Eternally single?

single-girl

hey just looking for some opinions, I'm a 24 year old woman and i've never had a relationship, not even close, and i'm honestly beginning think that its because theres something wrong with me, I mean it has to be, I'm either horrendously unattractive, crap in bed, or incredibly boring, or all 3

Its really starting to get me down. I'm not under the illusion that i'm stunningly beautiful, but there are less attractive people than me in relationships, i've been told i'm pretty but to be honest most of the time i feel distinctly average, if even that.

When I younger i was painfully shy, had acne, never thought any guy would be interested in me so i never bothered with them. Went to college made some friends (no more acne) began to come out of my shell a little, guys started flirting/showing interest in me, but it never ever amounted to anything, i mean they'd flirt with me round college, we'd kiss on a night out or whatever, and that would be it, they'd never show an interest again, i thought fair enough, its college guys are enjoying the single life, thought things would be different when i left college, but here i am 3 years later and its exactly the same.

As an example: In the past year I've been on a total of 4 dates, the first guy made it very clear that he just wanted a f**k buddy, the second lasted about 3 weeks slept with him and never saw him again, after my date with the third guy he asked me to let him know if I wanted to meet up with him the following day, rang him the next day and he basically told me to go jump?! the fourth guy seemed lovely, except he was leaving the country the following week, and to be honest was probably just using me for sex.

I mean is this normal? It has to be me right? I can get dates, but it never goes anywhere, i'm not easy i don't make a habit of sleeping with a guy on the first date, I just don't know where i'm going wrong, maybe i'm just really boring.

I guess I'm just wondering is if other people can relate?
opinions on where i'm going wrong?
Its just at this point in my life i'd really love someone to come home to, cuddle up to at night, its made all the more difficult knowing all my sisters are coupled up/in their 3rd or 4th serious relationships and here i am the odd one out.

Zillah

Yes, there might be something wrong with you. Then again maybe you're just unlucky. Bear in mind, there's probably plenty of people who would be delighted to have had four dates in the last year.

However, there could be something turning people off once they get close. Its awkward question time!

- Hows your personal hygiene, any chance you smell?
- Do you brush your teeth regularly? Bad breath is an extraordinarily unattractive feature.
- How well do you handle romantic situations? Do you get nervous, or does your demeanour change in any significant way?
- Do you become needy once you start getting too close?
- Do you have bad taste in men? Do you find yourself attracted to just the kind of jerks who want nothing more than an easy shag?

Its horrible to say but you might be boring. Do people seem to enjoy talking to you? Do they seem engaged and interested, or do they give minimal responses and seem to fade out? Does conversation flow or do you find yourself desperately trying to think of something to say?

krpc

I think the fact that you received attention at college and have been on dates since college is proof enough that there are those that are attracted to you, physically and/or mentally. So clearly, nothing wrong there.

I'd put it all down to bad luck regarding the guys in question. There are an awful lot of twats out there, guys and girls, and most people get their fair share of them before they find that special someone - kind of makes searching through all the a$$holes worthwhile when you find someone like that.

SnowMonkey

Hey Op

yep i can relate to you.....
Genrally iI dunno i cant give you an answer on why? Im single or why your single or why any of the single people who are single feel like this.

I am single and would like to have a gf some one to share my life with but I dont, I'm not bitter about it not upset buy it.,.. It is'nt very enjoyable being sigle and its lonely... best of time's majority of my mates have gfs and my brother has agf 5 years :eek:, I feel slightly odd a crimbo as eveyones got a some one and heres me on my own sorta does suck......

But then the optimist comes out and goes hey, things happen when they mean to and have to, am I happy with that, to an extent yeah but i completly understand the head meltyness...

and im shore lots of other people here will to

Karen_*

I don't mean to undermine how you're feeling but missus you're only 24!!! Loads of 24 year olds haven't had a relationship!:) I know a 32 year old who hasn't had one and my sister is 33 and two years into her first relationship.

You have your whole life ahead of you and you're very young. And as for there being something wrong with you well thats just nonsense. Of course there's nothing wrong wih you. Oh you've met a few duds of men but haven't we all? They're the ones with the problem and not you.

If you're concerned about being used for a fcuk buddy then go on several dates before you take it to the next level. There will always be guys who are after only one thing. Don't take it personally and stay away from them.

Almost everyone can relate to how you're feeling at the moment. And you WILL meet someone. Your self esteem has taken a bit of a battering over the years so work on building it up again and stop the thoughts that no-one would be interested in you. There's someone for everyone and there are plenty of people who will find you attractive. And if you feel good about yourself then that will attract people to you even more. People ahve said you're pretty so you must be and not everyone who's in a relationship is drop dead gorgeous you know.

LegacyUser

Uh I totally feel your pain. Am in the same situation, 23, seem to manage to find the biggest a$$hole every time I find a guy. Am quite picky and take my time when I do get with someone, leave it until I feel right to sleep with them, etc. Yet still I have yet to get into a nice cosy relationship. I try to do the optimistic thing most of the time but lets be honest, sometimes it does really get to yoU!

Last guy I met was The ONE I thought. All rosemantic and phone calls and nicities. Took my time with it, minute we slept together, calls stopped, relationship continued for a bit but then the little insults and arrogance kicked in. And basically the real a$$hole showed his face. His excuse " I really like u and u are the perfect gf but I'm not into the having to call and meet up and stuff, like I don't really have time for a "gf" so yes he basically was trying to mould me into the perfect little FB!

Why is it so hard to find a decent bloke hey???

von Neumann

single-girl wrote: »

hey just looking for some opinions, I'm a 24 year old woman

Your still young

single-girl wrote: »

i've been told i'm pretty

This is a good thing, unless it was your mammy.

single-girl wrote: »

Went to college made some friends (no more acne) began to come out of my shell a little, guys started flirting/showing interest in me,

Your obviously an attractive woman.

single-girl wrote: »

As an example: In the past year I've been on a total of 4 dates,

Again (see above!)

single-girl wrote: »

the first guy made it very clear that he just wanted a f**k buddy, the second lasted about 3 weeks slept with him and never saw him again, after my date with the third guy he asked me to let him know if I wanted to meet up with him the following day, rang him the next day and he basically told me to go jump?! the fourth guy seemed lovely, except he was leaving the country the following week, and to be honest was probably just using me for sex.

This is just bad luck, don't worry your luck will change.

single-girl wrote: »

I mean is this normal? It has to be me right? I can get dates, but it never goes anywhere, i'm not easy i don't make a habit of sleeping with a guy on the first date, I just don't know where i'm going wrong, maybe i'm just really boring.

At a guess it's probably the way your meeting these guys.

Karen_*

Katie* wrote: »

Uh I totally feel your pain. Am in the same situation, 23, seem to manage to find the biggest a$$hole every time I find a guy. Am quite picky and take my time when I do get with someone, leave it until I feel right to sleep with them, etc. Yet still I have yet to get into a nice cosy relationship. I try to do the optimistic thing most of the time but lets be honest, sometimes it does really get to yoU!

Last guy I met was The ONE I thought. All rosemantic and phone calls and nicities. Took my time with it, minute we slept together, calls stopped, relationship continued for a bit but then the little insults and arrogance kicked in. And basically the real a$$hole showed his face. His excuse " I really like u and u are the perfect gf but I'm not into the having to call and meet up and stuff, like I don't really have time for a "gf" so yes he basically was trying to mould me into the perfect little FB!

Why is it so hard to find a decent bloke hey???

You have to kiss alot of frogs before you meet your prince. An awful lot of frogs!!!

Dudess

OP, you don't seem to have a huge amount of confidence - maybe that shines through? Work on being happy in yourself, that's hugely attractive.

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

Well... looks are not everything, hygene and personality are a huge must. I mean if guys are flirting with you then you must be attractive. So I wouldn't worry about that too much. It could be your personality. Do you tend to be very possesive? It's not even your second date and you are ringing and texting him every few hours. That will freak a man out and he will run for the hills. See men will not always want commitment right away, you know? Maybe your confidence is pretty low? Try working on that a little. Be more confident in yourself, remember... you are a sexy minx! Go get 'em

For the other posters:

Contrary to popular beliefs, not all men are cocks... A lot can be said for the female of the species also. I have vowed to never date or have a serious relationship with another Irish woman

Anyway, goodluck with it all. Hope I helped somewhat.

Dudess

Rebecca Obnoxious Gym wrote: »

Contrary to popular beliefs, not all men are cocks... A lot can be said for the female of the species also. I have vowed to never date or have a serious relationship with another Irish woman

Wink or no wink, that's no use to the OP who's presumably Irish. And yeah, ALL Irish women are bitches because you've had bad experiences with a few of them. It is of course their Irishness, not the fact that they're bitches.

It's so easy to generalise when there's something to grab on to like nationality...

"Contrary to popular beliefs, not all" Irish women are bitches, "mingers" etc...

Phototoxin

Maybe if you weren't so eager to sleep with them then you might be noticed by someone who isn't out to shag you and leave you.

Wibbs

OK folks stay on topic. No AH type rants about irish/non irish women.

Wibbs

Phototoxin wrote: »

Maybe if you weren't so eager to sleep with them then you might be noticed by someone who isn't out to shag you and leave you.

ehhh what? Where does she say she's eager to sleep with them? I mean god forbid two adults can't make a decision to have sex with someone without one of them getting all uppity about it or thinking "ah well that's that". It's not 1720. I could never understand the whole waiting around until she gives up the goods and then leaving mentality tbh. I mean even if you're a dick, surely you would keep the woman around. That never made sense to me.

Dudess

She said she's not easy and doesn't make a habit of sleeping with people on the first date (not that she should feel obligated to explain herself like that).

If a guy was gonna judge her and get all moralistic with her for sleeping (with him :rolleyes:) she'd be better off not pursuing a relationship with him anyway...

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

Could have sworn she said that too. Yup she did. Maybe with a bit more feedback from the OP about the suggestions, we may be able to help a little more?


Yes, sorry for the generalisation. I am normaly moral and against generalisations.

John Mason

nope, there is nothing wrong with you.

i wouldnt about and just go out and enjoy yourself.

i dont go on a date from the age of 19 to 28 because i was far too busy having fun.


forget men and enjoy yourself

single-girl

thanks for the replies its nice to know people can relate

- Hows your personal hygiene, any chance you smell?

-
eh i'm 100% sure I don't smell!

- Do you brush your teeth regularly? Bad breath is an extraordinarily unattractive feature.

yes of course I do

- How well do you handle romantic situations? Do you get nervous, or does your demeanour change in any significant way?

Yes I get nervous to an extent, but the guys are usually just as nervous so i don't think its that

- Do you become needy once you start getting too close?

I'm very independent, i hate clingy men and would never do the whole bunny boiler thing, its just not my style. I've often thought maybe it was the opposite problem that I come across too distant?

- Do you have bad taste in men? Do you find yourself attracted to just the kind of jerks who want nothing more than an easy shag? \

clearly i do!

Maybe if you weren't so eager to sleep with them then you might be noticed by someone who isn't out to shag you and leave you.

of those guys i mentioned i slept with two. The first i'd been seeing for three weeks and I wanted to, the second guy i clicked with and it just happened naturally and i'm glad i did he was fantastic, its men with your mentality i'm trying to avoid.

Do you tend to be very possesive? It's not even your second date and you are ringing and texting him every few hours. That will freak a man out and he will run for the hills. See men will not always want commitment right away, you know? Maybe your confidence is pretty low?

nope like i said i love my own space, i want a guy who will be part of my life, not be my whole life.

I'm not expecting anyone to commit to right away, but its literally i sleep with them and never hear from them again, They want to sleep with me and I don't I never hear from them again. I think at this point my self confidence is non existant to be honest, I guess deep down I feel that I'll never mean anything to anyone.

Dudess

single-girl wrote: »

I'm not expecting anyone to commit to right away, but its literally i sleep with them and never hear from them again, They want to sleep with me and I don't I never hear from them again. I think at this point my self confidence is non existant to be honest, I guess deep down I feel that I'll never mean anything to anyone.

Maybe they are just using you for sex so - in which case they should make that clear.

haven27

This sounds like my life when I was younger, longest "relationship" before I was 26 was three months of hanging out with a guy I knew and we were never really in a proper relationship. I'm now 27 so not that old but with my OH who I met through work a year and a half now and all things are going good. Don't worry about it, go out and have fun, you'll meet a guy when you least expect to.

SnowMonkey

single-girl wrote: »

I'm not expecting anyone to commit to right away, but its literally i sleep with them and never hear from them again, They want to sleep with me and I don't I never hear from them again. I think at this point my self confidence is non existant to be honest, I guess deep down I feel that I'll never mean anything to anyone.

its a funny thing...

women complain about guys being needy and a girl who want the complete oposit person to a needy guy, yet the needy guy is the one that wants to much contact text's hugs kiss's holding hands, all the time will run around after you like a lost pupy not many women want that....

then theres the guys that wants the rock and roll and thats it .....

I guess its seeing booth qualities a bloke who has his own life and at the same time... want's to be with a girl.....

or maybe i dunno...

Craft25

OP i bet you're lovely!! try not to worry about it, you are definitely ferpectly normal

judging by what you said about your shy years and comparing yourself to your sisters you probably have some slight teeny-weeny issues self-esteem-wise. maybe not bad enough to need couselling but its always an option, work on things to improve it..

when you are scoping out the boys (btw pubs/clubs not always best for quality menfolk!) treat yourself like you are a beautiful queen or princess, do yourself up your best, tell yourself you look the bees knees over and over (if you ever catch yourself saying bad things about yourself, put a stop to it quicksmart!), and treat all these boys as poor little commonners just begging to get within whiffing distance of your sweet perfume, then when you are seeing/scoring them, treat it as an "are they good enough for me?" exercise - under no circumstances approach it in an "I hope this is the one who will make everything right for me" way..

sorry if im way off in my guess, but anyway it'll happen someday and probably when you're least expecting

LegacyUser

O.P have you tried online dating? im going to sign up to it soon, id love to meet a nice girl myself,anyone i get close to seems to back off quickly, i dunno what i do, maybe i get too into a relationship?

gaeilgegodeo

O.P i bet your lovely too!, your too hard on yourself for a start! im in the very same boat as you, i would love to meet a mature girl to have a nice relationship, i cant seem to find anyone i like in the usual places like pubs and clubs so i dont know what to do, i have registered on two online dating sites in the last few days, i hope to meet and talk to some like minded people(women) there! If there are any nice girls out there in the south east pm me i miss the company of a girlfriend, good luck single-girl!

anthony4335

Know how you feel, and I am a bit older. The only thing I want to ask is where are you meeting these guys? They are possibly playing the field if they are around your age, not ready to settle down ,just want to enjoy there 20's. So I would not think too much about that, however they do sound to be pr**ks. The fact that you have got the dates should say enough about your looks ,as for follow on dates, that says more about the guys themselfs. just keep going and you should meet some one nice, that will suite you.

John Mason

Girl, for god sake you are only 24.

just forget about men and enjoy yourself, i dont understnd the big obsession and at least you are getting some

LegacyUser

OP totally know where youŕe coming from. When I was younger suffered bit of a confidence crisis, had real hard time talking to fellas, didn´t have much romance except for snogs at discos. bit more action once I moved on to university, but still no relationships. once this real b8tch of an acquaintance telling a friends mother that she thought I fancied her,was a lesbian blah blah just to entertain herself, boost her ego or some other crap reason. but i remember questioning myself.. even though i dont fancy girls, thought maybe i was giving out some king of vibe... felt life was passing me by, that something was wrong or unattractive about me.

at 24 i started going out with a fella for 2 yrs, we aren't together anymore he lives abroad and i came back to Ireland. but to be honest the relationship lasted longer than it should have, and i would say a large part of it was me just wanting to be in a relationship
even though i do still have affection for him, he was a rubbish boyfriend.

Now i have been back in Ireland for a year, no romance, tbh i am not really enjoying the dublin scene.

i suppose what i am saying is i agree with what has been said above by posters like dudess, i am sure there is not a thing wrong with you. smell or personality or otherwise . its just the luck of the draw that you have met a few spas and haven't clicked with someone, and as long as you are open to the possibilities and not putting pressure on yourself, just relax and see what happens..i hope that doesn't seem patronising.

i know i will be a lot more discerning before having another relationship, making do just isn´t worth it.

bigpinkelephant

OP, I hate to say it but it sounds to me like you sleep with men too quickly in their opinion. Obviously they are willing to take it, but they think you are doing it too soon and hence don't see you as relationship material.

Sephiroth_dude

Dont fret about it,love will come when you least expect it.

AckwelFoley

i know how you feel, having being used for sex many times myself.

Look, College guys are dickheads.

You need to look for a more mature man - late 20's or 30s.

You prpbably think that you are the only one in the world feeling like there is no guy out there that would be attracted to you as much as you are to him and that will be nice to you and do nice things for you.

There are.. for every woman that feels like you there is a guy that feels the same way.

I guarentee you that there is a guy or two out there that you see every day or so thinks you are gorgeous and would love to ask you out, but he wont because he is desperatly shy and cant muster up the courage to ask you. Unfortunatley he wont find this courage until he is in this late 20s or early 30s so what you are dealing with now is the more confident guys that dont have shyness issues, but when they are in their 30's they will still be ****.

Look for the guys that dont say as much, and dont be eager to jump into bed with them if you dont want to.

If a guy doesnt want to see you again because you dont have sex with him on the first few dates, hes a shallow bellend and you can so without him.

theganster

OP I used to be eternally single like you and it really got me down.

Get on line - now.

Seriosuly I was very hesitant but I evetually gave the online thing a go and it has literally turned my life around. I went from almost never scoring girls at all, to having loads of women in my life, almost more than I can handle. This may not be what you want at all, but what I'm saying is that practising online really helped my confidence and changed me as a person, now I get way more attention from girls in clubs and friends etc. I can attract girls and keep their interest and really it has made me a much happier and confident person over all.

You can spend time getting to know people well before you meet them, set realistic expections about what you are both looking for, and help to avoid geting used etc.

www.zoosk.com
www.plentyoffish.com
etc etc

Do it, now. I wish someone had of told me this years ago.

Zascar

Sephiroth_dude wrote: »

Dont fret about it,love will come when you least expect it.

I'm sorry but I have to disagree with you there.... people told me that for years, its bullsh1t.

There is a great Phraze: "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got".

You need to change things so that the things you want will change too.