No Oral

LegacyUser

I've been married for a few years and although happy in almost all aspects of my life the fact that my wife will not engage in oral sex is getting to me.

In out long relationship (very long!) she only barely once gave me a BJ but has never repeated the experience. She says she does not like it and thinks its dirty, even if its in the shower. I have in the past given her alot of oral but she now doesnt even like that.

I have come to the point of begging but will no more, we have talked about it alot. I just feel really wound up about this as it is something I like but won't cheat to get it. Help, Advice anything!

AARRRGH

You've known for years she doesn't like giving oral, you accepted this when you married her.

You have to respect her opinion.

Tough luck I guess!

RoosterIllusion

In your own words you won't cheat to get oral sex. Your wife does not have a responsibility in this field to be honest.

I'm sure lots of people here have gone out with people who have a like or dislike for oral sex. If she won't do it for you then learn to live with it as one of the issues that come with marriage or accept that in order to receive oral sex you will have to find somebody who will.

Chances are unless she gets hit with a bolt of lightning she won't change her mind any time soon, in my experience women who do not like oral sex (giving or receiving) are very, very slow to change their mind if ever they do.

Paraphrasing the OP:

BJ advice wrote: »

She says she does not like it

Perfectly acceptable on her part.

BJ advice wrote: »

She says she...thinks its dirty, even if its in the shower.

A stupid point of view, in my opinion.

biko

Indeed, you knew this before marriage. It's only a minor part of the sex anyway and if she does not want it you have to go along with it.
You could perhaps discuss why she thinks it's dirty and perhaps see a sex therapist together? This could resolve the underlying issues and she could "turn" maybe...

Que Marksie

LolaDub

A lot of women don't like it, you could try and find out what she doesn't like about it and see if you can experiment in different ways to navigate around the issue.

Begging is the worst thing you could do here. You will end up making her feel forced and alienated. You need to respect her opinion.

Victor

How about flavoured condoms?

RoosterIllusion

Victor wrote: »

How about flavoured condoms?

A poshie?

Never thought of that. For me, the thought of getting a blowjob while wearing a condom is not really enticing.

MagicMarker

BJ advice wrote: »

I've been married for a few years and although happy in almost all aspects of my life the fact that my wife will not engage in oral sex is getting to me.

In out long relationship (very long!) she only barely once gave me a BJ but has never repeated the experience. She says she does not like it and thinks its dirty, even if its in the shower. I have in the past given her alot of oral but she now doesnt even like that.

I have come to the point of begging but will no more, we have talked about it alot. I just feel really wound up about this as it is something I like but won't cheat to get it. Help, Advice anything!

Why did you marry her?

dr.bollocko

Wow I really didnt know that they still made women like that.
Not to sound trite, but I thought that in our modern sexually kinda liberated society bj's were now standard.
I mean you know, as a sexual partner and a life partner, asking for a BJ and being refused the BJ is a pretty crappy thing to do just because you arent the biggest fan. Good, giving and game is what it is all about. Wouldnt you go the extra mile to please your life partner?

LolaDub

I'd hazard a guess at because he loved her?

AARRRGH

dr.bollocko wrote: »

asking for a BJ and being refused the BJ is a pretty crappy thing to do just because you arent the biggest fan

In fairness, a lot of guys don't like giving oral to women and that is generally accepted as being ok.

I do think it's sad the OP's wife has issues with certain sex acts, but he has known this all along, and shouldn't have married her if it's such a big deal.

MagicMarker

dr.bollocko wrote: »

Wow I really didnt know that they still made women like that.
Not to sound trite, but I thought that in our modern sexually kinda liberated society bj's were now standard.
I mean you know, as a sexual partner and a life partner, asking for a BJ and being refused the BJ is a pretty crappy thing to do just because you arent the biggest fan. Good, giving and game is what it is all about. Wouldnt you go the extra mile to please your life partner?

This is more common than you may think...

Personally, i would never EVER eat mayonnaise from the jar with a spoon, because i would gag! I'm not very well going to do that just because a partner wants me to.

Some people literally just find the act of oral physically repulsive. Personally, i wouldn't want a partner of mine to do it under these circumstances, just because i want it.

dr.bollocko

AARRRGH wrote: »

In fairness, a lot of guys don't like giving oral to women and that is generally accepted as being ok.

Not in my book!

RoosterIllusion

dr.bollocko wrote: »

Not in my book!

Exactly. What's wrong with giving oral to women. If you don't do it then either your woman has a flange like a breakfast roll or you/she have/has some issues.

MagicMarker

RoosterIllusion wrote: »

Exactly. What's wrong with giving oral to women. If you don't do it then either your woman has a flange like a breakfast roll or you/she have/has some issues.

Do you also indulge in water sports while your girlfriend takes a dump on your chest? If you don't then you must have some issues:rolleyes:

dr.bollocko

MagicMarker wrote: »

Do you also indulge in water sports while your girlfriend takes a dump on your chest? If you don't then you must have some issues:rolleyes:

In an adult relationship where sex is involved, often you will find that both partners have unusual kinks, some of which are stranger than others. It is the power to communicate these to the partner and willingness to explore these with a game partner without disgust or regret that can define a happy sexual relationship after the honeymoon period ends. It is the willingness of both partners to be sexually giving that defines this in my opinion.

pookie82

RoosterIllusion wrote: »

Exactly. What's wrong with giving oral to women. If you don't do it then either your woman has a flange like a breakfast roll or you/she have/has some issues.

Nicely put:rolleyes:

Some people don't like the idea of putting a cock in their mouth. I think it's that simple. While most are quite happy to give and receive oral, others will never be ok with that and they're entitled to their taste and dislikes.

The OP married her knowing this (and I'm sure for good reasons). It's unfortunate that he's dying for a blow job and his wife won't play ball but if that's the worst aspect of his marriage I have little pity for him. There's really no way around it other than forcing her to do something that disgusts her. And I fail to see how anyone (other than a sadist) would get pleasure from that.

brianthebard

A lot of you seem to think that the op is demanding something completely unacceptable from his wife, but why shouldn't he want oral? Also does the fact that she doesn't even like receiving oral pleasure not suggest there is more to this, either a very ott obsession with dirt and genitals, or something else? Its not enough to just say you can't have oral cause you married her. FFS.

Amazotheamazing

Firstly, OP, you poor bastard, i feel sorry for you. Really sorry.

Secondly, you married her knowing this, pity that there's been no give or take on the issue, but I don't see what you can do about it, without cheating or leaving her.

Toots

In all fairness, I don't think she can be blamed for not liking it! IMO, giving a blowjob is like eating marmite, you either like it or you don't. Some people who don't like it will do it ocassionally. The OP's wife clearly doesn't like it.

OP, when you say she finds it 'dirty' as in unhygenic, or 'dirty' as in wrong? If it's the former, then maybe see will she give it a go with a flavoured condom?

the thought of getting a blowjob while wearing a condom is not really enticing

maybe not, but at least it's a step in the right direction!

If it's a case that she feels giving oral is 'wrong' then that's a seperate issue. Your concern shouldn't be that she won't do it, rather why she feels this way about it. If she does feel this way, then maybe seeing a sex therapist together is the way to go. I suppose at the end of the day if this doesn't work, you need to respect her choice and try not to pressure her.

LegacyUser

I'm n ot for sone second suggesting it is my right or I want to make her do it. I want her to want it. How can you know you dont like something if you have never tried it??? The issue is a bit closed and only because, I don't like it, you have only tried it once!!!

It's not a thing of it being wrong, rather than not hygenic.

RoosterIllusion

Toots85 wrote: »

maybe not, but at least it's a step in the right direction!

For ****'s sake, if your going to quote me at least do it properly.

This is what I said:

RoosterIllusion wrote: »

For me, the thought of getting a blowjob while wearing a condom is not really enticing.

Nevyn

RoosterIllusion a little more decorum please if you have an issue with a post use the report post function.

brianthebard

BJ Advice wrote: »

I'm n ot for sone second suggesting it is my right or I want to make her do it. I want her to want it. How can you know you dont like something if you have never tried it??? The issue is a bit closed and only because, I don't like it, you have only tried it once!!!

It's not a thing of it being wrong, rather than not hygenic.

clearly if she won't do it in the shower when its clean then its not about hygiene. Sorry but I think you need to have a talk with your wife.

RoosterIllusion

Thaedydal wrote: »

RoosterIllusion a little more decorum please if you have an issue with a post use the report post function.

Yeah I'm talking with Victor about it at the moment.

Didn't mean for the post to seem aggressive, was more frustration than anything.

Anyway, blowjob + condom is a good start but, for me, it's not as good as the real thing.

Catari Jaguar

If she thinks you're going to grab her by the hair and fcuk her in the mouth she might feel degraded and used. Same as if she is scared you'll jizz all over her face. Maybe she's watched oral porn and gotten disgusted by it. If it's good old Catholic guilt she needs to cop on.

I agree with toots about flavoured condoms being a step in the right direction. I think you'd need to do it in steps before going the whole hog.

Take a shower first! Maybe if she blindfolded you she'd be less embarrassed/ self conscious.
She could start with just sucking your balls/licking the shaft (head might seem a bit intimidating). Keep your hands to yourself!! Once she feels in control she might loosen up and go further.

Let her know she doesn't have to take it all in until she gags, the head is most sensitive and tongue play is best, not just bobbing your head up and down like a chicken :rolleyes:

Stop pestering it for her because she'll resent you and it will seem like a chore.

Would she be vanilla in all sex acts? Does she talk to girl friends about sex?

missingtime

AARRRGH wrote: »

In fairness, a lot of guys don't like giving oral to women and that is generally accepted as being ok.

Really? Didn't think that was an issue for guys.
Op,if she wont do it when you.re all cleaned up then there is little chance of you getting one at all.
Try,and i know this is weak,asking her to give you a hand job with a good lot of lube. Lie back and use your imagination :-)

Nevyn

I would say that most men used to shy away from preforuming oral on a woman, this has started to change but there are still many who just won't eat at the Y.


You can't force your Mrs, you do need to find a way to talk openly about this with out her seeing it as pressure to preform which can be tricky.

RoosterIllusion

I think that oral sex is better when it's spontaneous. If your standing there waiting for her to give you a blowjob then it's a bit stupid on your part. On the other hand if the two of you are having sex or leading up to sex then try giving her some oral sex and see what she makes of it. Feeling comfortable appears to be the issue here.

Lil Kitten wrote: »

you grab her by the hair and jizz all over her face, it's good old Catholic flavour, a step in the right direction.

The dangers of paraphrasing. I didn't have to change the order words appeared nor did I add anything to his post

Thaedydal wrote: »

eat at the Y.

Good way of putting it.

Dave147

Thaedydal wrote: »

I would say that most men used to shy away from preforuming oral on a woman, this has started to change but there are still many who just won't eat at the Y.


You can't force your Mrs, you do need to find a way to talk openly about this with out her seeing it as pressure to preform which can be tricky.

Yeah I actually find it strange, my friends asked me before if I go down on girls, I said I did and I quite liked it.. especially if she's waxed and very clean.. They were horrified, so I posed the question: "If Jessica Alba said she would have sex with you after you went down on her what would you say?". I was extremely more horrified when he replied: "No", shocked actually! Didn't realise it was that big a deal for some guys at all..

He's also never tried it and never given it a chance, some people.

RoosterIllusion

Dave147 wrote: »

Yeah I actually find it strange, my friends asked me before if I go down on girls, I said I did and I quite liked it.. especially if she's waxed and very clean.. They were horrified, so I posed the question: "If Jessica Alba said she would have sex with you after you went down on her what would you say?". I was extremely more horrified when he replied: "No", shocked actually! Didn't realise it was that big a deal for some guys at all..

He's also never tried it and never given it a chance, some people.

I agree with you (pronounced UUUUUUU) on that one.

It is a big deal for some guys. It's as big a deal for guys as it is for girls I'd say to be honest.

It's not something anyone should automatically like. However, nor is it something anyone should automatically dislike either. It takes a bit of practice to get it right.

Piste

You could try using flavoured lube to mask the taste.

pookie82

brianthebard wrote: »

A lot of you seem to think that the op is demanding something completely unacceptable from his wife, but why shouldn't he want oral? Also does the fact that she doesn't even like receiving oral pleasure not suggest there is more to this, either a very ott obsession with dirt and genitals, or something else? Its not enough to just say you can't have oral cause you married her. FFS.

It's not completely unacceptable to want a blow job. It's unacceptable to pressure your wife/partner into it though when you know she dislikes it and it disgusts her. Being digusted by the thought of a man's genitalia being shoved into your mouth doesn't have to stem from some deep psychological sickness. The OP has already explained that she finds it unclean in a hygenic sense.

Her not liking receiving oral is not at all unusual and doesn't have to be indicative of her thinking sex is dirty and wrong. believe it or not, despite the hype, many women really don't think it's the bees knees.

I realise that it's inconvenient for the guy who wants a BJ whose wife won't give him one. But what's with all the "Gee she must have one serious f*cked up problem for not wanting to put your c*ck in her mouth, you wanna get that sorted, sounds like she has major psychological issues...." etc. Maybe she just doesn't like it! Simple as that! People are allowed to have different preferences, you know. She shouldn't be forced to comply with his wishes just because he's a man and has blowjob needs.

Toots

RoosterIllusion wrote: »

For ****'s sake, if your going to quote me at least do it properly.

This is what I said:

Rooster, the reason I omitted the first part of your post is becase I'd imagine to most guys the idea of getting a blow job with a condom on would not be enticing. I wasn't trying to single you out in that post.

TBH, the only times I've ever used condoms during oral was with flavoured ones, just to see what they're like. As the OP says, it's a hygiene issue, so even though it mightn't be quite as good for him, using a condom might well be a good compromise.

It'd also be more reassuring for her to know that you're not going to get cum all over her face or in her mouth. Some women find the taste quite unpleasant, and even if you agree to tell her when you're getting close, there's still a taste from pre-ejaculate, which is pretty much the same. If she does agree to try flavoured condoms, get a variety of flavours, open a few and let her try them, without putting them on you. This way she'll get to pick a flavour she's comfortable with. IMO some flavoured condoms taste horrible, it'll just be a case of finding a flavour she likes and go with that.

It's not a lot to expect for your partner to be clean if you're going to be performing oral on them. Does she still say it's unhygenic in the shower? Has she ever given oral to anyone before you were together and is it possible that she had a bad experience with them, which has pretty much put her off altogether? This happened one of my friends when she was in college, it was the first time she'd ever given a blow job, and she found it really really unpleasant, so much so that she's only done it once or twice since, and she's said she'd be perfectly happy to never do it again.

The main thing you need to make sure of is that you don't exert too much pressure on your wife. It'd probably make her feel very insecure if the person she loves most was trying to make her do something she really doesn't want to. Take your time, approach the subject gently, maybe talk about it while you're on 'safe' territory, ie: not in bed/cuddled up on the couch, or anywhere where she feels the conversation may progress into sex.

You also need to realise that, even if she does go for the flavoured condoms idea, it probably won't happen overnight. You might have to be content with 30 seconds of BJ at the outset. Hopefully it'll progress from there, but it could be the case that she may never want to do it without a condom, or she may not want to do it even with a condom. It might be something that she is simply not comfortable doing, and nothing is going to change it. Similarly, I'd imagine that there are certain sex acts that you wouldn't be comfortable with, and you'd probably expect her to respect that. Hopefully this isn't going to be the case and she'll eventually get used to the idea and hopefully even enjoy it on some level.

brianthebard

pookie82 wrote: »

It's not completely unacceptable to want a blow job. It's unacceptable to pressure your wife/partner into it though when you know she dislikes it and it disgusts her. Being digusted by the thought of a man's genitalia being shoved into your mouth doesn't have to stem from some deep psychological sickness. The OP has already explained that she finds it unclean in a hygenic sense.

Her not liking receiving oral is not at all unusual and doesn't have to be indicative of her thinking sex is dirty and wrong. believe it or not, despite the hype, many women really don't think it's the bees knees.

I realise that it's inconvenient for the guy who wants a BJ whose wife won't give him one. But what's with all the "Gee she must have one serious f*cked up problem for not wanting to put your c*ck in her mouth, you wanna get that sorted, sounds like she has major psychological issues...." etc. Maybe she just doesn't like it! Simple as that! People are allowed to have different preferences, you know. She shouldn't be forced to comply with his wishes just because he's a man and has blowjob needs.

Wow, you managed to completely ignore the point I made about HER not wanting HIM to perform ORAL on HER either. Don't you think THAT's a bit odd? And where did anyone, either me or the op, suggest she should be pressured into it? No one said it was FCUKED up either, just that its a bit odd and there may be an underlying issue. People have them sometimes you know.

Tuesday_Girl

In fairness to the OP, he's not saying that he's going to leave his wife over this or that it's a dealbreaker in the marriage, all he has done is posted on boards for some advice. Personally, I would also not be happy about facing a life without oral sex, especially as I reeeeeeally enjoy receiving it and am more than happy to give it too, really enjoy it in fact.

My last partner loved to give it, my current one doesn't, but it doesn't mean I'm going to stop going down on him, nor does it mean it's going to become a major issue for us. We may get to the point where he likes to do it, we may not, if everything else is good in the relationship it won't be an issue but I would like to think and hope that oral sex would be part of my sexual life in the future.

LolaLuv

I'm with the camp that thinks she should do it. I haaaaaaate oral(giving and receiving, so it's fair), but it's sort of mean not to do it every once in a while. Men like it so much it seems wrong to withhold it.

LegacyUser

Have you considered that she may have been sexually abused as a child or something? Could explain a lot...

LegacyUser

What about a situation where I want to give my husbad oral and he isn't interested? How do you explain that? Its not a big deal, I mean I'm not obsessing about it, but we used to do it when we were younger, but now any time I head south he gently nudges me back up.
everything is great in that department, but I do wonder why he's shying away from it.
I have talked about it with the sisteres and they think it's hilarious, it was kind of funny at the time, and my explanation had them in kinks. I think that maybe the bridge of teeth is a bit narrow and he's afraid I'll scratch him. Anyway they thought this was hilarious, but it is true. Do you think that might be it?

LegacyUser

Unreg09796 wrote: »

Have you considered that she may have been sexually abused as a child or something? Could explain a lot...

What?
Jesus people. The girl doesn't like to give head, now someone is suggesting that she was abused as a child. ???!!!

Surely people don't think it is that big of a deal.
I haven't recieved Oral off my OH in about 4 yrs. She doesn't like it and its fine with me.
Most of the head i had gotten from previous partners was diabolical though which is probably why it doesn't bother me that much.

Op, you married the girl, did you suddenly think she was going to drop to her knees after you got married?

Suck it up tbh. (no pun intended)

Karen_*

Well this isn't a debatable issue really since the woman has made it quite clear that she does not like oral sex and does not want to do it, now or ever. Whether we agree with her or empathise with her or the OP is by the by. She doesn't want to do with it and all that remains to be said is that OP you just have to live with that.

Marksie

Karen_* wrote: »

Well this isn't a debatable issue really since the woman has made it quite clear that she does not like oral sex and does not want to do it, now or ever. Whether we agree with her or empathise with her or the OP is by the by. She doesn't want to do with it and all that remains to be said is that OP you just have to live with that.

Total agreement with this.

OP, it is one small act in a vast repertoire of techniques. It should not be an issue.
Use some inagination, try other things and explore.

Iago

pookie82 wrote: »

believe it or not, despite the hype, many women really don't think it's the bees knees.

That's only because most men do it wrong!

Anyway to stay on topic, if your wife really doesn't want to do it then you can't expect her to. You were aware of this before you married her, it's not like she walked smiling up the aisle because she knew she'd given her last bj!

As such you knew what you were getting and you obviously decided that you were happy enough with the overall package to ignore this small section of the relationship. It's a little unfair to now move the goalposts and decide that this is something you need to have. Believe me I fully appreciate the frustration, but anything you do now will be seen as imposing pressure and projecting unhappiness on your relationship. Is it really worth it for this?

LegacyUser

OP, I used to be the same as your wife, there were a number of reasons I didn't want to do it

1-I thought it was alittle degrading

2-I thought it was a little dirty

3-I thought I would get sick if he came in my mouth!!

But the main reason was I Didn't know what to do!!

Maybe she's embarassed that she doesn't know how to do it or that you're gonna come in her mouth......

Don't beg for it! Try having a proper discussion about it in bed and after you've both had a shower, even to this day my bf doesn't get one unless he's just washed his willy!!
Tell her how to do it and that you'll tell her when your about to come and that it won't be in her mouth. If she still really is against it then I'm afraid you'll just have to live with that....

pookie82

brianthebard wrote: »

Wow, you managed to completely ignore the point I made about HER not wanting HIM to perform ORAL on HER either. Don't you think THAT's a bit odd? And where did anyone, either me or the op, suggest she should be pressured into it? No one said it was FCUKED up either, just that its a bit odd and there may be an underlying issue. People have them sometimes you know.

Eh, no I didn't. It's there in my second paragraph. And no I don't think it's indicative of her having an underlying issue. As i've already said, some women don't dig it. End of story.

trio

Wow, you managed to completely ignore the point I made about HER not wanting HIM to perform ORAL on HER either. Don't you think THAT's a bit odd?

You know what I first thought when I read that part of the story? That she's just not enjoying it when he goes down on her. Not because she has psychological problems, but just because he might not be that talented in that department!

No offense, OP. But just as guys say there's nothing less enjoyable than a woman giving them a terrible blowjob - the opposite also applies.

On the BJ issue....I don't think she'll ever want to do it. EVER. I know a lot of women who do it the odd time because they feel they should, but I don't know any who are all Samantha Jones about it, thinking it's the sexiest thing since sliced bread.

Your wife obviously hates it - and I certainly don't think she's unusual in that. I'd say a lot of women hate it and don't do it.

So say you get your BJ. Say you persuade her and she does it. And you look down at her head and you know full well that she's trying to stop herself gagging. How sexy will you feel then???

Marksie

BJ advice wrote: »

I've been married for a few years and although happy in almost all aspects of my life the fact that my wife will not engage in oral sex is getting to me.!

If it was a deal breaker, why marry in the first place?

BJ advice wrote: »

In out long relationship (very long!) she only barely once gave me a BJ but has never repeated the experience. She says she does not like it and thinks its dirty, even if its in the shower. I have in the past given her alot of oral but she now doesnt even like that.!

If she does she does, thats her opinion and should be respected.

But why should you give her oral sex in the expectation that you would get something back.
Something about this tells me that you were doing this to her rather than for her.
Does the fact she doesn't want it anymore tell you anything
like for example
a) she doesnt want it becasue it put the expectation of it being returned..or b) she never really enjoyed it in the first place.

BJ advice wrote: »

I have come to the point of begging but will no more, we have talked about it alot. I just feel really wound up about this as it is something I like but won't cheat to get it. Help, Advice anything!

You probably aren't asking the right questions.
look its one small thing in a vast repertoire.
Compromise.
Have a google search and look at all the different male masturbation techniques out there.
The up and over, the juicer, the corkscrew..dozens and dozens.
Get a really good quality lube and make sure you are lubricated. The sensations when doing that are better than the BJ sensations, which is what you are after anyways.
You never know it may even take things into a different phase.

LegacyUser

After reading this thread, its got me really worried. I hate giving head, tried it once with my OH and just couldn't do it. It just makes me gag even the thought of it. Is it really that big of a deal? I mean, he doesn't bring it up at all

foxy_j

Worried_Now wrote: »

After reading this thread, its got me really worried. I hate giving head, tried it once with my OH and just couldn't do it. It just makes me gag even the thought of it. Is it really that big of a deal? I mean, he doesn't bring it up at all

Hey there
I thought i was alone in the haaaateing bj department. ya i echo that sentiment, are they really a big deal and do most women do them?
I've been with my boyfriend 5 years and he's only gotten a handful of them. I just find it repulsive, sometimes a bit smelly and i feel like gagging. Definitely coming in my mouth is out of the question.

I do feel bad though as he doesn't pressure me about it at all, only ever once in a while he'll ask for one.
He's v generous about giving it to me but i never ask or expect it as i don't think its fair to do so (even though he's excellent at it)

any suggestions?? thanks

MagicMarker

foxy_j wrote: »

Hey there
I thought i was alone in the haaaateing bj department. ya i echo that sentiment, are they really a big deal and do most women do them?
I've been with my boyfriend 5 years and he's only gotten a handful of them. I just find it repulsive, sometimes a bit smelly and i feel like gagging. Definitely coming in my mouth is out of the question.

I do feel bad though as he doesn't pressure me about it at all, only ever once in a while he'll ask for one.
He's v generous about giving it to me but i never ask or expect it as i don't think its fair to do so (even though he's excellent at it)

any suggestions?? thanks

Truth is most men probably love oral, i know i absolutely love it:) But any decent guy wouldn't want you to do anything you didn't enjoy. As much as i love it i'd happily give it up if someone i cared about didn't like it.

Marksie

foxy_j wrote: »

any suggestions?? thanks

wash before hand to avoid odour.

do try using a lubed hand for the shaft, which gives teh sensations of being enclosed,
then us your tongue on the frenulum, rim and tip.(like an ice cream cone )
That way you are compromising in that you aint taking it all in (though just taking the tip in can be very good) and yet you are giving him the sensations.
In ither words find something you are comfortable with that gets the desire both across and fulfilled.

Step away from the PRon idea of what a BJ is. Use it as an expression not a chore, so dont rush.

The taste of semen can be influenced by diet, pineapple is very good for improving the flavour. Luckily i like pineapple.

Ok i had a look through my library and would recommend a couple of books:
Sinful sex by dr. Pam spur
and
erotic passions: a guide to orgasmic massage, sensual bathing, oral pleasuring etc tec... by Kenneth ray stubbs. (this is perhaps better)

Normally i would say find your own path, but sometimes a little guidance helps.
Plus of course if you get them as a suprise for your lover..well then..you can have agreat time reading them and playing..added value
amazon do them.