An older girl

LegacyUser

Hi all,
Another thread about a girl. And age difference. And telling her about my feelings. I'm 21 and she's 29. We met in work, where I started 6 months ago. We always got on well however in the last 2 months we've started socializing outside work. Normally with others from work or sometimes even her friends. She's also not Irish.

Now I really want to tell her how I feel. But I don't want it to ruin our friendship. And along with with this I'll see her a good bit in work and I don't want it to be too awkward if she doesn't share my feelings. The only thing which is really holding me back is the age difference. We're both in different stages in our lives and not only do I not know if it would work but also I have no idea how she feel's about me in terms of a possible relationship.

I know most of you will say "Just tell her!" but to me anyway, it's not that simple. Well it is, but I don't have the balls to do it. I probably just need to grow a pair! Any other advice?

Thanks.

LegacyUser

I would say possibly not to spill all just yet. Until you know how the land lies with her a little more, what type of vibe do you get off her?
Does she flirt, seem interested?

I am the older woman in an AGR (age gap relationship) and so I will advise you to proceed with caution. It probably will not have crossed the girls mind that you would fancy her at all, so it would be a big adjustment for her to start thinking of you in that way.

It never occurs to most women that men significantly younger would find them attractive so I would guess that she is currently oblivious to the fact.

Just take it slow, try a bit of flirting before you say anything to test the waters. If you declare your undying she could well be very freaked out.

Diddy Kong

What has the age difference got to do with it? My fiance is 11 years older than me...and she lives across the road from me which I had to think about for a few seconds for the simple reason if it doesn't work out I still have to see her...yes there will be the comments of don't sh1t on your own door step but it only becomes awkard if you let it.

Well just my 2 cents...

Terpsichore

If you don't tell her, do you run the risk to regret it all your life?

Burial

I'd say if your comfortable facing her after rejection then go for it. But I doubt she'd lose her friendship to you if you said you've been thinking about the possibilities of you and her and you wanted to get her opinion on it. I see nothing wrong with it... I doubt she would see anything wrong either.

Dudess

It's either do it or be constantly wondering - I'd go for option 1. It might not be the answer you want but at least it would be closure and you wouldn't constantly be tormented by those "what if?" questions...

SpookyDoll

If I was you I would show her I was interested rather than actually tell her. Say try some friendly flirting/complements etc and see what reaction that gives...??

If she reacts in a flustered or embarassed way then pull back for the time being. Give her a chance to get used to the idea. That way you have planted the seed in her mind and then maybe next time she might reciprocate with a little flirting back....

But if after trying this for a bit she goes in any way cold or distant then leave it for the time being. I'd just say approach it slowly and guage her reaction as you go along.....

You dont have to verbalise it too early, just like any other potential relationship. If you dont get too hung up on the age gap thing, then she might be less inclined to see it as a problem.

meditraitor

Tell her how yo feel, at 29 she has passed out of that difficult 20-28 age were woman are a bit messed up and into the comfortable happy go lucky sex mad stage.
Even if she doesnt want a relationship she will be flattered and should still be cool with you.

Good luck ourlad

Dudess

meditraitor wrote: »

Tell her how yo feel, at 29 she has passed out of that difficult 20-28 age were woman are a bit messed up and into the comfortable happy go lucky sex mad stage.
Even if she doesnt want a relationship she will be flattered and should still be cool with you.

As a 30-year-old woman I second every word of that.

And "sex mad stage" is too fuppin' right!

MIN2511

I was in a similar situation quite recently, i like an older guy in work.

It's a difficult situation quite alright, especially if you don't want to ruin the work relationship ye have.

Mine turned out bad, we don't talk and we try our hardest to avoid each other. Pretty sad especially as we are two consenting adults who are attracted to each other and the only reason we are not together is age!!!!!


My suggestion: on a work night out ask her if she fancies a movie or drinks some day. Make it light hearted so if she rejects you it wouldn't be too bad.

These things work sometimes and they don't whatever it is you just have to think positively and if it doesn't then move on.

RedXIV

i'm gonna suggest avoiding an outright question here mate, at least for now. You can find out how she feels about this without going straight for the kill and possibly making things awkward for each other.

Whoever said flirt with her was on the money. If she's interested, she'll flirt back. She's reached a stage now where it's not about mind games, its about results. (that sounds kinda bad but i assure you it's not )

And as immoral as it sounds, the best way to do that is using alcohol. it releases inhibitions AND she'll flirt back stronger than she would if sober. If you can get her out some night, just drag her to the dance floor when a song comes on. that should work, dance away with her and start dropping hints. A hand on the small of the back or the waist is a strong movement, if your uncomfortable with it, twirl her by her hand and then just don't let go of it.

but be warned, for some women, a younger man just isn't what they want so if she decided to let you down the BEST thing you can do is deal with it as maturely as possible. That MAY actually sway her thinking and plant seeds of doubt about her decision.

But we hope you get a better decision than that

Best of luck mate!

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the advice guys!
Well ok..I'll respond to some of the stuff.
She doesn't drink so RedXVI, although I like the sound of your advice..it's kinda not gonna happen! On nights out we've dance and stuff but I suppose it was never really in a flirty way.
I suppose I was never great at flirting... Next time we're out I'll try more touching and stuff anyway.

To the advice people gave about asking her to go to the cinema or something. Well we do meet up occasionally just the two of us. We talked about going to the cinema next week or something. I'm just afraid of getting caught in the friend category for too long. Don't get me wrong I love being friends with her. But I feel like I always miss out on my chance with girls and I dont want to miss out again.

Thanks again guys and keep the advice coming!

RedXIV

DudeWithNoBalls wrote: »

She doesn't drink so RedXVI, although I like the sound of your advice..it's kinda not gonna happen! On nights out we've dance and stuff but I suppose it was never really in a flirty way.
I suppose I was never great at flirting... Next time we're out I'll try more touching and stuff anyway.

Hate it when they don't drink makes everything so hard. OK, new plan, because the dancing thing is primarily fuelled by alcohol intake. Bear with me, this makes perfect sense in my head at the moment but i might mess it up in type.

Right, the girl and you get on, thats a good start. you've been out with her and her friends, thats also a good sign. ok so here's what you need to think about. imagine flirting is on a scale of 1 to 10 where a 1 is thinking funky thoughts about the girl and a 10 is holding her down and slapping the gob on her. both are extremes and neither will work. What i propose is you start to progress along this scale. And take your time doing so. lets say you're at a 3 at the moment with the going out together with friends and cinema plans. maybe step 4 might be to throw in the odd tongue-in-cheek compliment. if it is well received, note that and then use another on another occasion. when your confident enough to get away with that, step it up another notch. demand hugs all the time, physical contact is a huge stumbling block and if you can get past that, your flying

Can you kinda see where i'm coming from? it's more a slow and steady wins the race sort of thing