(Hot) Girlfriend has no education, career or prospects...

LegacyUser

I’ve been going with a girl now for a few months and am coming to the realisation that, apart from being good in bed, she has nothing going for her.
She is in her mid-thirties now and has no education or career path to speak of. She had quite a good job in an auctioneer, but (for reasons that still baffle me) threw it in and now works for a travel agent.
The thing is, she spends money (on herself) hand over fist. She’s moved apartments twice in the last two years, with the accompanying stamp duty and fees. When she moved to her latest place, she rented out another for weeks on end while it was redecorated! She bought a holiday home in the middle of nowhere in France last year and visited it about 5 times before recently deciding to sell it – which is proving difficult. All this, while mortgaged to the hilt!

She very seldom puts her hand in her pocket for dinner or drinks. She’s from a fairly comfortable background and I sometimes wonder if she thinks she’s owed a pampering on that account.
Worst of all, her mother (who she didn’t get on with for years) is terminally ill and I hate to say it, and I hope I’m wrong, but she seems to be “patching things up” - visiting her, inviting her to her new flat – hedging for her inheritance.

While I really like this girl, her selfishness is stopping me loving her. She’s good-looking, though not beautiful, but she is incredible in bed and does things that would make Caligula blink! But I can’t but sometimes help wonder if she knows that she has little else going for her. When I contemplate breaking up with her I know my next girl friend would be bound to disappoint by comparison, but he selfishness really bothers me – what kind of mother would she be? She’ll be forty before long: will it be enough to keep me happy in years to come? If the shine ever went off our sex life, would I just be left with a deadbeat with no prospects?

She’s been pretty spoilt all her life and I know she won’t change.

Wibbs

If most of what your relationship is based on is sex then it doesn't look good. Let's say you get hitched and with time the mad nookie tapers off as it has a tendency to. Then where would you be. The thing that springs to mind is that you can dig a deep grave with your willy.

G&T

Sounds like a good time girl,not a long time girl imo


If your willy broke would you stay with her ?

If you lost your job,would you worry about telling her ?

Do your friends/family like her ?

bennyblanco

+1
Also,stop buying her things

sunnyside

I disagree that she has nothing going for her. She has her own home and a job that finances her own lifestyle. That's a big achievement if you ask me. Lots of women are looking for men to provide this for them.

To me it looks like more like you are incompatible. You don't like her lavish lifestyle.


If a woman with her own home (and a holiday home), a job that finances this and is also brilliant in bed has nothing going for her how exactly would a woman who has something going for her be behaving

LegacyUser

I have don't object to her lavish lifestyle: I enjoy the finer things in life too, and can afford it with out building up excessive debt. She's living a champagne lifestyle on a beer budget!

Jimmy Bottlehead

Hooked up with a girl who was incompatible for me - seen her for a few weeks and even though I tried to see if it'd work, it wouldn't. The sex was a major factor keeping it going that long, and like you I resigned myself to the fact that the sex would be irreplacable when I decided to stop seeing her.

Lo and behold, few months later and I'm in a new relationship and the sex is literally the best ever - and my girlfriend has every prospect to succeed and make a good career for herself, as well as sharing the same views on life goals, what she wants to be, the future, etc. And we love each other to bits.

Sex can never be all, and when you're with someone who's compatible with you on every other level, there's a good chance that you'll click sexually as well. Don't settle for less that you want and (in all likelyhood) deserve.

carlybabe1

Inthemiddle wrote: »

I’ve been going with a girl now for a few months and am coming to the realisation that, apart from being good in bed, she has nothing going for her.
She is in her mid-thirties now and has no education or career path to speak of. She had quite a good job in an auctioneer, but (for reasons that still baffle me) threw it in and now works for a travel agent.
The thing is, she spends money (on herself) hand over fist. She’s moved apartments twice in the last two years, with the accompanying stamp duty and fees.
She very seldom puts her hand in her pocket for dinner or drinks. She’s from a fairly comfortable background and I sometimes wonder if she thinks she’s owed a pampering on that account.
While I really like this girl, her selfishness is stopping me loving her. She’s good-looking, though not beautiful, but she is incredible in bed and does things that would make Caligula blink! But I can’t but sometimes help wonder if she knows that she has little else going for her. When I contemplate breaking up with her I know my next girl friend would be bound to disappoint by comparison, but he selfishness really bothers me – what kind of mother would she be? She’ll be forty before long: will it be enough to keep me happy in years to come? If the shine ever went off our sex life, would I just be left with a deadbeat with no prospects?

She’s been pretty spoilt all her life and I know she won’t change.


do her a favour and cut her loose, why would you want to be with someone who has nothing but a sex drive going for her :rolleyes:

TheZohanS

It's quite possible that she's already quite wealthy but you just don't now the ins and outs of her financial situation, she may have been left money previously.

She should be putting her hand in her pocket for nights out, start taking turn in rounds and take turns in buying dinner etc. It sounds like you've already given her som bad habit in that respect.

But if you get on well otherwise is there really a big problem?

Best of luck.

LegacyUser

Women who treat men like she's treating you will always view them as somewhat disposable. They'll take the p155 and when you've had enough, gladly cut you loose because they know they can f**k some other chump into your old job. While you still have your sanity and savings: bin her!

Jack B. Badd

Inthemiddle wrote: »

She’s been pretty spoilt all her life and I know she won’t change.

In which case you have two options; accept her for who she is or break up with her. Simple as.

trio

If you want an affair, then keep on going out with her.

If you want a long term relationship, then dump her. Simple reason is - you don't respect her. You respect her sexual adventurism, but you don't respect her herself.

So it's a non-starter if you're looking for long-term. She's wrecking your head now and her financial issues are none of your concern. But in a long-term relationship her financial issues would become your concern. You'll break up with her sooner or later anyway.

tbh

trio wrote: »

, but you don't respect her herself.

sounds to me like he doesn't even like her.

brendansmith

My old man's... wrote: »

Women who treat men like she's treating you will always view them as somewhat disposable. They'll take the p155 and when you've had enough, gladly cut you loose because they know they can f**k some other chump into your old job. While you still have your sanity and savings: bin her!

Oh man! Been there haha, it sucks!

themullet

Forget about her education, career & lack of spending wisdom for a moment.

The big question here is have you connected with her on an emotional level? Do you talk to her about your future together? Does she ask you what you want from life, where the relationship is going? Do you ask her much about her past or ask her about the person she is?

These questions are more important than anything else.

faceman

with all due respect OP it really sounds like you don't like this girl and even resent her at some level. If you are staying with her just for sex then you are as shallow as she is!

Success us life or happiness shouldn't be measured by how good someone's job is etc. This girl has had some career success otherwise she wouldn't own her own property

I think you need to rethink your attitude to relationships. Believe it or not even ugly people can be animal in the sack!

Why did you feel it necessary to point out that your girl is hot? Do you do that much? It's of no relevence to your dilema and could even suggest insecurities in yourself that are keeping you in the wrong relationship

buckieburd

I think you should dump her, she would be better off with out you...

Karen_*

You don't like her much and everything is wrong about her. And yet your next girlfriend won't be as good. You're even critical of someone you haven't met. Could that be a problem for you OP? Do you need to look at yourself?

Whos problem it is doesn't matter. You're not into this girl so finish it. Even the fact that she'll be 40 bothers you. But guess what? You'll be 40 too. And so will every other girl you meet.

SpookyDoll

I think ye are mutually using each other, you using her for sex and exitement. Her using your for cash and probably sex.

Now, you might be feeling a bit attached and thinking how to make this square peg fit into a round hole.....err...ahem...anyway....

The very qualities that make her savage in the sack are the same ones that make her wreckless with money etc. She just cares about pleasure.........now!!!.

I wouldn't imagine shes all that interested in kids either to be honest. If you do end up having them with her, I can see you being the "primary caregiver" (vomit -excuse the americanism)

She is looking for someone to do the Donkey work for her in life
(pay the "small bills" drinks/meals all that) give her sex on tap and later if you have kids etc she will need someone to take care of them too.
Thats you.

Its all gotten complicated, if you are looking for someone who is going to be a caring mother to your kids, fully devoted -this is not that woman.
She will go through the motions alternating between spoiling and neglecting them. Ive got a crystal ball yeh!

Shes got a low attention span and is selfish, thats how she was when you met her, thats what you knew you were getting. But I wouldnt be trying to make her into Martha Stewart, not gonna happen.

chocciebutton

Did it ever occur to you that she may want to make up with her terminally ill mother- because that is what she is, her mother, and after all you only have one. As regards her job, does she have to consult you for approval, before she changes, nothing wrong with working in a travel agents. And finally, as for you paying for everything, have you ever thought of suggesting going dutch? You obviously don't think a lot of her, if you are saying those negative things about her, how do you think she would feel, if she read your thread!

LegacyUser

When there is a doubt there is no doubt. Think for a while with the organ between your ears, not the one between your legs: if she was looking long-term she might be doing more (outside bedroom) to impress you...

ChocolateSauce

carlybabe1 wrote: »

do her a favour and cut her loose, why would you want to be with someone who has nothing but a sex drive going for her :rolleyes:

Eh....to have mind blowing sex?

If she's good in bed, keep doing her, but don't fool either yourself or her into thinking it is something more.

Oryx

Ive read your post twice, and it boils down to one thing. Shes a good shag, but otherwise you dont like anything about her.

So what if shes spoilt? So what if she does a job you dont admire? She might, just might, be ok with that. She might not mind being in hock up to her neck. She may actually love or want to make amends with her mother. And regardless, its not really any of your business unless shes asking you for financial help, which I didnt see you mention.

You cant see good in the girl apart from being able to put her knees behind her ears. So LEAVE. If your honest, youre only using her for sex, anyway.

mountainyman

Do you love her? If not why are you with her?

ChocolateSauce

mountainyman wrote: »

Do you love her? If not why are you with her?

It seems to me to be a very naive and even childish notion that to be with someone you have to love them.

Oryx

ChocolateSauce wrote: »

It seems to me to be a very naive and even childish notion that to be with someone you have to love them.

Id ask that question again but replace love, with like.

Bottle_of_Smoke

In fairness it was probably a good idea getting out of the auctioneering business.

Otherwise think about the situatiojn, talk to her about the selfishness, I'm reading between the lines but it seems there's more to her than the good sex, i doubt you'd still be around if that were the case

Nevyn

Why are you concerned about her finances ?

davyjose

Inthemiddle wrote: »

When I contemplate breaking up with her I know my next girl friend would be bound to disappoint by comparison.

I think you'd be surprised. Making love is always better than hot sex with a decentish looking girl whom you can't really stand.

estar

what age are you? because you sound 23. talk to friends in successful relationships about what makes it work as you clearly don't know.

mutual respect is the most basic fundamental in any relationship.

if i knew that someone i was going out with described me as you just did
i would rather die alone than go out with them. maybe she is everything you say. but you are just as shallow, as you are using her for sex and ignoring all the things you don't like about her because you are basing your entire relationship on her being hot. im sure you realise how immature that sounds reading back on it? there is nothing wrong with basing a relationship on looks if that is what you are into, its just that you describe her with such disdain.

mountainyman

In the long run why go out with someone you don't love? Of course one should give it time but if there is no love after a few months why not move on?

LegacyUser

In the good old days, you might've been more aware of her financial background before you started sleeping with her.

Is the only commitment you've made to her a physical one? Have you connected on any other level?

Plenty of eligible women go with "deadbeats" as you call them -why not the other way around in these enlightened times?

LegacyUser

You need to have a serious chat with her: She doesn't necessarily not care about you, she might simply have a different basis for a relationship.

You should never have let things go so far without talking to her!

LegacyUser

Assuming you're reasonable close to her age range, how many girlfriends have you had?

Do you have a broad enough base of experience to compare her bedroom prowess against? If not, you might survive better without her than you think OP

NoreenMF

Can I ask what prospects you want/expect her to have? She owns her own home and holds down a fairly good job... Maybe you feel that she should cut back on her spending and maybe she is a bit selfish... but what is it exactly that you expect from her?

I'm a single mother who doesn't own her own home but works hard for my family and has a part time job. Does that mean I don't have any prospects and am therefore not worthy of someone's love and respect?!

Maybe she doesn't want a family and likes to live a high life? It sounds to me like you just don't really like her or respect her.

Without meaning to be rude, what are you doing that is so great anyway?

aidan24326

Inthemiddle wrote: »

I’ve been going with a girl now for a few months and am coming to the realisation that, apart from being good in bed, she has nothing going for her.
She is in her mid-thirties now and has no education or career path to speak of. She had quite a good job in an auctioneer, but (for reasons that still baffle me) threw it in and now works for a travel agent.
The thing is, she spends money (on herself) hand over fist. She’s moved apartments twice in the last two years, with the accompanying stamp duty and fees. When she moved to her latest place, she rented out another for weeks on end while it was redecorated! She bought a holiday home in the middle of nowhere in France last year and visited it about 5 times before recently deciding to sell it – which is proving difficult. All this, while mortgaged to the hilt!

You start out by saying she has nothing going for her and has no prospects. You then inform us that she has her own house, managed to buy a holiday home in France, and works in a travel agents which is hardly the worst job. Going by that I'd say she's in a better situation than plenty of people. And she's dynamite in bed aswell!! Am I missing something here?

Coming into this thread I was expecting you to describe some deadbeat girl in a sh1te job living at home with her dad or something. This girl sounds like she has a fair bit going for her, but apart from the sex you just don't really like her. Up to you if you want to hang around for the bedroom fun. If you're both happy for it to just be that then enjoy it while it lasts.

greenapplesea

I think this girl has more going for her than you are giving her credit. I have a friend who's other half is still at home, works 10-20 hours a week for a close friend, has no intention of learning to drive etc., just completely living off OH and relying on them for everything! Maybe your girl is spoilt but it's obviously just the way she is, but I wouldn't say there's nothing wrong with her. And as far as being a travel agent, what's wrong with this, and at least she's working!

If the only thing keeping you interested is how she performs in bed then I think you really need to consider whether or not you want to be with her long term. Do you want to have children with her? Will marriage be an equal partnership between the two of ye? And if you took away the sex, are you actually happy?

ibuprofen

you must like her or you wouldn't be asking questions though it does seem like you don't have much in common , apart from good sex that is.
wouldn't worry about her financial situation if she has a house and apartment. If she has a rich background she can afford to live a little flippantly.
The selfishness and inability to put her hand in her pocket would worry me especially if I was paying for her lifestyle. If that's your only problem it isn't hard to fix . I wouldn't make a big deal of it just get her to pay for every second meal and her own drinks on a night out .
She's pretty much taking the P*ss so why don't you a little. Put a little fun back int the relation ship
If she only wants to be with you for your money you'll live a very miserable life with her so you won't be losing much.
Also don't know your age but at thirty five there's not many years left to have a kid. dn't know if you are even thinking in that direction...

Terpsichore

It is quite obvious that you are not the Sugar Daddy that she's craving for. We can only blame her for this specific blindness in this particular situation.

I am absolutely sure that she would be more than enough for a lot of richer men out there, who would be less demanding than you (and there is absolutely nothing wrong with you being demanding!).

She will soon need someone to consolidate all her purchases.

She's not the brightest property developer, but at least she's giving it a go.

You should try to enjoy travel benefits with her, as she’s a travel agent. That would be something positive for you… maybe.

jesus_thats_gre

Not read the other posts but have you tried giving her the kick up the arse that she deserves? She could actually respond to it.

pwd

i find it amusing the way you assess her in such a mercenary manner. I find it disheartening that so many people responding seem to agree with such an assessment.

o/t: (edit: oic never mind)

MissHoneyBun

pwd wrote: »

i find it amusing the way you assess her in such a mercenary manner. I find it disheartening that so many people responding seem to agree with such an assessment.

o/t: (edit: oic never mind)

:rolleyes:

tony1kenobi

So from what you've said, your girlfriend is attractive....anything goes in the sack....she hadn't gotten on with her mother for years so has been independent......She is able to sustain what sounds like an awesome lifestyle and did for,what? 20 years before she met you.

You hold a low opinion of her, belittle her job, you're clueless to the fact that she makes a living from property and doesn't bother you with details.......you don't like paying when you go out.......you reckon she is after her mothers money and you go on a public forum airing all these thoughts.

I am the biggest asshole I know but even I'd come off good next to you son......

LegacyUser

Spoilt children grow into spoilt adults. It sounds like she's living in a total solipsism thus far, and even if she has the intelligence to see it, knows she can get away with it.

Maybe in 4 or 5 years the mirror might change her ways...

tony1kenobi wrote:

I am the biggest asshole I know but even I'd come off good next to you son......

I like that

Dudess

Inthemiddle wrote: »

When I contemplate breaking up with her I know my next girl friend would be bound to disappoint by comparison, but he selfishness really bothers me – what kind of mother would she be? She’ll be forty before long: will it be enough to keep me happy in years to come? If the shine ever went off our sex life, would I just be left with a deadbeat with no prospects?

Wow... you call HER selfish...?

My old man's... wrote: »

Women who treat men like she's treating you will always view them as somewhat disposable. They'll take the p155 and when you've had enough, gladly cut you loose because they know they can f**k some other chump into your old job. While you still have your sanity and savings: bin her!

Eh... what about the OP taking the piss?

ChocolateSauce wrote: »

It seems to me to be a very naive and even childish notion that to be with someone you have to love them.

Of course, but in this case that's not even relevant - the OP pretty much can't stand her, yet he won't break up with her because of the sex.
OP, it sickens me how little respect you have for her but you're just afraid of not getting your hole the way you're getting it at the moment. Your attitude is unreal...

And yeah, it's pretty shocking to me that quite a few others are sympathetic to your "plight" and in agreement with your view of this woman.

Nevyn

Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

LegacyUser

OP You've been incredibly indiscreet in the amount of detail you've supplied about your significant other's situation!

If she, or one of her friends or family read this post, she might just do you (and womankind, no doubt) a favour and put you back in circulation...

...or is that what you're half-hoping will happen?

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

Wow... some nice posts and some angry ones too, so I will try word the next few lines as best as I can

I have an idea of where the OP is comming from. This woman simply doesn't live up to your expectations. I guess you rather have a woman with a educational background, Degrees and Diplomas hanging on her wall? This gives you a sence of security, knowing that your other half has some intelligence and is somewhat motivated. While this may be important (an education) it is not everything. If she has a home a job (although maybe not YOUR desired job for your other half) and even a holiday home in another country... I say she has her head screwed on.

I think you are after status more than anything else. Are you embarrassed to introduce her to your friends and family because of her lack of education or her job?

I had a girlfiend like you before, I had to be in the "right" job, studied the "right" course in college, wore the "right" clothes and had the "right" haircut etc etc...

I would ask yourself what it is you are really after, and if it is just a good ride to leave this woman be. Don't break her heart because of your selfish needs...

LegacyUser

I've heard it said that these days "education is the new dowry"

Whay shouldn't you seek a partner who has the qualifications to weather the storms of the new age?

Ann22

If you are contemplating settling down with this lady you have a good reason to sit her down and lecture her on her money squandering. At the very least you should tell her that you should share expenses on nights out and stuff. That shouldn't be so hard to do.
The holiday home could've been a chance for an investment for her, whatever reasons she's selling so quickly she's got 5 trips in a year out of it. Have you talked to her about it? Did you advise against it only for her to go ahead?
Another thing, her mother is dying, that's surely a good reason for her to make up for the past. It would be awful for her to pass away without your gf having had a chance to make it up.
Tbh it really sounds like you dislike this girl.....imagine if she read all this! Maybe there's loads you can't get down on paper to justify the things you say but I really don't think you should be with her. It's wrong and unfair that she's giving you such a fun time in the bedroom while you're secretly harbouring all this resentment.

LegacyUser

OP in your first posting you've outlined:

Your GF's last job, her current job, fact she owns a house abroad, her mother's state of health, the fact she's moved recently etc.
It only takes one person out of the 5000+ who've read this thread to identify her and you're finished: even someone who only knows her second hand could pick up on some of the details you've provided!

As a previous poster wrote, maybe that's what you want to happen. You'd be better off finishing with her instead of potentially humiliating her. Whether you come clean about the real reason is up to you.