How to fight loneliness?

LegacyUser

I'm a guy fast approaching 30. I have a good job in the field that I studied in college. I'm well liked and respected at work and there is the possibility of a major leap forward workwise in my near future. I have good friends around me that I see often.

Many people would love to be where I am I suppose.

But I feel myself being crippled by loneliness. There are girls that are interested in me and I have had a few brief flings and even a 6 month relationship recently. But none of them have matched what I had when I was in love with someone. I miss the feeling I got knowing that someone cared as much about me as I did about them.

I see some friends of mine in steady long relationships and they're very happy and I envy what they have. When I end up in the pub with them I can't help but feel jealous, just even seeing them hold hands with their girlfriends or boyfriends can make me feel miserable sometimes .

I can't seem to make a connection with anyone. The pub is terrible for meeting people, especially when you're out with couples. I've tried internet dating and met some nice girls but there's never been a spark. I'm beginning to despair a bit.

I find myself adopting a 'single guy who doesn't care' persona when I'm around friends. There's running jokes about all the girls I've been with - that I'm a lady's man. It's not true really but I find it easier to play along than admit to them that I would desperately love a girlfriend that I could fall head over heels in love with.

I recently did that 'High Fidelity' type thing of getting back in touch with 3 old girlfriends, hoping maybe that I'd rediscover something I'd missed. Hoping I'd made a mistake in breaking up with one of them and we'd rekindle old passions.

I know people will say 'you'll meet someone' and 'it'll happen' and I suppose it will but I have no idea how to stave off this loneliness while I'm waiting for that to happen.

"How to fight loneliness?
Smile all the time"

LegacyUser

I would say that there are tons of folk who feel exactly the same as you.......except you feel a bit worse about it at the moment and are evaluating your life etc.....

In my mid thirties and a broken marriage behind me, two kids and often feel very very lonely....I could say that at least you are single and can go out and meet somebody....I can't get out because of my kids...what would it look like etc etc

All this doesn't help you right now though...you will not believe me when I say you will probably laugh about this post someday and probably soon! The time of year is crap too to be happy etc..dark evenings....crap on TV....you will be thinking of Christmas soon and folk out celebrating with their partners etc...yes it all sucks for the lonely ones....and New Year wil bring yet another evaluation of your life achievements to date and you will write yourself off yet again....I wish I could take my own advice but we never can..we can always give better than we can take!

Confidence is a very admirable quality.....we have to like ourselves to be liked by others....

And of course, if you have your health then you have everything really....the rest will come in time - chin up and keep smiling!!!!

jackdaw

I know this might be not what you want to hear .. but to be honest being
in a relationship is over rated ... sometimes i wish i was single again !!!

Enjoy your freedom and independence !!!

Zillah

jackdaw wrote: »

being in a relationship is over rated ... sometimes i wish i was single again !!!

Please say this to your partner and then tell us how it went.

chickenhawk

jackdaw wrote: »

in a relationship is over rated ... sometimes i wish i was single again !!!

That's a lucky girl you have there! :rolleyes:


Op. I know this is advice you don't want to hear and will just sound like repeated rubbish but........join a club/society or do evening classes. It is much easier to meet someone you have a connection with there than in pubs where you only meet them for a few hours.

Susie Quad Row

Hi Alone in Company,

Are you still feeling the same away???

jenny4385

hey there
im sick of spending my days feeling like im the loneliest person ever.. bout time i did something about it... it feels like i have lil to no friends so if anyone is around dub this friday wanna meet up for a few drinks...??
it cant hurt now can it?

Eric Cartman

jenny4385 wrote: »

hey there
im sick of spending my days feeling like im the loneliest person ever.. bout time i did something about it... it feels like i have lil to no friends so if anyone is around dub this friday wanna meet up for a few drinks...??
it cant hurt now can it?

PI Beers ? has it ever been tried.

OP, i wouldnt worry about it, you have another 50-60 years left in your life your not even half done yet, plenty of time

Zaph

jenny4385 wrote: »

hey there
im sick of spending my days feeling like im the loneliest person ever.. bout time i did something about it... it feels like i have lil to no friends so if anyone is around dub this friday wanna meet up for a few drinks...??
it cant hurt now can it?

Eric Cartman wrote: »

PI Beers ? has it ever been tried.

Folks, while we appreciate that there are often lonely posters in this forum, PI is not here to facilitate social events. Please do not continue with any further discussion of this nature as your posts will be deleted.

Thanks

Zaph

KadMunky

Zaph wrote: »

Folks, while we appreciate that there are often lonely posters in this forum, PI is not here to facilitate social events. Please do not continue with any further discussion of this nature as your posts will be deleted.

Thanks

Zaph

Hi, Iknow ya have a job to do but really, what is the harm? The internet is a great tool for people to express their feelings and progress in a way that is not possible in a social context. I believe censoring and restricting this is counterproductive. Its not illegal to arrange a meeting online. Also there is another post that you shut down regarding fake IDs.Why? The guy asked a valid question and deserves to see a discussion progress. Just because a discussion occurs does not mean you are condoning the action however illegal or immoral it may be. If anything you should be encouraging the board to reach its full potential regardless of how you PERSONALLY feel about it. If someone doesn't like what they see then SWITCH IT OFF. Rant over:D

Beth1978

Hi OP

Please don't give up hope....because if you do, then I'll have to too!! I'm kinda in the same boat as you, only I'm lonely because of my shyness and find it hard to meet new people. You sound like you have plenty of confidence so please, keep persevering and you will find success. It sounds like you've got so much going for you, so maybe just concentrate on these areas of your life and hopefully love will come along when you least expect it. I know its difficult to see loved up couples, as that's what I long for and really wish I had someone to come home to, but I just keep saying 'what's for me won't go by me' and hope that 'my guy' is right around the corner. I really hope everything works out for you.

shaz22

there's so many people out there who feel the same as i do, i can be very shy and although i'm not single i'm in a very unhappy relationship i can't get out of, i wouldn't be the best for offering advice on this subject for that reason but just keep your head up and know you are not alone, just be yourself around people and you will find someone special, also i find when trying to meet someone new, stop looking and you seem to find someone quicker! x

Zaph

KadMunky wrote: »

Hi, Iknow ya have a job to do but really, what is the harm? The internet is a great tool for people to express their feelings and progress in a way that is not possible in a social context. I believe censoring and restricting this is counterproductive. Its not illegal to arrange a meeting online. Also there is another post that you shut down regarding fake IDs.Why? The guy asked a valid question and deserves to see a discussion progress. Just because a discussion occurs does not mean you are condoning the action however illegal or immoral it may be. If anything you should be encouraging the board to reach its full potential regardless of how you PERSONALLY feel about it. If someone doesn't like what they see then SWITCH IT OFF. Rant over:D

There is no harm in people meeting on the internet, or even more specifically on Boards, I have made many friends here myself. However, PI is not the place to arrange such meetings, this forum is strictly moderated to ensure that people can retain their anonymity should they wish and to receive advice regarding any issues they may have. It is not here to organise nights out.

As regards the other thread, it is Boards policy not to allow discussion regarding fake IDs, which is why the thread was locked. Now, if you have any further issues regarding my moderating you wish to question, please take it to PM or Help Desk as this thread is not the place to be bringing them up.

LegacyUser

Zaph wrote: »

There is no harm in people meeting on the internet, or even more specifically on Boards, I have made many friends here myself. However, PI is not the place to arrange such meetings, this forum is strictly moderated to ensure that people can retain their anonymity should they wish and to receive advice regarding any issues they may have. It is not here to organise nights out.

As regards the other thread, it is Boards policy not to allow discussion regarding fake IDs, which is why the thread was locked. Now, if you have any further issues regarding my moderating you wish to question, please take it to PM or Help Desk as this thread is not the place to be bringing them up.

Is there a forum on here where people can arrange anti lonliness events????

Zaph

Unregistered wrote: »

Is there a forum on here where people can arrange anti lonliness events????

Not specifically, however many of the forums arrange regular nights out where all are welcome. This is particularly true of the "social forums" such as After Hours, BGRH, the Nocturnal Forum and the Ladies Lounge, where you don't have to have an interest in a specific topic to join in. Keep an eye on those as there will often be threads about nights out. I believe AH is organising one at the moment.