any help please

martinhayse

well here it goes after long months even years thinking about it, i fianally get the courage to talk about it. i am a 30 year old male, going out with my gf 26. we are going out 5 years living togeather the whole lot, she does'nt like sex much, if we have it once every 4 months im lucky"i know im mad" i have put up with it because i love her. I have been with long term gf before and it was all good. she says she has no feeling down there and has never come, has this ever been the case with any of you gal's out there.

I would just love to here from wemon that have the same problem and maybe how to get help for my GF

i just want everything to be perfect

thanks
in Adv

Mush

Im a man; but...

If she has no feeling down there, shouldn't she get it looked at?


Also, if she has no feeling down there, then sex won't exactly hurt her, So why doesn't she just do it (for the sake of it) more often, to please you?


I've never heard of a woman just not having any feeling down there. I'm not sure if its a common problem or not, but I've personally never heard it before. Obviously I don't know you or her so in no way would i suggest you take my advice to heart, but just from reading your post it seems like it may be an excuse to get out of it?


As i say, im not sure if its a common problem or not with women, but in my mind, having never heard it before, i think the two of you just need one of those long uncomfortable talks..

Ainekav

ya she'd need to get that seen to i'd say, it sounds v unusual. I'm a tad concerned about the way you say i only put up with it because i love her. (the sex) well if she has such problems then its hardly her fault that she cannot perform adequately. and, KKV, why would she just do it for the sake of it if she's getting no pleasure out of it? wouldnt it be better to try and sort out the problem. the problem might be psychological too, which is something to think about..also maybe you shouldve gone unreg'd for her sake... just my opinion anyway. i think you need to talk to her anyway, above all. Explain to her that you want everything to be perfect.

And then, visit a gynaecologist...

kraggy

Ainekav wrote: »

ya she'd need to get that seen to i'd say, it sounds v unusual. I'm a tad concerned about the way you say i only put up with it because i love her. (the sex) well if she has such problems then its hardly her fault that she cannot perform adequately. and, KKV, why would she just do it for the sake of it if she's getting no pleasure out of it? wouldnt it be better to try and sort out the problem. the problem might be psychological too, which is something to think about..also maybe you shouldve gone unreg'd for her sake... just my opinion anyway. i think you need to talk to her anyway, above all. Explain to her that you want everything to be perfect.

And then, visit a gynaecologist...

It's a long time for anyone to go without sex considering sexual activity is fundamental need.

I think it should be recognised that most guys would have deserted her by now. So clearly, the OP does love his girlfriend and just wants to make the relationship even better.

OP, I've heard of a few girls who have never come. It's not TOTALLY unheard of. However to have no feeling down there is the first I've heard of it.

There is the possibility that maybe something happened in her past, perhaps as a child, that has caused her to psychologically freeze any feeling there. But that would be a psychological thing, IF indeed something has happened in her past.

Have you tried talking to her about this subject or does she always sweep it under the carpet? Would you have a deep enough relationship to ask her if anything happened in her past?

If not, then just express your concern and that you'd like if the two of you could address the issue in some way, whatever that may be e.g both of you counselling or just her on her own.

Oryx

Not having ever come I can understand. Sometimes if youre afraid or feel its dirty, youll never have discovered what makes you come. Plain old penetration normally wont hit the spot. Sounds like your gf may not be relaxing at all, as sex is never a joy for her. This is not your problem, it is hers, but its something that ideally you tackle together. If ye dont sort it as a couple and it breaks you, she may never sort it out, and to live without a satisfying sex life would be heartbreaking for her.

Begin by talking to her without any pressure from you. Ask her what she does like, as a starting point. Ask if she would be ok with introducing small things you would like to try to help her get enjoyment. Dont be afraid to discuss things like masturbation, has she ever done it. If not, ask her to try, on her own. If she gets sensation from it, then everythings working down there. If not, well then you need medical assistance.

Miss Fluff

I'm curious as to why you are posting about this after five years. Did you ever have a fulfilling or even adequate sex life and something has changed in the last few months or has it always been like this and you had hoped that one day, things might miraculously improve OP?

Also, does she MIND that she feels like this?Does it concern her that she derives no pleasure from the little sex you have or is she happy to coast along with things the way they are. The question I am getting at is, does your girlfriend thinks she wants/needs help?

Rev Hellfire

I'd agree with Mrs Fluff that as far your partner is concerned thats her business and for her to deal with if feels she needs it.

Though from reading your post this seems less about her and more about you.
The simple fact is you shouldn't 'put up with it' for five years to use your own words. Perhaps you really need to look at your relationship and ask yourself is it for you. Perhaps you feel you deserve more? And who's too say you don't, the last thing you should do is stay with someone out of some misplaced sense of loyalty.

anucksunamun

Believe it or not, its not uncommon at all, I have heard of cases just like this, in fact one of best friends who is 28 has the same difficulty, she is working on it on her own, with a vibrator, because she realises if she doesnt know what she likes or dislikes herself.. how can anyone else be expected to know! It is something that can be worked on to help both partners.
http://www.channel4.com/health/microsites/0-9/4health/sex/sar_orgasm.html
thats a link with advice for women who cannot orgasm, it seems to cover many bases, be the reason, medical, psychological or physical, it also gives some fantastic information and help.

It seems a little selfish that she wont even 'help you out' as it were, without having full intercourse, all relationships should have give and take. I think perhaps if she went to her doctor, or a therapist to discuss this, I understand she may be embarassed, but I doubt she wants to spend the rest of her life not having a healthy sex life, and I'm sure nor do you. I hope the link above helps you out. take care.