Talking to girls

nobodythere · 10-09-2008 4:50am #1

Any girlfriend I've had I've met through friends etc. Now the group that I hang out with sort of keep to themselves, I don't get the chance to meet new people any more. Now to meet girls I've to go out of my way to talk to strangers.

I've never had to do this before and I just seem to be stuck for an opening line. Confidence isn't so much of an issue with me any more, once I get talking I'm alright, I just don't know how to strike up the conversation. I see some guys who have a talent (or just practice) with this, but it doesn't come to me as easily. I know I'd come off as being sleazy if I plan it too much. Any suggestions?

AKfortyjimbob · 10-09-2008 6:03am

I have this problem too, its gotten to the point that im actually writing down my "openers".
Say your dancing beside a girl
hows about

"Do you like the music here?", upon her answer follow it up with " I love the music here, i come here all the time cos its always a good laugh here".
Then you can follow it up with the obvious " Are you here often too?" ( its a cliche but i think in this context it isnt sleazy)

Lets keep brainstorming

ShaneU · 10-09-2008 6:05am

AKfortyjimbob wrote: »

Are you here often too?" ( its a cliche but i think in this context it isnt sleazy)

It felt sleazy just reading that.

hussey · 10-09-2008 6:12am

how about not chatting them up and talk to them like a friend.

Hello, how are you? <response>
<extend hand> I'm ShaneU, what's your name? <response>
Well <name>, pleased to meet you, so what has you out on a <day of the week>?

AKfortyjimbob · 10-09-2008 6:29am

In my experience the old " hi my name is soandso, how are you " doesnt work because it seems too forced.

ShaneU wrote: »

It felt sleazy just reading that.

on its own its a bit sleaze but in the context of a conversation about the spot and its music it really isnt.

mbren · 10-09-2008 8:47am

Hey OP,

Just read your post there and i'd say part of the problem is that you think about it too much. Just be yourself and you will be fine.

I think a good way of getting talking to girls is to firstly, pay a compliment, secondly, introduce yourself and thirdly, ask a question.

So for example, if you saw a girl you liked, just go up and say something like,

"Hey, I really like your outfit, it suits you." (that's the compliment)
"My name is so-and-so, nice to meet you" (introduction)
"Are you having a good night?" (question)

Just give her a brief second to say thanks for the compliment before the introduction and so on.

Written out, that looks sleazy and i'll probably get slammed for it but it has worked for me a good few times and i'm just an average looking bloke.

Drift · 10-09-2008 8:55am

I have a mate who always got on very well with the ladies (before one of them locked him into a more permanent situation!) and he almost always started the same way by asking them if they were having a good night.

Now he could follow up with good conversation too as he's well able to talk but he reckoned it was always a good start because if she said she wasn't then it was a clear sign she wasn't interested and if she said she was it lead on to other questions about whether she was out to celebrate something or just to meet friends etc.

I usually go for pointing out something funny or amusing that's happening in the vicinity and try to go for a witty comment about it. It works sometimes and doesn't other times - same old same old. Depends on if the girls sense of humour matches mine.

Naked Lepper · 10-09-2008 9:02am

'how do you like your eggs'

MIN2511 · 10-09-2008 9:20am

mbren wrote: »

Hey OP,

Just read your post there and i'd say part of the problem is that you think about it too much. Just be yourself and you will be fine.

I think a good way of getting talking to girls is to firstly, pay a compliment, secondly, introduce yourself and thirdly, ask a question.

So for example, if you saw a girl you liked, just go up and say something like,

"Hey, I really like your outfit, it suits you." (that's the compliment)
"My name is so-and-so, nice to meet you" (introduction)
"Are you having a good night?" (question)

Hmm... this may be genuine but loads of girls wouldn't be interested...

As a girl, i think eye contact is neccessary... When lads come up to me telling me i look nice in a night club i think Run! He wants to score!
It's very hard to know what the other person is thinking...

I quit analysing long time ago, if you see a girl you are interested in i believe just summing up the confidence to talk to her is a plus, try not to be overbearing, no leering at her boobs:), and please no dumb jokes or conversation.

Chopper · 10-09-2008 9:51am

grasshopa wrote: »

Any suggestions?

Get some game!

AnonoBoy · 10-09-2008 10:07am

Chopper wrote: »

Get some game!

Oh dear god please don't go down the saddo route of Pick Up Artists.

I always find a smile and a 'hi' is a good starter to a conversation. If you seem genuine people will chat - if you seem like you're using 'lines' then girls will back off quick as anything.

Wibbs · 10-09-2008 10:24am

Naked Lepper, your last post was hardly germane to the thread now was it? Keep the "funnies" for AH.

Naked Lepper · 10-09-2008 10:28am

Wibbs wrote: »

Naked Lepper, your last post was hardly germane to the thread now was it? Keep the "funnies" for AH.

I was following the tone of the thread, AKfortyjimbob gave his advice on lines that he uses when approaching girls and I was merely posting a humourous line that has yet to fail on me.

Maybe I should have added a bit more to the post rather than just the actual quote to which i sincerely apologise for.

Other lines that I have found a success when chatting to members of the opposite sex have been 'Hey, heres 20 cents, go and get another 30cents and call your mother to tell her you wont be home tonight' and 'Do you wana ditch yer mates and buzz back to mine in a taxi?'

The bottom line is just to be yourself really I guess.

Funsterdelux · 10-09-2008 10:45am

if you happen to be drinking near a perspective young lass, comment about something in the place, whether its takin the piss outta someone or something, and take it from there. Although, if you're out and thinking about chattin up ladys, then it probably wont happen easily, best thing is to relax, and go with the flow.

Aww yeah

melekalikimaka · 10-09-2008 10:57am

comment on her clothing, in a ever so slight camp way, you will not seem a threat then...get up on close on the dance floor and smack the gob

really tho, i don't do the chatting thing, a nice smile during eye contact and eventually they'll come over to talk to you

RedXIV · 10-09-2008 11:03am

AKfortyjimbob wrote: »

"Do you like the music here?", upon her answer follow it up with " I love the music here, i come here all the time cos its always a good laugh here".
Then you can follow it up with the obvious " Are you here often too?" ( its a cliche but i think in this context it isnt sleazy)

Utter the words "Do you come here often", even in sincerity, they will set off alarm bells in most women, avoid this phrase. Apart from that, it's not bad.

hussey wrote: »

how about not chatting them up and talk to them like a friend.

Hello, how are you? <response>
<extend hand> I'm ShaneU, what's your name? <response>
Well <name>, pleased to meet you, so what has you out on a <day of the week>?

While it's a nice idea, it's going to freak out more people than it's going to entice. Remember, for years as a child you're taught not to talk to strangers, that mindset is hard to reverse.

mbren wrote: »

Hey OP,

Just read your post there and i'd say part of the problem is that you think about it too much. Just be yourself and you will be fine.

I think a good way of getting talking to girls is to firstly, pay a compliment, secondly, introduce yourself and thirdly, ask a question.

So for example, if you saw a girl you liked, just go up and say something like,

"Hey, I really like your outfit, it suits you." (that's the compliment)
"My name is so-and-so, nice to meet you" (introduction)
"Are you having a good night?" (question)

Just give her a brief second to say thanks for the compliment before the introduction and so on.

Written out, that looks sleazy and i'll probably get slammed for it but it has worked for me a good few times and i'm just an average looking bloke.

I'd NEVER start with a compliment, girls go out every night with the inevitable knowledge guys are going to try their luck and a compliment is what most guys start with. You are not making yourself stand out and you're instead grouping yourself in with every other man who's tried hitting on her.

Funsterdelux wrote: »

if you happen to be drinking near a perspective young lass, comment about something in the place, whether its takin the piss outta someone or something, and take it from there. Although, if you're out and thinking about chattin up ladys, then it probably wont happen easily, best thing is to relax, and go with the flow.

Aww yeah

Now we're getting somewhere. We irish love to slag others, objects and even ourselves and you'll find most women will have a sense of humour high on their priority list. learn from this.

AnonoBoy wrote: »

Oh dear god please don't go down the saddo route of Pick Up Artists.

I always find a smile and a 'hi' is a good starter to a conversation. If you seem genuine people will chat - if you seem like you're using 'lines' then girls will back off quick as anything.

A smile and hi isn't too bad but after she says hi back, you're back to square one. what to say? You may not like the saddo route of pick up artists, but one thing they nailed on the head was do not appear like every other guy out there.

I've been watching guys go out for ages and if you just want to get a conversation started, you need to do something original and it needs to make the other person think. Thats why all the guys who go out with magic tricks and best friend questions will find it easier to talk to people. Even more important is being confident enough to pull off anything. For example, a good friend of mine does this on nights out with over 90% success rate:

(Me and him Arguing)
Him: ARGH! Anyone can tell you thats wrong!!?!
(Him looks at girl he wants to talk to)
Him: YOU! Come here for a second and explain to this retard.
(She walks over, even if it's after several shouts, as long as he looks more interested in the argument than her)
Him: Tell him that he's wrong when he......(come up with something here. His favourite is "thinks wearing socks to bed turns a woman on!!??")

Watch the girl get involved and then tell her its her round. Sounds unbelievable, but trust me it works.

stressed out · 10-09-2008 11:18am

Speaking from a girl's perspective - no chat up lines, please
Compliments are a bit weird. Some guy at a bar told me I had great skin, and then he followed it with "Are you a Saggitarius?"

. I think compliments can be a bit forced and too much like you're being chatted up.

Once some guy came over to me at a bar and said "I was watching you and saw you were having fun. I have 3 questions: Do you have a boyfriend? Can I ask for your phone number? [I cant remember what the other question was]
I thought it was a bit lame but I thought fair play for coming over and making an effort - it was late aftrnoon in a pub. I wasnt interested in the guy but I gave him my number anyway (sorry I know this was mean but I couldnt turn him down and embarrass him in public)

Personally I like quirky observations or the following (sense of humour very important to me and it must match mine!):

Drift wrote: »

I usually go for pointing out something funny or amusing that's happening in the vicinity and try to go for a witty comment about it. It works sometimes and doesn't other times - same old same old. Depends on if the girls sense of humour matches mine.

I dont like to actually feel like I'm being chatted up.

Naked Lepper · 10-09-2008 11:30am

stressed out wrote: »

Speaking from a girl's perspective - no chat up lines, please
Compliments are a bit weird. Some guy at a bar told me I had great skin, and then he followed it with "Are you a Saggitarius?" . I think compliments can be a bit forced and too much like you're being chatted up.

Once some guy came over to me at a bar and said "I was watching you and saw you were having fun. I have 3 questions: Do you have a boyfriend? Can I ask for your phone number? [I cant remember what the other question was]
I thought it was a bit lame but I thought fair play for coming over and making an effort - it was late aftrnoon in a pub. I wasnt interested in the guy but I gave him my number anyway (sorry I know this was mean but I couldnt turn him down and embarrass him in public)

Personally I like quirky observations or the following (sense of humour very important to me and it must match mine!):

I dont like to actually feel like I'm being chatted up.

dont lie, all girls love one liners. they go weak at the knees for them. they just like to pretend theyre really scared because it adds to the chase.

grames_bond · 10-09-2008 11:49am

chat up lines are sleazy...avoid them like the plague! i kno you say confidence isnt a problem but i think that maybe even subconsciously it is, you are afraid to go up and strike up a conversation because you may get a :rolleyes:

but the fact is you just have to think, what have i got to lose, worst case scenario she rejects your advances, brush yourself off and move on, if you get 20 rejections and one success in a night you are not gonna remember the rejections in the long run! it took me a good while to realise that!

Acacia · 10-09-2008 1:57pm

RedXIV wrote: »

Now we're getting somewhere. We irish love to slag others, objects and even ourselves and you'll find most women will have a sense of humour high on their priority list. learn from this.

''I've been watching guys go out for ages and if you just want to get a conversation started, you need to do something original and it needs to make the other person think. Thats why all the guys who go out with magic tricks and best friend questions will find it easier to talk to people. Even more important is being confident enough to pull off anything. For example, a good friend of mine does this on nights out with over 90% success rate:

(Me and him Arguing)
Him: ARGH! Anyone can tell you thats wrong!!?!
(Him looks at girl he wants to talk to)
Him: YOU! Come here for a second and explain to this retard.
(She walks over, even if it's after several shouts, as long as he looks more interested in the argument than her)
Him: Tell him that he's wrong when he......(come up with something here. His favourite is "thinks wearing socks to bed turns a woman on!!??")

Watch the girl get involved and then tell her its her round. Sounds unbelievable, but trust me it works.

+1
From a girl's perspective, humor is really attractive. It relaxes the girl you're trying to chat up, and she might let her guard down more than if you used the usual 'do you come her often?' line, which makes it very obvious what you're trying to do. Especially if you can make a really casual, funny remark to her and her friends, rather than just the girl in question. It will seem like you're just a fun guy, out for a laugh rather than to pick up burds. :pac:
The argument routine sounds good too. Especially the part about seeming more interested in the argument than the girl, and telling her it's her round. The girl will be wondering if the guy actually likes her or not, and a bit of mystery/ aloofness is always good ( so long as you don't over-do it!). Sorry to say, but sometimes the usual 'hi, how are you' routine can seem a bit un-natural and forced.

I find when I'm in Fibber's (my usual haunt

), it's easy to strike up a conversation about bands and music 'cause most people there are wearing band t-shirts or have come to see a band play. I know this won't work for every place, but it's a good way to start talking to strangers 'cause you already have a common interest.

Hope this helps a bit.

nobodythere · 10-09-2008 2:40pm

Chopper wrote: »

Get some game!

These people are living in a fantasy world! Look at this:
http://www.seduce101.com/seduce/amog_skill/20080201/20666.html

AMOG is "alpha male of the group", just read the scenarios, they're completely ridiculous! PUA is pickup artist

AMOG: Hey girls whats up (or whatever)
PUA: Hey dude dude (putting hands up like you give up).. I will pay you a HUNDRED dollars right now, to take these girls away from me.

(Girls will go "no no no... we love you PUA.. noooooo" and giggle and crawl on you.. Again, immediately deflating to the guy)

Anyways, back on topic. The "hello, how are you" approach is a no-no so. Taking the piss out of things is a yes.

I should make a list

Wibbs · 10-09-2008 3:22pm

It boils down to this; women are looking for caring, confident, emotionally stable, independent, fun, healthy men. If you feel lacking in things within yourself work on them for yourself. If you do, conversation and attraction will be a whole lot less of an issue. Plus there are literally billions of women out there. Billions. So get out there and talk to them and meet them and listen to them. Be clear about who you are and if you find them attractive let them know, by your actions. Avoid overly emotional friend type conversations at first. Be fun, be someone you would go out with if you were a woman. With odds like billions out there, there is no reason why you shouldn't meet a woman for you.

Doubs · 10-09-2008 3:38pm

personally, i believe there is no truer statement than the old adage of 'treat em mean keep em mean'.

so that means compliments are out the window for a starter as she knows straight away your only talking to her for one reason. personally i always ask a random opinion on something, similar to yerman and his best friend thing above. key is not to let her know your interested in her off the bat. from there your in, the rest is just about being confident and having a bit of banter.

besta luck

sunnyside · 10-09-2008 3:57pm

RedXIV wrote: »

(Me and him Arguing)
Him: ARGH! Anyone can tell you thats wrong!!?!
(Him looks at girl he wants to talk to)
Him: YOU! Come here for a second and explain to this retard.
(She walks over, even if it's after several shouts, as long as he looks more interested in the argument than her)
Him: Tell him that he's wrong when he......(come up with something here. His favourite is "thinks wearing socks to bed turns a woman on!!??")

Watch the girl get involved and then tell her its her round. Sounds unbelievable, but trust me it works.

I love that, it would definitely work on me. I'd be getting annoyed that you were more interested in your stupid argument than in me and then i you told me "it's my round" I'd probably go to get the drinks without having a clue what was going on.

So how long do you keep this argument up for before letting her in on what you're trying to do?

RedXIV · 10-09-2008 4:01pm

sunnyside wrote: »

I love that, it would definitely work on me. I'd be getting annoyed that you were more interested in your stupid argument than in me and then i you told me "it's my round" I'd probably go to get the drinks without having a clue what was going on.

So how long do you keep this argument up for before letting her in on what you're trying to do?

As long as is needed. There'll come a stage when you just know the girl is into you, probably when you begin to push your luck with the cheekiness and you realise you're still getting away with it. Thats when you know you have em hook line and sinker. I can't say any more because while i'm happily attached, my mate isn't and he might see you out some night and try it on ya

Oh and at least after you'd bought two rounds

Pen1987 · 10-09-2008 4:08pm

You only really need to be in the conversation five seconds to get passed her guard. Once youre IN the conversation you take it from there... stop worrying about what her immeidiate opinion is of you and just say something.

Me in college- first day today (first years... yum)

"I like your bag"

"You look confused
(her) WTF?
- oh sorry I thought you looked lost... anyway I'm off, you sure youre okay yeah? I wouldnt want you getting lost and missing your first classes now..."

"what time is it?... five passed? You must be late, why arent you in a lecture?" (response) "oh cool, what you studying?"

"do you know where Room X is?... Is that in the X hall? ****... you ever had a class in there, is the room big? I dont want to be one of those people who walks in JUST as the class starts and has to walk down right to the front row because its the only seats left, id be SCAR-LEH!"

... just say something!

pisslips · 10-09-2008 5:05pm

A girl would have to be an idiot to know she's not being chatted up. I mean sometimes I get the very bad urge to put out cheesey lines, just for the laugh, taking the piss out of myself but alas, women tend to just think you're a weirdo, instead of just acting like one. Strange humour i guess....
Sometimes I genuinely don't care if I end up scoring the girl or not, I'm just bored and want some conversation, some girls can be very ignorant though, they just presume that you're hounding them for sex or something, sometimes I feel like saying,''****-off, I wouldn't go near yeah anyway, I just wanted to be polite but fine then''
Maybe i'm just not serious enough or something, i'm not too worreid about it anyway.

I have a few friends though who take it too extreme.When a girl say flirts with them and then gives them the cold shoulder, playing childish games, they'll often make a show of her in front of lots of people.I have to admit it's a bit cruel sometimes but I can't help but find it funny when it happens to really arrogant women even if it's a facade.

Talking to girls

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