Not sure if I can continue now....

LegacyUser

Story:
Seeing my BF a year, we are now living together. Both mad about each other, cant keep our hands off each other, as much now as at the start.

Went on holiday for the first time there recently. Out one night in a club, I was dancing, my BF was sitting minding my bag and chilling out. Into his line of vision came a really stunning girl, I mean a 10 out of 10. I noticed her and something in my gut didn't like it, but I continued on dancing and forgot about it.

A few minutes later, I spotted her approaching my BF, when she was right on top of him, I caught her by the arm and said "Hey, what are you doing?" and sent her back to the dance floor away from us, she looked utterly shocked when she realised this fella was there with me. As she was nearly on top of him and my BF saw what I was doing he dropped his head and looked guilty and ashamed. I knew in my heart of hearts at that time he had obviously been smiling, flirting and encouraging her. He had actually forgotton I was there.

At the time I let myself believe that she had just approached him and he had done nothing wrong. I forgot about it -although I was not best pleased as you can imagine.
Anyway the last night of the holiday it came up again. I put it to him that it takes two to tango and I knew he had been flirting with and encouraging her, he admitted it.

My world fell apart that moment. I was literally poleaxed with grief. I dont know how I got through the last day and night of the holiday but somehow I did.

After he admitted to me that he had been trying to pull someone (right in front of me) I could hardly speak. I wanted to break it off with him, I was weak and in shock, he looked the same but is not the same person I loved. Something died in me that minute.

He begged and cried so much and was in such a terrible state he didn't sleep for 48 hours and could not eat. He wouldn't leave me alone, he begged me to forgive him and try again.

I said no, I couldn't live that way, always looking over my shoulder, never being able to trust him. Having to police him and supervise him when we are out. He cried so much and says he will "change" ....eventually I agreed to try again as I just could not bear the crying and begging any more.

We are home now, he has been all over me, I do believe he loves me. He knows what he did was wrong and says he was just flattered by her. Although on the surface I am playing a game that everything is going to be ok, I just dont know if I can come back from this.

I feel like the way he used to make me feel so special was just nothing, I know thats stupid and over dramatic but I cant get rid of the feeling. As shallow as it sounds also my boyfriend would be an 8 or 9 out of 10 looks wise and I would be maybe a 7 on a good day, will I always be feeling he is secretly on the lookout to upgrade....do looks matter so much if you love someone....

I am really confused if I am doing the right thing giving him another chance. Can a relationship ever recover from something like this.

jessbeth

I understand how hurtful a thing like this can be. I'm curious to know what you meant when you said that she was on top of him. Did she kiss him or something? Otherwise I would think it's normal for a guy to get a little caught up in the moment of being chatting up by a really good looking girl and personally as long as nothing happened then I would just get on with things. It seems like you might be running yourself down a little too. If he says that he loves you, then believe him and have enough faith in yourself to know that you're worth it and why should he wanting to upgrade when he has you. If he does make a habit out of it, dump him and consider yourself lucky to be rid of someone not worth your time. I would think that due to his reaction he just made a mistake which is only human and that he does really love you. Best of luck.

Karen_*

He was trying to pull 'someone' or just that girl?

Bloody hell! all men look but trying to pull someone in front of you is a different matter!

LegacyUser

Time is a healer, it really is. Your Bf has broken some amount of trust and it will take time to rebuild that, and you CAN rebuild it. But if you're BF loves you he has probably learned his lession. It was probably a big wake up call to him that you were ready to leave and it is probably what he needed to know that a moments pleasure might wipe away the most important person in his life. We all test the bounderies of a realtionship.
I think the major thing is for you to try and get over this yourself and start loving each other. But remember in the future there is no harm at looking at the menu.
Tell me, before this- do you and him truelly see each other being together forever??

Macha

jessbeth wrote: »

Otherwise I would think it's normal for a guy to get a little caught up in the moment of being chatting up by a really good looking girl...

The fact that he is male is nothing to do with it. It really is time to stop allowing men to blame their behaviour on their hormones. It is just as easy for a woman to behave the same way.

But I agree with you that the OP should see if he makes a habit out of it. I caught my boyfriend literally drooling & mentally undressing another girl in a club one night. I made it clear I wouldn't put up with that sort of nonsense when I was with him & he has never done it since.

Sometimes men do things because they think they can get away with it or that its somehow "acceptable" just because they're men. OP, you need to nip this sort of behaviour in the bud. But I don't think its a dumping offense. Then again, I wasn't there.

jessbeth

Karen_* wrote: »

He was trying to pull 'someone' or just that girl?

Bloody hell! all men look but trying to pull someone in front of you is a different matter!

So you mean he was trying to kiss her, yeah well if you feel that bad about it and doubt that you can trust him again, I would suggest that it's better feel then pain now and get rid of him rather then being worried about every single time he's out. Be sure though that it wasn't just a really stupid one off thing where he got caught up in the heat of the moment. I think if he is going to be a hardcore cheating asshole he would never be this upset by it!

unhappycamper

When a guy gets female attention it can seem as if he wants to be with that person by the way he looks at her, but even so, he loves you. Sounds to me like you are over reacting and perhaps even taking your own insecurities out on him. I know what he was up to was wrong but he didn't act on it did he? He nearly did and perhaps he has learned from this experience that you are not going to take messing about. Give him a hug and forget about it, most men I know who are in relationships go in and out of phases where they look at other people, big deal. With so much talent out there it is hard not to wag your tongue from time to time. Since when did love mean you can't look at other people and have the odd flirt and smile? If he broke the boundary I wound be with you all the way but he didn't. Looks don't mean anything by the way when a guy has found his sweet heart. People can become more attractive without having outstanding physical stereotypical attributes.

Clare Bear

He's going to flirt, he's going to admire good looking girls. That part you have to live with. What you don't have to live with however is if he goes any further than that. What exactly did you actually catch them doing? Was he touching her?

GuttedGirl

GuttedGirl wrote:

I feel like the way he used to make me feel so special was just nothing, I know thats stupid and over dramatic but I cant get rid of the feeling. As shallow as it sounds also my boyfriend would be an 8 or 9 out of 10 looks wise and I would be maybe a 7 on a good day, will I always be feeling he is secretly on the lookout to upgrade....do looks matter so much if you love someone....

While flirting with someone else in front of their partner is obviously disrespectful I can't help but wonder if this is a major part of the issue

In any case I'm a little confused on how you meant "trying to pull her" - if it was just a little flirting or on the verge of sticking his tongue down her throat
My gut reaction is that you're overreacting and taking things out on him - but that depends on the answer to the above

Karen_*

The OP is taking her insecurities out on her boyfriend Happycamper? Now I really have heard it all. He didn't just glance at the girl you know and send her on her way.

The OP has done nothing wrong. This isn't the OP's fault nor is it her issue. She is dealing with something that was entirely out of her control and should not now have to temper her OWN behaviour. And she could be the most insecure person in the whole world which still hasn't been criminalised by the way but this still isn't her issue. Its her boyfriends.

LegacyUser

They didn't kiss no, but if I hadn't been there I think it would have went that way. I said to him if I hadn't have been there what would have happened and he admitted they would have...

When I say she was on top of him, she was about to sit on his knee....her arms were outstretched.
I am really torn, on the one hand like every girl I've also been that girl dancing innocently, then maybe getting someone red hot eye contact and smiles only to discover there is some disgruntled gf in the background so I dont blame her. She did nothing wrong.

Ive also been in his shoes where I notice someone I cant take my eye off (but not since Ive been in this relationship) I got eyed up a good bit on the beach but I just turned my face away, why couldnt he do the same.....

I do believe it was a once off and he loves me but it is really, really hard to feel the same as I did before, I know he made a human mistake, but still, my heart is breaking, will the pain go away, can we get back to where we were?

Gyalist

Your boyfriend is an idiot. Not for the reasons that you may think, but for apologising for something that he hasn't done. If you were my girlfriend you would have been dumped so fast for that drama queen behaviour.

omb0wyn5ehpij9

Karen_* wrote: »

The OP is taking her insecurities out on her boyfriend Happycamper? Now I really have heard it all. He didn't just glance at the girl you know and send her on her way.

The OP has done nothing wrong. This isn't the OP's fault nor is it her issue. She is dealing with something that was entirely out of her control and should not now have to temper her OWN behaviour. And she could be the most insecure person in the whole world which still hasn't been criminalised by the way but this still isn't her issue. Its her boyfriends.

Totally agree. Im really shocked that people are suggesting that this is due to her insecurites!

RyanAsh

I would say not to worry. Guys will always be delighted when a girl flirts with them. too often its them who has to do all the hard work so its a nice change. And many of us ladies would probably do similiarly. Im sure if you were out and sitting on your own and some hot guy started smiling away at ya you'd smile back, its flattering and harmless. What was he supposed to do, give her a dirty look? You wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of that. By the sounds of his reaction he truly doesn't want to lose you over the whole thing so id say lay down the law, of course hes allowed to look but no "come to bed' eyes or the likes! Trust is one of the hardest things to gain in a relationship and a year isn't that long so its always best to talk about these things and trust will come. Whatever you do dont let it all build up coz suddenly a molehill becomes a mountain and you'll regret it...

delly

GuttedGirl wrote: »

After he admitted to me that he had been trying to pull someone (right in front of me) I could hardly speak.

Hi, I'm just curious to know if he actually said to you that he was trying to pull someone, or weather this is your interpretation of events once he admitted that he was flirting with this girl?

SnowMonkey

Hot girl walks over to taken guy two things go through his head

1 I aint got nothing to loose.
2 its only flirting.
3 penis take over, over thaught...


the fact is any man is not going to turn a 10 down to even talk to him because most of the time where to affraid to talk to them ironicly... that's just the way it is.... #

personally i think you should sit im down and say you do that agian and il make you a unique. more or less....

Karen_*

Bryn wrote: »

Totally agree. Im really shocked that people are suggesting that this is due to her insecurites!

He admitted he was not only looking at another girl, he was trying to pull her. With this adored girlfriend in the room who was then poleaxed by grief - and who would blame her.

But of course its somehow her fault. Because noone limited to this forum would actually mind their girfriend, boyfriend, husband or wife trying to pull someone else. If they did then it would be projecting their insecurities. Shocking. Give your partner a huge big hug and apologise for being a basket case. Perhaps even organise a threesome to cheer them up.

Karen_*

Karen_* wrote: »

The OP is taking her insecurities out on her boyfriend Happycamper? Now I really have heard it all. He didn't just glance at the girl you know and send her on her way.

The OP has done nothing wrong. This isn't the OP's fault nor is it her issue. She is dealing with something that was entirely out of her control and should not now have to temper her OWN behaviour. And she could be the most insecure person in the whole world which still hasn't been criminalised by the way but this still isn't her issue. Its her boyfriends.

Tbh karen it's a little vague (imo) what did actually happen - she said she "knew he had been obviously been --etc " which may be a different story to what she actually saw and thought must have happened. Not to mention he may just admit to whatever and apologise just to stop her being mad

We should probably wait for the OP to give more details

that said I will second taconnol's reply as well

p.s. what do you mean "not her issue"? Ofc it's her issue...

jessbeth

GuttedGirl wrote: »

They didn't kiss no, but if I hadn't been there I think it would have went that way. I said to him if I hadn't have been there what would have happened and he admitted they would have...

When I say she was on top of him, she was about to sit on his knee....her arms were outstretched.
I am really torn, on the one hand like every girl I've also been that girl dancing innocently, then maybe getting someone red hot eye contact and smiles only to discover there is some disgruntled gf in the background so I dont blame her. She did nothing wrong.

Ive also been in his shoes where I notice someone I cant take my eye off (but not since Ive been in this relationship) I got eyed up a good bit on the beach but I just turned my face away, why couldnt he do the same.....

I do believe it was a once off and he loves me but it is really, really hard to feel the same as I did before, I know he made a human mistake, but still, my heart is breaking, will the pain go away, can we get back to where we were?

I really believe that if you are really destined to be together things will work out. It will feel less painful in a few days and much less as the weeks go by. There's always these kinds of bumps in relationships and sometimes they are a good wake up call. After hearing about how upset the guy was I bet he will never do it again. Your hurt will ease too and you will get the trust back. I hope you feel better soon.

omb0wyn5ehpij9

SnowMonkey wrote: »

the fact is any man is not going to turn a 10 down to even talk to him because most of the time where to affraid to talk to them ironicly... that's just the way it is.... #

And you can speak for any man?

If i was in the OP's boyfriends position i wouldnt have acted how he did. Yes i would be flattered that this girl came over to me, but I would tell the girl that I had a girlfriend who I was happy with.

beth-lou

Since when is ok to try and snog someone other than your other half, when they are in the room, or out of the room for that matter?
Did I miss something?
Am I getting old.

Your boyfriend was out of order. Trying to kiss someone else when you are living with someone is a big no-no and doesn't bode well for the future of the relationship.

To the people who are blaming the op: Would you be ok with your girlfriend snogging another bloke while you were watching? If the answer is no, I suggest you apologise to the op.

SnowMonkey

Bryn wrote: »

And you can speak for any man?

If i was in the OP's boyfriends position i wouldnt have acted how he did. Yes i would be flattered that this girl came over to me, but I would tell the girl that I had a girlfriend who I was happy with.

No I can't. i see where your coming form too i wiull point out..

flatere the a 10 girl walked up to you and came on to you ..... you'd be gobsmacked.... I know i would be. but granted lets lay a couple of things down here. one alchahol was at the scene to mixture of lust drunkness etc all these things have to be takin into consideration.

and its quite easy to say yes if i had been there i would of morally said that and thats all well and good. but she's out dancing he on his own board probably hateing every minite of it, and all orf a sudden there a hot chick in his mist that kind of behavour could be accounted as resentment, at that stage for his gf....

But then again I can't truley say because it was me but i can speculate...

LegacyUser

Your b/f was dead right to talk to that other girl.

Afterall, he is a free agent in this life and is entitled to talk
to whoever he wants. Just as U are !!!

I think U are making a mountain out of a mole hill and trying
to pussy whip the guy. He obviously likes U and is very sorry
for having offended a little princess such as yourself.

If U were my g/f - I would already be helping U to pack your bags.

LegacyUser

delly wrote: »

Hi, I'm just curious to know if he actually said to you that he was trying to pull someone, or weather this is your interpretation of events once he admitted that he was flirting with this girl?

Ehm, good question, he didn't set out to "pull someone" but somehow he got caught up in that moment and just sort of lost the run of himself. He says he doesn't know what he was at but whatever it was it was wrong (his words) He is not pu$$y whipped by me by any means so its not as if I put the words in his mouth. Seems he just sort of fell into some sort of trance and didn't know what he was doing. When I interrupted it, I could see by both their reactions I had broken some sort of hypnotic spell between them.
It was horrible. They were entranced by each other.
Thats all I can picture now in my mind.

unhappycamper

Karen_* wrote: »

The OP is taking her insecurities out on her boyfriend Happycamper? Now I really have heard it all. He didn't just glance at the girl you know and send her on her way.

The OP has done nothing wrong. This isn't the OP's fault nor is it her issue. She is dealing with something that was entirely out of her control and should not now have to temper her OWN behaviour. And she could be the most insecure person in the whole world which still hasn't been criminalised by the way but this still isn't her issue. Its her boyfriends.

Okay point taken, OP did nothing wrong I accept that, but what exactly did he do OP?

Karen_*

bluewolf wrote: »

Tbh karen it's a little vague (imo) what did actually happen - she said she "knew he had been obviously been --etc " which may be a different story to what she actually saw and thought must have happened. Not to mention he may just admit to whatever and apologise just to stop her being mad

We should probably wait for the OP to give more details

that said I will second taconnol's reply as well

p.s. what do you mean "not her issue"? Ofc it's her issue...

It looked like he was trying to pull the girl. He said he was trying to pull the girl. So what would you say he was doing? I took a wild guess and said he was trying to pull her.

Her boyfriends behaviour is nothing to do with her being insecure therefore it is not her issue. He's the one with the 'issue'. The issue to my mind is that he is not in control of himself. All men look. So do women. And then they are faced with a choice, whether to act or not to act. He acted.

The Op could be insecure, maybe she is and maybe she isn't and there is nothing to suggest that she is. A human response to a very hurtful event doesn't tell us anything about the OP other than she is human.

What is off the wall is people actually trying to suggest that this is somehow her fault, her imagination, her overreacting. I wonder does anyone actually think how they'd feel in the situation. And if they do and they really wouldn't mind their OH behaving like that then they are the exception and not the rule.

beth-lou

SnowMonkey wrote: »

No I can't. i see where your coming form too i wiull point out..

flatere the a 10 girl walked up to you and came on to you ..... you'd be gobsmacked.... I know i would be. but granted lets lay a couple of things down here. one alchahol was at the scene to mixture of lust drunkness etc all these things have to be takin into consideration.

and its quite easy to say yes if i had been there i would of morally said that and thats all well and good. but she's out dancing he on his own board probably hateing every minite of it, and all orf a sudden there a hot chick in his mist that kind of behavour could be accounted as resentment, at that stage for his gf....

But then again I can't truley say because it was me but i can speculate...

Well there are all types of people in this world. I guess the OP is trying to find out what type she has landed herself with.
1. A person that will go for it and use the excuse that she was a 10, or he was drunk, or she was all over me, I couldn't stop her blah, blah, blah. (there will always be
10's by the way, so is that game on, so long as it's a 10?)
2. A person that has the respect for the girl he loves not to hurt her in that way, because
as flattered as he may be, he loves her more than his need to satisfy his ego, and
besides he knows what's more important.

We'd all like to end up with number 2. Nobody wants to get hurt and that is why this poor girl is on here looking for advice. Maybe he made a mistake. But for me, that lack of respect would set alarm bells ringing. Unless of course he is very young: ie a teenager with no sense.

Macha

TBH honest SnowMonkey, I find your opinion of the way the male brain works pretty offensive and I'm not even male. At least give your fellow men the decency of not assuming that they all think with their d!cks. They're not all knuckle-dragging cavemen, despite your attempts to perpetuate this misconception.

omb0wyn5ehpij9

beth-lou wrote: »

Well there are all types of people in this world. I guess the OP is trying to find out what type she has landed herself with.
1. A person that will go for it and use the excuse that she was a 10, or he was drunk, or she was all over me, I couldn't stop her blah, blah, blah. (there will always be
10's by the way, so is that game on, so long as it's a 10?)
2. A person that has the respect for the girl he loves not to hurt her in that way, because
as flattered as he may be, he loves her more than his need to satisfy his ego, and
besides he knows what's more important.

We'd all like to end up with number 2. Nobody wants to get hurt and that is why this poor girl is on here looking for advice. Maybe he made a mistake. But for me, that lack of respect would set alarm bells ringing. Unless of course he is very young: ie a teenager with no sense.

Very good post, totally agree with you. I would consider myself the number 2 type of guy and i just dont understand how the OP's boyfriend could do what he did, especially in front of her

MagicMarker

GuttedGirl wrote: »

They didn't kiss no, but if I hadn't been there I think it would have went that way. I said to him if I hadn't have been there what would have happened and he admitted they would have.

Woah, before knowing the specifics i more than likely would have said you were over reacting...

But this is a complete deal breaker, the fact that he admitted this would happen when you were in the same room just highlights that this is a guy you cannot trust. If he's sly enough to do this when you're present then what would he do if you weren't there?

This would lead me to question what he's done in the past?

My advice would be to not fall for his ''begging'' and move on. He sounds very manipulative.

LegacyUser

Yes, what hurts the most is the fact that he totally lost control of himself right in front of me. I was just so shocked. There was drink taken and it had been a long day but this is the very same holiday where he told me he is "head over heels" in love with me and he wants to have kids with me and that I blow every other woman out of the water....yada yada....

Its funny reading the posts here because I swing myself between feeling "so what at the end of the day its trivial" and then "he would have done it if I hadn't stopped it, its bad news"

The people saying "its ok, he didn't do anything" -I know but he admits he would have if I had not stepped in....he was so upset with himself I dont know if he would have admitted to anything, I just dont know what to think....

Clare Bear

After reading that he said to you he would have kissed her if you hadn't stopped him then that's the deal breaker for me. Imagine what he has/would do if you weren't there?! Yes he's sorry now because he doesn't want to lose you but if he loves you as much as he says he does he wouldn't be tempted. That's when you know how much you love someone, when an incident like this happens and you can stop. I'm sorry you're upset OP and I know you love him but it's not something I personally would put up with. Not a chance.

SnowMonkey

taconnol wrote: »

TBH honest SnowMonkey, I find your opinion of the way the male brain works pretty offensive and I'm not even male. At least give your fellow men the decency of not assuming that they all think with their d!cks. They're not all knuckle-dragging cavemen, despite your attempts to perpetuate this misconception.

I find my self thinking with this....

Is that sooner or later men get desperate. its true theyle settle for anything... some times something comes a long and shakes them up and there is temptation.

the op sounds like a decent girl she really does but at the same time you gotta wonder....

she said this guys been crying he's not able to eat when she wanted to brake up with him, she gave him another chance because she wanted the nagging and genrall 12 year old behavour to stop its pretty pathetitc really.

granted Im slightly ott on the way the male brain thinks but I to am a male and stand there and druel over pretty women, could I talk to them at this very time doutfull ive got my own demons to burn, do I think with my D!ck? at time yes I have. Every man has, and many still do..

So if you think im trying to tan us all with the same colour im not im just pointing out fact.
women talknone fact.
men talk about the things that women dont want to hear...

LegacyUser

haa, this is brilliant. A question to the women here, do you think because your boyfriend is going out with you, he doesn't find other women attractive? Much more attractive than you?

Because he does and he can't help it. Get over it.

delly

GuttedGirl wrote: »

Ehm, good question, he didn't set out to "pull someone" but somehow he got caught up in that moment and just sort of lost the run of himself. He says he doesn't know what he was at but whatever it was it was wrong (his words) He is not pu$$y whipped by me by any means so its not as if I put the words in his mouth. Seems he just sort of fell into some sort of trance and didn't know what he was doing. When I interrupted it, I could see by both their reactions I had broken some sort of hypnotic spell between them.
It was horrible. They were entranced by each other.
Thats all I can picture now in my mind.

Well I think it was just as you said, he just wasn't thinking straight and got caught in the moment. I don't think he meant to be sly about it, and tbh I would believe him when he's says that he is sorry. In saying that tho' he did wrong, and its up to you to forgive and forget, or kick him to the kerb. I have known relationships that have survived having gone thru' worse, but that doesn't really mean anything here, as its what you feel happy about that matters.

LegacyUser

Uhhh, so really most people think I should listen to my gut and end things?

beth-lou

wow100 wrote: »

haa, this is brilliant. A question to the women here, do you think because your boyfriend is going out with you, he doesn't find other women attractive? Much more attractive than you?

Because he does and he can't help it. Get over it.

And where does anyone claim that they think otherwise.

The problem is not him looking. Us women like to look at the merchandise too believe me.

The question is this, is it ok to attempt to snog someone while your other half is in the room?

LegacyUser

wow100 wrote: »

haa, this is brilliant. A question to the women here, do you think because your boyfriend is going out with you, he doesn't find other women attractive? Much more attractive than you?

Because he does and he can't help it. Get over it.

No, no-one said that at any point. If you read the thread properly you will see that I mention more than once that it is human to find others attractive. I admit I do myself.
Whats good for the goose wow100 is good for the gander.

The issue here is far more nuanced than that, its ablout self control and respect for your partner not the fairly obvious and mundane fact that everyone likes to look at eye candy, thats men AND women.

My God, what did you think your silly little post would achieve here!? I guess you imagined all the women reading it would be cut to the quick at your....er....searing insight.....

Fail.

Zulu

Hang on a minute here. Can you just point out the facts please, I'm clearly getting a totally different picture to everyone else.

1) You and your boyfriend are on the dancefloor.
2) You see a hot bird making her way over to your bf.
3) You interupt her advance by a) grabbing her and b) pushing her away
4) You give out you your bf for making "singnals" at the girl in the first place
5) You were drinking

Forgive me here if I've ommtied any other facts, but it appears to me that you got jellous that a girl would find you bf attractive, nearly picked a fight with her (pushed her) and then had a go at your bf.

I dunno. I'd be suggesting you look at your own actions first. But I must be missing something here...

Gyalist

beth-lou wrote: »

The question is this, is it ok to attempt to snog someone while your other half is in the room?

People define the boundaries of their relationships differently. For some, kissing is not cheating. I wouldn't care if someone who I was with kissed someone else, in fact, I'd positively encourage it. But she'd be in doubt that she'd just given me carte blanche to do whatever I want.

togster

OP i can understand why your feeling the way you are feeling. I would never treat my girlfriend like that, no matter how messed up i would get. You are right to question his motives and his feelings for you. You need to decide if you can find a way back from this. Will it always be in the back of your mind? If so can you imagine living with it without it eating you up inside in situations similar to the one outlined above. Do you deserve better?

From the outside it looks petty, but i can understand why it bothers you. You need to decide if your relationship is worth it.

Clare Bear

wow100 wrote: »

haa, this is brilliant. A question to the women here, do you think because your boyfriend is going out with you, he doesn't find other women attractive? Much more attractive than you?

Because he does and he can't help it. Get over it.

Actually READ the thread before you decide to add your words of wisdom! :rolleyes:

SnowMonkey

GuttedGirl wrote: »

Uhhh, so really most people think I should listen to my gut and end things?

yeah, but then agian this is about you.......

what do you want ?

regardless of what every one has said, this thread is about you and how you feel you hold the card's not him its your happyness at stake...

You've shown him that you don't take sh1t and hes now walking around with his tail's between his leg the fact is what do you want...... and only you can answer that question we can all talk about it but its your life and your dession the counts

we wont feel your pain through your dession... all we can say is what we think....

as none of us truely know...

Wagon

GuttedGirl wrote: »

Yes, what hurts the most is the fact that he totally lost control of himself right in front of me. I was just so shocked. There was drink taken and it had been a long day but this is the very same holiday where he told me he is "head over heels" in love with me and he wants to have kids with me and that I blow every other woman out of the water....yada yada....

Its funny reading the posts here because I swing myself between feeling "so what at the end of the day its trivial" and then "he would have done it if I hadn't stopped it, its bad news"

The people saying "its ok, he didn't do anything" -I know but he admits he would have if I had not stepped in....he was so upset with himself I dont know if he would have admitted to anything, I just dont know what to think....

Yeah can't blame you for being hurt, I know I'd be (I'm a bloke by the way). There's something a little different here though about your bloke's reaction.
He admitted that he would have gotten off with her. That's pretty ****e. But on the other hand, he actually admitted it to you and was honest. Dunno if that counts for much these days/
Also, he seems genuinely sorry and absolutely in bits. Dunno if that counts for much either. Also there was drink involved, and we've all done stupid things on that (me included, numerous times ).

It's up to yourself though, if you think your going to be looking over your shoulder at him from now on and checking him then you may as well end it. It's not fair on him and definatley not fair on yourself. But if you might be able to forgive him then do. Good luck anyway.

Silverfish

Zulu wrote: »

Hang on a minute here. Can you just point out the facts please, I'm clearly getting a totally different picture to everyone else.

1) You and your boyfriend are on the dancefloor.
2) You see a hot bird making her way over to your bf.
3) You interupt her advance by a) grabbing her and b) pushing her away
4) You give out you your bf for making "singnals" at the girl in the first place
5) You were drinking

The OP was on the dancefloor, her bf was elsewhere sitting down.
The 'hot bird' was about to sit on her bf's lap.
She pulled the girl off her bf.


OP, that would be marching papers from me. But that's just me. After he'd admitted it would have gone further if you hadn't stopped it / seen it / been there, then I'd have been forever worrying about what he'd be up to when I'm not around.

Everyone has different defined boundaries in a relationship, its up to you to decide where yours are, be it flirting, kissing or sleeping with another person behind your back.
If you are in a relationship with someone who doesn't agree and have the same boundaries as you, then they aren't the right one for you.

Macha

Zulu wrote: »

Hang on a minute here. Can you just point out the facts please, I'm clearly getting a totally different picture to everyone else.

1) You and your boyfriend are on the dancefloor.
2) You see a hot bird making her way over to your bf.
3) You interupt her advance by a) grabbing her and b) pushing her away
4) You give out you your bf for making "singnals" at the girl in the first place
5) You were drinking

Forgive me here if I've ommtied any other facts, but it appears to me that you got jellous that a girl would find you bf attractive, nearly picked a fight with her (pushed her) and then had a go at your bf.

I dunno. I'd be suggesting you look at your own actions first. But I must be missing something here...

Well done on interpreting the facts in a very biased way. :rolleyes:

Her boyfriend admitted that if she hadn't been there, he probably would have kissed the other girl. Deal breaker, in my book.

MagicMarker

Zulu wrote: »

Hang on a minute here. Can you just point out the facts please, I'm clearly getting a totally different picture to everyone else.

1) You and your boyfriend are on the dancefloor.
2) You see a hot bird making her way over to your bf.
3) You interupt her advance by a) grabbing her and b) pushing her away
4) You give out you your bf for making "singnals" at the girl in the first place
5) You were drinking

Forgive me here if I've ommtied any other facts, but it appears to me that you got jellous that a girl would find you bf attractive, nearly picked a fight with her (pushed her) and then had a go at your bf.

I dunno. I'd be suggesting you look at your own actions first. But I must be missing something here...

The other fact being that her BF admitted he would have kissed her had she not interrupted.

beth-lou

GuttedGirl wrote: »

Uhhh, so really most people think I should listen to my gut and end things?

I think you have to do what you feel is best for you. Since this is the first time something like this has happened and you really love him, you could give him another chance and put it down to stupidity. No one here knows him like you do, so effectively we can only say if we think what happened was appropriate behaviour or out of order. That is all we can offer, and not everyone agrees. You have to make that decision yourself. But if you can't get over it, then maybe it would be best because you will only end up bickering and paranoid and very unhappy.

I had a friend in a similar situation to you. She came to her decision over time and it was the right decision, made at the right time, and due to continuing behaviour. Maybe you should ask your friends for advice. They know you both better and will be better able to advise you as to his character. This was the clincher for my friend and she with her OH for 10 years and when she started to ask questions, all sorts came out in the wash. This may not be the case here, so maybe give it time. But defo ask your friends.

Best of luck. x

Sumire

If this was me I would end the relationship, mostly because he admitted he would of kissed her if you weren't there.
If he goes out with his friends next week how can you be sure he doesn't get 'entranced' by another girl while you're not there to stop him? I personally wouldn't like to be at home not being totally sure I can trust my boyfriend.
I am with my boyfriend just over a year & living together too and at the start I found trusting him very hard due to problems I'd had with people before, but now I trust him 100%, not because he begged or cried or promised he wouldn't do anything but because he is honest & treats me with respect.

LegacyUser

1) You and your boyfriend are on the dancefloor.

False, me on the dancefloor, BF sitting on stage thingy nearby.

2) You see a hot bird making her way over to your bf.

Correct, after seeing hot bird putting on lapdancing, grinding and writhing style show feet away from him. Him looking, lusting and wanting. Me trying to ignore, BF admits later eye contact, smiling and flirting.

3) You interupt her advance by a) grabbing her and b) pushing her away

False. I interrupt her advance by catching her by the arm in "come on Eileen" stylee and 365-ing her back to where she came from, done with humour girl to girl, no voilence involved. There was no grabbing or pushing.

4) You give out you your bf for making "singnals" at the girl in the first place

False. On the night nothing said. Discussion took place days later when I asked him about what happened. He admits all without undue duress, sorry to disappoint Zulu, he sang like a canary without any interrogation.

5) You were drinking

Yes.

fallout_girl

OP, what crap situation to be in

however, he did admit to you what could have happened and he seems truly sorry. I am usually not one for forgive and forget, BUT:
this has been as much a shock for you as it might have been for him. Often people don't know what they're capable off until a particular situation hits thm.

He knows how he potentially might have been able to cheat on you and that seemed to have deeply shocked him. I am inclined to think he will watch his own behaviour now more than ever so if you can manage to trust him again, he might be more trustworthy than most other blokes that keep claiming "i'd never cheat"...