Upcoming big brother state: Mandatory chip implants for all

towel401

Biffo confirms it! By the end of of the year everyone will have to pay 99.99 eur for their mandatory tracking implant that can be tracked by the Gardee and other European law enforcment agencies from 200m. If you choose to upgrade to the 149.99 chip they will be able to signal the chip to release poison into your bloodstream causing instant death.

Initially this will be used to stop terrorists, axe murderers and the like but by 2010 it will be used to execute on demand drivers without valid NCT certificates and P2P users. A 10 million euro deal with Vodafone, plc allows authorities to track 90% of the population at any given moment and send out emergency execution signals.

Wazdakka

I for one welcome our new chip implanting overlords..

I'm tightening the chinstrap on my tinfoil hat in anticipation.

I concur.

swingking

was anyone else surprised when this thread wasn't started by run for the hills ??

brianthebard

Mmmm, chips....

staker

beat me to it swingking:rolleyes:

Run_to_da_hills

swingking wrote: »

was anyone else surprised when this thread wasn't started by run for the hills ??

naw, were too premature for all that and It won't come from Biffo

Calibos

Run_to_da_hills wrote: »

You're mocking me aren't you?

LOL, I thought to myself, "thats strange the OP isn't Run_to_da_Hills"..............................aha, but he's posted in it!

bluemachaveli

Don't worry, it will prob be handled by the health system!
The whole thing should be up and running by oh say 2090?

Run_to_da_hills

bluemachavel wrote: »

Don't worry, it will prob be handled by the health system!
The whole thing should be up and running by oh say 2090?

No, My guess is that it will come from the entertainment industry

http://www.volweb.cz/horvitz/os-info/rfid-cool.jpg

Savman

THEY'RE COMING TO GIT YA!

Darragh29

I wouldn't worry for the moment, it'll probably be either delivered ten years after it was due, not at all, or it will be hit by the cutbacks in next months budget!

Wazdakka

Darragh29 wrote: »

it'll probably be either delivered ten years after it was due, not at all

3D Realms get the order then?

DanGerMus

This is one of McCains big policies in his campaign accross the water too. I hope he's declared his vested interest in chip manufacture though.

Firmware being developed by microsoft, this means that every time you pass a sensor you must stand still for 30 minutes while your chip is upgraded.

Ciaran500

€100?

**** that.

Silenceisbliss

im going to swap the poison in my chip with valium

on a more realistic tone. they should do this in jails. cons who get out keep the things implanted so they can be tracked and killed at the push of a button

Wazdakka

Silenceisbliss wrote: »

on a more realistic tone. they should do this in jails. cons who get out keep the things implanted so they can be tracked and killed at the push of a button

They had that in Fortress

The implants exploded... and were magnetic... and the prison was watched by this big evil AI..

Damn I gotta go download purchase that legally.
Haven't seen it in years.

all the stars

How about "eh, no"

Sorry lads , wont be having it. :pac:

Run_to_da_hills

Deleted User wrote: »

Firmware being developed by microsoft, this means that every time you pass a sensor you must stand still for 30 minutes while your chip is upgraded.

What !!! 30 minutes to flash firmware !! This is 2008 not 1984.

javaboy

Run_to_da_hills wrote: »

This 2008 not 1984.

Clever.

boogle

Mmmmmm chips.....

b0bsquish

Down with this sort of thing.


Ive already embedded my chip in ____ __ ....yeah.

Danbo!

Miniature american flags for others?

javaboy

towel401 wrote: »

A 10 million euro deal with Vodafone, plc allows authorities to track 90% of the population at any given moment and send out emergency execution signals.

I notice they went with Vodafone and not Meteor. There's nothing more annoying than trying to send out emergency execution signals only to get the old "The deviant you are trying to execute is not in coverage or may have their implant powered off".

4zn76tysfajdxp

Do you mean this kind of Chips?

faceman

Are they skinny chips or fat chips? The skinny chips have more calories as they retain more grease.

ejmaztec

Unfortunately, the chips will only work when they are connected to a 12 volt car-battery strapped inside your pants.

Wazdakka

ejmaztec wrote: »

Unfortunately, the chips will only work when they are connected to a 12 volt car-battery strapped inside your pants.

Finally an excuse

Umm thats clearly unfortunate..

<.<

>.>

engrish?

Wazdakka wrote: »

I for one welcome our new chip implanting overlords..

Does anyone else make mongo face when someone writes this?

Wazdakka

engrish? wrote: »

Does anyone else make mongo face when someone writes this?

Really? only when that is posted?

Turd Ferguson

engrish? wrote: »

Does anyone else make mongo face when someone writes this?

Nope, just you my good man...



3 posts....aw n00b

Maximilian

I was thinking we all need one of these things now. It's amazing what warrants inclusion in Wikipedia these days.

Then again, there is also this site

Weird.

engrish?

Turd Ferguson wrote: »

Nope, just you my good man...



3 posts....aw n00b

Touche.

Turd Ferguson

engrish? wrote: »

Touche.

Dont you mean touché...:p

blah

Run_to_da_hills wrote: »

What !!! 30 minutes to flash firmware !! This is 2008 not 1984.

Have you tried updating an iPhone lately?

Run_to_da_hills

blah wrote: »

Have you tried updating an iPhone lately?

Wouldn't touch one of those, its the N95 for me

Dave!

Bloody knew I shouldn't have voted Yes..........

faceman

Will my chip have bluetooth so i can transfer images from my brain to me mate's mobile phones?

Elem

all the stars wrote: »

How about "eh, no"

Sorry lads , wont be having it. :pac:

+1

Same, I'm free. I shouldn’t be monitored.

Trebor

does it come in a variety of colours? it'll be the next big accessory! everyone will want one.. can i get mine to make beeping noises when someone walks past that i fancy?