unhappy at college

midnightmoon

My problem is that I just started college on Monday,and so far I am unhappy at it,I have tried to make friends with quite a few people but they just seemed very uninterested and I talked about lots of different stuff,and the problem is there is loads of groups but I don't know anyone and it doesn't seem like the groups want anyone new in them,so I'm thinking I won't make any friends,so what do you guys think I should do? I'm wanting to quit college already..

brianthebard

Well like you said you've only been there a week. It would be very rash of you to drop out now. A lot of the time we aren't told that it will be hard to meet new people and make new friends, all you hear about are the wild nights and the parties and whatnot. Do you know and get on with the people you live with? You can get to know people that way. Also classic pi response but soon you'll have the chance to join some clubs and societies and you should take advantage of that, go along to the first meetings and make an effort to talk to some people there. It doesn't matter if you don't go again if you meet someone you can hang out with and have a beer. Most importantly, don't leave yet. Its way to early to be making that sort of decision.

taram

Spent up to Christmas of my first year by myself pretty much, since then I've had tons and tons of friends. It's common. When people head to college they stick with people from school, people from the same city etc. Those groups break up after a few weeks when ye get to know each other. Join a club or soc (or both!), there you'll meet like-minded people, and get to meet friends of theirs etc and your social circle will develop pretty quickly!

COH

Give it time, I was at the end of my second year before I made friends in college (being shy and all). 7 years later they are my my best mates. Some people (like me) take a while to settle into college life, others seem to do so with ease as soon as they walk in the door.

Things will get better, stick it out and you'll be happier for it.

midnightmoon

Thanks for the help so far,but the hard thing is too,some of the groups let other new people in the class into their groups,so i'm kinda thinking they just don't want someone like me in their groups,like girls in my class who didn't know each other are so friendly now yet when i tried to talk to them they just kinda ignored me,so i am thinking they are rude people.

towel401

collitch is like that. thousands of people around but nobody knows you or wants to get to know you till you go out to one of those silly 'clubs' where they will all want to know you when they're drunk.

i didn't know anyone for ages. i been there 3 years now and i only know peeps from my class. to get to know the other people you have to join clubs and societies or go out and get drunk.

rainbow kirby

Monday start -> UCD? If so, there are regular boardsie meetups going on, head over to the forum.

Get involved with societies or clubs - smaller societies are great for getting to know people. It can take a while to get to know people, really it took me until the end of the first semester to really have gotten to know people.

Drift

Hey Midnightmoon,

It can take a while to settle in and find the right group at college. Someone posted 2 days ago with a similar issue and it happens a lot of people in their first while in college. Just keep chatting to people and socialising and you'll eventually find people you click with. Like others have said for the first few months in college people try to stick with their friends from home but they end up seeing less of them and more of their classmates as the months go on so new friendships are struck up. I ws the only one from my school in my class in college and for the first few months I only knew one guy but there were some class nights out organised and I got to know a few people through them and the network of friends just gradually expanded.

Have a look at this thread:

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055373697

pablomakaveli

It wasnt til the end of my first year in college that i made friends. a week is a very short amount of time to consider dropping out or anything. you should wait. as you get to know people in your class and in the college youll start making more friends.

ergonomics

Don't write off college after the 1st week. There have been so many posts around similar to this one and it's silly to be honest. You've only been in college a week so you can't really judge it yet. The best way to make friends is to get out there and get involved.

Join a club or society, that way you'll meet people with similar interests to yourself.

Does your college have a section on boards? Post there and you'll probably meet some first years, or even second/third/fourth years.

Find out if your college has a peer mentor program. This is a support system for students by students and is normally free. You'll meet an older student, in confidence, to either talk about the things you like or the things that are getting you down. I'm doing this this year and the 1st year I am 'mentoring' is now more like a friend than anything else, and she knows the people I know, so again it's another good way to meet people.

You're in first year and you've probably been in college properly for 4 days? You won't have developed any close friendships yet but keep trying. Talk to EVERYONE and you'll find your niche. Be positive as well. If you go into college thinking no one will talk to you, no one will talk to you. Go in thinking you're going to be friendly and outgoing and you're going to meet loads of people with similar interests.

Whatever you do, don't drop out because you haven't made many friends yet. You're just feeling out of your depth right now. I'm assuming you've moved away from your hometown and left all your friends behind too? Again, there are loads of people feeling the same way and it'll take some time to adjust. That's why I would really recommend peer mentoring as it's designed to help you fit in. Just keep at it and in two weeks you'll be looking back going 'was i really thinking about dropping out? Was I mad?!'

Edit: I don't want to sound preachy or that it should be easy. I know well that's it not easy to make friends. I remember when I started college I had two days of orientation, Wednesday and Thursday, and I was so homesick I only managed to go to one day. Homesickness will probably be paying a huge part in it. My course is all girls and the rest of them bonded straight away but I never gelled with them. I eventually made friends with my housemates and joined a couple of clubs and a couple of months later I was happy as Larry!

star-pants

OP don't worry - it's fairly normal to feel that way in the beginning.
When I went to college, I moved down to galway where I knew noone, and I remember ringing home crying from time to time cuz I felt so lonely - but my mother would be supportive and tell me that I was doing the course I wanted and that things would get better in time.

Which they did, it took a while because in first year the classes/lectures are so big, like a few hundred people, but you'll manage to make friends, when things like proper classes or labs start. As others have said, join lots of societies and social things there'll be lots on for first years - and you'll soon start to feel like you're settling in better.

Think about it, you worked hard to get to college, would you really want to throw it away because you're having a bad week? Hun you deserve to be there & do your course, you will make friends eventually, I didn't make solid friends til the end of first year/start of second year. But you'll be ok.

lee_arama

Hey man,

I'm ex- Students Union and this is a common problem with many 1st years. They've left the comfort of secondary where they may or may not have enjoyed themselves.

Anyway - as others have said, go find a society or club to get involved in. Many of those will be full of like minded kids like yerself.

Find out where the local chaplaincy is too. Whether you're religious or not is irrelevant, that'll be always be a place where you can get a cup of tea and easily have a chat with some very nice people.

K-Bowie

I'm not sure if your in UCD but I know its a lonely place at first but its amazing once you get used to it, I was in UCD last year studying Computer Science, I dropped out because I hate computers and because I was actually bad at the course and had no interest and I'm back repeating my leaving this year, no matter what your college is theres always a society that you can join and have the same interests as yourself and you will meet people who don't drink. I wish you good luck not because you need it but because i hope it all works out

midnightmoon

I'm actually in Ofiach's college in Dundalk,and it seems the people in my class become friends with people who look good and they don't go by personality,i'm thinking that i might just stick by myself and get the art done,and hopefully next year go to a college that I will make new friends.

slumped

midnightmoon wrote: »

I'm actually in Ofiach's college in Dundalk,and it seems the people in my class become friends with people who look good and they don't go by personality,i'm thinking that i might just stick by myself and get the art done,and hopefully next year go to a college that I will make new friends.

Come on - that's a very defeatist attitude.

You sound a little immature - an example of which is that you think that only the good looking people have friends.

I'm friends with some ugly feckers - and that makes no difference.

Cop on - get out there and make new friends. Go to social events, join a club or society.

Even just join a church group, or charity group - there's a good mix of people in these clubs.

S

maireadmarie

Well, many of us have been where you are now, believe me - not everyone is half as confident as they look in the first days of college. There you have the secret - look around you at the people not in groups, but sitting on their own, trying to look cool - and if you get the chance, go and ask them the way to some room or lecture theatre, explain that you feel a bit disoriented, give them a smile, and if they don't respond much now, they will probably the next time they see you. I wouldn't give up yet, no way, because I suppose you've been looking forward to this week for ages - for that reason too there's bound to be a bit of a let down - nothing is ever as we imagine it in life - but don't worry, if you hold on, think that there are others who feel like you too, it'll be all right. Good luck!

wasper

midnightmoon wrote: »

My problem is that I just started college on Monday,and so far I am unhappy at it,I have tried to make friends with quite a few people but they just seemed very uninterested and I talked about lots of different stuff,and the problem is there is loads of groups but I don't know anyone and it doesn't seem like the groups want anyone new in them,so I'm thinking I won't make any friends,so what do you guys think I should do? I'm wanting to quit college already..

Going to college is not just about academic life. It's about self development. It's only been a week. You will soon drift into a group or two. Other students are not going out of their way to avoid contact with you. They don't know you.
This is your first test in life. Are you going to run away or face it & beat it?
All the hard work you put into the last 6 years will be wasted if you drop out?
You are missing contact with your school pals. This is life, people come & go. Get used to it.

LegacyUser

OP: To quit after one week would be ridiculous. I know how you feel, I've been there. But stick it out, it does get better. Be yourself, chat to as many people as you possibly can. First year in college can be tough especially if you've moved out of home for the first time. I spent too much time pining for my friends at home, for home comforts etc. and as I had no classes on Fridays I always went home on Thursday nights for a long weekend at home, which I realise now was not a good idea. But things gradually got better, I started to feel more at ease with my classmates and formed some good friendships. If you make an effort I guarantee you will not regret sticking it out and by the time you finish final year you'll wish you could say for longer!

LegacyUser

Stick with being as outgoing as possible. Don't take 'rejection' personally - ya can't be friends with everyone, you'll find people you click with.

Keep your eye out for other people who seem to be more 'loners' at this point and you may well click with them. Soon you'll assemble a group of your own. And make sure you aren't fixating on one or two groups you percieve as 'cool' and are sulking entirely because they won't include you.

Rozabeez

I started college last year and for the first few weeks/month I really didn't like it, I felt like being anti-social, didn't have any money for going out, and it rained a lot. I was planning on dropping out by Xmas, one or two of my friends felt the same, now we've got a week left until we go back and can't wait, you have to get used to the new surroundings, new people, the freedom too tbh, and you'll gradually fall into your own "group" of people. It's early days yet, stick with it and you should be fine.

king_of_inismac

Have been in college for the last 8 years (don't ask) and am lecturing now as well.

The one thing I've noticed is that everyone (and I mean everyone!) has friends in college. Its just after a few weeks, without any effort, you become familiar with your classmates.

There's a guy I know who I called "The guy who smells like pencils", because he always has a strong smell of HP pencils off him, wears all black, and seems like the most anti-social guy ever. BUT even he has met people and has plenty of friends.

Just give it time. Everyone gets lonely, but you will meet people and you will enjoy college!

dragonfly!

hey there,
If its just the not having friends bit thats making you think of leaving then i would try it for a while longer. im sure if you started a job you love and didnt know anyone you wouldn't leave.
if you are unsure about the course however it might be better to leave and take a year out and see what you really want to do.... cuz otherwise you will have to pay your first year fees again next year and they are really expensive
hope thats some help:)

e05bf05a

mate, the best thing u can do is to join a club or society, preferably a sports club. good nights out and a great way to make good friends