Dumped devastated feeling foolish

sunflowers

Ok I'll keep it short. 3 year realationship me city girl moved to rural Ireland meets qiuet country lad who pursued me madly. Wore me down and got to my heart.Both financially secure but him from farming family who are wary of Dublin golddigger. Also 7 year age gap but not noticable.He's younger but old fashioned set in ways etc. So it gelled well.

After 3 years I feel I became surrogate mother as he had feet under 2 tables and 2 women running after his every need.But sex was an added extra in my house. This year I pushed for more not the ring thing but some commitment as regard annual holidays or weekends away and where did he see it in 2/3 years where was it goin? lots of conflict over this in 2008 as he was happy with his lot for another few years. I didn't want to wake up in 3 years to be still living alone with just a weekend F buddy lodger. Decided to wean ourselves off each other cutting back the visits as complete cut off always hurt us both too much and we'd be back again.

Seemed all he wanted was to be out with all the other farmer batchelors at weekend and have me the rest of the time. I feel so used as I stupidly invested all my emotion in him I know he loved me but just wanted to be left be and make no decisions. I said I was away for a 2 month travel trip in winter if he couldn't commit to a two week hol with me. He said no time no money(a farmer!)

A month ago he was doing my head in coming every night even though for my sake I wanted it only a few nights so I blew up about it told him he was either in this realationship and it has to have some direction or else i need my old life back before i met him. That weekend he went to Dublin with the lads that hurt and he never contacted me till the Tuesday so i worked out the rest but I didn't rise to the bait because I know him and he would never get someone like me to just "get him" if that makes sense. Then he'd arrive at times with gifts for me that he knows I like.

Then last weekend i found out by accident that he'd dropped all to go on a 4 day foriegn holiday with the lads I felt such a fool he never mentioned it never contacted me and arrived here tonight with a present for me,but i found out over the weekend that the girl he met in Dublin has been seeing him for a month and I never had a clue. So he could find time for a hol and a new woman cause he wasn't getting it here. I had a very distressing weekend lucky my friends got me through it.He arrived tonight with a present and i refused it and confronted him where he said ye you told me not to call everynight. So he went to get it somewhere else.

I've been gutted and had to get tranquillizers from the doc today to keep me steady as also many of our neighbors his friend knew I feel so betrayed. My house is up for sale now as I live 50 yards from him and can't bear the pain of him rubbin my nose in it. I loved this house but I'm heartbroken I know I'll get through it and the tabs are helpin as it's the first night I've not been pacing the floor. i know it's all my own fault but I want him to feel my pain but he's all loved up at the moment with someone who's yes I guess not looking for anything yet just fun. just a my confidence is so shattered.I can't understand why though my friends say I was too good to him never nagging him to stay in always letting him out with the lads what the fool i was.

dudara

sunflowers I've edited your post to add some paragraph breaks and spaces to make it clearer for other posters to read.

dudara

tbh

the only advice I could give you is not to do anything hasty. Because this is happening to you, you assume that everyone is giving it as much mental processing time as you are -we all do that. But really, people might think about it for a week or so and then forget it. If you like your house, you'll regret selling it, simple as. This problem is going to look totally different to you in six short months, so just try to be patient. By the way - you don't come out of this looking stupid. For what it's worth.

littlefriend

Oh you poor thing.
The age gap has become evident now unfortunately and the best thing you can do it resolve NOT to take him back & NOT to even listen to his excuses when he comes calling to you [which he will].
Stay close to your friends and try to get angry - it'll make you stronger. You haven't done anything wrong so hold your head high and let this other girl share him with his mother and his friends. He sounds like a child - you need and deserve better.

Karen_*

Well you've had a lucky escape in my opinion. And if it makes you feel any better this guy is going to treat everyone else the same. And he'll end up lonely and miserable. What goes around really does come around.

But what happens in his future is by the by. Its great that you're out of it now and while it hurts it won't feel that way forever. Yes its terrible the way he treated you and that you're so upset but better now that another two years down the line.

OP I know you're in bits but don't be this mans victim. Concentrate on getting yourself back to normal and looking after yourself. You love your house but you're going to give it up? Why don't you give this a bit more time and thought? Go back up to your docs and ask him to refer you for some counselling because it will help you to talk to someone.

LegacyUser

How is this your fault??
I know you are hurting now but He is a D*ckhead and your better off without him.
He never respected you and you deserve better

SpookyDoll

Jaysus OP, what a nightmare. No way is this your fault, he was selfish and immature to deal with you this way. All he thought about were his needs by the sounds of things.

What about your needs OP? Dont get to thinking because he treated you this way that its all you deserve. No its not. And you are not a fool, he is.

confronted him where he said ye you told me not to call everynight. So he went to get it somewhere else.

WTF? That is SO PATHETIC, its like something from Jerry Springer, where the one who cheats twists the blame back onto the innocent one ie: you!
whinging "you were never there for me" etc
Outrageous, OP when you get yourself more together I think you need another run at him, I mean you need to read this amoeba the riot act.

Just for your own good to get it out of your system. He has NO BUSINESS treating you like this. In the long run, he is a fool, he sounds like he has an exaggerated idea of his own importance (thinking your after his stupid fukking land:rolleyes: and slyly slithering off on a holiday getting the new one and keeping it all on the lowdown, then blaming YOU)

Pride comes before a fall, alright you accepted less than you should have from this pr1ck, yes that was a mistake but it in no way warrants his cruel and selfish treatment.

What goes around comes around, he will get his, the tool.

Begob

sunflowers wrote: »

Then last weekend i found out by accident that he'd dropped all to go on a 4 day foriegn holiday with the lads I felt such a fool he never mentioned it never contacted me and arrived here tonight with a present for me,but i found out over the weekend that the girl he met in Dublin has been seeing him for a month and I never had a clue. So he could find time for a hol and a new woman cause he wasn't getting it here. I had a very distressing weekend lucky my friends got me through it.He arrived tonight with a present and i refused it and confronted him where he said ye you told me not to call everynight. So he went to get it somewhere else.

Ok you are going to get all the usual,he's a dick etc comments,thats standard fare.But I'll try to get you to look at this a different way.

Two things.
1. I'm always wary of third hand information.
Are you absolutely certain that he is an item with this girl or is she just one of these farmerettes that go away with some other farmerettes and the lads (macra).
I find it hard to believe that he's had to have the "lads" with him if there was anything going on with this other girl.
It may just be third hand information gone wrong.
So don't be cutting yourself up about it. Do more research.Find out more.
2. 4 days holiday? Shur that could be the lads persuading him that he needs a break to clear his head.
Theres two peoples feelings here.You've admitted that you tore into him about things as they stood.
He might be one of these people thats just slow to "get" what you were on about (thats farmers for you sometimes) and therefore when he went running all upset to the lads,they said hey paddy,we'll bring you away (they may have had a big time persuading him of this too but now he's got a taste for getting away,he may want to more and shur that may work in your favour as you want him to be going away with you and why wouldn't he if he's now got a taste for it?).

That said :

It's possible that ye are not compatable anyhow if you didn't like the status quo and he did.
But look if thats how you were feeling about this anyway and you knew he wasn't for changing,you would want to have been getting yourself used to the idea that you would have to move on.
Clearly you weren't.

Thats an option too just think about what you need to do about it now.
Tablets aren't the answer.
If you've decided that ( You shouldn't imho untill you've done more research )
then it's move on and clean break time.
Go back to the city or at least away from where you will see him .

I've been gutted and had to get tranquillizers from the doc today to keep me steady as also many of our neighbors his friend knew I feel so betrayed. My house is up for sale now as I live 50 yards from him and can't bear the pain of him rubbin my nose in it. I loved this house but I'm heartbroken I know I'll get through it and the tabs are helpin as it's the first night I've not been pacing the floor. i know it's all my own fault but I want him to feel my pain but he's all loved up at the moment with someone who's yes I guess not looking for anything yet just fun. just a my confidence is so shattered.I can't understand why though my friends say I was too good to him never nagging him to stay in always letting him out with the lads what the fool i was.

Are you absolutely sure that he's all loved up by someone else or is this your mind running away with third hand information.

Weigh that up and do more homework and examine your feelings.
If you still believe he has dumped you (him calling after you had "found out" about his affair and "holiday" suggests he hasn't dumped you especially if you are going on what may be blown out of proportion third hand information)

homerjay2005

cant make no sense of it honestly, sorry. from the bits i can understand, he sounds like a clown and your best rid of him. farmers, at times, are a strange bunch of people and are set in their ways and will never change. call it innocent ignorance, im from the country but live in dublin and notice alot of narrow mindness when i go home.

sunflowers

Thanks so much everyone I had a busy week and couldn't focus to reply but felt so much better reading your replies.Managed to stay off the tabs and go to work after the first day but took one tab when he rang me to tell me he knew where I was getting my info,
He was wrong anyway the fool, but admitted it was all true what a bastard.I told him he seemed more bothered about being found out than the fact that he'd done it and still was seeing her.he's blaming everyone for talking but i can't say just yet how I know although i would love to tell him but it's to my advantage to say nothing and see how long it lasts.
I know now that it won't unless he works very hard and i know he won't it's a long drive to Dublin from where we live.
I'm struggling a bit tonight but don't want to ring any friends as they've been so good all week they need a break.I decided not to sell my home but hope to rent it for a year and go travel till after xmas as I lived overseas before so it will be good for me to go lick my wounds elsewhere.
I've been to the mortgage company to sort out some moratorium also so I hope either way to be able to get out of here for a while to get him out of my head.
If I come back after a few months I can always rent a room anywhere and start again.I told him on the phone not to bother me ever again I'd say he thinks I will never leave this house that I'm all talk but for my mental health i must.I know i will be a better person in a few months.I'm so so sad and hurt but go through times where I'm fine.
Glad to get that off my chest thanks again not used to boards so sorry for all the mistakes in posting etc.

Karen_*

Good on you. You WILL be fine you know. Its a horrible thing to go through and most of us have gone through it so we know. But its true what they say about time.

sunflowers

Thanks a million I know I'll have my dips and tonight will be tough but once the agent has left I have viewings today on my house, I intend to continue to pack up my stuff. My friends would like me to go out or call round but I am a bit of a loner at times and i just want to start next week off with the bags packed and not be racing around trying to work and get the hell organised to get out of here.I hope I can be a crutch for someone sometime the way you lot and my friends have been it got me through it although I'm not out of it yet.At times i'm very weepy but all part of the healing process.And as I said women are great and it's women from all walks that have got me this far and told!!! me I was stupid to have fallen for this guy but really did nothing wrong I'm not the bad guy here i know that now.Hope I don't have a lapse tonight just gonna keep busy with the boxes and the sellotape!

sunnyside

Sunflowers, best of luck to you, I wish more women could have the courage like you do to walk away from men who treat them badly.

You sound like a strong independent person and you will be ok, it just takes time.

JB04

Good luck to you sunflowers.

LegacyUser

It's his loss in my opinion. You are not the one who appears foolish I think he was immature and acting like a jumped up little lord of the manor. Your post illustrates a dignified and caring young woman who assumed her relationship would be more than what he was willing to put into it. You sound lovely and as a man I can tell you that your so called boyfriend could do with lessons in how to show some respect towards a woman who loves him.

I think you've had a lucky escape, there are no children involved (except the farmer acting like one) and you will meet your prince charming because you sound like a real princess!

sunflowers

Thanks mate.I like the young woman bit!40 actually .There was a few years between me and him but that wasn't an issue he will be the same when he's 60!I'm doing ok have my dips just a hassle trying to sort out paperwork so not to come back to a load of crap.
Would love to be outta here right now but another few weeks should sort it.I keep thinking positive I never took anything financially from him and was never after his poxy farm.I actually have as much as him on paper and no one handed it to me. I worked my arse off all my life to get what I have.
As for prince charming I don't have the energy for all that anymore and never moved to rural Ireland looking for it I was burned one time too many!
If only I hadn't let him in my door.Hindsight is a wonderful thing.I know I'll be fine a few months out of here then get my act together hopefully next summer I'll be back growing my veg my sunflowers and getting on with life.
Thanks again take care

SpookyDoll

Good Luck Sunflowers, it takes a strong woman to pick herself up, dust herself down and start again. Respect! x

sunflowers

Just needed to write all this down.As you know by my past posts I'm up and down all over the place.Found it tough towards the end of this week after a trip to Dublin where I had to put on a really brave face so not to worry my elderly parents. I wouldn't no way want them upset over all this.That was such a strain and trying to deal with the simpletons in the mortgage company and then work today just trying to be outwardly normal while dying inside if that makes sense.
I look desperate because I'm emotionally drained but having big trouble sleeping.Never really took the tabs just an odd one but today I got very distressed when someone mentioned him and that he'd been up to see the new doll.I rang two friends who spent the evening on the phone to me and said "take a pill that's what there for it's only for a few weeks till I get out of here".It has calmed me for tonight.
Why can't this pain go away? What eats at me like a cancer is thinking about him with another woman who's rubbing his ego so he doesn't feel my pain.I just want him to come begging and say he made a mistake then I can rant scream and tell him to go away and live with it as this ship has sailed.But right now he doesn't care if I live or die.
I know once out of here for a few months I'll be better much better and she's welcome to him but for the next 2 weeks I reckon I have to stick around for work,sort bills etc and not appear in Dublin too often as my parents will wonder as they know I love it down here and hate the trips to the pale.
Can't believe how bad I was earlier just cried and cried and could see my whole life crumbling around me.Not him! but all the carnage that I'm now trying to sort because of him.I think I'm just exhausted mentally and want to sleep but can't .I'm ok now try get through another night.Thanks for reading I'm sure it only makes sense in my head though.

Karen_*

I totally understand where you're coming from and how you're feeling. I think just about everyone has felt this bad and thought the way you're thinking. You WILL come through it.

You know Sunflowers if he's all that then why aren't we all mad about him? Surely it would be him and Brad Pitt we'd be drooling over. And before you met him how were you doing without him? Fine? Crying yourself to sleep because of the lack of him? However you were doing you were coping without him. And you will again.

Try not to obsess about him and the new squeeze. You don't know how he really is or how she really is and assumption is the mother of all feck ups.

Here is a really good link I came across when I was supposed to be working.:D Its a blog with links about breakups and all the different thoughts we thinks and emotions we go through. I think its fab. And while time is the only thing that really heals, a bit of support goes wonder to speeding up the process.

http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com

sunflowers

Thanks Karen and be strong40 and everyone who's on here that's helped me not feel like a complete failure over this.The pain comes in waves and hopefully I'll know monday if my home is rented and to begin tenancy at the end of the month it will give me the strength to keep going for the few weeks and I'll have the mortgage covered for a year.
If it's not taken I am leaving next weekend I can't cope with another weekend here.I had a very black day Friday when I came home from work where I was my usual happy bunny. I was just inconsolable and once my door was closed I cried my heart out.
My friend held me together.Yesterday I was great as The viewers seemed keen but last evening I was told he was gone to Dublin to see her and had booked at hotel! I know it's purely a lust thing typical man thinking from the waist down.But it is tearing my soul apart no point denying it.I don't want him back which is a good start but I do want him to feel my agony and that's what's so hard he's 50 metres from my home impossible for me to avoid seeing him up and down the road.
That's why if rented I'll be more positive if not I can't hang on here any more I just need to be gone and get the healing process moving.I can't even focus on the carnage I will leave behind if no tenants as I'll have no money coming in to cover bills but I always think everything happens for a reason I just don't know what it is yet.
There are so many people in the world much worse off than me I know I've got my health and you can't buy that.I just wonder will he ever feel my pain as I feel if I'm not gone next weekend will he parade her past my door it's all he's short of doing.What did I ever do to him to deserve this?NOTHING is the answer I am 100% sure of that.
I do believe in Karma but I want his bad karma to come around this life and as soon as possible please Buddha! Maybe I was a brat in my previous life but I thought I'd payed back already in this life for whatever bad stuff I did before obviously I still owe for a few sins!

Caros

Sunlowers I really feel for what you're going thru but by reading your posts, you come thru as a strong woman and you will get thru this and be the better for it. Believe me, I know too well. My motto now is what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Best of luck with everything x

spurious

sunflowers wrote: »

but last evening I was told he was gone to Dublin to see her and had booked at hotel

Whatever friends are keeping you up to date with his movements are really not helping. Tell them you'd rather not hear anything about him.

It sounds to me like you've had a lucky escape.

fits

sunflowers wrote: »

.
My friend held me together.Yesterday I was great as The viewers seemed keen but last evening I was told he was gone to Dublin to see her and had booked at hotel! I know it's purely a lust thing typical man thinking from the waist down.But it is tearing my soul apart no point denying it.!

Who exactly is telling you all this information and what is their motive? I cant see how this is helping you at this stage.

You know now he's with someone else, but I would say you dont need to enquire about all the details. Let him at what he's at and move on with your own life. Best of luck with it.

Edit: snap spurious

Karen_*

Make this the best thing that ever happened to you. You don't have to be the crying suffering victim, he doesn't deserve that energy. You know in your head you're better off but your heart is still hurting. And it will hurt. Read those links I gave you. Things do happen for a reason. And you don't have to look too hard for the reasons. And Karma will happen but in its own time and you will hear back what you're supposed to hear.

Make some new friends and do something you always wanted to do. Come along to one of the beers on here. ~When you feel yourself getting immersed in the thoughts of him and what he's doing now then banish that thought. Like I said about assumption being the mother of all feck ups. You actually don't know whats going on really.

MJOR

It's like a car crash in some ways you don't want or need to know but curiosity gets the better of you. Tell your informers that you don't want to know what he is up to. Trust me when i say you are better off not knowing what he is up to.

Go lick your wounds and spend sometime on yourself. As for the meds you either stop completely or take them as directed or they might be contributing to the probs. I'd suggest a trip back to your doc to get something to help you sleep.

You have nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. He's the one acting the fool and what goes around comes around.

Please wash him completely out of your hair and play some kick ass music to yourself every day. Your ego is dented but at the end of the day it's his loss.


Stay strong xx

allabouteve58

I have recently been where you are now and it is one of the lonliest places to be. One actually forgets how hard breakups are. The constant sick feeling in your tummy, not being able to eat, feelings of weakness, your brain running 1 million miles an hour, crying so bad that you cant catch your breath, going to be an not ever wanting to get up but I promise you it does get easier.

I went to my GP about 4 times and she refused to give me meds which in the end i am thankful for. But she did refer me to see a cousellor. When she first mentioned this I said no way but later that day I said to myself that i had nothing to lose. And the first day i went to see her was the beginning of a new chapter in my life. She began to make me see that none of this was my fault. I tortured myself thinking it was.... i was too nice, if i was prettier, maybe if i was this or that he would still love me but at the end what i did learn was that you cant make someone love you....and it was time to stop torturing myself and to try and start liking myself again and to rebuild my confidence which was the one thing that took a real hammering as well as my pride.

You too will get better and get over this. This is just a hurdle in your life and no hurdles are ever put in front of you that you cant jump!!! Go and seek help... it is nothing to be ashamed of.... in fact it is really the best way out of the dark hole in the end.... the light does, i promise, begin to shine again.

Take care of yourself!!

allabouteve58

I have recently been where you are now and it is one of the lonliest places to be. One actually forgets how hard breakups are. The constant sick feeling in your tummy, not being able to eat, feelings of weakness, your brain running 1 million miles an hour, crying so bad that you cant catch your breath, going to be an not ever wanting to get up but I promise you it does get easier.

I went to my GP about 4 times and she refused to give me meds which in the end i am thankful for. But she did refer me to see a cousellor. When she first mentioned this I said no way but later that day I said to myself that i had nothing to lose. And the first day i went to see her was the beginning of a new chapter in my life. She began to make me see that none of this was my fault. I tortured myself thinking it was.... i was too nice, if i was prettier, maybe if i was this or that he would still love me but at the end what i did learn was that you cant make someone love you....and it was time to stop torturing myself and to try and start liking myself again and to rebuild my confidence which was the one thing that took a real hammering as well as my pride.

You too will get better and get over this. This is just a hurdle in your life and no hurdles are ever put in front of you that you cant jump!!! Go and seek help... it is nothing to be ashamed of.... in fact it is really the best way out of the dark hole in the end.... the light does, i promise, begin to shine again.

Take care of yourself!!

Clare Bear

I don't think I'll ever forget the pain of any break up I've been through. But it does eventually go away. Won't go in to all the usual you'll meet someone else, plenty more fish in the sea etc crap that people go on about but looking back they're right. What's for you won't pass you and I don't think there's very many people who don't go through the heartache that you're experiencing now. I hope it is some comfort to you that all of us here have been through it and many others still are. Walk down the street and many of those faces are heartbroken whether you see it or not. It's a part of life unfortunately. You deserve someone who treats you with love and respect and doesn't just run off with the next girl he sees.....you don't see it now but you will in time, even more so when you meet the perfect guy for you (and you will!) and you'll look back and laugh at this idiot and thank your lucky stars that he is out of your life.

The mortgage, paperwork etc....it is an extra pain that you don't need right now but you'll get it sorted soon enough. Time for a fresh new start. You will find other things, places, people that will make you happy. Happier than you ever were with him. I really feel for you reading your posts. It is a horrible place to be. But just know that you will be okay. All the best. Vent here any time you want, there are always people here to listen. Take care of yourself. You will be okay and you will smile again, keep remembering that.

Heckler

Best of luck Sunflowers. You sound like a terrific woman and you are well shot. On behalf of mankind I humbly apologise for us being such assholes.

All the best,

Heckler

playbunnyplay

sorry to hear about that b*ll*x sunflowers... what i read from your posts he never really gave the impression that he wanted anything more that a f buddy as you put it. not committing to even as much as a holiday after being a few years together would have made my alarm bells ring. speaking from personal experience i have come to think about guys the following way.

they cant be held responsible for anything bad they do. doesnt make it hurt any less when they do it but they dont think like us. most men are not sensitive like us girls and dont feel things like we do. i'm not making excuses for men i just try to see it from there point of view which is blinkered to say the least. men will always take the easy option its in there nature. he found someone new and unfortunately it was easier for him to be with her than commit to you. its hard at the moment and you just want to make him pay... forget about that.. thats just hating and it will just use up too much energy... also tell your "friends" that are telling you everything he is doing that you dont want to hear anymore about him. and this sounds silly but try not to think about him keep your brain engaged with other things ... i found youtube and playstation games extremely helpful lolol.. they just numbed my brain and i didnt have to think at all. hes a w**k** and you'll find someone better. everyone has a soulmate and he will come along when you least expect it... <<speaking from experience!!!

smk135

sunflowers wrote: »

Thanks so much everyone I had a busy week and couldn't focus to reply but felt so much better reading your replies.Managed to stay off the tabs and go to work after the first day but took one tab when he rang me to tell me he knew where I was getting my info,
He was wrong anyway the fool, but admitted it was all true what a bastard.I told him he seemed more bothered about being found out than the fact that he'd done it and still was seeing her.he's blaming everyone for talking but i can't say just yet how I know although i would love to tell him but it's to my advantage to say nothing and see how long it lasts.
I know now that it won't unless he works very hard and i know he won't it's a long drive to Dublin from where we live.
I'm struggling a bit tonight but don't want to ring any friends as they've been so good all week they need a break.I decided not to sell my home but hope to rent it for a year and go travel till after xmas as I lived overseas before so it will be good for me to go lick my wounds elsewhere.
I've been to the mortgage company to sort out some moratorium also so I hope either way to be able to get out of here for a while to get him out of my head.
If I come back after a few months I can always rent a room anywhere and start again.I told him on the phone not to bother me ever again I'd say he thinks I will never leave this house that I'm all talk but for my mental health i must.I know i will be a better person in a few months.I'm so so sad and hurt but go through times where I'm fine.
Glad to get that off my chest thanks again not used to boards so sorry for all the mistakes in posting etc.

Good for you! If you are in aposition where you can head off abroad for a while do it!
Treat yourself like a princess and work on flirting and enjoying attention and ESPECIALLY, time alone to reflect as to why you let yourself be rteated this way.
Go build yourself and your self confidence up again!

have fun!!

Karen_*

I beg to differ playbunny. Men are not stupid and can indeed be held responsible for their actions. Most of them were even born with a sense of common decency and were brought up knowing right from wrong. Forgive them for they know not what they do? You must be joking. They usually have a fair idea what they're doing from the tears and upset they cause. Its not as if the people around them hold the demeanour of Rebecca of Sunnybrook farm now is it?

sunflowers

Thanks thanks and thanks everyone.Now I'm 1000% better.I took the advice of not inquiring as to his movements.I can't blame people as I was persisting in asking and pleading for the information.Been busy since the black hole of last weekend painting and sorting **** but my home has rented which A means I've not lost it because of him and B frees me up for a year.
I am fortunate I know cause no kids so I can go away for a few months grab some work away and when I get back here xmas will be over and I think I'll be able to figure the rest out get a job a room etc.A year will fly by and at least I'm not having to look at him passing my door.He has to look at strangers in my house for the next year good enough! It was good advice about my home and not selling it as yes I do love it but when in the depths of despair as I was I couldn't think.The worm has turned also his fling is over not sure who done the dumping but that's a side issue.I've had the pleading text messages the last few days how he ****ed up can't live without me blah blah this has also made me feel like saying to him welcome to hell!!I visited there for 2 weeks didn't like it much won't be going again!
I probably sound smug but I just keep thinking of the black days when he was running up to her and never gave a thought if I lived or died.I've not spoken with him or given him any IN! only one text to tell him to learn from this that he put me through hell turned my whole world upside down and he might know now to treat the next woman better.
I've ignored all his messages since and have no desire to speak to him. Within 10 days I'll be out of the country and he'll have nowhere to send his text messages and he doesn't do e mail.This is also what I need don't get me wrong I still have a huge love or whatever feelings for him but am so strong now I won't fall backwards.
Karen I do agree men are responsible for their actions why should they get off the hook because their men! Every son has a mother somewhere.Would he like his mother to be treated like **** by any man for any reason whether she deserved it or not.

Madame Razz

Sunflowers, You sound very brave, and congrats on getting thru this, I know you have been to hell and back.

I do think you have had a lucky excape, but only time will mkae you see that. I know that going out with a farmer is hard at the best of times, as you will always always come second to the farm, but it sounds like this guy was incredibly emotionally immature, and never thought of the consequences of his actions, never thought beyond the now.

Anyway, you're right to get away for a while, I dont think this men wuld ever have given you want you really wanted, or really fulfilled you, even though you loved him, I think there is somebody better out there for you.

You'll get thru it, you've already done fantastically well, and I think you may have taught this guy a life lesson that he needed to learn.

Maybe he'll change, maybe he won't. I heard somebody say recently that a person can only change if they themselves truly become uncomfortable with who they are, I think this is probably true.

Your time away will put a huge amount into perspective, and if you do love your country life so much, well, I wouldn't give it up because of him, but i guess that is something you will evaluate better when you return from your travels!!!

Anyway, best of luck with it, and update us when you get back!!

All the best!!!

MH

badolepuddytat

Good on you sunflowers, best of luck with your time out, you're a survivor Throw yourself into your planning and you wont even have time to think of that waster. Playbunny, you're not really setting a very high standard for the men you attract, not being mean but if you rationalise guys treating women like sh*t you're asking to be walked over.