffed.

Bar actually forcing herself on the guy exactly what more of a move could she make?

greenapplesea

00_katie_00 wrote: »

Im sick to the back teeth of people getting starting "oh i got so drunk & did X Y & Z".

Next time you decide to drink, do so responsibly, im irish & i can manage it!

And that way you dont need to come on boards.ie & get everyone to stumble over your mistakes after you wake up from your drunken slumber.

/RANT

In my defense, I think everyone can have a night like this! In my 25 years it's the only I've had and I always drink responsibly normally.

And sorry Katie but this forum is used for issues like mine, I've seen many on here with worse problems looking for advice. And nobody needs "to stumble over my comment" if they don't want to. You could have just passed on by...

/RANT for me too

tbh

she could have tried to kiss him?

TheLoc

greenapplesea wrote: »

Guys I'll be really quick with the story here- was out the weekend and got a little over affectionate with a friend of a friend. I was completely out of it, cannot remember a single instance in the night after a certain point which I know is very dangerous and I feel very very stupid (have never been like this before). Both me and this guy have long term OHs. Nothing major happened, no kissing, nothing. But my friends have told me that I was very affectionate, hugging him and kissing him on the cheek. At one point I said I wanted to kiss him, but didn't act on it, was just a random drunken blurt. I thought they were lying when they told me (they had to fill me in as the night is a big, gaping, black hole!), I was just so shocked! I NEVER act like this, love my boyfriend very much and never get this drunk either.

But my friend is acting like I am a complete homewrecker and it's really getting me down. Obviously what I did was wrong, nobody knows that more than me, and I do feel very guilty and ashamed at my behaviour, but she is acting like I've completely betrayed my boyfriend and is asking if I'm going to tell him. But I don't think he'll ever trust me again if I do. Is my friend over-reacting or should I own up? HELP!

I wouldn't worry about it. If I were you say nothing. If I was your BF and you told me that, I would tell you to go way for a while and probably be fairly ticked off. but sure nothing happened and as u said, u were out of it. Don't say anything and avoid confrontation that is basically pointless.

Dixie Chick

00_katie_00 wrote: »

I've got one word for you.... and its... Ownership:)

I understand, i dont drink myself so I am never in these situations. But I dont think your "rant" is helpful to this girl.

greenapplesea

Dinter wrote: »

I don't mean to be unnecessarily severe but drunkenly telling another drunk person that you want to kiss them after the pair of you have been flirting and kissing all night does not equal "a silly comment". Tbh you mention that the lad was touchy feeley earlier and yet you stayed in that situation. Where exactly did you want it to go?

Perhaps your friend is annoyed with you because she thinks you've let yourself down rather than because she's jealous of you. Perhaps she just didn't have the same expectations of the bloke you were flirting with.

I don't think she's jealous of me, but she has admitted that this guy is a touchy feely person normally, ok for him but not for me, so therefore I'm the one to blame. I have apologuised to her and the guy and admitted that what I did was stupid.

Dixie Chick

greenapplesea wrote: »

I don't think she's jealous of me, but she has admitted that this guy is a touchy feely person normally, ok for him but not for me, so therefore I'm the one to blame. I have apologuised to her and the guy and admitted that what I did was stupid.

Greeappleasa there si nothign more you can do so, your concern now should be your firends feelings. i agree people do have nights like these, the best this is to learn something from it (like where to draw the line form being tipsy to drunk)

TheLoc

greenapplesea wrote: »

I don't think she's jealous of me, but she has admitted that this guy is a touchy feely person normally, ok for him but not for me, so therefore I'm the one to blame. I have apologuised to her and the guy and admitted that what I did was stupid.

your making too much of a big deal out of it. don't worry about it.

00_katie_00

TheLoc wrote: »

your making too much of a big deal out of it. don't worry about it.

Is there a reason behind this? Usually you just wish to forget these things & move on ASAP but the OP seems to be lingering on the issue IMHO, why is that?

tbh

00_katie_00 wrote: »

Is there a reason behind this? Usually you just wish to forget these things & move on ASAP but the OP seems to be lingering on the issue IMHO, why is that?

probably cause her friend is making her feel like sh1t.

Dixie Chick

tbh wrote: »

probably cause her friend is making her feel like sh1t.

+1

TheLoc

00_katie_00 wrote: »

Is there a reason behind this? Usually you just wish to forget these things & move on ASAP but the OP seems to be lingering on the issue IMHO, why is that?

Maybe she is a goody goody 2 shoes and is a bit of a drama queen.... since she was hammered, can't remember anything and nothing happened, she should be gratefull and just leave it at that. posting it on boards and complaining to her freinds about it is just going to drag it out and make it worse. + a bigger chance of her BF finding out.

greenapplesea

00_katie_00 wrote: »

Is there a reason behind this? Usually you just wish to forget these things & move on ASAP but the OP seems to be lingering on the issue IMHO, why is that?

Saucer of milk??

The reason I am asking for advice is because it is causing a bit of friction with my friend and is therefore hard to just "move on from".

Are you a bit confused about the concept of asking for advice or Personal Issues forum in general?

If you are unhappy with my posting then maybe you should find another thread instead of hovering over this one.

Dinter

greenapplesea wrote: »

I don't think she's jealous of me, but she has admitted that this guy is a touchy feely person normally, ok for him but not for me, so therefore I'm the one to blame. I have apologuised to her and the guy and admitted that what I did was stupid.

Tbh I wouldn't give a second thought about your friends other than will they say it to my boyfriend or not? The fact your friend thinks the lad is touchy feely anyway would suggest to me that she doesn't have that much respect for him anyway and it's more a case of her being annoyed with you for what you did that anything ulterior. Stop apologising to them though. Yer man is just as much to blame and it isn't really any of yer wan's business.

Maybe I'm old fashioned but if my girlfriend came home and told me that story as you described it I wouldn't be chuffed. In fact I'd be pretty pissed off. I'd worry more about that.

Put it this way. Do you feel guilty about what happened? If you do it's because you know you've done something wrong and I doubt you're guilty about hurting your friends feelings.

00_katie_00

greenapplesea wrote: »

Saucer of milk??

The reason I am asking for advice is because it is causing a bit of friction with my friend and is therefore hard to just "move on from".

Are you a bit confused about the concept of asking for advice or Personal Issues forum in general?

If you are unhappy with my posting then maybe you should find another thread instead of hovering over this one.

Im not the only one asking questions here, dont shoot the messenger!:rolleyes:

TheLoc

greenapplesea wrote: »

Saucer of milk??

The reason I am asking for advice is because it is causing a bit of friction with my friend and is therefore hard to just "move on from".

Are you a bit confused about the concept of asking for advice or Personal Issues forum in general?

If you are unhappy with my posting then maybe you should find another thread instead of hovering over this one.

I'll be honest greenapplesea, you need to tell your friend to get a life and stop annoying you. I'm sure you can bring up a story about her thats well worse than this. just tell her to mind her own business as its not her problem. hope it works out

greenapplesea

00_katie_00 wrote: »

Im not the only one asking questions here, dont shoot the messenger!:rolleyes:

Hmmm..not so much asking questions as firing useless comments really.

homerun_homer

micmclo wrote: »

Not it might look like I taking a single line out of context but sorry, that's a cop out!

I'm not saying that things can be blamed on the 'demon' drink so casually. I've never done anything majorly wrong when plastered, never cheated especially - just little embarrassing things. when you wake up in the morning you think "Oh crap I can't believe I did/said that" or other times you don't remember and something gets relayed to you.
It happens and you can't entirely blame your personality or who you are/how you would handle the same thing sober. A lot of drink can make you do stupid things, everyone handles it different, simple as.

ergonomics

greenapplesea wrote: »

But my friend is acting like I am a complete homewrecker and it's really getting me down. Obviously what I did was wrong, nobody knows that more than me, and I do feel very guilty and ashamed at my behaviour, but she is acting like I've completely betrayed my boyfriend and is asking if I'm going to tell him. But I don't think he'll ever trust me again if I do. Is my friend over-reacting or should I own up? HELP!

Next time your friend starts at you ask her has she said anything to her other friend, the guy you were being 'affectionate' with. Yes, you were stupid to get so drunk and do what you did but it takes two to tango. You said he had an OH too, was he pushing you away or happily going along with it?

HouseHippo

Ah I did the same thing a few weekends ago. No biggie we all do stupid things when we are drunk. It will all blow over. Your friend is being ridiculous, you did nothing wong and in the end you made a tit out of youself and from being in that situation I know that is punishment enough.

pickarooney

Friend trying to get you in the bad books with your boyfriend for personal gain? Magic 8-ball says chances are high.