Ladies please help me get the passion back :(

supermouse

Myself and Himself are on a break

Got together 2 years ago. He's a lovely fella, hard working, treats me like a pricess, not into drink and drugs, very sports dedicated, quiet, caring etc etc. Both live at home, about 10 mins drive from each other. See each other every day / night.

Sex hurts! He is very well endowed and while it was ok at the start it then got sore ( maybe i was freezing up cos it was a bit routine ) but we now have 0 passion. Last had a bit of nookie mid August. Before that it was FEBRUARY!!

I know he has no confidence in the bedroom dept over hurting me. He is always careful not to hurt me therefore ruining the moment. We are like an old married couple at this stage. We would both like it 4 or 5 time a week or even more but i think we are just so used to not doing it now, over the pain, that its easier not. We tried toys, books and dressing up but doesnt work - i suppose the fact we both live at home and are rarely alone doesnt help.

How do i fix this?? I am mad about him its the passion thats the big deal breaker. Can we get it back? Or once its gone is it gone for good?

I upsetted

kizzyr

I think if you were sore because of his size then it would always have been painful?
Often when sex becomes dull,routine and sometimes sore it is indicative of something else wrong in the relationship. Talk to him, people don't talk to each other enough. When you sit down to talk let him know you love him and your relationship but you know something isn't right and would like to fix it. Ask him if he feels this way too. Perhaps both of you visiting a sex therapist wouldn't be the worst thing?
I'm not sure if any of that helps, hope it does though.

Zaph

I think this is better suited to PI

Moved from The ladies Lounge

brianthebard

Ye tried toys and dress up... did ye try taking it slow and plenty of lube??

oeb

Also, it might not be the size that is causing the pain. Have you tried latex free condoms?

Oryx

First, there is more to nookie than penetration. Can you be passionate with him in ways that dont involve penetrative sex, does that work well for you both? If not, then its back to the real basics of recapturing the desire you have for each other.

Secondly, what kind of pain is it? If it all goes well till he penetrates you, then it depends on how he is hurting you. It could be that you are not sufficiently aroused, that you get dry, that he hits your cervix, or even you may have a sensitive gspot which can take a while to get used to. All these things can be solved if you both still fancy the socks off each other and have a willingness to change and try new ways of making love.

The first thing you need to do is talk about it and get the subject open between you. No matter who the couple is, the best sex comes from talking about whats working and whats not.

LegacyUser

I had a similar problem OP. Is the pain up near your belly? I had pain there and it was causing major problems with my boyfriend so I went to the doctor. The doctor diagnosed an over-sensitive uterus and changed the pill I was on and I haven't had a problem since! I didn't need a smear test or anything like that. He said that would be the procedure if changing the pill didn't work.

supermouse

We have talked about it and know that the passion going AWOL is the reason behind our recent relationship troubles. Everything else is perfect, we get on great, no arguments, no jealousy, great support and encouragement on both sides.

We tried lube and it worked but i think i was still a bit wary of it hurting and it did a little - but not half as much as without it! That was actually the Feb session - and what a session it was! Everything went great, foreplay, surprise, longevity! August session was very good too - a quickie but great fun.

I know by talking to him he has 0 confidence in bed and it really upsets me, and being honest since these bed problems started my confidence has went through the floor too.

WE will continue to spend some time apart to see will absense make the heart grow fonder and the days we do spend together make them spicy and see if that helps. Dont know if it will...

Oryx

I know you said the toys and dressing up didnt work, how about making things much simpler? Simply spend time kissing, just enjoying that, not expecting it to move forward into anything else, just being close in that way, maybe touching hands, caressing, and being gently intimate for its own sake. Dont worry about being passionate, just try to be open and relaxed with him.

I wonder if your belief that any closeness with him is going to lead to sex, and by definition pain, means that you are blocking all intimacy? If you can learn to relax again without that stress, I would hope it would go a long way towards making sex easier and less painful, as you cannot get properly turned on if you cant relax with someone. Maybe learn to do that, first.

I dunno, its just a suggestion.:)

hippiechickie

This post has been deleted.

carlybabe1

Hi op, have you tried different positions? If you're on top then you can control the speed, depth etc... granted its not a long term solution but it may help you get your sexy back, and as a result when your confidence starts to come back, you may be able to relax more etc. also, try makin love in the bath for reasons as above, good luck, hope you work it out

supermouse

Thank you so much for your replies guys, i really appreciate it all.
Hippiechick- thats a very good idea, the 2 week rule, we will definatly try it.

DO ye think we can get back the passion and lust for each other? I really hope so