National pipeline postal system

towel401

Just reading the post code threads but I think that is such a half-measure, they won't do anything for us. What we really need is a pipeline system

Dig out a network of piplelines through the whole country (juicy places like Dublin first) about 1M diameter that goes under every house in the country to deliver all your post, online shoppings and the like in a capsule that is either pushed forward by compressors or has its own electric motors.

All new apartments would be fitted with a collection room that only one person can enter at a time for privacy reasons. In the start they can do some deal with property developers giving new apartments exclusive access for a year or so.

Ordinary houses could have a port in the floor that you open up to take the stuff out of the capsule and then it moves on again. but really we need not worry about ordinary houses as they will be deemed obsolete in 2012 and don't have any part in the modern overpopulated world.

Addresses will be in the form of randomly generated IPv6 addresses with an additional 128-bit checksum plus two passwords. A person would have to click accept on a web-form or authorise someone to send them mail before it would get sent.

People sharing a collection room will have to use an ID card + 2 biometric checks + a 12 digit pin to enter the collection room. the hallways and elevator leading to it can only be used by one person at a time so nobody knows who has been there.

It would be great because you would never have to leave the house to get stuff again.

The roads would be nearly empty so people like me can drive on them for the craic

You will never have to deal with people when buying stuff that fits in the capsule.

The greenies would be happy with all the post & courier vans off the road. the capsules could be powered by 'green energy' although energy itself doesn't really have a colour.

Stuff from ebay and online eTailers could arrive in a matter of minutes.

You could live your whole life without having to leave your apartment if you work from home. its what everybody wants. Sure the tunnels would cost a few billion to dig but it will pay off within a few months of the system going into service.

towel401

micmclo wrote: »

I've no idea what this means, we don't all study IT. Nerrrrrrrrrrd! :P



Read your post again. It's a national system but are international locations

basically your address would be 64 characters long (i think) + passwords.

if you buy from an irish ebayer or etailer it should arrive in a few minutes. and there is no reason you couldn't expand it to our friendly european neighbours.

edit: i like the way it looks like i replied to something that doesn't exist

garydubh

Great idea - would be great to support anti-obesity also as if you wanted to get to hospital you would have to fit into one of your pipelines!!

Just make sure they are waterprooof against flooding - otherwise others will be floating other outrageous ideas through them also.

It would have to be set up under a PPP - a Postal Pipeline Partnership!!!!

Would "www" then mean "worldwide wavin web" or "worldwide water web"

Jimbo

It's a little early to be drinking

ewj1978

WAY! too much time on this ones hands...

Ass

jimbo78 wrote: »

It's a little early to be drinking

Don't be silly.

thebman

What do you do when something gets stuck half way through the tube and blocks the system for half the country?

What size are the pipes for max delivery size (ie. your not going to remove any vans from the roads)?

What is the cost of roll out and maintenance of the pipeline and who is in charge of it?

Last point I'd like to make is this idea is sh*t.

garydubh

jimbo78 wrote: »

It's a little early to be drinking

Unless the Post Code of what you are drinking is
"JG8 1759"

towel401

brim4brim wrote: »

What do you do when something gets stuck half way through the tube and blocks the system for half the country?

Pay some polish lad to unblock it

What size are the pipes for max delivery size (ie. your not going to remove any vans from the roads)?

1M pipes filled with slightly narrower capsules should be enough to hold most parcels and even most IKEA furniture

What is the cost of roll out and maintenance of the pipeline and who is in charge of it?

The National Pipeline Authority of Ireland, or the PPP someone mentioned. It would cost around the same as an underground rail system. when the gas fields are empty a few of the old gas lines can be widened or re-used.

Last point I'd like to make is this idea is sh*t.

thats the whole point!

brundle

Ive a better idea, It would involve a huge network of vans, trains planes covering every address in the world. It would deliver most size parcels to your house within 1 - 2 days of ordering.
Ah it would never work.

garydubh

brundle wrote: »

Ive a better idea, It would involve a huge network of vans, trains planes covering every address in the world. It would deliver most size parcels to your house within 1 - 2 days of ordering.
Ah it would never work.

You're some Gourier! oooUPS sorry!

brianthebard

Welcome to the future-straight from the 1950s!!

jimbo78 wrote: »

It's a little early to be drinking

I lolz.

EamonnKeane

How about instead of buying food in shops, there would be a huge conveyor belt carrying food in little plastic boxes into every home in the country (a la Yo!Sushi)?

brundle

garydubh wrote: »

You're some Gourier! oooUPS sorry!

Adamcp898

Yore ma could get around quickly then :pac:

towel401

EamonnKeane wrote: »

How about instead of buying food in shops, there would be a huge conveyor belt carrying food in little plastic boxes into every home in the country (a la Yo!Sushi)?

great idea!

Seth Brundle

Imagine the craic of sitting inside a capsule and tearing across the country

AlmightyCushion

Teleportation would work a lot better.

thebman

AlmightyCushion wrote: »

Teleportation would work a lot better.

I agree but suggest a compromise.

We should introduce post codes until teleportation is perfected.

We can then use the post codes as a dialing system just like Stargate. Soon you can walk into a puddle of water and arrive at your destination!

garydubh

brim4brim wrote: »

I agree but suggest a compromise.

We should introduce post codes until teleportation is perfected.

We can then use the post codes as a dialing system just like Stargate. Soon you can walk into a puddle of water and arrive at your destination!

The technological advances here are astounding

from the
Postal Pipeline Partnership
to the
Puddle Postcode Porters -
all in one day!!!

Lot to be said for PPP's................

Bob the Builder

I hear they're developing this new thing called email? Can someone confirm this?

and if so, why don't we just use email?

and for those people who say "why can't we post a tin of beans, or a loaf of bread by email?"... To those people I say "Tesco.com"

garydubh

nevf wrote: »

I hear they're developing this new thing called email? Can someone confirm this?

and if so, why don't we just use email?

and for those people who say "why can't we post a tin of beans, or a loaf of bread by email?"... To those people I say "Tesco.com"

So go to Tesco for your tin of IP's!!!!

AlmightyCushion

This project should be scrapped and the money spent on a gigantic umbrella that will cover all of Ireland.

Bob the Builder

garydubh wrote: »

So go to Tesco for your tin of IP's!!!!

No, but I buy my prostitutes at tesco. Any time that I've buried the bitches, i couldn't find them again, and surely a pipeline, will just mean that they'll be able to get away.

also, wonder what the dead people would think when you start laying pipes though their graveyards...

Silenceisbliss

but what if you wanted to buy a capsule???? how would they ever fit a capsule INSIDE a capsule. you TELL me! thats jsut CRAZY....YOUR crazy!!

but seriously, no.....it wouldnt work.

maybe in a city like dublin. but it would need millions upon millions worth of investment, thousands of man hours. it wouldnt be economical in the least bit.

think about it now (assuming you've sobered up), they tear open all the roads in dublin and spend hundreds of millions doing this. (in dublin ONLY now) after all these resources have been spent, whats the real benefit? we gain 20 extra minutes in the day by not going to the post office?.....we put hundreds of postal and delivary workers out of work assuming this idea goes national.

but, it never will go national, because how on earth would would this work in a village in the country side. and f you say; "a local hub" like a central point in the village´...well then... yeah....whats the differance then?

it would be great yes. in theory. but it's so marvelously flawed and impractical.

Seth Brundle

AlmightyCushion wrote: »

This project should be scrapped and the money spent on a gigantic umbrella that will cover all of Ireland.

Thats a dumb idea - how will post and deliveries be made?

Insect Overlord

kbannon wrote: »

Thats a dumb idea - how will post and deliveries be made?

All postage would be abandoned as the people of Ireland rejoice at the chance to finally enjoy consistently dry weather!

Silenceisbliss

how will the umbrella be delivered?

garydubh

Silenceisbliss wrote: »

how will the umbrella be delivered?

Rhianna!

Screw the umbrella and Pipleline postal service. We should all get huge mofo oars and paddle ourselves closer to the Equator.

jimmycrackcorm

I want to start up a new junk mail / capsule business.

120_Minutes

Dear OP,

Please cease and disist all discussions of postal pipelines and items of a similar nature. we feel it is in direct copyright infringement of our clients artistic work and you risk litigation.

yours,

Max Goldberg, attorney at law, acting on behalf of the society of future clichés, and futurama.

earlyevening

Hmm. I hadn't heard of this massive infrastructural development. I'm sure it'll be cancelled now along with the metro due to the failing economy. Oh well.

xOxSinéadxOx

and what if someone decides to dig down and steal everything whizzing by?

Insect Overlord

xOxSinéadxOx wrote: »

and what if someone decides to dig down and steal everything whizzing by?

They won't: they'll be too busy worrying about/protesting against the terror of the Irish Police State.

garydubh

And by this time the Gardai will have adopted PON Codes as the national postcode system for security reasons www.irishpostcodes.ie

"ETA WHISKEY FIVE KILO FIVE NINER VICTOR NOVEMBER AT 0318 HRS ALPHA - we'll get the PONC's!!!!!!"

Overheal

Postman Pat would go on hunger strike if this really happened.

garydubh

Overheal wrote: »

Postman Pat would go on hunger strike if this really happened.

Postman Pat will be delighted to be back on the beat after being a Pipeline Capsule Pilot underground for the past 3 years. He will be kitted out with a bubble bike - O2, Solar and Pedal powered - and with all the rain happy to have PON Codes - umber agus umber ella!!!!

Overheal

garydubh wrote: »

Postman Pat will be delighted to be back on the beat after being a Pipeline Capsule Pilot underground for the past 3 years. He will be kitted out with a bubble bike - O2, Solar and Pedal powered - and with all the rain happy to have PON Codes - umber agus umber ella!!!!

how the hell does solar power make any sense inside of a pipeline?

garydubh

Overheal wrote: »

how the hell does solar power make any sense inside of a pipeline?

Silly.........!!!..................... with PON Codes we are now back uPON ground.