Tuesday Quickies

rocky25

It was the first day of school, and the elementary school teacher was establishing the fact that she’d take no nonsense from the kiddies this year.

While taking the roll, she was told by one boy,

"My name is Johnny fcukhauer."

So she said, "There’ll be none of that kind of thing this year,

Johnny; tell me your REAL name!"

The kid said,

"No, really teacher, it IS Johnny fcukhauer.

You can go across the hall to fourth grade and ask my brother if you don’t believe me!"

Not wanting to be subjected to that kind of thing, the teacher went across the hall and knocked on the fourth grade classroom door.

The fourth grade teacher had stepped down the hall to the front office for a moment.

So she entered the room and directly asked the class,

"Do you have a fcukhauer in here?"

"Hell no!" replied a little kid from the front row,

"We don’t even get a cookie break!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I went into a pub the other day.

There was an Englishman, an Irishman, a Scotsman, two Asians, an African man, and two Homosexuals.





... didn't stay long.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman walk into a pub and each buy a pint of Guinness.

Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage a fly landed in each of their pints and became stuck in the thick head.

The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.

The Irishman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened.

The Scotsman too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and then started yelling:


"SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An Englishman, Irishman, Scotsman and Welshman have all been captured in Iraq and told that they are going to be executed.

But before they are killed they have all been granted one wish, but they are not allowed to wish against their punishment.

The Welshman says,

"I am a proud Welshman, so I wish for a thousand Welshmen to sing my national anthem just before I'm killed."

The Scotsman says,

"I am a proud Scotsman, so I wish for a thousand Scotsmen to sing my national anthem just before I'm killed."

The Englishman says,

"I am a proud Englishman, so I wish for a thousand Irishmen to sing my national anthem just before I'm killed."


The Irishman said, "kill me first!"

GAAman

The first and last ones i hadnt heard before good as always rocky