Advice on friend cutting herself

LegacyUser

Hi. Last night I was out with a group of friends, found out something, and now i'm not sure what to do. I found one of my friends in tears in the bathroom and took her outside to try see what was wrong.

She started talking to me about how she was such a "crap" person. She's been seeing a guy for a few weeks, nothing "official" yet. The reason she was upset was that she had kissed some randomer in the club. She told me that she didnt deserve to be happy because if anyone shows any bit of interest in her "she's theirs". She told me that she'd been in a weird mood all day and started going on about how "she'd been fine for two years and now it was coming back". Then she lifted up her skirt and showed me where she was after cutting her thigh using a broken glaass in the bathroom earlier that night.

I'm still shocked. I had no idea that she could be doing something like that. She's pretty, friendly and smart. I dont know what I should do. I feel sorely tempted to tell my her mother, who's a psychologyst and they're quite close. But then I feel that would be unfair. Any advice would really be appreciated!

RossFixxxed

Woah, that's not good. It's a very tricky situation. You should talk to her again, when you're not out in a club and there's no guys or drink involved.

She needs to go see somebody. Don't go to the mother just yet maybe as that might push her further away, see if she'd be willing to go to the GP. This IS fixable she just might not see that just yet.

PM me if you'd like I've know a few similar cases myself so a bit used to dealing with it!

good luck to you and your friend.
R

LegacyUser

Hey,

registered user here but will do this unreg just in case.

When I was about 17-18, my best friend admitted that she cut herself. Wow, the feeling when someone tells you this, the thought that they are so depressed as to do this to themselve. She begged and begged and made us promise not to tell anyone. We said we wouldnt, but I had to, and in the end, it would have been stupid not to. I told my amazing and totally understanding parents, who in turn told my friends parents. I was so worried that she would hate me, but I would have rathered her hating me forever than for her to go too deep one night and not have anyone there for her.

It was a long road to recoverym, many phonecalls from her in the middle of the night etc etc. She was on medication for a long time and has come off recently (we are 24 now)


You have, have HAVE to get her help. This is not somethin that will go away, as the cutter becomes additced to it.


I feel so sorry for your friend, and you, as you will go through it with her.


There's many places you can go to, Aware, Samaritans etc.


Do you mind me asking how old she is?

Beruthiel

abdcfg wrote: »

I'm still shocked. I had no idea that she could be doing something like that. She's pretty, friendly and smart. I dont know what I should do. I feel sorely tempted to tell my her mother, who's a psychologyst and they're quite close. But then I feel that would be unfair. Any advice would really be appreciated!

This is not something you are equiped to handle.
Her mother must be told before she does some serious damage to herself. Get in touch with her mother in confidence, if you would rather your friend not know, tell the mother this and she will get around it somehow.

claiva

good advice there. she showed you her thigh....she is defintely crying out for help even if she is not willing to admit that. i know it is very difficult for you right now, but you have become involved, and you must do the right thing for her and for yourself and help her to help herself.
this problem is caused by a chemical imbalance but brought on and made worse by environmental conditions such as relationship problems, poor self image etc.
good luck op.

trio

I used to do this - basically it's when the pain in your head is so horrific that you need to let it out somehow. And you know you're nuts for doing it, but that just makes you feel worse about yourself. You know it's not normal and yet you're compelled to do it - ergo, YOU'RE not normal.

Anyway, long story short, I went to my GP and he diagnosed me with clinical depression. I was on antidepressants for several years thereafter. But I never once cut myself again after the first week on them. If you get an anti-d that suits you, then your head starts to clear within days. It still takes a lot of work from then on - it's not overnight and it's usually longer rather than shorter - but it's never as bad again.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the advice. Claiva, you're very right about the enviromental conditions- this was our first week of college, so she's had a lot on her plate with moving away etc.

I've just spoken to one of my other friends (the only one that doesn't seem to be an emotional wreck at the moment). Unbeknownst to me, she has done this before when we were younger. We've decided to talk to her on Monday, and depending on how that goes, we may get in touch with her mother.

Ross, I've sent you a pm from my registered account.

Thanks again, x

AckwelFoley

She needs serious help.

She needs to stop drinking (if she does drink)

Dont get too intangled in it, but "be there" for her as a friend

jdivision

People tend to do it when they're troubled emotionally. Once you've started it's very hard to stop and after that every time you are down again in the future it's hard not to revert to it. Getting away from people etc driving it can help.

Deadevil129

I though about going unregged to reply to this but what the hell.

I self harmed for years, it's not something I'd ever do again, mostly because I caused myself some serious damage and it's paramount your friend gets the help she needs before she does the same.

Self harm is a very difficult thing to understand. People do it for all sorts of reasons, they need to feel something, they enjoy the rush or they feel like they need to punish themselves. While I'm in no place to make a judgement it sounds like you're friend was desperate to punish themselves for being a "crap person". It's a compulsion, you feel like you deserve to be hurt, then when you do hurt you feel weak and like you let yourself down. When it came to me, there was a point I was ready to tell somebody close to me that I harmed but not why I harmed, so don't get frustrated if you don't get an entirely logical reason from your friend as to why she does it.

It's important she gets help. If you're in college or school is there some sort of counceller she can go to? Speaking to somebody impartial is the most important thing she can do to help her. Friends and family are wonderful but for me, I slipped up a lot when I was trying to beat this and that comes hand in hand with a lot of guilt for letting down people who cared about me.

Adam

you should try not to over react, it can be serious if it gets out of hand, but it's more common than you probably believe. i did it for years myself, my arms are badly scarred from it to be honest and i wish i hadn't now. but it doesn't necessarily mean the end of the world. you should explain to your friend how worried you are, and ask her to stop, as a favour to you. you'd be surprised how this could help without too much pushing. or tell her that the next time she wants to do it, to call you instead. because it is just a cry for help, and if she can call you and say "i was going to do it again" etc. then she's still getting the same message across only without actually harming herself.

omb0wyn5ehpij9

Beruthiel wrote: »

This is not something you are equiped to handle.
Her mother must be told before she does some serious damage to herself. Get in touch with her mother in confidence, if you would rather your friend not know, tell the mother this and she will get around it somehow.

Totally agree on this point. You need to tell her mother

Zillah

I'd definately reccomend suggesting she tell her mother rather than going behind her back. Also, as Mirror said, its not exactly the end of the world.

Doghouse

Zillah wrote: »

I'd definately reccomend suggesting she tell her mother rather than going behind her back. Also, as Mirror said, its not exactly the end of the world.

I'd agree with this. I used to do it too but got professional help for depression and eventually didn't need to do it anymore. It's quite common in girls particularly (according to research in the area). Obviously I've no idea what sort of relationship she has with her mother - maybe her mother might be able to help, I don't know. However I'd say you'd be better off encouraging her to see a doctor or therapist...or at least let her decide whether or not to tell her mother. Maybe you could encourage her to talk to your mother about it if they're close?