Girlfriend has too much time on her hands

LegacyUser

Ok facts:
I love computer games
I love my girlfriend of 6 years
I've lived at home for the last 2 years
I've lived in College grounds before that
I'm 28 soon!
I recently bought a house with the Girlfiend
We've lived together for about 6months in total

I hope I'm not narrowing down who I am...

Anyway, She's finished her stuff now. IE she did her post grad and we've moved in together. Things are great, we really do love each other, but I miss my alone time, where I could veg out and watch a movie or play a computer game for 2/3 hours.

She is not big into movies and hates computer games (my mother all over again!!!)

She like to be active, which is great, I like the idea of being active, but not all the time...

I want my computer time back, so I asked for it and then I got a big arguement of me ruining our lives...

The problem is that with her college and her line of work she has little real friends who she can spend time with. We've signed her up to learn swimming... which is +1 hour of alone time per week for me... but its still a good bit short.

I don't want to upset her or hurt her feelings. She has no family either so to speak of... no parents, and her sisters are not nearby.

She needs friends I guess so she can go on long walks with. But she also needs a hobby. She has been a total acidemic up till now...

Marksie

Fact: couples spending too muhc time together= Irritations and arguments.
Even the most committed couples..in fact the most committed couples, will realise the value of "ME" time.

This IS one example of the standard PI response Of "find something she likes doing and join a club or society" really does apply.

You should have an idea of what she likes doing, now is the time for her to apply it.

Look even if she likes reading she can do that in one room and you in the other.
You really don't have to follow each other footsteps.

loulou79

I have been in the same situation as your girlfriend. The best thing going on in her life at the moment is probably you. Just explain to her that you need your 'ME' time and that it does not mean that your computer games etc are more important to you than her.
She does need to spend more than 1 hour a week away from the house following outside interests. Explain that if she doesn't that you will end up taking one another for granted and not putting in the effort into quality time that you have together.
Tons of night courses and classes are starting up at this time of the year. Suggest that she attends something that is of interest to her

Overheal

1337 L0v3r

1337 5P34K died in the 90's, son. We're back to thinking up creative names, like Overheal. And more importantly using english before it dies out

Parents are a good example I suppose. My stepdad spends hours locked away doing his music production (which is really about as active as gaming) -he does this most days- and my mom does all manner of scrap-booking and craft making and such when she finds the time. Its not important to them that they do these activities together - they just take a look at the finished products and pat eachother on the back but they get down to watching a movie or their favorite soap when theyre able, eating dinner every night, and spend their weekend mornings taking the dogs to the park. All in all, a healthy relationship where they aren't joined at the hip, and they each have 40 hr/wk jobs.

SnowMonkey

You need to inspire her to do take up a hobbie with out actually inspiring her...


what does she like doing ?

DublinWriter

Get her to read a copy of "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus", especially the chapter on us men and our 'cave-time'.

If you can't do that, try youtubeing Chris Rock's routine on being a guy and getting home from work. Priceless.

fenris

Don't know why a chaps computer time is such a crime to the women of the world, yet they would much prefer for us to sit in fron of some trash on TV during which we are not allowed to speak - one of lifes great mysteries that!

On the living together bit - you need to have something different to do, if you spend all of your time "together" then you have nothing to talk about as all experience is common.

Sounds like your girlie is still expecting living together to be like an eternal date, with you providing an unending stream of witty banter, fulfilling all needs etc. this is unsustainable outside mills and boon land.

From a chaps perspective the first part of living together is a bit of a pain as there seems to be no real positives to go with the suspicion that no female can stand to see a lad relaxing without finding something trivial to do or talk about. After a while things settle down, just don't be afraid to say no rather than just compromise for a quite life, compromise is the enemy, as it leads to a middle ground of mediocraty that is unsatisfying for all involved.

As two people you need two lives, granted a large part of these lives overlap but is should not be a total merge.

Cultivate the seperate bits and arrange for a proper "date" every week or so as proper quality time, rather that spreading the affection to thin!

Captain Slow IRL

Get her a nintendo ds. It worked for me:)

Victor

You need to agree, that each week:
1. Each person is entitled to "me, alone, by myself time".
2. Each person is entitled to "the lads / girls time".
3. Both you of you will do some "us time".
4. Both you of you will do some "us with your friends / family time". (note this is two items)

Each should get at least one day / night.

Silverfish

fenris wrote: »

Don't know why a chaps computer time is such a crime to the women of the world, yet they would much prefer for us to sit in fron of some trash on TV during which we are not allowed to speak - one of lifes great mysteries that!

In my experience, it isn't a crime, but its the one time that time can get away from you.

I've been in the situation where an ex has stomped in the door at 6pm, gone on the computer til 12, then gone straight to bed. 5 days a week, and most of the day at the weekend. If I asked could we watch a movie or whatever, I'd get what you said exactly up there.

So I left it for a while to see how long he'd actually go without speaking a word to me.... it was just over 24 hours. And I don't mean 'a chat' I mean hello or goodbye or goodnight or whatever.

I've also found that what I would swear is '2 or 3 hours' playing a game is in fact more like 5 or 6.

However, I would find the line 'asking for my computer time back' a little disturbing.. she's not your mother.

Sounds like you're spending lots of time together, but none of it is of any sort of quality, its you wanting to be on the computer, and her wanting to watch tv, and neither of you gets what you want.

On the other hand, it can take some time for the relationship to find its level after you move in together.

Make her join the ladies lounge and attend the meetings.

KTRIC

Captain Slow IRL wrote: »

Get her a nintendo ds. It worked for me:)

+1 on this. My girlfriend was never a big gamer, but I got her a nice pink DS Lite last Christmas and he regularly uses it.

Now she understands why I have a PS3. It might open her mind up a bit to your gaming OP.

trio

Why are you asking her for computer time back? That doesn't sound like she's being a mother, so much as you're putting her in the Mother role by going begging for your games back.

With two adults, it'd be a case of "I'm going off to play computer games for an hour" "But you're ruining our relationship!" "No, I'm not - it's called ME time and it's important - we're not conjoined, and you're only going to be watching Coronation Street anyway. I'll be back in an hour". "But we can watch something else! TOGETHER!" "Nope, I need my ME time. It's important to me. See you in an hour".

Now if it was 5 evenings a week, then yeah, it's rude. But once or twice a week would be fine for me, to be honest.

You have to sit down with her and explain that it's important to you to spend some time alone, and if it's important to you, it should be important to her.

greenapplesea

As one-half of a five year relationship I definately sympathise with you on the need for alone time!! Me and my boyfriend now realise that our relationship works better when we both spend a decent amount of time doing our own things. You need to reassure your girlfriend that you still love spending time with her, but also need some time to do your own boy things. In the longrun she'll appreciate you for it. Here are some suggestions:

• Encourage her to take up an evening course, they're all starting up in the next few weeks- I have recently signed up for a massage course all on my lonesome which should be great fun and will also benefit my partner
• Encourage her to take up a hobby like going to the gym- this should take up at least an hour a few times a week and will give her more confidence, The classes they run are great and I find if you go alone you meet more people
• Buy her an NDS- they're great fun and at least when she gets into it she can share your love for gaming!
• Encourage her to join some kind of social group such as a book club if she likes reading- a great thing if she's into it and she'll meet new people

By spending some time apart, not only will you appreciate each other's company more, but you'll have more to talk about when you come home! Hope it work's out for you