Break ups

LegacyUser

I have lost count of how many times my boyfriend has finished with me, only to change his mind. When he finishes with me, he says he needs space from me to see if he really misses me. The longest i have gone without contacting him is 2 days. The longest time we were finshed is about 3 days. I'm usually fine the first day or 2, then i need to contact him, need to speak to him, hear his voice. We talk every night so these times are tough for me. so we get talking, and we fall back into the old routine again and everything is perfect again for another few months when it happens again. It happened last night. I am fine today, as i was talking to him this morning and everything seemed fine, but i know we are still broken up. I will not talk to him tonight, and hopefully not tomorrow or tomorrow night..but then what do i do? I know i will prob contact him and we will fall back into the relationship (even though he says he means it this time - but he says that everytime)

Please help me to stay clear of him until he sorts his head out.
How do i keep busy..?

AARRRGH

Why do you keep breaking up?

loopyloulou

Turn off your phone and leave it at home when you go to work, having it with you is too much of a temptation to keep checking it to see if he txt. You'll only wreck your head.

LegacyUser

we keep breaking up because he keeps on finishing with me, saying he needs space. I think i may be a bit too demanding sometimes.

Having my phone at work is not the problem, Its the night times, the times when i always speak to him, the weekend, when i always see him fri - mon nights and go out with him.

Maybe all he does need is space, for once and for all.
and then he will realise how much he loves me. Which he does. He has told me, and he tells me i am the best girlfriend he ever had and he has never been happier.

Futurecrook

Delete his number from your phone. I know you probably still know it off by heart but it makes it easier if the numbers not there every time you want to send a text.

Tragedy

(wo)Man up.

You dont need advice or help, you need to grow a backbone and get some self respect.

JackieO

Seriously. Why would you even want to be with someone who can't make up his mind whether he wants to be with you or not.

You are acting like a door-mat for him, letting him break-up with you constantly and then getting back together. I imagine he has little or no respect for you at this stage to be honest.

You need to cut the cord and be strong and not get in touch with him or get back with him EVER. Everyone deserves someone who will treat them better than this.

Aurora Borealis

JackieO wrote: »

Seriously. Why would you even want to be with someone who can't make up his mind whether he wants to be with you or not.

You are acting like a door-mat for him, letting him break-up with you constantly and then getting back together. I imagine he has little or no respect for you at this stage to be honest.

You need to cut the cord and be strong and not get in touch with him or get back with him EVER. Everyone deserves someone who will treat them better than this.

So true. OP you're better off out of this if he can't decide to committ to it.

Everyone deserves someone who is happy with them not somone who changes their mind every few weeks. This will have a terrible effect on your self confidence, no matter what niceties he tells you after each break up.

I'm sorry to be blunt but this is not how you treat someone you love. There's a better relationship for both of you if this is how things are going.
Find it. You'll be happier.

dirtydress

OK this may be a bit extreme and a lot of people wont have much sympathy since you are saying that you guys are always breaking up because the answer to this is for you to wake up and realise if he really wanted you he would stick by you.

The main issue here is that you cant seem to stay away from him or break contact from him. This is the hardest part of all break ups. Its the part that keeps you up at night crying and makes your stomach sink when you stop for a minute during the day and think about not having him around. Its so hard and you will falter at some point and just talk to him which isnt the end of the world but you do need to try and think of you and that this isnt doing you any good.
Think of every min, every hour that you stay busy and dont talk to him as a little further you've gotten in moving on, like a goal. You must have things going on in your life that you can keep busy with, maybe think of a goal, something you want to do and work on that, go see a few gigs, make new friends - show him that you are your own person and you dont need him around all the time.

Its the hardest thing in the world but it'll get better just not right away, it does need some time and strength. Good luck.

MugMugs

dirtydress wrote: »

The main issue here is that you cant seem to stay away from him or break contact from him. This is the hardest part of all break ups. Its the part that keeps you up at night crying and makes your stomach sink when you stop for a minute during the day and think about not having him around. Its so hard and you will falter at some point and just talk to him which isnt the end of the world but you do need to try and think of you and that this isnt doing you any good.
Think of every min, every hour that you stay busy and dont talk to him as a little further you've gotten in moving on, like a goal. You must have things going on in your life that you can keep busy with, maybe think of a goal, something you want to do and work on that, go see a few gigs, make new friends - show him that you are your own person and you dont need him around all the time.

Its the hardest thing in the world but it'll get better just not right away, it does need some time and strength. Good luck.

Best advice on here. Move on. Show him you have moved on. He wants what he cant have. Give him what he cant have..... Dont let him have you.... Should your paths cross again later in life.... See what happens but you need to remove that "Welcome" logo off your head first and regain some self respect....

Dizzyblonde

You seem to be at his mercy, he casts you aside then comes back over and over. How can you stand it? Call his bluff, tell him he's right that you need to split up and let him b*gger off. Normal boyfriends don't do this crap.

seamus

When he finishes with me, he says he needs space from me to see if he really misses me.

This is manspeak for, "I'm not entirely sure if I actually love you or not, I may need to go shag someone else just to find out.".
That's not to say that he will go off and shag someone else, but he probably likes the idea.

Look, the guy clearly has problems. He doesn't want to be in a relationship at all. You are clearly a complete sucker because you let him get away with this without calling him up on it.

Give yourself an ultimatum. Decide that you're sick of it and tell him where to go if he tries to contact you. Or decide that if he pulls this again, you're gone. And tell him that. And stick to it.

LegacyUser

So, i did ring him on tue night,even though i said i wouldnt. but i did.
I think i just wanted to ring him one last time as i knew i would really have to muster up the strenght to give him the space he needed. So we chatted for an hour, just chit chat, talking for an hour in nothing new to us, we didnt mention anything about the breakup, and we chatted as if everything was fine, he still called me babe etc..
So then yesterday, i didnt contact him all day, which isnt unusual, as some days we wouldnt talk during the day but we do everynight. So last night i was in bed, reading, watching tv, doing everything to distract myself so i wouldnt ring him, Took a really long shower etc..
Then after 10 pm, he rang. Again we chatted again for an hour, like as if nothing was wrong. Still calling me babe, telling me how good i looked the last night we had been out and that he caught a few of the lads we were out with looking at my chest, (my top was lower than i thought), and i said i had caught one of them looking at my chest too, i was only laughing at it, and he was saying, he didnt really like it, cos my chest was for his eyes only etc.. so we chatted away again and that was it, no mention about the breakup. Now i'm thinking i will try to not contact him tonight and see if he will, but i know if he doesnt, then i will be very upset again.
I'm dying to txt him today, but i know i probably wont as i have alot to distract me here at work.but its tonight again, i will take my long shower again, read my book for as long as i can concentrate on it, and then try and concentrate on tv for a while until i drop off to sleep.
I havent told any of my family and am acting like everything is fine, as i know what their reaction will be, i have told none of my friends, even my best friend. We are asked to drinks for a friend during the weekend, and i really want him to come with me so i dont have to make excuses as to why he is not there.

LegacyUser

Tell him not to contact you again until he makes up his mind. I know it's hard because you seem crazy about him, but try to meet other lads, at least for friendship. Sometimes it's a question of self steem. Maybe what you are missing is not him, but the idea you have of of him.

I've heard that crap about the space before, it's hard but it's crap, space for what? meeting other girls? He's still checking his options. Don´t let him do that.

He may not be a bad person, but he's having a very inmature attitude, and he's messing with you. You seem a nice girl, and this normally happens to people who don´t deserve to be treated like that.

LegacyUser

Didnt talk to him or txt him atall yesterday and he didnt ring last night, It was a hard sleepless night. I am now up and feel like getting sick.
i dont know if i can make it through today with talking tor even just txting him. I just want to know what he is doing at the weekend.