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could not go out with single parent

  • 19-09-2008 8:15pm
    #1
    nk23
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7 ✭


    Hi everyone,

    I have been going out with a single dad for a year now and despite people tellin me that they 'could never go out with someone who has a child' i am happy despite some things.

    these are not selfish things like wanting us to go out on a saturday night and bein unable to because he has his son. he gets him 2nights a week. is there anyone out there that can honestly say that the hardest thing,as a woman, is loving the child and knowin they are not yours. i felt great sadness when he started school and i wasnt part of the joy of it. christmas will be hard too.

    can anyone associate with this? does this sadness get too hard to deal with or can anyone give me some advice?


Comments

  • #2
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    Ok it's a year, which to some people is a long time and to other's it's not.
    Are you part of the child's life ?
    Does he know you ?
    To what level have his parents included you in the child's life ?
    Have you spoken to your partner about it ?


  • #3
    dory
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators Posts: 4,574 Mod ✭✭✭✭dory


    I dated a single parent once.
    It can be great at times, which I'm sure you know, but you can only really be part of the child's life when you become a permanent part of the father's life. Otherwise the kid will get really confused, and feel abandoned by you when/if you too break up.
    I think it's wonderful that you want to be part of the kid's life.
    The way I see it - if you get on well with the child, then you will be a part of it.
    If not.....well maybe you won't be such a big feature.
    Best of luck whatever happens.


  • #4
    nk23
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7 ✭nk23


    yes i am involved with the child, i uaually see him once a week as im often away with work.

    I have spoken to my partner about it,although we are only together a year i have known him alot longer. he knows that its hard for me and he does try to include me.

    There is no animosity between his mother and me. i respect her and count her lucky to have such an adorable son.

    I guess i am maternal and thats why i experience these feelings.

    Thanks for the replies


  • #5
    Victor
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 78,579 ✭✭✭✭Victor


    I think you need to be aware of boundaries - you are more a (nearly) aunty to him than a mother. But aunties can be happy for children as well.

    Have you spoken to your other half about children of your own? A year signifies some committment (although not enough for everyone), so say, two years down the line would ye want to have children?


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