Aspergers Syndrome - diagnosed late in life

LegacyUser

I'm in my early forties but have come to the realisation that I have Aspergers Syndrome. This was confirmed when a young relation of mine was definitely diagnosed as having Aspergers and an informal chat with a professional confirmed that I am on the spectrum.

In many ways it makes sense, it explains my rather precise accent, my obsessions with a number of narrow interests but also my ability to see connections and make humour out of them, and my ability to absorb detail and do a fairly difficult and complicated job. I have always been loyal to those who look after me, whether friends, family or employers and work hard and I believe fairly successfully at what I do. The flip side is that I am hypersensitive to noise, have a fairly narrow comfort zone and feel incredibly panicky when outside that. In addition, I have to make a conscious effort to be sociable away from people I trust. I have to remind myself not to leer down womens' tops when talking to them and when socialising away from the usual, tread a fine line with alcohol to have enough on me to be able to relax but not to be incoherent.

The thing is, that the diagnosis explains perfectly many things that puzzled me for years. Unfortunately, it also means that when I meet someone that I will ultimately have to explain myself and I feel that because I am not typical, a "Nobby Normal" as one former work colleague boasted of being, that I will be dismissed before anyone gets a chance to know me properly. I have had good relationships with women in the past but all seemed to have a sell by date, when they realised that I wasn't "normal", in many ways unbeknownst to me.

My closest friends are very loyal and value me, so I have no problem in valuing myself. There are no other single people in my circle here in Ireland. The fundamental problem is that I am as awkward as a sack of chisels when it comes to breaking outside that comfort zone, and have taken the long walk so many times in nightclubs during my twenties and thirties that I really do not believe that it is possible for someone like me to meet new people properly, unless you good people have alternative ideas and perspectives. Let's take the Night Classes option as read here, I'm interested in other's views and perhaps the ideas of other people in a similar situation.

Zillah

I'd really reccommend you have a formal conversation with a professional. Your difficulties, such as operating outside your comfort zone, are the kind of thing they'll be perfectly equiped to help you deal with. A few proven tips and tricks could make the world of a difference.

Also, take a look at www.wrongplanet.net. As far as I'm aware its one of the biggest online communities for those with Autism and Asperger's Syndrome. Forum links are on the right, I'm sure you'll find tons of advice and support there.

Explaining it to people can really help, but the difficulty is that Asperger's Syndrome is a little difficult to explain quickly. You have my sympathy for that, as once they understand it could put your sometimes untypical behaviour in a much more understandable light. But like I said, a professional and the above forums could really help you in that regard.

LegacyUser

Thanks, will do.

Nevyn

If you think it will be helpful to get a formal dx then do and find out what help and services are out there for you. Seems like other then not being lucky in love you are doing pretty well in your life and tbh what's normal ?

http://aspergersireland.myfastforum.org/index.php is a good resource and should help you connect and find others to share with. My son is on the spectrum and I can't honestly say I am off it, it just comes down to self management a lot of the time and that requires a certain level of self-awareness and you seem have that already.

Oryx

Im not in your situation, (unless you count the awkward as a sack of chisels outside my zone bit) so Im not in a position to offer sage and meaningful advice, really. Im sure youll get practical stuff from those closer to your own experience, and from the sites linked here.

My only reason for posting is to comment on the way you refer to your diagnosis, finally, of aspbergers. Even though it fits with you, get it confirmed formally. Informal conversations with any medical professionals make me edgy, because they are just that, informal, and may leave gaps in your full understanding, or in the help available to you, whether you realise it or not. Also, this is a diagnosis, a label. If it helps with understanding your behaviour and personality, thats a good thing, but dont let it define you from here on in. You say you "will ultimately have to explain yourself" to anyone you meet. Dont inflict this upon yourself as a weight to carry, a burden that must be revealed. You have a condition that is explicable, not a disease that must be borne. You already have learned how to live with it and deal with your personality for 40 or so years without having to have it defined. This name now put on it simply helps you to reconcile with how you are. I suppose Im saying live in spite of this diagnosis, instead of within it.

Maybe you do that anyway, and Im talking through my hat. In any case, nightclasses bedamned. Ive found the only way to really find people you gel with is to do things that interest you fully, whatever they may be. That way you meet kindred souls.

And remember noone else is nobby normal either, we only live under the illlusion that we are.

cafecolour

From what I've read, aspergers has a pretty high correlation among computer types (and some of the stereotypes). So, at least at initial discussions, you could just sort of jokingly be like 'yeah I'm a bit of a geek'. And the internet is great for meeting new people, if not necessarily women

Jack Sheehan

Definitely get a formal test for this, self diagnosing is a bad idea no matter what the condition is.

TPD

cafecolour wrote: »

From what I've read, aspergers has a pretty high correlation among computer types (and some of the stereotypes).

Really? My girlfriend thought I might have aspergers, and from looking at symptoms/ reading about people who have it, I think I might have a wee touch. And I'd definitly be the computery type lol.

May get myself checked.

How Strange

OP, my nephew was recently diagnosed with aspergers and the report was quite dire in terms of how he would be as an adult. He's already as awkward as a bag of spanners and can't form relationships with his peers and he's still a child.

Cognitive behaviour therapy seems to be critical for him in terms of social relationships and interaction and occupational therapy will help with his coordination and sensory perception.

I'd say get a professional diagnosis and then see what therapies are open to you.

Good luck with it.

Nevyn

My son was diagnosed nearly two years ago, he too had the problems with forming friendships and interacting with his peers, thankfully he was able to take part in a 22 weeks
program called Dina School, it's part of the Incredible Years Child Training Programs
http://www.incredibleyears.com/Program/child.asp Maybe his parents can find out if one is being run and get him into it, the one that was ran locally was in the child and family health centre.

There aren't programs like that currently for adult but change in behavioural patterns and increased confidence is possible.