Female friend...going too far?

Plataea

As it's september, I'm back in college and making a host of new friends.
Some girls, some fellas.

Now I've got quite an unusual sense of humour, so with most people I merely interact on a "ah jeez.......weather/studying/sport"

With my close handful of friends, I speak about everything, make deeply disturbing jokes, talk about sex, wimmins...the sick depths to which our minds will stoop.

I've also got a gf of 3 months who is Gorgeous, Smart and shares my depraved sense of humour (well "gets" it at least)

I am in love...badly

Now I've moved to college and met another girl who - out of the 20 or 30 people I've met this week - I get on with really well. We'd talk all night in the nightclub and just have great craic chatting.

She's a good looking girl, and she'd probably be my type if I wasn't going out with my gf. That being said, I'd never EVER make a move, flirt or try it on with her. I love my girlfriend too much.

This girl has recently broken up with her long term boyfriend, so I'm trying to help her get out of it. We were in a club and I was talking about my girlfriend. She started to get a little upset.."I'm not gonna find someone etc...". I told her to cheer up. I said she was a total catch and that if she didn't find someone who recognised that, she should move on. I honestly meant it aswell. I think she's a great girl.

She let me know on the way home that the other girls are approaching her asking her about me..Ye know the way "so what about yer man".

If people are asking this, they must be getting the impression from somewhere.

Also, I think she fancies me too. Her drunken friend said some stuff to me that I really don't think she was meant to. Things like "she really likes you...but you've got a girlfriend". I'm guessing this could pose problems.

Should I distance myself?

Is it wrong that I'm friends with someone that I find attractive?

Thanks boardsies. Let the discussion begin...

taram

Plataea wrote: »

Is it wrong that I'm friends with someone that I find attractive?

No, and the fact you aren't going to try anything means it's fine for you two to be friends. She sounds like she needs a friend right now.

However, make this clear to her, that you think she's great, and your friend, but just that, and you aren't interested in her that way. Don't distance yourself, but draw the line between ye and stick to it! And if anyone says anything to you, just state 'X is a great friend, but I'm not interested, I have Y, she's the most amazing girl, the one for me *smile*'.

JayeL

I think you're only human and enjoying the attention. The fact that you say "she'd probably be my type" if you weren't going out with your gf - she IS your type! People don't stop being your type because you have a girlfriend!

This girl is putting out the feelers with you too, btw. If you don't want something to happen, it won't. But I reckon you do.

And to answer your last question, it's not strictly wrong to be friends with someone you find attractive but it is dangerous if you don't want to cheat on your girlfriend.

Proboscis

Of you reckon your GF wouldn't like it, you're probably going too far.

(If you care about your GF, that is...)

Jack B. Badd

Proboscis wrote: »

Of you reckon your GF wouldn't like it, you're probably going too far.

(If you care about your GF, that is...)

His girlfriend might be a bunny boiler and not like him leaving the house...not saying she is, mind.
If he's happy that he won't make a move or reciprocate if she does (even when drunk) then I fail to see the problem with them being friends. Bear in mind, she's probably feeling a bit fragile if she's recently become single. I'd play it by ear, OP.

MagicMarker

taram wrote: »

No, and the fact you aren't going to try anything means it's fine for you two to be friends. She sounds like she needs a friend right now.

I disagree, she likes him, she needs a love interest like she needs a hole in the head.

AckwelFoley

Personally, id hit it.

You are young and in college.. when you re fifty and with the same woman for the last 20 years and the sex is no longer something you do to enjoy yourself, your gong to think back to the time you were 20 and you could have some young college girl.

Most people on here will probably not agree with my advice, but - most people on the internet dont get laid that ofter

Bottom line, theres plenty of time to be faithful when you decide to settle, but you are young and in college, go mad, but be safe!

Proboscis

Jack B. Badd wrote: »

His girlfriend might be a bunny boiler and not like him leaving the house...not saying she is, mind.
If he's happy that he won't make a move or reciprocate if she does (even when drunk) then I fail to see the problem with them being friends. Bear in mind, she's probably feeling a bit fragile if she's recently become single. I'd play it by ear, OP.

I think it all depends on your level of commitment.

The OP mentions that she is his GF of three months. I don't know whether that is considered long or not, nowadays.

But provided you're somehow committed in a relationship, I think you have to consider the feelings of the other. If you start doing things that you don't want the other to know about, the cracks in your relationship are already showing.

If the OP thinks the GF would object and if the OP thinks that this would mean that she is being too possessive, then maybe he should forget about his relationship with his GF.

bennyblanco

+1 Snyper
OP it seems to me you're not 100% commited to your current girlfriend,I mean,if you have to ask etc.....(and no offence but 3months isnt exactly ages)
I've been in a similar situation,I'm older and wiser now.If I could go back,I'd defintitely have "hit that".It turns out that the relationship I was in wasn't worth abstaining for(but hey 20/20 hindsight and all that-I thought I was doing the "right thing(tm)"....... now I'd be more->better to regret what you did rather that what you didnt do and all that.....:pac:
If this girl(the new one) is just out of a long term relationship well she's obviously going to be well into you,the new mr nice guy/unattainable because of your g/f.
It's not wrong that you're friends with someone you find attractive,it more about what happens next isnt it?
I reckon you're gonna be walking her home one night and next thing you know *pow "we shouldn't"-"I know...but I really wanted too"......"me too *pow".Sounds like you're into her too.(Also it's a nice feeling (ego boostwise) to be "in demand" or to know that you could if you want+this always happens when you're with someone else...ALWAYS)
\
It seems to me the situation is going to come to a head fairly shortly.She's only going to get more mad into you if you remain that close to her and so the opportunity for you to score her IS definitely going to present itself.
So whatcha gonna do about it?
I'd go for it

beth-lou

If you love your girlfriend as much as you say you do then be faithful, and tell your new friend that is the situation so that at least you are not stringing her along and she is friends with you on the level.

If you want to be with the other girl, then finish it with your girlfriend. There is no reason for you to be unfaithful, unless you're immature and selfish.

You can't have it both ways, not for long anyway as one or both of them will tell you to sling your hook and you'll be the one left hurting.

Decide what you want and stick to it. There will be lots of other girls to "hit it" with down the road.

LadyE

Is is ok to find someone else attarctive, you're only human. But if you consider the feelings of your current gf, then dont let it be known, to anyone, you dont want to make a fool of said gf.

I wouldnt not be friends with attarctive girl, but be clear that there is a line!

Petrolium Hat

If your girlfriend trusts you and you trust yourself, i see no reason why this would be a problem.

Personally I dont see how you would broach the subject with your friend without looking a vain pr*ck, or with your girlfriend without sounding like there's something there that isn't. So what if she fancies you tbh.

MagicMarker

I'm actually appalled with the people that are agreeing with snyper, who is basically telling the OP to cheat on his girlfriend. Which is pretty pathetic considering those same people would scream blue murder should someone come on here crying that their OH has cheated.

Cop on ffs.

OP, by all means pursue this girl if you want, but do it after you break up with your girlfriend.

axer

snyper wrote: »

Personally, id hit it.

You are young and in college.. when you re fifty and with the same woman for the last 20 years and the sex is no longer something you do to enjoy yourself, your gong to think back to the time you were 20 and you could have some young college girl.

Most people on here will probably not agree with my advice, but - most people on the internet dont get laid that ofter

Bottom line, theres plenty of time to be faithful when you decide to settle, but you are young and in college, go mad, but be safe!

FFS, "theres plenty of time to be faithful when you decide to settle" - you actually think the OP should cheat on his girlfriend? Some humans never cease to amaze with their f'ucked up morals.

OP: If you think it will be a problem then it is better to deal with it now. You have 2 choices either draw that line as others have suggested or else break up with your current girlfriend if you do want to pursue this girl. Just remember though that she is clearly on the rebound.

LegacyUser

if you love your gf obviously you should be trying to make it work with her and not looking at other girls