Depression, Anger, Drink

LegacyUser

Alcohol is ruining my life. Well, I am, but the booze is the catalyst. When I drink I do really stupid stuff and I become aggressive. Then when I sober up, I become panicky and start drinking to ease the feelings. I had a huge row with my girlfriend on Wednesday(with what should have been a slight bicker if I'd been sober), now it looks like she might be evicted, because the guards were called and everything (basically her lease is up next week and now won't be renewed). Immediately when I heard this I started drinking again. I've been drunk since wednesday.
I didn't drink all summer, but I've been slightly depressed since about early May, so when I started drinking again (about 2 weeks ago) I just let everything out. I've always had a quick temper, but when I drink I become abusive.
It's destroying my life and I don't know what to do. I went to the doctor about my depression, but he said I was fine and gave me a few days worth of Valium. So I self-medicate with booze.

Guys, I'm so broken-hearted right now. My girlfriend has forgiven me, but our relationship is long distant and I won't see her for another month or two, from last Sunday. It's destroying me - the guilt, the fear, the pain, the loneliness. So I have another beer.

I know I need a lot of work, but I don't know what, or how to do it. I would appreciate any advice right now, please. I'm not doing so good right now.

AARRRGH

Is it possible to stop drinking?

Handsome Bob

I hope I can give you sound advice as someone close to me has a drink problem.

Basically he feels that he's wasted his life and that he is in a dead end job. He is had a drinking problem for long enough for me to realise that he turns to drink because he hates his life. He's tried to give the drink up, he has probably gone a week the odd time, but he quickly falls off the wagon. Why? Because he is not sorting out the aspects of his life that are making him unhappy.

Are there aspects of your life that you are specifically unhappy with? Aspects that you feel you need the drink to cope with?

LegacyUser

AARRRGH wrote: »

Is it possible to stop drinking?

Honestly, I have tried, but then I go on holidays, or to a wedding, or a weekend away with the lads, and I find myself caught up in it all over again, and I have to start from scratch each time. And each time, I feel I've lost a bit of myself, and then there's just the ringing futility of the whole sober period - it's such effort to try to pretend i'm happy. I want to never drink again, but then, the mindless monotony of sobriety is not all it's cracked up to be either.
Which brings me straight to LZ5by5's point. I can totally identify with that. No, I'm not happy. I still lose my temper and get grumpy, and am just generally miserable when I'm sober too. The drink seems to somehow both soothe and exacerbate the problem. But you're spot on - my life is nowhere near where I want it to be. I'm lacking confidence, I'm poor, I'm in a long-distance relationship, with an amazing person, but there are too many gaps between our time together where I feel lonely and very down.
And my anger and agression arises even without the drink. I am an angry person, and I allow that to express itself too often.

I don't know ... I know I'm being dramatic, but I really can't seem to find a safe place where I'm happy all the time. I don't knw how to fix my life basically.

Handsome Bob

drink&anger wrote: »

Honestly, I have tried, but then I go on holidays, or to a wedding, or a weekend away with the lads, and I find myself caught up in it all over again, and I have to start from scratch each time. And each time, I feel I've lost a bit of myself, and then there's just the ringing futility of the whole sober period - it's such effort to try to pretend i'm happy. I want to never drink again, but then, the mindless monotony of sobriety is not all it's cracked up to be either.
Which brings me straight to LZ5by5's point. I can totally identify with that. No, I'm not happy. I still lose my temper and get grumpy, and am just generally miserable when I'm sober too. The drink seems to somehow both soothe and exacerbate the problem. But you're spot on - my life is nowhere near where I want it to be. I'm lacking confidence, I'm poor, I'm in a long-distance relationship, with an amazing person, but there are too many gaps between our time together where I feel lonely and very down.
And my anger and agression arises even without the drink. I am an angry person, and I allow that to express itself too often.

I don't know ... I know I'm being dramatic, but I really can't seem to find a safe place where I'm happy all the time. I don't knw how to fix my life basically.

Your situation sounds all too familiar mate, and I can imagine it's putting huge strain on not only you but the people around you too.

What I have always said to the person that I know is to take "small steps". Firstly it's encouraging that you are acknowledging the problem while seemingly sober. Now, you have to identify exactly why you are so angry. Such as why are you lacking cofidence? If I can give an example I went through a period of being angry and exploding with rage because I was so insecure. The reason I was so insecure was because my weight was spiralling out of control.

I identified the root of my lack of confidence and I worked on it. That's the first thing you have to do mate. Remember small steps, just put the lack of a job to the side for now(I assume you're not working because you said you were "poor"). Once you identify the root of your lack of confidence and work on it you'll then be in a much better state to actively seek a job. Then when you get a job, you'll have the finances to see your girlfriend more often. Step-by-step mate.

SnowMonkey

my i sugest you go to another go to another gp and talk about what your feeling if he tell's you oh you seem fine ask him for a councller/theripist and say look i want to go, just because he cant see the symptoms your describing, doesnt mean there not there and tell him you dont want vailum or this or that you want to fix my problems. Explain to him about your anger etc..... Any gp who say oh your fine shouldnt be aloud to practice in my veiw...

Serously mate take a half day of work, go to your theripist, or ring the samaritins they maybe able to help you find some one...

allso you need to keep busy man ok so your girl friend lives away from home go to the gym for a swim or somthing, anything... as for the drink, next time you want a can, go for a shower, cook some food...

keep your self busy...

carlybabe1

Go to AA, google the net to find out times that suit you and go to a meeting. You dont have to speak but it may help. Ultimately, until you've got the drink under control you just cant go to the pub with the lads/weddings/weekends away etc... You know what happens when you drink, so when you pick up your first one you already know how the evening will transpire, but you do it anyway....pretty selfish really..
And your girlfriend also knows what she's in for, and sit holding her breath for the night, id say thats unfair on her. If your really serious, then go to AA

Oh and I cannot stress this enough, if you dont feel like your doc is listening to you then change him......

wexford1

Recovery Group meetings will help you with ALL the symptons you've described. There are groups all over Ireland. Where do you live.
Bear in mind that this self-help programs take time and effort but works if you put into practice what you learn in them.
Might be worth visiting AA as well. In these self help programs you see the proof from people who have been there, that you can conquer all these distressing symptons/emotions/feelings/impulse/temper etc that you can seem at times so helpless against.
As we say in Recovery "Helplessness does not mean hopelessness" .

http://www.recovery-inc.org/

LegacyUser

LZ5by5 wrote: »

just put the lack of a job to the side for now(I assume you're not working because you said you were "poor").

I have a job, but there are some serious financial constraints - it's weird though, you're quite spot on about certain things. I spent the last hour figuring out a budget to stick to, but it's actually the girlfriend without a job, and I find myself having to cover for her. I won't lie - this doesn't help, but it's not the source of my problems, just another trigger really.

carlybabe1 wrote: »

Go to AA, If your really serious, then go to AA

Oh and I cannot stress this enough, if you dont feel like your doc is listening to you then change him......

It sounds silly considering what I haven't to lose, but I'm scared to. I really think this is a must though. Is this cool? I mean, what can I expect there?

LegacyUser

wexford1 wrote: »

Recovery Group meetings will help you with ALL the symptons you've described. There are groups all over Ireland. Where do you live.
Bear in mind that this self-help programs take time and effort but works if you put into practice what you learn in them.
Might be worth visiting AA as well. In these self help programs you see the proof from people who have been there, that you can conquer all these distressing symptons/emotions/feelings/impulse/temper etc that you can seem at times so helpless against.
As we say in Recovery "Helplessness does not mean hopelessness" .

http://www.recovery-inc.org/

Thank you so much for this post. It's exactly what I was looking for. Thank you.

carlybabe1

I wish you well bud, I hope things get sorted for ye

Unknown Soldier

drink&anger wrote: »

Alcohol is ruining my life. Well, I am, but the booze is the catalyst. When I drink I do really stupid stuff and I become aggressive. Then when I sober up, I become panicky and start drinking to ease the feelings. I had a huge row with my girlfriend on Wednesday(with what should have been a slight bicker if I'd been sober), now it looks like she might be evicted, because the guards were called and everything (basically her lease is up next week and now won't be renewed). Immediately when I heard this I started drinking again. I've been drunk since wednesday.
I didn't drink all summer, but I've been slightly depressed since about early May, so when I started drinking again (about 2 weeks ago) I just let everything out. I've always had a quick temper, but when I drink I become abusive.
It's destroying my life and I don't know what to do. I went to the doctor about my depression, but he said I was fine and gave me a few days worth of Valium. So I self-medicate with booze.

Guys, I'm so broken-hearted right now. My girlfriend has forgiven me, but our relationship is long distant and I won't see her for another month or two, from last Sunday. It's destroying me - the guilt, the fear, the pain, the loneliness. So I have another beer.

I know I need a lot of work, but I don't know what, or how to do it. I would appreciate any advice right now, please. I'm not doing so good right now.

Have you found a socialy acceptable reason to drink?

People always understand when others talk about catholic guilt but if you feel your drinking should have a manifest evil, then stop.

Karen_*

Everyone is entitled to a shot at a happy life. Drink is ruining yours. You have no idea how things would be working out for you with drink out of the equation. But life is terrible with drink in it thats for sure. Even when you're sober you're still dealing with the aftermaths of your drinking and trying to find a way to control it or find a way to drink like other people do. And you're not on your own. Loads of people have gone and are going through the same thing.

Give AA a go. Google alcoholism, look up Aa website. Go onto amazon and look up some books about drinking and how people have dealt with it. Its a pretty brave person who can come out and admit that they've a problem so you've made the first step but please do see it through. And although it may feel now that you'll have no life and you may have about a life without alcohol, beleive me, if you give it up and try a new life then your only regret will be that you didn't do it ages ago.

I'm no expert but I can direct you to meetings or suggest some literature that would help if you want to pm me.