How long have you been going out with your partner?

DubArk

How long have you been going out/living with your partner? Obviously same sex partner and a monogamous relationship only.

Is it unusual for same sex couples to stay with each other for life?
Or is it true what they say about gay men/ gay women/ bi's(especially gay men) their far too promiscuous to stay with the one partner for any length of time?
Discuss please, no rants!!

Boston

Why single out monogamy? People can have faithful non-monogamous relationships. Promiscuous is a word which is often over used and miss used, especially when this type of topic comes up.

I think most of the forum demographic fall into the teenager/twenty something grouping, so you're unlikely to get a lot of people posting that they're together decades. Personally I was in a 2 year monogamous relationship, and I see no reason why same sex couples wouldn't be capable of long term monogamy.

DubArk

Boston wrote: »

Why single out monogamy? People can have faithful non-monogamous relationships. Promiscuous is a word which is often over used and miss used, especially when this type of topic comes up.

I think most of the forum demographic fall into the teenager/twenty something grouping, so you're unlikely to get a lot of people posting that they're together decades. Personally I was in a 2 year monogamous relationship, and I see no reason why same sex couples wouldn't be capable of long term monogamy.

The reason I singled out monogamy was that was my question, I didn't want to know about non-monogamous relationships. If you want to change the question do so. I'm glad that the demographic fall is teenager/twenty something grouping, im would like their opion on my question as well as older posters, i wasn't going for record breakers.

I am with my partner 23 years and I wanted to know, was this common or are we the exception to the rule? I'm under the belife that our relationship is very much monogamous!

shay_562

Boston wrote:

I think most of the forum demographic fall into the teenager/twenty something grouping, so you're unlikely to get a lot of people posting that they're together decades.

Exactly. Dubark, you've been in a relationship for longer than I've been alive!

That said, of the very few older gay men I do know, there's a few seriously long-term relationships (similar to yours, decades-long) and a few pervy sleazebags who are still trying to sleep with everything that moves - in other words, not too different to most of the older straight men I know. I don't think there's anything that makes gay men inherently unable to commit to a life-long relationship, but do bear in mind that they very idea of gay people being able to openly spend their lives together is a comparatively recent notion. My generation are probably the first ones growing up with any real role models in that regard, so we'll probably be a better generation to judge if you want to know how possible long-term same-sex monogamy is.

One other thing:

DubArk wrote:

Or is it true what they say about...gay women...their far too promiscuous to stay with the one partner for any length of time?

Isn't the stereotype usually the opposite for gay women? That they're way too committment-ready and have moved in together by the end of the first date?

(Not saying that's true etc., just that I was under the impression that that's the impression we're supposed to have )

rainbow kirby

I'm single. Down with this sort of thing. :rolleyes:

:pac:

DubArk

shay_562 wrote: »

Exactly. Dubark, you've been in a relationship for longer than I've been alive!

Now hang on im not that fu*kin old we did meet when I was just 21!!

shay_562 wrote: »

That said, of the very few older gay men I do know, there's a few seriously long-term relationships (similar to yours, decades-long) and a few pervy sleazebags who are still trying to sleep with everything that moves - in other words, not too different to most of the older straight men I know.

Im not saying our life should be held up as an example for others to follow and the few “pervy sleazebags who are still trying to sleep with everything” have every right to do so, just because you get older doesn’t mean you don’t need some action.

shay_562 wrote: »

don't think there's anything that makes gay men inherently unable to commit to a life-long relationship, but do bear in mind that they very idea of gay people being able to openly spend their lives together is a comparatively recent notion. My generation are probably the first ones growing up with any real role models in that regard, so we'll probably be a better generation to judge if you want to know how possible long-term same-sex monogamy is..

I agree 100%

shay_562 wrote: »

One other thing:


Isn't the stereotype usually the opposite for gay women? That they're way too committment-ready and have moved in together by the end of the first date?

(Not saying that's true etc., just that I was under the impression that that's the impression we're supposed to have )

I don’t know if that’s true or again a stereotype about gay women that’s’ why I posed the question? I think it would be foolish for us to stereotype gay women, don’t you?

Goodshape

Six months and counting at the moment. And happy .

Not sure if that qualifies as 'long term' yet.. but tbh it is the longest relationship I've had by, uh, about five months so far

Don't think I'm really sociable enough for promiscuity... and not a big fan of one-off flings anyway. Loving relationships ftw.

spurious

I've never heard that about gay women - if anything the stereotype is the 'U-Haul lesbian'.

Out of my closest coupled up female friends, one pair have been together 7 years, another for 18 years and another for 30 years.

Goodshape

DubArk wrote: »

I don’t know if that’s true or again a stereotype about gay women that’s’ why I posed the question? I think it would be foolish for us to stereotype gay women, don’t you?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QNRO63vEm40

DubArk

spurious wrote: »

I've never heard that about gay women - if anything the stereotype is the 'U-Haul lesbian'.

Out of my closest coupled up female friends, one pair have been together 7 years, another for 18 years and another for 30 years.

Whats a 'U-Haul lesbian'?

Yea just googled it... The joke has been repeated numerous times, mostly but not exclusively within the lesbian community and is considered a staple in lesbian humor?!

Q: What does a lesbian bring on a second date?
A: A U-Haul.

ixoy

Just over three years for us and it's been great. I see no reason why it won't be for life and nothing in society or otherwise that should stop us or other same sex couples doing the same. Gay men have no less a desire to be in a relationship and have stability than straight men and, as society accepts it more, it will become more visible.

shay_562

DubArk wrote:

Now hang on im not that fu*kin old we did meet when I was just 21!!

I kid, I kid, don't worry. :pac:

DubArk wrote:

Im not saying our life should be held up as an example for others to follow and the few “pervy sleazebags who are still trying to sleep with everything” have every right to do so, just because you get older doesn’t mean you don’t need some action.

Hmm...nope, I'd disagree. "Half your age plus seven" exists for a reason, and I find it quite disturbing when a man who's well into middle age hits on me or one of my friends, male or female. It's not that they don't need action, it's that I find something incredibly disturbing about trying to get said action from someone young enough to be your child, especially given that me and most of my friends are either barely out of our teens or still in them. That said, I still get mileage out of the time some guy in his 50s offered to take me away from my life of prostitution one night outside the George As pick-up lines go, it's inventive.

DubArk wrote:

I think it would be foolish for us to stereotype gay women, don’t you?

Absolutely - I was ripping the piss just a little bit. ::)

PeteK*

13 months, but things are getting bad to be honest.

DubArk

ixoy wrote: »

Just over three years for us and it's been great. I see no reason why it won't be for life and nothing in society or otherwise that should stop us or other same sex couples doing the same. Gay men have no less a desire to be in a relationship and have stability than straight men and, as society accepts it more, it will become more visible.

Well i do remember thinking when I was in my late teens, that this could never happen because I never heard of it happening!
I mourned for the loss of “normality”, never having a family or a partner, doomed to hanging around dodgy places in a long trench coat…..:D
That really was what it was like for me anyway.
Now Im so glad that's the way my life turned out cause Id of never met my OH.

Aard

I've been with my boyfriend for just under a year.


I've heard it joked before that one gay-year = seven straight-years ...

moridin

Oooh, a couple of months over 2 years now and still crazy about him.

CuppaCocoa

Eight years! We don't however live together (only at the weekends!). She lives on the northside and I on the southside! Waiting for her to defect! (I ain't moving!)

grangeglens

7 years going on 8 and everything is great,:)

DubArk

Seems we're not on our own afterall!

jaffa20

3 years at end of this month and still going strong. Dunno where i'd be without him. I met him when i was 19 and he was going on 30. The big age gap wasn't a problem for me as i don't like the immaturity of the younger crowd and just preferred to have a sound and stable relationship.

DubArk

jaffa20 wrote: »

3 years at end of this month and still going strong. Dunno where i'd be without him. I met him when i was 19 and he was going on 30. The big age gap wasn't a problem for me as i don't like the immaturity of the younger crowd and just preferred to have a sound and stable relationship.

We were quite young when we met and I have to say the first few years were the hardest, as far as having to become a unit rather then remaining one. I particularly found it difficult to give up my single person’s life remaining to still go out with my mates to gay bars and clubs. He never was into the scene and stayed well out of it.

He never asked me not to go but im sure if the boot was on the other foot I’d of gone ballistic. It dawned on me that for the relationship to work that I needed to make more of a commitment to us. We rarely go to gay clubs or bars; it must be about 5 yrs since I was in either.
When I did go and would get chatted up in the early days and I told guys that I was living with someone; they’d usually say things well your not married are you? Even laugh at the thought of two guys pretending to be like a married couple. Now this was in the late 80’s.

As I said earlier we’re with each other 23yrs and the hardest thing now is not to take each other for granted and well keep things in the bed room department interesting (TMI).

We rarely meet any other same sex couples in Ireland, maybe their keeping to themselves just like us?

I wonder if there are loads of couples out there just getting on with life and completely unrepresented anywhere?

Boston

I thought this thread would be horribly depressing but its actually been uplifting.

PeteK*

lilybarlean wrote: »

Eight years! We don't however live together (only at the weekends!). She lives on the northside and I on the southside! Waiting for her to defect! (I ain't moving!)

... Yet!

discobunny

Just over 2 years now and it hasn't been smooth sailing. But we're stil together and growing stronger.

DubArk

discobunny wrote: »

Just over 2 years now and it hasn't been smooth sailing. But we're stil together and growing stronger.

That's great to hear.
As I said the first two or so years were particularly difficult for us too!
We really didn’t have any role models out there to refer to in life. So instead of just thinking of ourselves as two blokes; I think we took example from our parents (Both of our sets of parents remained together through their married lives).

We’ll we took instruction from them in other matters in life, why not relationships?! Can I make it clear that neither one of us is the wife LOL…

We still are two blokes living together. Over the years you do end up in different roles as in who sorts out the finances/ cleaning/ DIY/ correspondence etc even who puts out the bins and does the food shopping!! :rolleyes:

We share everything financial; that I believe is very important, such as joint accounts/mortgages/wills/declarations of trusts, anything legal. This side took some time and a lot of trust. One of the greatest gifts of a long relationship is trust.:)

I do find the lack of children does separate us out from most long term straight relationships, I hope I explain this well but we sort of never really get older in each other eyes, because there are no children…. The children grow and through them time passes! (Do you get me?) They walk, talk, go to school, birthdays and other family events. I know there are same sex couples who do have children, Im just talking from my point of view. But time can stand still, till one day you look at an old photograph and then reality kicks you in the nuts. :eek:

nessymon

with my girlfriend 8 years and its all deadly!!

Plek Trum

6 years going on 7 and we have been living together for the last 4. Fingers crossed it keeps going the way it has so far, we seem to be improving with time!

Lemon

14 years next April :eek: but she and I are as happy as ever...

Arcadian

I met my partner two weeks after my 20th birthday, we moved in together about two weeks later and will be twelve years together in February:)

Chorcai

nessymon wrote: »

with my girlfriend 8 years and its all deadly!!

Ditto but BF !!

Cabbage Brained

Living together two years and going strong.

JonThom

6 months! It's still all new and exciting

saff cosworth

5 years and two months
and still very very happy with him..:D
he's there for me every day, as am i for him...:cool:

aaronquigley

11 years at the end of this October and still going strong! When we were a couple of years in I liked the 7:1 rule but now it would mean we have been together almost 80 years :eek:

Which is too long for any lifetime:)

jady88

One year 7 months exactly...

Thats not that long I guess but we are twenty so i suppose that means it is very long lasting.

DubArk

Carraigrock wrote: »

This is indeed a happy thread...wish I had more to input than that! Am not into the scene at all,and really don't like one night stands, so this thread is very uplifting!

Im delighted I opened this thread it is go good to see that we're not alone!! Thanks you all for your replies and keep them coming! :):)

I have this toast that I like to use on special occasions and for me I’d like to pass it on to each and every one of you!

I wish you health, a little wealth and a happy home and freedom. May you always have true friends in life but never ever have true cause to need them!

Amnesiac_ie

2 years, 8 months, 3 days; which would appear to be one of the shorter relationships described on this thread! Have been living in different cities for the past year and a half, which I in particular find difficult at times.

In reply to something DubArk posted; I do think there are a lot of MM/FF couples who simply "get on with it" and are not that visible. My boyfriend rarely goes to a gay bar or club and these days I go less and less too.

Rick_

Boston wrote: »

I thought this thread would be horribly depressing but its actually been uplifting.

It's horribly depressing for me being single and longing for a nice guy to be in a LTR with....

LegacyUser

I'm 31, single now, and out since I was 20. I have had two relationships that were two years long each. I have dated/had mini shorter relationships (couple of months etc) in between these relationships. These guys however, plus the long term boyfriends, have ALL been unfaithful.This leaves me in extreme doubt as to the whether gay men are capable of maintaing monogamous life partnerships. Though, it is heart warming to hear DubArks story. I take hope and solace from such stories.

I don't go onto the scene that much but recently went with an old friend to the Dragon. We met a gay male couple, about 4/5 years older than us, who told us they had been together a number of year, which was encouraging to hear. They then told me that they both slept with other people, which killed it for me. The said that this was the only way gay men could maintain a relationship, and that in fact I was delusional to think otherwise. The sneering look told me they thought I was pathetic, or something was askew with me for even contemplating this. They told me everyone in the club was there for sex, and explicity said that if I didn't change my way of thinking that my life would be a very lonely and empty one. I told them I would rather be true to myself and stay on my own and wait for someone special, than settle for what would be for me is second best, and open relationship. That conversation sickened me, and added with past experience with men it left a bitter taste. However, I am optimistic that there is a special guy out there somewhere, and just hope we will cross paths sooner rather than later.

Femgem

We met online nearly six years ago and I am happy to report, we are still totally in love and think each other are the absolute bees knees

hot2def

ten years. since we were 17, and still in school together.

LegacyUser

Two years the day after my next birthday on easter Monday :-) I'm very happy.

sf147

My girlfriend and I have been together just over 2 years and I fall more and more in love with her every day...

dny123456

7 years this month

smileykey

One and a half years, there's been some tough times but mainly amazing times. We've recently emmigrated together and have been getting on so unbelievably well since we survived the stress of the move. Love her to bits. I hope to be in your position DubArk in 21 years

dublintimmy

Unregistered wrote: »

We met a gay male couple, about 4/5 years older than us, who told us they had been together a number of year, which was encouraging to hear. They then told me that they both slept with other people, which killed it for me. The said that this was the only way gay men could maintain a relationship, and that in fact I was delusional to think otherwise. The sneering look told me they thought I was pathetic, or something was askew with me for even contemplating this. They told me everyone in the club was there for sex, and explicity said that if I didn't change my way of thinking that my life would be a very lonely and empty one. I told them I would rather be true to myself and stay on my own and wait for someone special.

Good for you. I've met guys like that as well. Believe me, they are in the minority and you are in the majority. Reading between the lines of what that idiot told you, he sounds envious of you and is trying to put you down. Clearly he's been hurt by his boyfriend's cheating and has got him back by cheating on him, and now they 'sleep with other people'. It's an unhealthy relationship (especially when it comes to STDs) - and you are right to keep your dignity and search for that special someone. I've been with my special someone for 10 years. We don't really go on the scene but tend to go to straight bars in the neigbourhood, or the cinema or a restaurant. The gay scene can be great but it can also be manipulative and bordering on dangerous. When I first came to Dublin I worked in The George for a summer and saw behind the scenes - and it had its lows and its highs. Enjoy the scene by all means, but remember that there are many social groups, restaurant groups etc for gay people that can be just as rewarding. All the best to you.

DubArk

Unregistered wrote: »

I'm 31, single now, and out since I was 20. I have had two relationships that were two years long each. I have dated/had mini shorter relationships (couple of months etc) in between these relationships. These guys however, plus the long term boyfriends, have ALL been unfaithful.This leaves me in extreme doubt as to the whether gay men are capable of maintaing monogamous life partnerships. Though, it is heart warming to hear DubArks story. I take hope and solace from such stories.

I don't go onto the scene that much but recently went with an old friend to the Dragon. We met a gay male couple, about 4/5 years older than us, who told us they had been together a number of year, which was encouraging to hear. They then told me that they both slept with other people, which killed it for me. The said that this was the only way gay men could maintain a relationship, and that in fact I was delusional to think otherwise. The sneering look told me they thought I was pathetic, or something was askew with me for even contemplating this. They told me everyone in the club was there for sex, and explicity said that if I didn't change my way of thinking that my life would be a very lonely and empty one. I told them I would rather be true to myself and stay on my own and wait for someone special, than settle for what would be for me is second best, and open relationship. That conversation sickened me, and added with past experience with men it left a bitter taste. However, I am optimistic that there is a special guy out there somewhere, and just hope we will cross paths sooner rather than later.

I met that sort of couple too years ago and they sneered. I remember one guy asking me why we were acting like a straight couple?!!!
I've never waisted my life acting for anyone.

I was lucky to meet Mr Right (For ME) and got on with living my life to the full.

Each to their own if that's what they want then more power to their elbow, One Man's Food is Another's Poison.

Bougeoir

I was with a guy two years ago for seven months. That was nice for how long it lasted. I dunno I'm not really into the whole relationship thing at the moment to be honest. It's sorta annoying because many of my friends are in relationships and are always going to me about why I'm single and that I should find somebody nice and be happy and trying to set me up with people. But I am happy, I'm happy being young and single. Whether I were in a relationship or not wouldn't matter to me either way. I'm rather content as I am. Rant over! Lol :P

DubArk

Bougeoir wrote: »

I was with a guy two years ago for seven months. That was nice for how long it lasted. I dunno I'm not really into the whole relationship thing at the moment to be honest. It's sorta annoying because many of my friends are in relationships and are always going to me about why I'm single and that I should find somebody nice and be happy and trying to set me up with people. But I am happy, I'm happy being young and single. Whether I were in a relationship or not wouldn't matter to me either way. I'm rather content as I am. Rant over! Lol :P

Why the rant?? The title of the Thread is" How long have you been going out with your partner?"

NOT

I'm happy being young and single?

Im glad your happy and may it continue.

LegacyUser

Bougeoir said he was rather content, not happy. Maybe his friends observed this too.

Lemon

It is kinda an auspicious day for my girlfriend and myself today...it is the 14th and we are together 14 years.....still very happy