So Upset!

LegacyUser

Hey guys,
I broke up with my bf about a month ago ( I posted here as pushed away - ages ago can't find the thread) Basically he changed overnight from this amazing gentleman into an a$$hole - started taking his tantrums out on me, using me when it suited him then ignoring me, crazy mood swings, taking everything out on me, reducing me to tears with insults ( all the while saying how into me he is and how much he loves that we're together and how great we are) Anyway he put it down to his dad being sick and while I really tried and wanted to be there for him he just pushed and pushed til we ended it.

So I went to a house party last night, who's there only the ex. To be honest I felt sick when I seen him there. The last time we seen each other was a month ago, slept together then he ignored me the following day(another weird mood swing) so I wasn't too keen to go chat. SO eventually have to pass by and he starts small talk. I indulged but while I know I am still in love with him, I've let it slide too many times ( he never apologizes for anything, just pretends it didn't happen), so I didn't want to be hanging out of him, I chatted moved on and just mingled with friends.

So I was out of his eyeline for much of the night. Later I am standing opposite him. He catches my eye, stares at me, then starts kissing one of the girls. Now I know he is a free agent and all that BUT he made it pretty obvious that it was for my benefit (it wasn't like it was building to a kiss, there wasn't as much as touching he just stared at me then leaned in and kissed her). He knows I love him, I actually think he still has feelings for me, but can't get over his ego and apologize.

My question is why do people do that? WHY deliberately go out of your way to hurt someone? I wouldn't have dreamed of kissing someone in front of him.I stayed out of his way the entire night so he wouldn't feel I was in his face, and he could have easily gone somewhere more discreet if he really was into this girl. I just feel like he was waiting for me to see and that it probably wouldn't even have happened if I wasn't there. I just think it is a pathetic way to get at somebody.

The thoughts of him doing this actually makes me sick. I know he is not going out with this girl yet he made a point of announcing as he passed by me that THEY were leaving. He left her to walk on and just stood there looking at me. I dunno what for, waiting for a response maybe. I didn't give him one but I am so depressed, I just feel like he went out of his way to hurt me, I dunno maybe because I didn't hang out of him all night or maybe just to prove something to me but I just don't know how he could do this.

Overheal

You've never tried hurting someone or getting back at someone? I would think that revenge was a basic concept.

But when things got tough neither of you worked together very well. Remember that, and try and put him behind you.

LegacyUser

Why would he want to get back at me? He was the one who hurt me! I tried everything to salvage our relationship and he pushed me away. Basically what he wants is a FB not a GF and I couldn't be reduced to that. Doesn't mean I love him any less. Still think it was a horrible thing to do and No I wouldn't do that to someone.

MagicMarker

The best revenge you can get is to never see him, talk to him or think about him ever again.

LegacyUser

I didn't post looking for revenge guys. Just I've never had someone do this before, have heard of it happening, like revenge scoring but never been on the receiving end of it. Am devastated. I know he did it to get to me and my god it has, am seriously devastated!

As for not seeing him, i was doing that until last night. The party was a very close friend of mine, he tagged along with some people I don't know. He doesn't even know the guy throwing the party.

JDLK

Im sorry to hear you are going through this. He has done this purposely to get a reaction. Keep your head up, dont rise to the bait and you will be the one who comes out with dignity and class

Karen_*

I said it to you before and I'll say it again OP. STOP considering his feelings and doing this that and the other so as not to upset him, make things awkward for him and so on. You were treated appalingly and save your concern and caring for the one who really deserves it the most and that is you.

Here's an explaination for his behaviour before during and after the breakup. He is a pr*ck of the highest order. I can write three paragraphs explaining it but why do so when one word suffices.

And him being with another girl should only bother you because you pity what she's getting herself into.

Mr. Bean

The reason he is being like this is because he wants you to be dependent on him......he thinks that by behaving like this you will try your best to 'win' him back.....he sounds like a proper prick

MugMugs

Karen_* wrote: »

I said it to you before and I'll say it again OP. STOP considering his feelings and doing this that and the other so as not to upset him, make things awkward for him and so on. You were treated appalingly and save your concern and caring for the one who really deserves it the most and that is you.

Here's an explaination for his behaviour before during and after the breakup. He is a pr*ck of the highest order. I can write three paragraphs explaining it but why do so when one word suffices.

And him being with another girl should only bother you because you pity what she's getting herself into.

It was a selfless act and a self preservation tool. He wanted to hurt you.

Treat it with the contempt it deserves. Dont rise to the bait and use it to realise what kind of twit you were going out with ...

krpc

He's looking for a reaction and attention. The best tool to deal with that is to ignore him, plain and simple.

Overheal

Standard Male Ego? I know me anyway. And feeling needed is good. He wants to get that rise out of you so he can feel good about himself when he looks in the mirror.

I lead a privileged life..

aidan24326

So Upset wrote: »

Basically he changed overnight from this amazing gentleman into an a$$hole

You said it yourself, he's an a$$hole simple as. He treated you like crap when you were together (I don't see how his dad being sick is any excuse whatsoever) and then went out of his way to mess with your head again after you'd broken up.

He was being a 'gentleman' at the start for as long as it took to get you reeled in, once he had you hooked you began to see his true colours. That's not altogether unusual I'd imagine. Don't waste your time on somebody like that, and next time you see him out just ignore him, or if he speaks to you be polite but no more so than you would to a stranger.

LegacyUser

I'm annoyed at myself letting him get to me like this. Am usually fairly copped on when it comes to relationships and would go crazy if one of my friends was letting a bloke treat her like this. Thing is I know he is a dickhead, I know I shouldn't feel crap about this, and I know he only did it to upset me, I just can't get over him at all I dunno what it is with him, fell for him from day one, everything was perfect, really thought I was onto a keeper. The little incidents I think just shocked me and every time he does something I make myself get over it and forgive him because I want him to be that guy I fell for. I am just exhausted and totally depressed as a result of months of mind games, insults, lies, silent treatment... I just wish I could put my finger on what the hell I did to make him turn. Thought I was a pretty good girlfriend to him. I was just starting to get myself back together this week then he had to be at that party. Back to square one now, feel like total crap.

Karen_*

You've been really hurt and not only that there's the huge dissappointment of thinking someone is a keeper and then it quickly turning out to be not so. Logically you know its not your fault but there's that nagging doubt that you did something to make this wonderful guy turn into a complete prat. Most people go through this. Why do you think that so many people stay with complete prats? Because they don't blame the prat!

You had hopes and dreams attached to this guy and it is totally normal to be greiving for them. And then there's the fear that you've let something really good pass you by. But OP, what's for you won't pass you by. I can guarantee you that he will not treat anyone any better. Because he can't act every day of his life and the real him will always rear its ugly head.

Its not even him that you're pining for although you may not realise it. Its who you thought he was and it is your dreams too.

This is going to take a while to get over but you will get there! And none of it was your fault! It was just one of the very unpleasant experiences that life can throw at us which sometimes happen to show us exactly what we should not accept from other people. And these experiences make us stronger in the long run although they are crap and painful lessons to learn. xxx

LegacyUser

Uh I dunno ... we spoke on the phone the other night. He apologized for kissing her said it wasn't even a proper kiss(said they didn't sleep together, he just dropped her home) but didn't realize it would upset me. Chatted for nearly 2 hrs. Thing is that even though he hurt me again and again I know that I would get back with him in a second ( yes I know stupid stupid cow), I know it would take a while to get back to where we were but I just love him, want him back .

But the whole conversation got turned on me, like it was him who went strange, him who went away, all I did the whole time was try to do what he wanted, gave him space, am not needy, didn't annoy him with texts or calls, just went along with what he wanted. He spent the whole phone c all sayin how perfect I am and bla bla but he doesn't know if he would "give me another chance" - like surely I should be the one giving chances here. But while I know he is turning it on me because he has some inability to feel guilt or accept responsibilty that he was in the wrong, I would do anything just to get him back. He knows I love him and would go back there, the ball is totally in his court, just wish I knew what it would take to get him back.

I know it is sad and I am totally just undermining myself and that I have given him everything and will probably end up hurt again but I would do anything for him. Miss him so much

Blackpitts

Hurt wrote: »

Uh I dunno ... we spoke on the phone the other night. He apologized for kissing her said it wasn't even a proper kiss(said they didn't sleep together, he just dropped her home) but didn't realize it would upset me. Chatted for nearly 2 hrs. Thing is that even though he hurt me again and again I know that I would get back with him in a second ( yes I know stupid stupid cow), I know it would take a while to get back to where we were but I just love him, want him back .

(

i think that u deserved what he did to you then!. He is playing mind games with you, you know this but you let him win too! He kissed another girl in front of u and now he 's coming clean with a simple "sorry'.
he will get you back and he will treat like sh*t again, it will be such an ego trip for him!
good luck, u really need it...

MagicMarker

Hurt wrote: »

Uh I dunno ... we spoke on the phone the other night. He apologized for kissing her said it wasn't even a proper kiss(said they didn't sleep together, he just dropped her home) but didn't realize it would upset me. Chatted for nearly 2 hrs. Thing is that even though he hurt me again and again I know that I would get back with him in a second ( yes I know stupid stupid cow), I know it would take a while to get back to where we were but I just love him, want him back .

But the whole conversation got turned on me, like it was him who went strange, him who went away, all I did the whole time was try to do what he wanted, gave him space, am not needy, didn't annoy him with texts or calls, just went along with what he wanted. He spent the whole phone c all sayin how perfect I am and bla bla but he doesn't know if he would "give me another chance" - like surely I should be the one giving chances here. But while I know he is turning it on me because he has some inability to feel guilt or accept responsibilty that he was in the wrong, I would do anything just to get him back. He knows I love him and would go back there, the ball is totally in his court, just wish I knew what it would take to get him back.

I know it is sad and I am totally just undermining myself and that I have given him everything and will probably end up hurt again but I would do anything for him. Miss him so much

What is wrong with you?! I'm sorry, but this post is pathetic, everything about it is pathetic.

What is wrong with the world we live in when a girl is treated like crap, but instead of learning from it and moving on, she bends over and asks for more!

You really have some growing up to do tbh. Any hurt you feel caused by this guy in the future will be no ones fault but your own.

aidan24326

OP, if you're happy enough to be going out with a guy who is, by your own admission, a d1ckhead, and who did, by your own admission, treat you like crap, well then good luck to you. You're entitled to make that choice but I wouldn't be expecting too much sympathy when he starts messing you around again.

Loose Lips

Hurt wrote: »

Hey guys,
I broke up with my bf about a month ago ( I posted here as pushed away - ages ago can't find the thread) Basically he changed overnight from this amazing gentleman into an a$$hole - started taking his tantrums out on me, using me when it suited him then ignoring me, crazy mood swings, taking everything out on me, reducing me to tears with insults ( all the while saying how into me he is and how much he loves that we're together and how great we are) Anyway he put it down to his dad being sick and while I really tried and wanted to be there for him he just pushed and pushed til we ended it.

So I went to a house party last night, who's there only the ex. To be honest I felt sick when I seen him there. The last time we seen each other was a month ago, slept together then he ignored me the following day(another weird mood swing) so I wasn't too keen to go chat. SO eventually have to pass by and he starts small talk. I indulged but while I know I am still in love with him, I've let it slide too many times ( he never apologizes for anything, just pretends it didn't happen), so I didn't want to be hanging out of him, I chatted moved on and just mingled with friends.

So I was out of his eyeline for much of the night. Later I am standing opposite him. He catches my eye, stares at me, then starts kissing one of the girls. Now I know he is a free agent and all that BUT he made it pretty obvious that it was for my benefit (it wasn't like it was building to a kiss, there wasn't as much as touching he just stared at me then leaned in and kissed her). He knows I love him, I actually think he still has feelings for me, but can't get over his ego and apologize.

My question is why do people do that? WHY deliberately go out of your way to hurt someone? I wouldn't have dreamed of kissing someone in front of him.I stayed out of his way the entire night so he wouldn't feel I was in his face, and he could have easily gone somewhere more discreet if he really was into this girl. I just feel like he was waiting for me to see and that it probably wouldn't even have happened if I wasn't there. I just think it is a pathetic way to get at somebody.

The thoughts of him doing this actually makes me sick. I know he is not going out with this girl yet he made a point of announcing as he passed by me that THEY were leaving. He left her to walk on and just stood there looking at me. I dunno what for, waiting for a response maybe. I didn't give him one but I am so depressed, I just feel like he went out of his way to hurt me, I dunno maybe because I didn't hang out of him all night or maybe just to prove something to me but I just don't know how he could do this.

OP: It sounds like you need someone who loves you for who you are and who doesn't play nasty games like this. Ask yourself if this guy is truly the person you spend your whole life with. And if he is not - which seems obvious - then forget all about him and go out and enjoy yourself!

Karen_*

I really feel for you because its a horrible situation to be in and a horrible way to feel about yourself. You need to look at why you are willing to settle for much much less than the great relationship you should be in.

You know very well that this is going to end up badly and it will never work out but yet you carry on. And you're teaching him how to treat you so you will never get better from him. He knows exactly what he can get away with and he has no need to change.

He's not right and not a healthy person mentally. Neither are you and you're worse off. He at least has some self esteem although granted he's sucking it from you.

You're terrified of not having him in your life aren't you? Is it that you think you won't get over it or you'll never have feelings for anyone else? You want him badly. Not everything we want is good for us. Have some self control. Get it from somewhere, fake it even. But stay away from him. You don't get to say 'in my next life I won't waste loads of time letting people treat me like crap'.

Wibbs

MagicMarker while your opinion is as valid as the next posters, calling a post pathetic is hardly constructive as advice and borders on abuse so cop the hell on. You know the title of the thread and the posters name might have given you a clue

RossFixxxed

I have to agree with MM to a degree however. It is a very foolish thing to do, but then again matters of the heart are hardly logical. We always seem to make fools of ourselves where the opposite sex are concerned.

Serioulsy though, you need to just cut him out of your life. There are lots more, much nicer guys out there. You are still in rebound land and still clinging on to what you're used to. We all do it to some degree, but you need to sever the link now. For your sake. Don't be a puppet on a string for this guy.

Good luck
R

Dudess

The OP is more than willing to admit she's being foolish by wanting him back.

But OP, you know well you're only gonna get hurt again. There really is no other advice I can give you other than bite the bullet and get on with your life without that rat. I know it's so, so, so hard... but it's not impossible. It's the biggest favour you could do yourself.

LegacyUser

So Upset - I was you a few years ago, was with my ex for four years. I could have written your post back then.
I eventually got out, when he started some completely unacceptable behaviour, but only after he completely destroyed my self esteem, my bank balance, my social life, you get the picture.
He moved on and got married within months of us breaking up, (poor girl) while I'm still struggling to come to terms with the effects of our time together, and can't form a new relationship. On some level I think every guy will be like him.
Get out now while you can. He won't change.

Big Knox

Hurt wrote: »

Uh I dunno ... we spoke on the phone the other night. He apologized for kissing her said it wasn't even a proper kiss(said they didn't sleep together, he just dropped her home) but didn't realize it would upset me. Chatted for nearly 2 hrs. Thing is that even though he hurt me again and again I know that I would get back with him in a second ( yes I know stupid stupid cow), I know it would take a while to get back to where we were but I just love him, want him back .

But the whole conversation got turned on me, like it was him who went strange, him who went away, all I did the whole time was try to do what he wanted, gave him space, am not needy, didn't annoy him with texts or calls, just went along with what he wanted. He spent the whole phone c all sayin how perfect I am and bla bla but he doesn't know if he would "give me another chance" - like surely I should be the one giving chances here. But while I know he is turning it on me because he has some inability to feel guilt or accept responsibilty that he was in the wrong, I would do anything just to get him back. He knows I love him and would go back there, the ball is totally in his court, just wish I knew what it would take to get him back.

I know it is sad and I am totally just undermining myself and that I have given him everything and will probably end up hurt again but I would do anything for him. Miss him so much

Was gonna post as most others have done and tell you he's an absolute ****tard of the highest order and just forget about him and move on and then I seen the above....

No sympathy for you whatsoever. Get back with him, you'll be back on these forums with a third post soon enough in worse state then ever. I know that sounds harsh but its the truth and you know it OP.

Dudess

Hurt wrote: »

But the whole conversation got turned on me, like it was him who went strange, him who went away, all I did the whole time was try to do what he wanted, gave him space, am not needy, didn't annoy him with texts or calls, just went along with what he wanted. He spent the whole phone c all sayin how perfect I am and bla bla but he doesn't know if he would "give me another chance" - like surely I should be the one giving chances here.(

Lose the manipulative prick.

dudara

A few comments. When you break up with someone, don't have any contact for a few months. You're speaking to him on the phone for over 2 hours after only one month. That's not good.

Secondly, he mentioned giving you another chance. How great of him! That just sets warning bells off in my head.

I understand that you might love this man (we can love what is not good for us) but think logically about this relationship.

Magicmatilda

I was in a imilar situation. I was out last friday with a friends and we met up with another of her mates. He is mates with my ex and we were all out and a few others. Anyway I spend the night dancing, not ignoring him but not being in his face. I noticed he kwpt materialising beside me particularly when i was getting chatted up by another guy. Anyway end of the night we are outside me, him, my mate Mary and one of his mates. he turns to me looks at me and says "I find Mary so Sexy". Well I nearly died. i wanted to turn and run I was so broken hearted when he broke up with me and now this, I was shocked to say the least but i just smiled and thought for f*ck sake. I came to the conclusion that he is a dick, no matter how you look at it. there are 2 option

A: He said it to get a rection - then he is a childish dick

B: He meant it but said it to me - then he is an insensitive dick.

Either way a dick. I'm glad I realise that now.

I think you situation is the same.

Its hard to forget him but every time he pops into your head just think "Dick"

MJOR

Op you're obvioulsy gonna do whatever it is you do but heres my advice... This whole situation is a merry-go-round with this man manipulating your
emotions you hating him and then loving him,needing him he gives you a little hope and the whole situation starts again.


If you go back you will almost definately setting youself up to be hurt and humiliated yourself. This guy blatently has no regard for your feelings or needs. You deserve better and you will find someone else. Somehow I don't think you're finished in your head with your ex. He is only leading you on playing mind games and treating you like a puppet.

You don't need him or his games....