I fancy my housemate

Focus6

but she has a boyfriend....

To start at the beginning,
I moved in a few weeks ago. I knew the others in the house before that and I needed a place to live - they had a room....so I moved in.

I had only met her a few times before. She's good looking...beautiful in fact. Funny too.

She's has been seeing a guy for a couple of months and it appears to be going well. He's a fairly cool guy....way cooler than me...

Thing is, I can't talk to her properly - I'm trying to keep my distance a bit, and I think its coming across like I don't like her very much.

I mean, we would get on so well....but I don't want to become just her friend....

how should I proceed?

meditraitor

Forget about it.

Vain

Nothing. She has a boyfriend, respect that.

ziedth

So what if ya fancy the girl man? Be as nice as you can but don't make a move on her. You never know what might happen but at the very least you have a deadly friend who makes you laugh

Focus6

Sorry, didn't mean to come across like some sort of a twat.

Of course I'm going to respect the fact that she has a boyfriend.

The question I should have asked is what do I do?
Do I move out?
or bite the bullet, just try and forget about how damn attractive she is, and become her friend?
(just what I need...another "friend")

Karen_*

Is it really such a conundrum for you? Move out...or don't. You decide!

togster

Forget it.

Trust me, nothing good can come of it. You will make yourself look like a tool.

Vain

Focus6 wrote: »

Sorry, didn't mean to come across like some sort of a twat.

Of course I'm going to respect the fact that she has a boyfriend.

The question I should have asked is what do I do?
Do I move out?
or bite the bullet, just try and forget about how damn attractive she is, and become her friend?
(just what I need...another "friend")

You can never have enough friends. Just hang with her become friends. Don't even think about anything else. if some thing happens between ye it does. They alot more good looking girls out there and for all you know they might be mad after you, but your too busy thinking about your roomie to notice it.

Burial

Become a semi-friend. A guy who's fun, but not around ALL the time. (Ie like if they ask you to go on a night-out with them, go sometimes.) I realise the irony of my statment when I say don't be there all the time and ye live together... That's only if you wish to try and get with her eventualy, which imo, is a bad option. Just go out and have a good time with her. I mean whats the harm of another friend? If she becomes your friend just ask her to set you up with one of her other hot friends...

Focus6

thanks for the advice.

I will take it on board.

Part of me does feel a bit like a tool already:eek:, just for thinking about the whole situation.

Okay, so here's what I'm going to do.
-Just be myself with her.
-Cop on to meself.
-and will stop being such a vagina!

Although I'm sure if you could all see how beautiful, intelligent and funny she is, alot would all feel the same way too!

Wagon

Be sound, but for your own sanity keep your distance.

axel rose

hi focus
I was in a similiar situation. had flatmates, boyfriends, yada yada. One of my flatmates was a better friend than the others...We went out for a pint regularly enough, hung out together.....then one night I looked at him, he looked at me ......you get the picture. well fastfoward 8 years hes my hubbie and we have a wee baby!!!

ok Im not saying that thats your future but nothing can ever develop with or without the boyfriend if you are not friends first. You dont know her too long so I hope that the jelly nerves will settle over the weeks. She may or may not think that her current boyf is 'the one'. either way you will get yourself a hot friend. good luck

coillcam

Had a similar situation myself a few years back when I was 19. Girl that moved in was attached and she was a savage burd in every facet, no other way to put it. Anyway I spent too much time around the girl and it pissed me off as I grew to like her very quickly. She was in a long distance relationship and they broke up after a couple of months. She was hurt for a while and was not interested in men. So I never could bring myself to do anything especially if it didn't work out as we were on a years lease in college and the money was all paid up and that would have been a fúcked up remainder of the year. She ended up with another guy then soon after and that was that really. I was really upset about it all for quite some time.

I met her again recently and to my amazement wondered myself what all the fuss was about as I was no longer attracted to her, great girl and all but I had changed and she's not what I am into now I can say comfortably. My rule of thumb is now within reason to keep distance without being an apparent ignorant douche if I know that they are attached and/or living with me. Good luck OP

Wagon

axel rose wrote: »

either way you will get yourself a hot friend.

That's like buying a house and not getting the bleedin keys!

axel rose

Wagon wrote: »

That's like buying a house and not getting the bleedin keys!

well generally a good looking girl has good looking mates. Wouldnt that give focus something to .....focus.... on. Access to a wonderful housing estate with a skeleton key if you will.

AckwelFoley

Vain wrote: »

Nothing. She has a boyfriend, respect that.

bingo

G&T

Romeo,

I couldn't be friends with someone if I wanted to jump their bones.

Dont be odd around her just try not be around her too much,

She might have nice friends or a sister:D

Tar.Aldarion

If I had the choice to do it all again I would have moved out instead of lose the person.
As long as it is just a crush and you start to like somebody else though I wouldn't worry. If you like her more and more I would move out.

Tar.Aldarion

If I had the choice to do it all again I would have moved out instead of lose the person.
As long as it is just a crush and you start to like somebody else though I wouldn't worry. If you like her more and more I would move out.

Focus6

Sorry for resurrecting this old thread, but the worst/best possible thing has happened.
Ok, so seriously I'm delighted but freaking out at the same time.
My gorgeous, lovely housemate has been unceremoniously DUMPED by her boyfriend.
Now the past few weeks we've been getting on well. I've been myself around her. She laughs at my jokes...I've cooked and she's cooked for each other a couple of times....just getting on like normal housemates really.
Still can't quite get around the fact that she's phenomenal though.

So....now she is single...okay, maybe slightly hurt and whatever, but still single nonetheless....I do feel kind of sorry for her (seriously what was yer man thinking???)

okay Boardsies...advice on a plan of action would be greatly appreciated!!!:eek:

ShawnRaven

Steer clear dude... she could rebound and f*ck you up real bad.
Worse to the point, the ex could get wind of it, get paro and think something was going on for a while... christ knows what that would lead to.

Best thing you can do for her is be her mate. If you make the moves on her and if she's not interested, then she's lost her boyfriend and a mate in a short space of time!

Yeah, that has danger signs written all over it.

takola

Focus6 wrote: »

Sorry for resurrecting this old thread, but the worst/best possible thing has happened.
Ok, so seriously I'm delighted but freaking out at the same time.
My gorgeous, lovely housemate has been unceremoniously DUMPED by her boyfriend.
Now the past few weeks we've been getting on well. I've been myself around her. She laughs at my jokes...I've cooked and she's cooked for each other a couple of times....just getting on like normal housemates really.
Still can't quite get around the fact that she's phenomenal though.

So....now she is single...okay, maybe slightly hurt and whatever, but still single nonetheless....I do feel kind of sorry for her (seriously what was yer man thinking???)

okay Boardsies...advice on a plan of action would be greatly appreciated!!!:eek:

Do nothing. She's just broken up with her boyfriend (Why btw?). Don't go rushing her into anything yet. She probably needs to get her head together.

I would say that the only thing she wants/needs now is her friends about her. If anything is going to happen with you guys it will happen naturally. You don't need a plan of action. Just keep going as you are, stay her mate for the moment and be a shoulder for her if she needs one. If something happens then it will happen of its own accord.

Wagon

Nah dude, don't bother your hole. You'll be the rebound guy, especially if they were together for some time.

Firtstly you two start going out. All goes well for a while. Then she decides to be "just friends". She "sees you as a brother". Then your hurt and upset and want her back. you can't take time apart cos you live in the same house, you'd have to move out and at worst you'll have to listen to the sounds of her bringing back loads of lads to the gaff and riding them.

Or you could just not bother your arse, you don't even need to be mates with her just live in the same house. And if she starts wrecking your head then move out to a gaff with a load of lads and get pissed every night and not have this issue.

JonathanAnon

oh man, from one who's been there DONT DO IT.

I was living with a girl who I thought was amazing - good looking, funny, honest. I made the mistake of telling her how I felt one morning on the walk to college. She fu*king ran, literally ran, away from me that morning. She told all her friends, even though she said that she wouldnt (guess that's the honesty gone). So it was very embarrassing.

Having left the house and thought back on it, she wasnt really that amazing. But if you live with someone and spend hour after hour with them, they become the focus of your attentions IF a) you dont not have any other girl who you are insterested in or b) you are not going out meeting new girls regularly.

I NEVER ever put myself in that vulnerable position again.

Wibbs

Don't be rebound guy. Baaaaad plan. She will try to replace him with you and both will come up wanting. She won't know she's doing it at first, but that's what she'll do and I can see why she would too.

She's in vulnerable mode now. Very raw. So she'll either go for you or like JonathanAnon's lassie run for the hills. At best you'll be transitional guy. Now that could last a year or even more, but it will end badly.

The only time it may and I stress may work is if her and yer man were casual or short term, or strangely if it was very long term, like over 5 years or something.

If he was anything like a "big love" for her or she thought he was the "one" then the guy after that usually gets a passionate start(as the rebounder overcompensates), that quickly dies off(as they see they haven't changed just the partner has) and then he gets dumped(as ironically at that point they've actually gotten over the original person).

Obviously there must be exceptions to this, but if there are, honestly? I've yet to meet one that lasted.

LegacyUser

Just to buck the trend here slightly.

Very long story short, she mover into our shared apt, had a bf. I had a gf. I went for it and 3 years later we are still together, couldn't be happier.

As for you being the rebound guy thats something for you to judge but we don't know the full story. If it feels right then go for it.