Will I ever get over him?

LegacyUser

Hi Guys,

I'll keep this short and sweet (or bitter as the case may be!). I was going out with my boyfriend for 4 years. We broke up 2 years ago due to many reasons including cheating (him), lies, betrayal and general unhappiness on both our sides.

Two years on and I'm still not over him. I've been with several guys and even had a 6 month relationship recently but I haven't fely anything remotely close to the love I felt for him. I still think about him all the time and he's always in my dreams, literally. I keep telling myself that he's in my dreams cause it's my minds way of dealing with it all.

We have hooked up a fiar bit over the two year gap because we are still hugely attracted to each other but we both know it can NEVER work.

How can I get over him? Also, does this mean I'm still in love with him or just taht I'm not over him yet? Tell me this gets easier...I mean, two years, I feel weak for being over this yet.
We did hook up only recently though so that kind of threw me. We are both 28.

Thanks guys for your help.

Karen_*

If you stop seeing him then in two years time you will be along alot further than you are now. Keeping the contact going and seeing him is stopping you moving on. Yes you'll get over him but you have to make the break.

LegacyUser

Karen_* wrote: »

If you stop seeing him then in two years time you will be along alot further than you are now. Keeping the contact going and seeing him is stopping you moving on. Yes you'll get over him but you have to make the break.

Yeah, I know in my heart that's what I have to do. In my head, I keep thinking of him like an addiction and each time I call him or email him I'm feeding my addiction. Does not being over someone mean you still love them though? I'm not sure if I do love him, I think I love the idea of him and the memories we have but not actually him.

Is two years a ridiculous time to still be pining for somebody? I'm nowhere near how bad I was when we broke up. To the outside world I'm well over him but in my head and heart I know I'm not.

Also, when I read threads on here people are always saying...it was 4 months ago so I'm well over him and I'm like....what????How????

themacdaddy

Karen is right...you have to break contact with him...I know you can just turn your feeling off overnight but you have to give yourself time and space in order to get over him...you will never be happy if you don't!

Karen_*

If you break contact now and you're still pining for him in two years I would worry then.

Sounds like you do have an addiction to him. I'm addicted to cigs but I'm not in love with them. I don't even like them. Sound familiar?;)

mud

you may never fully get over him, if he's been a big part of your life which by your post he is then the only way is to cut all contact, I had to do this with my first proper bf 18-23ish, I just couldn't get over him and it came to the point where for my own mental health I had to remove myself, we shared a lot of friends, his sis was a very good friend of mine so it wasn't easy, I didn't see him for a year then when we met we kind of made up the friendship but we both know that we won't become that close again, that said, I'm still wishing him well and like to hear about how he's getting on, I've moved away from the city where we were together and am with someone else although I still regard him as a special friend, It took cutting all contact for us to get here though, the old adage "if you set someone free and they come back they are yours forever" is poignant to me because although we are not in love with each other we will love each other for ever and that's only coz we acted mature and accepted the fact that it wasn't to be for us.

good luck!

x m

Aine M

Can'tletgo wrote: »

Hi Guys,

I'll keep this short and sweet (or bitter as the case may be!). I was going out with my boyfriend for 4 years. We broke up 2 years ago due to many reasons including cheating (him), lies, betrayal and general unhappiness on both our sides.

Two years on and I'm still not over him. I've been with several guys and even had a 6 month relationship recently but I haven't fely anything remotely close to the love I felt for him. I still think about him all the time and he's always in my dreams, literally. I keep telling myself that he's in my dreams cause it's my minds way of dealing with it all.

We have hooked up a fiar bit over the two year gap because we are still hugely attracted to each other but we both know it can NEVER work.

How can I get over him? Also, does this mean I'm still in love with him or just taht I'm not over him yet? Tell me this gets easier...I mean, two years, I feel weak for being over this yet.
We did hook up only recently though so that kind of threw me. We are both 28.

Thanks guys for your help.

I really feel for you, feel like saying been there, done that but that wont help you in anyway but the situation is uncanninly similar!BUT here is what helps, it does get easier, will take time and dont beat yourself up over it cos everyone is different and everyone's past relationship is different.
I had a similar situation with my ex,over nearly two years and we broke up for the same reasons you mentioned.Its hard to explain how you feel,like there's a constant pain in the pit of your stomach,not too easily cured by painkillers!
So you have been in contact,that's your first mistake. Everyone can be in contact with their ex BUT it should be only friendly banter,a general interest in each others lives etc.A total break in contact is the only way to get over him.
Does your ex have a girlfriend now,or has he had in that space of time?I presume that when you have met up with him, it wasnt only chat! Understandable too, and completely understandable when you say you really dont know how you feel about him.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all your replies guys, it really helps.

For 6 months we didn't speak at all and I thought that would help me heal but I still felt empty and sad whenever I thought of him.
When we first broke up I was devasted, I mean absolutely destroyed. I turned to drink and drugs to ease the pain but it only made me worse. After a few months of getting wasted, i pulled myself together. I have tons of friends and a good job and to the outside worl i appear fine. I'm not though.

I can't stop thinking about how much easier and happier my life would be if he'd just call me up and say..I love you, lets try again. That's never gonna happen though.

The contact has to stop big time. Even if the contact is friendly which lately it has been like a quick email asking the name of a band or something, afterwards I always wish he'd email again. I always make my email open..like the band are called X, so how are you? and he'll reply..Thanks for that...I'm good. That's it and then I long for more.

This sucks:(

Oh and it doesn't help that he tells me I'm gorgeous and sexy and that he's still attracted to me but it's not enough. That just hurts even more. He's had girlfriends but he always says they don't compare to me. Aarrghhh, it's over. OVER.

TheZohanS

Can'tletgo wrote: »

Hi Guys,

I'll keep this short and sweet (or bitter as the case may be!). I was going out with my boyfriend for 4 years. We broke up 2 years ago due to many reasons including cheating (him), lies, betrayal and general unhappiness on both our sides.

Two years on and I'm still not over him. I've been with several guys and even had a 6 month relationship recently but I haven't fely anything remotely close to the love I felt for him. I still think about him all the time and he's always in my dreams, literally. I keep telling myself that he's in my dreams cause it's my minds way of dealing with it all.

We have hooked up a fiar bit over the two year gap because we are still hugely attracted to each other but we both know it can NEVER work.

How can I get over him? Also, does this mean I'm still in love with him or just taht I'm not over him yet? Tell me this gets easier...I mean, two years, I feel weak for being over this yet.
We did hook up only recently though so that kind of threw me. We are both 28.

Thanks guys for your help.

I feel sorry for you. I broke up with my girlfriend of 4 years 20 months ago, we broke off contact completely. There was no cheating etc. just the occasional row and me being pig headed and not realising how super a girl she actually is.

Not one day has passed that I don't think of her.

jellie

whats so great about this guy? hes cheated on you, & lied to you.

Can'tletgo wrote: »

Oh and it doesn't help that he tells me I'm gorgeous and sexy and that he's still attracted to me but it's not enough. That just hurts even more. He's had girlfriends but he always says they don't compare to me. Aarrghhh, it's over. OVER.

& now hes playing with your head too.

you need to stop contact. youre letting him have this control over you & while hes still in your life you wont get over him.

LegacyUser

sar84 wrote: »

whats so great about this guy? hes cheated on you, & lied to you.



& now hes playing with your head too.

you need to stop contact. youre letting him have this control over you & while hes still in your life you wont get over him.

I know. If you don't mind me asking, how are you doing with your break up? I remember reading your thread and you were heart broken. How did you manage to pull yourself through? Are you still sad/angry/hurt?

Don't respond if you feel I'm being too personal, just interested.

jellie

Can'tletgo wrote: »

I know. If you don't mind me asking, how are you doing with your break up? I remember reading your thread and you were heart broken. How did you manage to pull yourself through? Are you still sad/angry/hurt?

Don't respond if you feel I'm being too personal, just interested.

To be honest im still a bit up & down. its been nearly 4 months now, but we were together 2 yrs so i guess 4 months isnt too long in comparison.

the problem was we were never longer than 2 weeks without SOME form of contact. that has dragged it out. he owed me money which didnt help the situation but now i finally have it. so now its been nearly 3 weeks, yay :pac: so cut contact!

I still miss him, but I know im better off without him & deserve to be treated much better than how he treated me. in the same way YOU deserve better than someone whos going to cheat on you & lie to you.

he has text me a few times in the last while but i just ignore him now & i think hes getting the message. its not always easy but im slooooowly getting there im doing things for ME - went on a diet, started a class, learning to drive in some ways breaking up with me is the best thing he couldve done for me! (though if you ask me tomorrow i could be miserable from missing him ). overall though, im doing good.

if you need someone to talk to about it feel free to PM me