Guys - One night stands

guest1568 · 03-09-2008 2:27pm #1

OK, am a girl, mid 20's and the past 3 weekends that i have been out, have got chatting to guys,and by the end of the night they want me to come back to their place for a party and have a one night stand. Im getting really shocked at this considering its happening more frequent! Am i sending out certain signals to indicate that i would be up fro this?

Would love advice from guys who actually do this, and from all others who can shine a light on this.

(for clarification, im not into one night stands so nothing has happened)

Thanks.

cowzerp · 03-09-2008 2:30pm

No, most single fella's want a shag when they can get it..
there just trying it on..

brianthebard · 03-09-2008 2:33pm

Are they actually saying I'd like a one night stand, or something to that affect? That's very forthright. I agree with cowzerp, guys will try it on at any opportunity. Is the places you've been attending known as a good place to pull? (might want to ask some male friends?)

boogle · 03-09-2008 2:36pm

I think you're overanalysing this. If you're a reasonably attractive woman, maybe dressed up for a night out, then you will meet men who will want to try it on. It's most likely nothing to do with any "signals" you may or may not be sending.

guest1568 · 03-09-2008 2:42pm

brianthebard wrote: »

Are they actually saying I'd like a one night stand, or something to that affect? That's very forthright. I agree with cowzerp, guys will try it on at any opportunity. Is the places you've been attending known as a good place to pull? (might want to ask some male friends?)

Yes! Thats the scary thing. They seem like nice guys and all but does a guy seriously think he is going to 'get some' acting like that?

Not sure, they are pretty respectable places and the people there would be late 20's /early 30's and seem like decent people, but like come on.

not yet · 03-09-2008 2:42pm

The bottom line is we all have needs and desires, some guys when drunk etc would shag your granny, others want to get to know you blah blah blah.......

I dont see any problem with a single lad or girl wanting sex if they meet someone they are attracted to. I really believe people chew this subject to death...if it's for you fine, if not no harm.

guest1568 · 03-09-2008 2:44pm

boogle wrote: »

I think you're overanalysing this. If you're a reasonably attractive woman, maybe dressed up for a night out, then you will meet men who will want to try it on. It's most likely nothing to do with any "signals" you may or may not be sending.

Thanks but the fact that 3 different guys in different places and another when i was on a mini break holiday asked the same thing, a girl does start to wonder.

LegacyUser · 03-09-2008 2:50pm

I think that you should take it as the modern "pull" technique. They're just chancing their arm. A lot of women in their late 20's and early 30's might actually be looking for a one night stand too, so they're just checking if you're one of them. And it might be that they want sex, with the possibility of something more developing. Different strokes for different strokes.

If it's not for you, then just decline. I doubt it's any thing you're doing wrong. Don't worry about it.

meesa · 03-09-2008 2:50pm

guest1568 wrote: »

"Thanks but the fact that 3 different guys in different places and another when i was on a mini break holiday asked the same thing, a girl does start to wonder."

Birds do it....bees do it...even educated fleas do it...;)

brianthebard · 03-09-2008 2:54pm

guest1568 wrote: »

Yes! Thats the scary thing. They seem like nice guys and all but does a guy seriously think he is going to 'get some' acting like that?

Not sure, they are pretty respectable places and the people there would be late 20's /early 30's and seem like decent people, but like come on.

Dunno what to say really, at least they aren't pretending to not be interested in sex, then try it on when they get you back to the house. I dunno, we've all (well all guys at any rate) gone out with the intention of pulling or going home with someone at some stage. Obviously if its not what you are interested in then its not welcome, but whats the reaction if you say no? Do they go in a huff and ignore you, or are they still interested? Maybe its just a case of chancing their arm, but would be willing to forego the one night stand if they like you?

Lolz @ meesa's flea reference.

guest1568 · 03-09-2008 3:02pm

brianthebard wrote: »

Dunno what to say really, at least they aren't pretending to not be interested in sex, then try it on when they get you back to the house. I dunno, we've all (well all guys at any rate) gone out with the intention of pulling or going home with someone at some stage. Obviously if its not what you are interested in then its not welcome, but whats the reaction if you say no? Do they go in a huff and ignore you, or are they still interested? Maybe its just a case of chancing their arm, but would be willing to forego the one night stand if they like you?

Lolz @ meesa's flea reference.

They dont go into a huff, more taken back by the fact that i dont find them that drop dead gorgeous to sleep with them right off. (even if they were that hot i still wouldnt sleep with someone i just met) They still try it on and still want me back then just for drinks and at this stage and try and include all the girls im with saying that it wouldnt just be the two of us. The fact they did 'chance their arm' to begin with just turns me off them. (i know this may be so wrong, but cant help it as the guys arent that drunk as to render them incapable of knowing what they are saying).

My friends find it hilarious tho!

AARRRGH · 03-09-2008 3:03pm

Well we do live in an impatient sexualised society, so I'm not surprised there are many guys who want sex straight away, and are not afraid to say so!

I think if you change the bars/clubs you're going to you can probably nip this one in the bud.

For example, if you're drinking in Copper Face Jacks or some hole like that, you have no excuse!

IN GENERAL if you spend a lot of time talking to a guy in a bar he will interpret this as you want to have sex with him.

guest1568 · 03-09-2008 3:05pm

AARRRGH wrote: »

IN GENERAL if you spend a lot of time talking to a guy in a bar he will interpret this as you want to have sex with him.

SERIOUSLY?!

**** - i must lead a lot of guys on then. Yikes!

beth-lou · 03-09-2008 3:06pm

They're just chancing their arm. Are they trying it on with your friends too? Some people are into sex with no ties, both male and female. It probably works for them 50% of the time.

guest1568 · 03-09-2008 3:08pm

beth-lou wrote: »

They're just chancing their arm. Are they trying it on with your friends too? Some people are into sex with no ties, both male and female. It probably works for them 50% of the time.

Nope - just me! They dont mention anything like that to the other girls thats why i was starting to wonder was i giving some some of 'signal'.

AARRRGH · 03-09-2008 3:09pm

guest1568 wrote: »

SERIOUSLY?!

**** - i must lead a lot of guys on then. Yikes!

A lot of guys go to bars to pick up women.

Most women they approach will tell them to **** off.

The women who accept their advances and stand there talking to them are sending very strong signals that they're available and interested!

/Case closed

beth-lou · 03-09-2008 3:12pm

guest1568 wrote: »

Nope - just me! They dont mention anything like that to the other girls thats why i was starting to wonder was i giving some some of 'signal'.

Maybe you're just very friendly/approachable.

humanji · 03-09-2008 3:13pm

It's bullshìt that all guys will try for sex at any opportunity, but if you meet people in bars (guys AND girls) a lot of them will be there for that reason, but not all. I think you're lucky thye said it outright as you knew where you stood then. The fact that they seemed shocked that you'd turn them down doesn't say much for them either.

Drift · 03-09-2008 3:15pm

Hey guest1568, I reckon the reason they try it with you and not your friends is that you're the nice one who chats away with them.

You've been unlucky that some have blatantly asked for sex but don't let it stop how you go about things. Some guys won't do that and will ask for your phone number instead or maybe try for a kiss or ask you on a date.

By chatting to a guy for a long while it will be interpreted as a signal you are interested. For some guys a girl showing interest rings the "one night stand" bell but for others it might signal a potential date. If it's a thing that you're not interested at all there are subtle/nice ways of dropping this into the conversation as it progresses.

guest1568 · 03-09-2008 3:23pm

Drift wrote: »

Hey guest1568, I reckon the reason they try it with you and not your friends is that you're the nice one who chats away with them.

You've been unlucky that some have blatantly asked for sex but don't let it stop how you go about things. Some guys won't do that and will ask for your phone number instead or maybe try for a kiss or ask you on a date.

By chatting to a guy for a long while it will be interpreted as a signal you are interested. For some guys a girl showing interest rings the "one night stand" bell but for others it might signal a potential date. If it's a thing that you're not interested at all there are subtle/nice ways of dropping this into the conversation as it progresses.

I would love to agree with you on me being the friendly one, but the thing is we would all be chatting to them and then they just start chatting to me more and move to be beside me as opposed to being opposite me. Maybe i am too nice in the fact that i dont say something at that but do move slightly backwards away from them. OK, now i am over analysing!

RE. the hints that wouldnt be into one night stands, i have dropped them but they still ask, thats what i cant understand.

Obviously i know all guys arent like this but i have just met a few forward ones in the past few weekends!

smileysurfer · 03-09-2008 3:24pm

Maybe your being 'too friendly and approachable' ??Giving off the wrong impression me thinks! :rolleyes:

beth-lou · 03-09-2008 3:24pm

Do you mind me asking you what bars you were in?

guest1568 · 03-09-2008 3:26pm

smileysurfer wrote: »

Maybe your being 'too friendly and approachable' ??Giving off the wrong impression me thinks! :rolleyes:

So by just chatting to the guy and declining his offer to buy drinks etc, that was me being too friendly?!

guest1568 · 03-09-2008 3:28pm

beth-lou wrote: »

Do you mind me asking you what bars you were in?

Last bar it happened in was sulas (? spelling) on Camden st. (not a bad place as had a good night all in all)

AARRRGH · 03-09-2008 3:29pm

guest1568 wrote: »

So by just chatting to the guy and declining his offer to buy drinks etc, that was me being too friendly?!

Why do you think guys are approaching you?

For a chat?

smileysurfer · 03-09-2008 3:30pm

well all i was saying is that its a bit of a coincidence that all 3 asked for a one night stand. Do the Math

guest1568 · 03-09-2008 3:32pm

AARRRGH wrote: »

Why do you think guys are approaching you?

For a chat?

Ok, call me old fashioned and all but i dont expect them to want to take me back to their palce and have sex on the first meeting!

So your telling me you approach a girl simply because you want to have sex with her?

AARRRGH · 03-09-2008 3:36pm

guest1568 wrote: »

Ok, call me old fashioned and all but i dont expect them to want to take me back to their palce and have sex on the first meeting!

So your telling me you approach a girl simply because you want to have sex with her?

The guys are only talking to you because they want to have sex with you.

Whether that's sex tonight or in two weeks, it doesn't matter - the bottom line is they want to have sex with you.

I agree the guys are being very forward, but you must be sending them signals which suggest you are on for it. Or else you've just been unlucky, but I doubt this is the case.

Anyway, take it as a compliment

- it could be a lot worse - no one could approach you!

Alarums · 03-09-2008 3:38pm

guest1568 wrote: »

Ok, call me old fashioned and all but i dont expect them to want to take me back to their palce and have sex on the first meeting!

So your telling me you approach a girl simply because you want to have sex with her?

Yes.

guest1568 · 03-09-2008 3:40pm

AARRRGH wrote: »

The guys are only talking to you because they want to have sex with you.

Whether that's sex tonight or in two weeks, it doesn't matter - the bottom line is they want to have sex with you.

I agree the guys are being very forward, but you must be sending them signals which suggest you are on for it. Or else you've just been unlucky, but I doubt this is the case.

Anyway, take it as a compliment - it could be a lot worse - no one could approach you!

Thanks for the insight into a guys actions. much appreciated (and i do mean that)

Il tone down my friendliness next time and stop any confusion.

True, but it woulld be nice for him to get my number and use it first before skipping forward 10 steps!

AARRRGH · 03-09-2008 3:44pm

guest1568 wrote: »

True, but it woulld be nice for him to get my number and use it first before skipping forward 10 steps!

I agree completely, however you seem to have a pretty good asshole filter going on as you're discovering the real them straight away! So at least you're not being tricked by fake niceness or whatever.

guest1568 · 03-09-2008 3:47pm

AARRRGH wrote: »

I agree completely, however you seem to have a pretty good asshole filter going on as you're discovering the real them straight away! So at least you're not being tricked by fake niceness or whatever.

lol, so so true! Ever the optimist i see!

Irishcrx · 03-09-2008 4:18pm

I don't see how this is taking 3 pages to sort out or is really a personal issue, how about next time you don't want to be chatted up you say.

"Sorry, just before you go any further your wasting your time thinking i'll be going back with you tonight, I don't do that with guy's i've just met"

Sorted, no problem.

Wibbs · 03-09-2008 4:25pm

irishcrx's post pretty much sums it up. As I can see this descending into farce quickly enough I'm closing the thread. If the OP wants it reopened PM me or one of the other mods.

Guys - One night stands

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