Housemate problem

LegacyUser

This isn't the worst PI ever but I need advice and I also want to go unregged in case the housemate reads it. Sorry it's so long but I need to get it off my chest.

I just moved back down to college for my final year and am sharing a house with 3 other girls. I get along absolutely brilliantly with the other 2 but the 3rd, let's call her Mary, is getting on my nerves. She has also never introduced herself to any of us and only spoke to me once to borrow a charger. I'm not sure if I'm overreacting or not and wanted some advice.

First of all, she is incredibly noisy. The walls are thin in the house, that's fair enough, but she stamps so loudly across her room that she's knocked stuff over in my room. I've let it go so far because I figured things would calm down after the first week (last week) but there's no change. Things are especially bad if she's drunk. She comes in at 3 or 4 am banging and crashing around and making phonecalls. I can only sleep now if I put in earplugs but she even wakes me up through them, she's that loud. My room is next to hers so it only affects me.

Anyway last night was terrible. Everyone had gone out but I came early around 1.30am, fairly worse for wear it must be said. At 3.30am she bashes her way in and wakes me up, even through the earplugs. She's so drunk she can't get into her room but she manages eventually. I fall back asleep but at 4am something wakes me with a start. I'm really disorientated but eventually I realise someone is outside this girl's room and can't get in. They wandered off but then came back and tried to get in again, but it's my door they're at. They're absolutely banging themself off it, scratching it and thumping it. I wasn't 100% who it was, it could have been anyone, so I just kept quiet (I was petrified). I tried looking out the window over my door but I couldn't see anything so I don't go out. This goes on for half an hour. Then I hear someone going at my hamster's cage (it was kept in the bathroom, I'm the only one without an ensuite) and I decided enough was enough. I heard the person go downstairs so I tried to sneak out and they flew back upstairs. It was Mary after all.

She starts going mad about how she can't get into her room and demanding that I have to do it. I told her I couldn't, took my hamster and went back to sleep. I thought about ringing Security but I was really annoyed and it was her own fault for getting that drunk (I think she tried to go to the toilet and went out the wrong door). I figured she could sleep on the sofa. After 5 minutes I felt bad and did ring them and then told her they were coming to let her in. She spent the next 20 minutes banging on my door but I ignored her. She was banging so hard she didn't hear security downstairs. She told security she was in room 4, which was my room, so I had to get up again and point them to the right room. She eventually gets into her room, bangs about for the next 20 minutes before I finally get to sleep. This morning I heard her putting make up on downstairs (I hear her opening the bottles) and when I get up all the make up downstairs is mine. She had gone into my bathroom (which I can't lock from the outside) and taken my stuff and then had the cheek to use it the next morning when she was sober.

It might seem trivial but I am furious. I have a hell of a lot of work to do but I can't get a proper night sleep with her banging about and I'm wrecked. Her taking my stuff is the last straw though and now a couple of very expensive things of make up are missing. I want to confront her tonight but I'm not sure if my anger is justified. I also second guess myself when I'm angry, thinking that it's unjustified. Any advice? Sorry again for long post.

Overheal

Its kinda simple. You've only had one conversation with her and it was when She asked for a charger.

Did you ever introduce yourself?

See, until you take care of that you will continue to be nobody to that person. Its hard for some people to respect someone they don't know anything about. She sounds like she has some personal issues of her own if she can't introduce herself and needs to get ridiculously drunk.

SpookyDoll

She sounds like a total mentallist OP, is there any way you can move rooms?

meditraitor

abitunsure wrote: »

This morning I heard her putting make up on downstairs (I hear her opening the bottles)

Im sorry for your distress but this struck me as odd- You can hear her opening makeup bottles from upstairs?

This seems a bit unlikely and I would surmise from this that you are a bit sensitive to noise and your initial dislike of this girl from her apparent lack of cordiality has blown the situation out of proportion. Please feel free to correct me if my impression is wrong.

LegacyUser

I did introduce myself to her the first day she moved in. I passed her on the stairs and introduced myself and she just said 'yeah, I'm Mary this is my friend Jane she's staying here tonight' and then slammed her bedroom door. One of the other housemates has also invited her out to get to know us but she said no. We have tried to be nice.

I have also just found out that she took one of my housemate's handbags and took stuff out of it, as in her ID and that. Mary also took another person's coat. I'm don't think that is acceptable at all.

LegacyUser

Meditraitor - you are right. I heard opening and closing something downstairs and when I found my make up there I assumed she had used it. My other housemate told me that when she got her bag back from Mary (Mary had taken it) my make up was in there and she opened it to see if I had happened to write my name on the inside. She wasn't sure who owned it and so left it on the table in the hall.

So I was wrong that she used my make up but she shouldn't have taken it in the first place. She shouldn't have taken other people's handbags or coats either. That is my real issue.

Overheal

meditraitor wrote: »

Im sorry for your distress but this struck me as odd- You can hear her opening makeup bottles from upstairs?

Its the same way fathers can always tell when someone touches the thermostat: http://thepeon.com/link.php?l=familyguythermostat

Cuddlesworth

Ever think of telling her to get her act together in front of her face?

Its pretty simple, your not living at home, you can't come in 3 sheets to the wind and bang on my door, we as house mates are together on this, if you don't cope on we are making a complaint and getting you kicked out.

I fail to see anywhere in your post of telling her this. Do you expect her to get the message from silence.

If my flatmate came in like that, I'd take the keys off of him and throw him back outside. I should know, **** did that to me.

GAAman

Op i get where your comin from had the same thing with a housemate and when i snapped after a good while of the behaviour you mentioned and alot more besides, i basically confronted her over her childish behaviour.....and she stopped talkin to me altogether :rolleyes:

Would i be right in thinkin you are in uni/college accommodation? If you do have a talk with her and still no signs of change then why not move even to a different room?

tbh

your anger is justified. No-one should have to put up with this type of behaviour. Confront her.

Overheal

Yeah seems I was mistaken that this was a submissive issue: im with TBH. Confrontation! Death Match! Mud Fight? Please?

Blush_01

If it bothers you as much as you say it does, then confront her. I know it's easier said than done (I used to take weeks to work myself up to confronting people until I realised I was the only one really losing out by letting things stay the same) but for your own sake you need to deal with it. There's no point in getting angry, but you do need to be clear on what you will and will not accept - e.g. you have no problem with her borrowing something when she asks, but just taking your make-up/hamster/handbag/patience is not on.

Nevyn

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