issues...

Run_around! · 20-09-2008 4:29pm #1

my boyf says that i am playing with his head.

We have been together nearly 3 years.

We have a home together.

recently i have gotten really at the end of the line in regards to his laziness and drinking when we can't afford it. we don't even have food in the house most of the time.

I have many times in the past simply asked him to help me. He says he'll do things in his own time. He doesn't. He really thinks that he does more around the house than me. (Girls...Please?)

I've litereally begged him for help. i have no respect for him now.

Even when i was really sick and in agony he wouldn't help.
We have canine reponsibilities that require Work!

He still says he does.

We now have really violent rows and i'm sick of pussyfooting around.
He says he need to be 'approached'in a special way.
I'm being very blunt with him now and i can't stop shooting him down all the time.

He does it too but denies it.
In terms of i actually do nothing, its nothing to do with me if he drinks all his cash and we never go anywhere or do anything.

We spend so much time with each other, but do nothing but bitch.

If i go to friends (rarely) its not worth it cos he asks me so may questions and is (i think) so paranoid and suspicious(there is no need to be) that i don't really have friends any more.

Sounds like a break up situation except that we mortgage the house, paying out €800 a month each(both low wage earners), and he refuses to let me rent a room out. I can't afford to move out and go anywhere else, just the spare room. If i stop paying the mortgae i'm F***** too.

i cant go on like this, i cant even tell my family as they would be so worried with me so far away.

Can anyone please help?.... i'm so desperate, please give me practical advice that i can use.

This probably all sounds so stupid but my life feels aa bit teenage in that i can't see any light at the end of the tunnel and i feel so bitter and bitchy and brittle.

i will crack

JDLK · 20-09-2008 4:35pm

Are you in love with him?

Run_around! · 20-09-2008 4:37pm

Would it be strange to say that i don't know any more? it is dying i think slowly but surely

JDLK · 20-09-2008 4:47pm

How long have you felt like this/how long has the situation described been going on?

MagicMarker · 20-09-2008 4:51pm

Having a mortgage together is no reason to stay with someone.

Leave, sell the house, it's really insignificant in the grand scheme of things.

Firetrap · 20-09-2008 4:52pm

It's clear that he's playing with your head. Reading your post, I can't see any reasons why you should stay in a relationship with him. You should leave him as soon as possible. Like it or not, you're in an abusive relationship.

You should talk to someone from your family as soon as possible. If they care about you, they'll bend over backwards to help you. For your own sake, get away from him NOW,

Run_around! · 20-09-2008 4:57pm

well it has been an issue for about a year,

But the aggresive and violently frightening rows are within the last couple of months and are coming to a head within the last two weeks.

We have talked about splitting up, but sure we'll both be in same house!

That sounds ridiculous to me.

)maybe we would be better friends that partners!)

He said to me this morning that he doesn't know if anything will get better, and i tiold him sharply that we discussed it last night that if he felt he could start living like a couple and not just him and his weekday housekeeper/weekend whore (that is how i feel as we have nothing all week) then we had achance but that maybe he needs to make his decision so we can finalise all.

Still no answer from him.

All i want is an equal, caring relationship, emphasis on equal as he feels that everything that needs done should be 70% me and 30% him(or less)

I'm so frustrated and i feel so bitter and hard towards him that i don't know if i still love him as my feelings have become so cold about everything.

Am i behaving like a brat?

Firetrap · 20-09-2008 5:01pm

No, you're not behaving like a brat. It doesn't sound like you'll ever have an equal caring relationship with your boyfriend. Or that you can even be friends - those arguments sound very nasty indeed. It isn't doing you any good to be living under the same roof as him. Is there any chance you can both move out and at least rent out the house? I suspect in the current economic climate selling the house could be tough.

MagicMarker · 20-09-2008 5:01pm

Run_around! wrote: »

He said to me this morning that he doesn't know if anything will get better, and i tiold him sharply that we discussed it last night that if he felt he could start living like a couple and not just him and his weekday housekeeper/weekend whore (that is how i feel as we have nothing all week) then we had achance but that maybe he needs to make his decision so we can finalise all.?

Err, he did give you his answer...

It doesn't look like he wants to be with you, and you definitely not be with him.

Run_around! · 20-09-2008 5:01pm

he is so possessive of his house he probably wouldn't let me sell it!

He already had the house and we bought out his ex and remortgaged ourselves. i call it his house, i only pay my share for it 50-50. i hate the place now. its the source of imprisonment for me. I don't think it would fetch enough to cover the costs.

I'm praying for an accident like being hit by a bus.

Run_around! · 20-09-2008 5:03pm

Hi magic,

He says he does still love me. But that i need to see his point of view, i'm just so frustrated with that because from my focus it doesn't look fair.

It feels like everything with me is just secondary.
That is a kick after i have always put him forst for so long

Run_around! · 20-09-2008 5:09pm

have to go now, thanks everyone, for your opinions. I'll let you know on Monday when hopefully we will have a final result.

i want to be free i think, i'm so unhappy, but look at options possibly.

Thanks again.

JDLK · 20-09-2008 5:10pm

Has this behaviour always been there or has something happened to bring it about in the last year ie an unresolved issue?

In the first 2 years of a relationship we are often blinded to our partners undesirable behaviours. 3 years in a relationship is often an emotional milestone. It is generally recognised that the first two years are spent in a very "loved up" state and indeed alot of people get married in or around the 2-3 year mark of seeing someone. After the "loved up" period is over we will consciously and subconsciously seek out reasons to either continue or end the relationship. While there may be many practicalities of staying in the relationship I would advise you to examine your feelings about your future with this man.

MooseJam · 20-09-2008 5:33pm

he sounds like an ass dump him

Milky Moo · 20-09-2008 6:32pm

love isn't everything i mean where is the respect,not having food in the house because he decides to drink his paycheck is pretty low.on the mortgage issue i doubt you will be thinking in 5 years time that staying in this horrible situation was a good move because you have a few more grand paid off of it,hope this is all works out for the best for you op

SarahMc · 20-09-2008 6:37pm

The relationship sounds dead, or certainly it is in it's last painful death throes.

You need to focus on the practicalities, staying under the one roof will not work. Is he willing to let you take your name off the deeds and walk away, or vice versa?

issues...

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