Ex messing me around - AGAIN!!!!!!

LegacyUser

Morning All,

I'm feling very blue today and could do with some advice.

I've posted on here a few times over the years about my ex boyfriend and our many attemots at getting back together. The general consensus on here and amongst my friends is always walk away. We went out for 4 years, fought non-stop towards the end and fell apart. I'm so down I can barely type so I'll keep this short. Basically he asked me to meet him on Friday night, I said no but he wouldn't let it go until I gareed to meet him. We broek up two years ago by the way.

He declared his undying love for me, talked abot out 'inseperable bond' and how it made sense that we always go back to each other. He said it's because we loev each other so deeply blah blah blah.

He said he'd take me out for dinner last night but his phone was off all day long. I feel so stupid for even meeting hima nd believing all his hit. I just don't get why he'd bother?

Why would soembody act that way?

Sorry for the lack of detail, I really can't even type I'm so low:(

Trinity

Look at your title - AGAIN!!!!.

Its like saying i keep sticking my hand on the fire and it burned AGAIN. Of course it did, did it not teach you that the first time? Even kids get this message very very quickly. That hurts lets not do it again.

How many times you gonna let him hurt you? As long as you let him he will keep doing it.

Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.

Why not for your own sake go with the general consenus and walk away. CHange your number and dont let people torment you into doing things you dont want to do.

Nevyn

He will keep messing you about for as long as you are open to him.

LegacyUser

Thaedydal wrote: »

He will keep messing you about for as long as you are open to him.

Thanks for your replies.

I am aware of that and I'm an intelligent girl. For some reason when it comes to him all sense and reason goes out the f*cking window. I just don't get why he'd waste his own time and my time by begging me to meet up. We didn't even have sex cause I wnet homw after dinner. i needed to process what he'd said to me. He seemed so genuine. He's a 30 year old man, whay would he lie to me and tell me he loves me so much to then turn his phone off and ignore me?? I just sent him a text saying ' You're pathetic - stay the hell away from me'. He replied 'ok. Fair enough'.

God, I feel like crap!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank god for boards as a comfort zone and place to vent. I've smoked so much cigarettes over the last few days cause of him that my throat is all sor. i feel like a loser.

Karen_*

Look at how you're feeling now. You aren't moving on at all or feeling any better and you can't even see a day where you might feel better. He's totally pulling the strongs and calling the shots because you're LETTING HIM!

Why do people act like that? Well basically because they're allowed to get away with it and because they are heartless unfeeling and selfish people. And they can only hurt you if you let them. Now this relationship is over. Its not for you, he's not for you and you deserve to be happy. This relationship wasn't making you happy, he wasn't making you happy and being messed around isn't making you happy. Quite the opposite.

Do you want to be happy and to feel good about yourself? If so there is no instant fix but you can start somewhere. And a really good place to start would be by reclaiming your dignity and self respect and cutting all ties. Take the power back from him. No need to announce it to him, just afford him the same courtesy he has given you and that would be none. Don't let him see you, hear another word from your mouth or anything from your phone. Your friends are right and you know they are. You have to walk away.

Nevyn

You are not a loser.

You didn't have sex with him, you didn't let yourself get swept of your feet,
you are not planning you wedding iwth him after 1 dinner.

Many poeple get in touch with their ex for different reasons, sometimes to reinforce why they broke up, to guage how much they have changed, to see if it may be possible to have another go or just for the ego boost and to see if they still have a fall back.

If you don't want to be his ego boost or fall back then you cut contact or only have minimal contact.

So you meet up for dinner with an ex who played a big part in your life and had dinner and caught up. Nothing wrong there what so ever, but you have to look at how it impacted on you emotionally and if you have learned anything about yourself and are able to make changes so you are not as upset again then you have again from what has happened.

Only letting him wind you up again and again and again never taking responsiblity and mooning around over him for the rest of your life would make you a loser.
Chin up girl it's a monday morning and hopefully by friday you will be feeling a lot better.

Wibbs

Karen_* wrote: »

they can only hurt you if you let them.

That sums it up. In fact that sums up most if not all situations where someone is hurting you.

His behaviour is out of order and not a little confusing. I don't get the back and forth part. One minute he "loves" you and the next he's ignoring you and then blase about you telling him to bugger off. Of course if its during, just before or just after sex that he tells you he loves you then you know the score there already. Regardless that guff is as welcome as a fart in a space suit, so time to scrape him off.

Your sense goes out the window because you fancy him, you've made the decision to let yourself fancy him in the past and put faith in that when you thought he was a good bet. Maybe it's more a woman thing in some ways. Women have to be more careful than men in who they choose(pregnancy etc) so when they do choose and take that step, it may be harder to ignore that or admit subconconciously when they made a mistake.

No matter though, now that your brain knows he's a waster your feelings and hormones are still in play. They'll take time to catch up, but they are in your control, not his. Your brain doesn't go out the window. It's still there in all it's glory so take comfort in that when the emotions run high and examine each emotion as they come up and look at the reality and then let them go.

You're in control. Not him. Good luck with it anyway.

Wibbs

Thaedydal wrote: »

You are not a loser.

You didn't have sex with him, you didn't let yourself get swept of your feet,
you are not planning you wedding iwth him after 1 dinner.

Many poeple get in touch with their ex for different reasons, sometimes to reinforce why they broke up, to guage how much they have changed, to see if it may be possible to have another go or just for the ego boost and to see if they still have a fall back.

If you don't want to be his ego boost or fall back then you cut contact or only have minimal contact.

So you meet up for dinner with an ex who played a big part in your life and had dinner and caught up. Nothing wrong there what so ever, but you have to look at how it impacted on you emotionally and if you have learned anything about yourself and are able to make changes so you are not as upset again then you have again from what has happened.

Only letting him wind you up again and again and again never taking responsiblity and mooning around over him for the rest of your life would make you a loser.
Chin up girl it's a monday morning and hopefully by friday you will be feeling a lot better.

+1

Dragan

Hearthurts wrote: »

Why would soembody act that way?(

Because you let him.

king_of_inismac

My advice is simple:

You love/d him and you won't get over him/move on while he's still in your life.

You need to distance yourself from him for at least 6 months. That means no texts/calls/anything!

When you do meet the right person, you'll have a frame of reference to judge him by and you'll wonder why you kept him in your life for as long as you did.

Until then, give yourself the space you need to get over him....

all the stars

Hearthurts wrote: »

Why would soembody act that way?

"People only do to you what you allow them to do to you"

One of the best things i ever heard...

Henry Ford III

Time to change your mobile number methinks. Cut contact totally. He's no good and no good for you either OP.

Turn the other night into a positive. Learn from the error. Do not repeat it.

Sugar Drunk

Hearthurts wrote: »

I've posted on here a few times over the years about my ex boyfriend and our many attemots at getting back together. The general consensus on here and amongst my friends is always walk away.

And yet you keep going back to him every damn time! - why? This is self destructive behaviour. Despite the warning on hear and from friends you keep doing it so eventually they are just going to get sick of watching you do it and listening to you whinge afterwards.

Scoogles

The fact that your hear pining for him means you have some sort of feelings towards him still. But if he hurts you that much is he worth it. Plus my thinking is that he knows he's hurting you.
My Da always says "You can only be sorry the first time, the second time sorry won't cut it"