poo books

sezermango

so i was siiting on the can today and I was reading my favourite "poo book". I love to read dilbert on the jacks. but then i thought what are good characteristics of a good poo book.
(1)nothing to intense. something light. nothing with long chapters or theorys etc
(2)something funny. the laughing results in jiggling which helps the "process"
(3)small enough to have beside the loo.(no broadsheet newspapers or atlas's)

any characteristics you can add?


also this lead me to think of what else i like to do on the toilet. for instance maybe a bit of guitar(only my roommates. mines too precious:D). I asked my friends and one of them smokes on the loo. another listens to his ipod. this made me think have we evolved away from traditional poo books and moved onto mobile phones? mp3's? jigsaws? sudoku? watching movies? time travel?


and from here i thought about past "poo book" habits. for intance did victorian folk hang people?(i know little or nothing about victorian times so excuse me if this is something they would'nt do) did cavemen invent fire on the can? was morse code ever used from the comfort of the toilet seat?


so to sum up,
what are you opinions on a good poo book?
do you have any strange modern day habits on the loo?
do you think poo books played a part in history?


thanks:)

ejmaztec

I thought that a poo book was that collection of scrap paper pinned to the toilet door when you ran out of proper toilet-paper. I was obviously mistaken.

Creamy Goodness

photography or art books for me.

sezermango

Cremo wrote: »

photography or art books for me.

ah a creative mind! what about painting your own art? or modelling something?:D



I'm beginning to think this thread is a little intrusive.haha:p

Unknown Soldier

I have sh11ter books too. Usually something that can be read in small chunks like the Viz annual or a rock n roll type auto biography.

sezermango

Unknown Soldier wrote: »

I have sh11ter books too. Usually something that can be read in small chunks like the Viz annual or a rock n roll type auto biography.

the worst is when you've read your book about a million times but read again cos its the only thing there. Or if your in a pulic bathroom! what to do?!!!:eek:

Zaph

Cremo wrote: »

photography or art books for me.

Porn?

Creamy Goodness

sezermango wrote: »

the worst is when you've read your book about a million times but read again cos its the only thing there. Or if your in a pulic bathroom! what to do?!!!:eek:

you read how many times jacinta 'woz' there of course.

Zaph wrote: »

Porn?

lol that didn't even cross my mind

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

You'd think I'd have the defninitve collection, but no: a laptop with wireless access and you've got whatever the feck you want!

sezermango

Cremo wrote: »

you read how many times jacinta 'woz' there of course.

That sort of thing does'nt occur in the establishments I reside in. Only purfect grammers and spellnigs are ritten on d walls

Turd Ferguson

Porn is always goo to have, although you have to be really carefull. This one time I was fapping away and just as I was about to let loose I sneezed, and came and shat at the exact same time. I was in a coma for 3 weeks...

Victor

Cooking With Poo

Insect Overlord

You mean something like this?

Quazzie

boards on my iPhone ftw

IRISH RAIL

Has to be a horror book to scare the sh1t out of me:D

ronbyrne2005

Should this not be in BGRH as i am led to beleive women don't poo, fart or pick their nose, and thats they way i want to keep it in my mind.:)

Archeron

There have been times when I was caught book-less while pooing, and have read the list of ingredients on a bottle of Jif instead.

FlutterinBantam

Personally I favour a serious tome while crimping out a log.

After all it's serious business.

I was reading "Investment Opportunities in South Yemen"recently while trying to evacuate a particularly recalcitrant log and, fcuk me, but I couldnt figure out which was the more turgid operation.

Not easy.

ejmaztec

FlutterinBantam wrote: »

Personally I favour a serious tome while crimping out a log.

After all it's serious business.

I was reading "Investment Opportunities in South Yemen"recently while trying to evacuate a particularly recalcitrant log and, fcuk me, but I couldnt figure out which was the more turgid operation.

Not easy.

You must always remember that investments can go down as well as up. :eek:

connundrum

I try to keep a recent copy of FHM to hand for such occasions. Nothing too heavy y'know.

FlutterinBantam

ejmaztec wrote: »

You must always remember that investments can go down as well as up. :eek:

Right horse , thanks for the advice, kinda hard to take when you are trying to express a fcukin bowl of lamb knuckles:cool:


Let's be a bit serious here.

ejmaztec

FlutterinBantam wrote: »

Right horse , thanks for the advice, kinda hard to take when you are trying to express a fcukin bowl of lamb knuckles:cool:


Let's be a bit serious here.

It would have been a lot easier had you not eaten the bowl as well. Try some mint sauce, that should do the trick. :P

SmileyPaul

Turd Ferguson wrote: »

Porn is always goo to have, although you have to be really carefull. This one time I was fapping away and just as I was about to let loose I sneezed, and came and shat at the exact same time. I was in a coma for 3 weeks...

true or not(and I apologise if that is somehow true :S) ,but thats the funniest thing I've heard in a long time

Hanley

Laptop w/ wireless net access surely??


















*This post came to you from the sh!tter.

LovelyTom

When I did work experience in OPW, one of the toilets had a little cabinet thing to get to the plumbing and one day it was a bit open so I peakd in and it was filled with porn

I went to the toilet about a dozen times that day... :P

Gran Hermano

N95 and Boards mobile here.

In fact I'm dropping the kids off at the pool right now

Ross_Mahon

Times magazine, Mobile Phone, staring at the tiles, PSP

Or go solo and focus on the excrement process.

amacachi

Hanley wrote: »

Laptop w/ wireless net access surely??


















*This post came to you from the sh!tter.

+1

jeremyquinn

a real classy lot.

sign of the times, no wonder the plebs are so easily conned.

The Master

I eat a high fibre diet so I generally read War And Peace through around 2 or 3 times when I'm on the throne

longshanks

plop











aaaahhh

Gran Hermano

jeremyquinn wrote: »

a real classy lot.

sign of the times, no wonder the plebs are so easily conned.

I save all the conspiracy nut threads in After Hours for when I'm 'concentrating' on the can.

Something about reading them whilst on the throne seems appropriate.

KTRIC

I have two motorbike parts catalogues beside the bog but the missus keeps taking them out

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

KTRIC wrote: »

I have two motorbike parts catalogues beside the bog but the missus keeps taking them out

Well how else will she know what to buy you for your brithday/Christmas/Valentine's Day...?

The Walsho

I'm surprised nobody else has said it, Garfield! Inspired by Peep Show.

jayteecork

I've never understood poo books.

I'm done in about 30 seconds tops.

Can never understand how some people spend 10 minutes on the throne.

SmileyPaul

jayteecork wrote: »

I've never understood poo books.

I'm done in about 30 seconds tops.

Can never understand how some people spend 10 minutes on the throne.

maybe not 30 seconds but it doesn't take me 10 minutes

sweet 200 posts

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

jeremyquinn wrote: »

a real classy lot.

sign of the times, no wonder the plebs are so easily conned.

You know where the thanks button is

SmileyPaul wrote: »

maybe not 30 seconds but it doesn't take me 10 minutes

sweet 200 posts

If it's 30 sesonds, I'm thinking he's probbaly not wiping

jayteecork

Ikky Poo2 wrote: »

You know where the thanks button is



If it's 30 sesonds, I'm thinking he's probbaly not wiping

Not including wiping.

Just the pooing part.

How on earth can some people take so long to make a bowel movement?

Mut have difficulty relaxing the sphincter or something i guess.

Mint Sauce

have a stack of magazines in there, music, gagets, and football mostly

antodeco

Im generally in for aroudn 30 mins! peace and quiet and time for yourself. Mobile internet FTW.

fapfapfapfap

shenanigans1982

Mainly Wizard magazine, also have a Calvin and Hobbes and DBZ in there somewhere. Tend to stay in there for a while but when you get pins and needles in your feet its time to have a good look at what you dropped off and get the f*ck out.

fintonagirl

we have a toilet book in our loo for writing/ drawing, so i generally have a look at that to see if there are any new developments. can be quite entertaining in a shared house. series of rules regarding its use, including not talking about book or its contents outside of bathroom. which ive just went and broken - don't tell on me

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

fintonagirl wrote: »

we have a toilet book in our loo for writing/ drawing, so i generally have a look at that to see if there are any new developments. can be quite entertaining in a shared house. series of rules regarding its use, including not talking about book or its contents outside of bathroom. which ive just went and broken - don't tell on me

If your housemates are boardsies - too late...

jayteecork

fintonagirl wrote: »

we have a toilet book in our loo for writing/ drawing, so i generally have a look at that to see if there are any new developments. can be quite entertaining in a shared house. series of rules regarding its use, including not talking about book or its contents outside of bathroom. which ive just went and broken - don't tell on me

nice first post. :pac:

smellslikeshoes

jayteecork wrote: »

Not including wiping.

Just the pooing part.

How on earth can some people take so long to make a bowel movement?

Mut have difficulty relaxing the sphincter or something i guess.

You sir need to slow down and not rush life. Its not just about the act its about the 10+ mins away from the world.

fintonagirl

cheers. i've been moochin around for a wee while but decided to register and have a go at posting.

i think i'm safe from being found out, my housemates don't be on here that i know of. tbh the book was something i had a great experience of in another house but its not going so great in this one, two of my ousemates are foreign and i think the humour, weird tangents that the book was going on kind of confused them.. i've tried engaging them again with some games of x and o's and patch paddy's trousers but am going to have to go back to the drawing board to revive it. with the right group of people it can be hilarious, you can actually end up with queues to get in toilet for people reading/ responding. bit lke a random chat thread, just with the added bonus of being able to draw, find ways of amusing youself - eg holding personal items hostage and then conducting the ransom negotiations via the book....

in the hands of creative/ drunk people it really can be fun. have to be careful though with hygiene, placement in bathroom... we lost a few good books to the toilet and there's no rescuing them after that

Mackman

I read the ingredients and directions for use of every toiletry in the place before i copped on and remembered to bring in a book with me

p-flaps

top gear magazine.

cant be beat