Proposing

Revan

Hi

Going to be popping the question in near future and am doing a bit of research on the whole process now.

I have the romantic location sorted, but it's the ring that confuses me.
While I have been assured that my taste in jewellery is good, I'm not sure I want to risk shelling out megabucks on a ring that she might not like.

Is the ring an absolute must for the actual proposal?

What happens if she doesn't like it/says no?

Also I presume she can get it resized if she needs to or do I actually need her there with me when buying to try it on?

Noopti

My advice would be, if you are unsure about the ring just get a substitute for the actual proposal, and then she can choose a ring she likes.

Ginger

When I proposed, I got a ring for her.

The nice people in the shop said she could always bring it back and change it for a different one and they would refund the difference or you could add to it. Also they would resize for free as well.. Was also one of the reasons I went for a local jeweller rather than abroad.

That put my mind at ease big time.

Whether the ring is a must depends on the lady in question. My girlfriend said she would love it to be a surprise and for me to give her the ring. So I did

Easiest thing is as well, if she has rings that she wears on her ring finger, grab a sneaky and fit it your finger for a size or if she doesnt wear it often, get it sized so you know. This is really handy if she has smaller or larger fingers.

Most women will like/love the fact that you got them a ring. Have you discussed this with her?

Revan

Had a state-of-union type conversation a few weeks ago and marriage came up. Not worried about her saying no to be honest. Just want to do it right!

Was going to go local and sets my mind at ease that they are pretty accomodating about this kind of thing. Strikes me now that I'm probably not the first poor sod to come across this 'problem'.

Will pop into jewellers on way home today. Had thought about asking about returns policy before, but thought that would be too cheeky!

Ginger

Most of them will tell you, if not ask about it

Being honest, I was as nervous as hell going in to look...

Revan

Did a bit more research last night.

Went to two jewellers on way home. This is going to either much easier or much more complicated than I thought!

First guy was there for the hard sell....almost didn't get out of the shop. Second crew were quite pretentious but I suppose they know nothing about me and I could be in to drop €€€s. Going to need to find a decent place

The whole 4 C's thing is going to take some thought but am sure can reach a good compromise within my price bracket. Strikes me though that Caret is probably the most obvious characteristic to the naked eye. Also thought some of the settings were very generic and bulky looking.

I can just see myself being THAT customer that makes the shop assistants groan when they see me coming into the store for the thirtieth time!

What's the general verdict on the 4 C's? Should I go 1 Caret but lower quality (SI1) or an 80 pointer with a higher clarity?

beaushalloe

i see you've done some groundwork already and only you know how your gf would react , but from a girls point of view some women have been dreaming of their 'ideal' ring since they were little. it can be a wary route to go if you bought her the ring, are your tastes similar? even if it is this is somthing that she will have to look at on her finger for the rest of her life. (and rings can look 'right' or 'wrong' when they are actually on the finger)

i know the op has suggested sorting a returns policy but would your girlfriend feel comfortable bringing somthing back that you had obviouly but time and consideration into buying? would she be embarressed if the new one she chose was more/less expensive?

it can be lovely to make a weekend of it by asking her on the night and the following morning maybe drive to whatever city to go ring shopping together.

bensoneb

I agree wholeheartedly. Even though we might think we know what we want, we really don't know until we start to try different rings on.

It is a fantastic occasion to shop for a ring together and it draws out the celebration for as long as you want it.

rescue26

From a girl's point of view, my boyfriend has great taste in jewellery as well but I would be still wary of him picking a ring I have to wear for the rest of my life. If it was me, I would prefer if he had a subsitute and proposed with that and then the 2 of us go pick it out together. That way everyone is happy. If it was me and I didnt like the ring he got, I still wouldnt be very happy to exchange it because that was the original ring he proposed with. But that just my opinion.

Revan

Hmm....some good points there.

When you say substitute, what do you mean? Just a cheap silver band that I pick up?

Have to admit after looking at them and having a bit of a think, I'm not at all sure what to get. The whole 4 C's thing is easy cos it comes down to cost in the end. I find the actual setting more difficult to select and it's hard to visualize what the ring would look like on her finger.

Going on holiday in a week and was thinking about proposing then. Suppose I could sort out a substitute before then and go ring shopping when we come back. Actually, as I think about it I'm starting to warm to the idea of involving her in the selection process!

wardle

i used a substitute (cheapo €19 M&S 'diamond' ring) for the actual proposal - this is now much cherished!

the decision on the ring was too big to make on my own - she's going to have this ring for the rest of her life and i didn't want it to even be 1% wrong.

we got our ring here which i would wholeheartedly recommend.

sillysocks

I think having a substitute is a great idea, especially if you're not sure what she wants. Before I got engaged I thought I knew what I wanted but when I tried rings on that didn't suit me at all!

My fiancee didn't have the ring when he proposed and it was such an exciting time going to pick the ring together then - I'm glad I didn't miss out on that!

smelltheglove

Personally if she is not expecting it get a stand in and let her choose. I say this as I knew we were getting engaged, I was pregnant we had spoken about it etc and we went together for the ring. I chose it myself and ever since I have so many people complimenting his taste. Girls at tills etc ask about it when they see it, and you're prob thinking it cost a bomb if so many people ask abut it well it didnt, it was around 1400 and then I knew the girl also from school and she gave him a discount so it was about 1100 then.

Sainttoff

Just by a subsitute ring, this is what I did. She now where's both rings and the engagement ring is based on the subsitute ring i bought!

Would of never picked the main ring out myself!

swimmingly

Good for you for doing your homework. I'm glad to hear that the jewellers are supporting your cause. It really does depend on the lucky gal.

My husband's Irish but I'm a non-national. I knew he was going to ask before the end of my stay here, but didn't know when. I made it clear to him that since he wouldn't be accompanying me back to my country, while I didn't need a ring, it would be really useful when it came to planning the wedding (at the time I lived in a snooty area where you couldn't get any bridal help without some semblance of a rock ).

Chitchat here around the office is that one bride didn't get her engagement ring until after she got married! One site that would provide a good sample of attitudes and manners of proposals (and jewellers!) is www.confetti.ie. The Real Weddings section has everything from soup to nuts about the couple. Might give you some ideas, though it sounds like you have loads already!

Best of luck!

NicheG

Sainttoff wrote: »

Just by a subsitute ring, this is what I did. She now where's both rings and the engagement ring is based on the subsitute ring i bought!

Would of never picked the main ring out myself!

I'm in the same situation, where I'm travelling abroad with my gf for a week to the U.S before Christmas and am planning on popping the question while over there.
Where should I go (in Dublin) to get a substitute ring and how much should I spend on it (on the presumption that I will have the option to return it?)??

Sainttoff

The subsitute ring was about 120-200 say, got one in fields in liffey valley. I never bought it with the intent of her bringing back to the shop but i did keep the receipt in case she didnt like it and wanted a different one!! Also the size of the finger was the reason for keeping reciept!

The value of it isnt everything, so spend what you can afford and dont go over board!

NicheG

Thanks for that.

taztastic

Perhaps I'm behind the times on this one but my now fiancee dropped to his knee in a field surprising both of us and popped the question. After feeling a bit ill and having a little cry I was so delighted to say yes that nothing he gave me at that point would have even registered.

Though many would just argue I'm easily pleased.