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LegacyUser

Going exreg for this one, my brother died fairly recently, he was the father of a little girl. The mother is not what I would regard as a nice person, who shortly after my brother had died ended up getting herself pregnant. She was with my bro (i.e. in a relationship) when he died and soon after he was buried was going around so out of her head on drink that she was sleeping around with whoever. Now I dont care for this person she is the lowest of low, but I am in a situation where I must make a decision. Do I take over where he left with his daugher or do I leave them, she has basically burned any bridges as regards my family through getting pregnant so soon after our loss. I personally think I was chosen by him at the time to forfil this purpose, but because of what she has done find it very hard to even think of making contact, she has basically pi$$ed on his grave by doing what she did, so soon ( a couple of months ) after his sudden death.

I'M DESPARATE TO KNOW WHAT TO DO. I miss him so much right now.

Nevyn

People do strange things when they are greifing and can go off the rails.
Loosing your partner and father of your child could have temparily unhinged her
to the point she was trying to forget and blot out the pain with drinking and bed hopping.
People do all sorts of strange things when faced with death and loss.

It could well be that she did not delibratly plan on getting pregnant that is just happened and after a death she choose to give birth to a new life. I really do no think she went out and got pregant to spite your family.

Now, you can not take over your bother's role with his daughter, you cant' you are not him and you are not her father, end of. Why or how do you think you were choosen
to full his purpose in relation to your niece ?

You can choose to be in her life as her uncle, her father's brother and be there for her.
She must be going through a lot, her Dad dies, her Mam goes off the rails and now there is or is to be a new baby in her family.

Certialy you don't seem to be coping well with what has happened, what makes you think that you will be more of a help then a hinderence to her and her mother ?

Why do you want to restablish contact with your niece ?

Death esp sudden death of a family member who is still 'young' can be hard to take and nearly impossible to figure out and be at peace with. What help and support do you have atm ?

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

I think you'll regret it for your Niece's sake if you don't try and make contact if only to keep an eye on things.

It does sound, as Thaedydthyl(sp!?) is right in that this is a termporary reaction (was she like this before he died?)

If you do, however, make it plain that you are there to HELP and NOT to challenge the mother for the girl's attention. The last thing you want to do is to be mistaken as a threat and push her further off the rails.

Good luck, and sorry for your loss.

Overheal

Ikky Poo2 wrote: »

It does sound, as Thaedydthyl(sp!?) is right in that this is a termporary reaction (was she like this before he died?)

Think Lady Death backwards... but Thaed.

As Thaed and Ikky have both said you can't be the father she no longer has. And you cannot be an obstacle to the Mother. If she doesn't want your help there's not much you can do about it.

How old is the daughter?

Anti

OP

I know how you feel, i really do. I lost my sister a few years ago and her "partner" of the time did the very same thing. When confronted he used the usual " oh im lonely, afraid "

That **** dont wash with me to be honest.

You can never be a step in to be honest, or what ever you want to call it. Yeah, she has pi$$ed on his grave, but what can you do? you have no legitimet right to "step in" or take control so to speak.

OP the first thing you should do is moarn the loss of your brother, console your family as im sure this is a huge loss. Be strong for them first... but dont forget yourself.

I'm not sure what else to say tbh.

But one thing i will say is keep your chin up. It can only get better !

LegacyUser

I have thought about everything but his friends have told me she was doing this while he was still alive. Maybe the reason he's dead for all I know... So I dont buy the "going off the rails" thing at all. Meerly an excuse now, and down right disrespectful to someone no matter what gender they are. There's a moral obligation here somewhere. She was all over him at the wake no one could get near, not even my parents. Suffering from guilt if you ask.

Thaedydal I guess "take over" was the wrong words, from having my own children (3) I know that I could never be a replacement for him.. I mean be there for her 24/7 etc. I feel guilty that i'm allowing her to call the shots, I know if the situation was reversed, my bro would be there for my kids and in my wife's face if she was doing this.