Parents and a will

Ruu_Old

Well my folks are getting on in years and last time I was home, I brought up the subject. They don't have one made out or decided on where the house, etc is going to go yet. This is because my siblings all have homes of their own and they are unsure of other items in the household. I think everything will get sold and split up, even though I would like someone in the family to keep the home and would say most would. My father's family didn't have one and he was left to scrap it out with his brothers (neither of which we talk to anymore), I guess this must be an Irish thing.:) Do your folks have one and how did you bring it up if they didn't? I just asked straight out.

amacachi

What's to row about? Sell the ****, split the cash evenly.

Kintarō Hattori

The parents decided many years ago that the house would be sold and the money then split between the kids. They then said last year that they were going to give the house to the oldest of us (41) who's still living at home with the parents, unemployed doing very little while we've all tried to make something of our lives.

It doesn't bother me so much but the reason they did it does.

donegal11

amacachi wrote: »

What's to row about? Sell the ****, split the cash evenly.

parents may want to keep the home within the family

amacachi

Yeah, leave it to the kids. The kids should sell it and split the cash. Or if one or more want to stay in it, get it valued and those staying in it pay the rest of the value to those not living in it.

If only.

celticcutie

There's been murder in my family over property. Although it's nice to keep the family home in the family there's no way that can be done amicably unless the person who wants to live there can afford to buy the other siblings out. I say sell it and split it - at least that way everyone will still end up talking to each other :P

amacachi

Yeah, it is amazing in this family how common sense and fairness go out the window when it comes to a bit of land.

celticcutie

I've never seen anything like it. Tears families apart. It's not just about the money I suppose - it's often about recongition and treating siblings fairly. Perceptions can be very different all round. Best lay it all out evenly. Nothings worth breaking up a family

FunkZ

amacachi wrote: »

Yeah, it is amazing in this family how common sense and fairness go out the window when it comes to a bit of land.

Tis dead sneaky

Dave147

Parents are in their mid fifties and there's 4 of us, 2 boys 2 girls.. It sounds simple, sell everything and split it. Firstly I hate even thinking about my parents dying, spent most of my life in this house and this town, I'd find it very hard to not have a 'home' as such. We also have a pub, I reckon my dad could pass it on to me as I basically run it, or he could sell it. I would rather work for my living so I think I'd prefer him selling it and putting the money in funds for his grandchildren or something.

Hopefully my parents have at least 30 years so I think that's all I'll speak about the subject for at least 20 years!

donegal11

divided equally may not be as fair as it seems take an example of a farmer with three children ,two of which at the age of 18 leave and set up lives away from home and the other stays and helps on the farm.would it be fair to divide it equally among the three children?

thefinalstage

MY parents are going to hock everything when we all move out and get stoned until they die. Good plan.

One Cold Hand

Yeah my wrinklies have made their will. I don't know exactly whats in it, but I'm pretty sure everything would be split even between me and my sibling.

If funny how many famlies in Ireland have massive arguements over wills. I guess wills are pretty complicated and people can get bitter if they feel they haven't been looked after in the will. There's other things too, like when to sell the house: some people want to keep it for a while, while others want to sell up straight away a get the cash.

MagicMarker

It's all being left to the dog.

c - 13

My parent dont have a will either but they told me years ago (I was probably 18 at the time ?) that when they kick it everything is to be divided between the three of us. If one of us decides to buy the other two out though and keep the house thats cool too.

Overheal

My stepmother never had a will and I bet she regrets it a bit now!

My dad only has a will for his Irish Assets. I doubt my mother has one. Not many people look forward to writing out their wills.

KnifeWRENCH

I think my parents have one, I haven't asked them about it though.

There's 3 of us in the family, myself and two older sisters. I think the house would probably be sold and the money split between us because I can't imagine any of us remaining iving there. I assume we'd all get the same, but tbh I wouldn't mind if my oldest sister got a bit more because she has her own family now.

spurious

My parents sat us down a good few years ago and asked two of us to be executors and explained what that meant. I've no idea what's in the will - it's their business what they want to do with their stuff. They have given me more than enough, if they want to leave it all to the dog pound, I have no problem with that.

Red Hand

Jesus, is it only me, or does anybody else find this subject matter a bit weird?

I never think of "who will get the house". I don't think about wills or anything like that, don't want to think about it. For Christ sake, it's not like most of us own a titled manor worth 15 million. I must be judgemental, but anybody thinking about wills when the parent isn't even dead just seems very callous to me.

Irishcrx

I was left half a share in a house in my grandads will when I was 12, there was absulute murder getting it sorted out when I turned 21 I wanted to keep it in the family so I bought the other half out at an unfair price and was left with 20 k worth of damage to repair through lack of care over the years..

Quazzie

Kintarō Hattori wrote: »

The parents decided many years ago that the house would be sold and the money then split between the kids. They then said last year that they were going to give the house to the oldest of us (41) who's still living at home with the parents, unemployed doing very little while we've all tried to make something of our lives.

It doesn't bother me so much but the reason they did it does.

Do ya not think that its fair that your brother gets to stay in the house that he was born into and grew up in and called home for all his life?

Quality

My parents will have everything split equally between the children.

But I wonder if it is surviving children only? I mean if I died before them.. would my children get my share?

The oldest granddaughter will get my mams wedding ring, as is tradition in my family.



I would hope to get the photos... I love pictures..

Caoimhín

I have seen so many families split up and fall out over land, property and inheritance.

Its hard but it is best to sort these things out as soon as possible.

Heisenberg.

This post has been deleted.

Kintarō Hattori

Quazzie2002 wrote: »

Do ya not think that its fair that your brother gets to stay in the house that he was born into and grew up in and called home for all his life?

He's 41 and still living at home. He hasn't worked in the last year. He had a great opportunity handed to him and could have been better off than any of the other kids. Instead he spent what he earned down in the pub every weekend. Everyone else got off of their ass's, got jobs and started families.

Now don't get me wrong. Their decision is their decision and I've never asked them for anything in my life but what annoys me about it all is their reason for giving him the house, reasons which I won't go into here.

thelordofcheese

I've already told my siblings that my share of the will can be bought for a nice sandwich.

I'm considering it an acid test for just how stupid and/or greedy some of them are. But on the plus side, free sandwich!

Tricity Bendix

Jeremiah 16:1 wrote: »

Jesus, is it only me, or does anybody else find this subject matter a bit weird?

I never think of "who will get the house". I don't think about wills or anything like that, don't want to think about it. For Christ sake, it's not like most of us own a titled manor worth 15 million. I must be judgemental, but anybody thinking about wills when the parent isn't even dead just seems very callous to me.

I'd prefer to seem callous now than fall out with my siblings further later on. You mightn't want to think about it, but one day you will be forced to think about it. The loss of a parent is hugely traumatic, there is no need to add to that trauma by adding uncertainty over inheritance.

Honey-ec

Quazzie2002 wrote: »

Do ya not think that its fair that your brother gets to stay in the house that he was born into and grew up in and called home for all his life?

Actually, I think it's ridiculously unfair that one lazy good for nothing gets massively rewarded for his inability to function as a grown-up while the rest of his siblings who actually made something of themselves are left with nothing...

Terry

Jeremiah 16:1 wrote: »

Jesus, is it only me, or does anybody else find this subject matter a bit weird?

I never think of "who will get the house". I don't think about wills or anything like that, don't want to think about it. For Christ sake, it's not like most of us own a titled manor worth 15 million. I must be judgemental, but anybody thinking about wills when the parent isn't even dead just seems very callous to me.

It's an Irish thing, much like the way we are raised to believe that we have to buy a house.

It goes back to the penal laws, when Catholics were not allowed to own land.
Once we could own land, we got it and held onto it.

I've seen a lot of families fall out over the family home and it's never a good thing, so it is best to get it sorted with a will.

My Father's family no longer speak to me because I was left my family home. They felt they were somehow entitled to a share of it. I've no idea why, nor do I really care. It's mine and that's that.

If one family member wants to keep the home, then they should pay a reasonable (but not excessive) price to the other members.

My cousins did this and it worked out well for them.

The parents should step in with a will so that greed doesn't get in the way.

marti101

Honey-ec wrote: »

Actually, I think it's ridiculously unfair that one lazy good for nothing gets massively rewarded for his inability to function as a grown-up while the rest of his siblings who actually made something of themselves are left with nothing...

Actually if the parents live for another 30 years,its usually the person who stays in the house looks after them.In that case he deserves the house otherwise the house will be sold so the parents can be looked after in a home.I know what id do id sell the house now and retire and feck off somewhere.P[roblem solved.

WindSock

Threads like these just remind me to get the family together while we are all still here and have a pow-wow on who gets what and finalise it properly with a will. the sooner the better, methinks.

My parents have a will since we arrived on the planet.
My mothers family had a horribly messy expierence, and my father avoided one because my grandfather made everyone sign up to their agreement with his wishes at the will writing stage.
We are lucky in that the property divides well.
But when it is my turn to pass it on, I won't be dividing it equally.
I don't like the idea of entitlement, I think your parents do enough for you as it is. I'll pass my land on to someone who use it.

LovelyHurling

My parents were already very organised about this and we've all known since we were kids what each would be left with as adults. One bankruptcy and a divorce later, everything is somehow still on track...

Kiera

I don’t give a monkeys about my Mam’s will. She’s given enough to me growing up so I don’t want anything else from her. I would never bring up her will neither. Its not my business.

Dave!

Think I started a thread on this before, but.......

Would anyone actually begrudge their parents if, in their retirement, they sold the "family home" and moved in to somewhere cheaper/smaller (even rented), and spent their remaining years spending the money on whatever they want? eg. travelling

I think that would be a better plan than for them to hang onto it until they die and then split it up amongst the kids.

Honey-ec

Dave! wrote: »

Think I started a thread on this before, but.......

Would anyone actually begrudge their parents if, in their retirement, they sold the "family home" and moved in to somewhere cheaper/smaller (even rented), and spent their remaining years spending the money on whatever they want? eg. travelling.

Not in the least, and in fact my Dad has been at pains to point out that he's planning to spend every penny he has before he dies!

Kintarō Hattori

Dave! wrote: »

Think I started a thread on this before, but.......

Would anyone actually begrudge their parents if, in their retirement, they sold the "family home" and moved in to somewhere cheaper/smaller (even rented), and spent their remaining years spending the money on whatever they want? eg. travelling

I think that would be a better plan than for them to hang onto it until they die and then split it up amongst the kids.

Not at all. Growing up in the 80's our parents brought us to all corners of the country on holidays and day trips etc. I never wanted for anything as a kid so I wouldn't begrudge them doing that. They did a good job (I think) with us so why the hell not.

Dave!

Dave! wrote: »

Think I started a thread on this before, but.......

Would anyone actually begrudge their parents if, in their retirement, they sold the "family home" and moved in to somewhere cheaper/smaller (even rented), and spent their remaining years spending the money on whatever they want? eg. travelling

I think that would be a better plan than for them to hang onto it until they die and then split it up amongst the kids.

I think that is the best idea of the lot.

loyatemu

I can understand people having a sentimental attachment to the home they grew up in, but unless its some georgian pile thats been in the family for generations I think the simplest thing is to sell the f*cker and split the proceeds. Less aggro.

Plus its likely in the future that people going into nursing homes will have to pay for their own upkeep and this could involve remortgaging their house

Ruu_Old

Dave! wrote: »

Think I started a thread on this before, but.......

Would anyone actually begrudge their parents if, in their retirement, they sold the "family home" and moved in to somewhere cheaper/smaller (even rented), and spent their remaining years spending the money on whatever they want? eg. travelling

I think that would be a better plan than for them to hang onto it until they die and then split it up amongst the kids.

Absolutely and they would be well entitled to do so and enjoy what remains of their lives. I really couldn't care less who gets what, I would just rather not argue over it when the time comes.

Terry

Ruu wrote: »

Absolutely and they would be well entitled to do so and enjoy what remains of their lives. I really couldn't care less who gets what, I would just rather not argue over it when the time comes.

Well not arguing is the main thing.

Who wants to sully the memory of their parents by being greedy?

Well, greedy people I suppose, but, yeah/. A will is a good idea.

Kintarō Hattori

Kintarō Hattori wrote: »

The parents decided many years ago that the house would be sold and the money then split between the kids. They then said last year that they were going to give the house to the oldest of us (41) who's still living at home with the parents, unemployed doing very little while we've all tried to make something of our lives.

It doesn't bother me so much but the reason they did it does.

Yeah mine did the same

RxQueen

they talk about it sometimes, says its going to the little brother, although nothings put on paper afaik.

lostinnappies

if others want to sell the house and you want to keep it, then you can buy them out. Get a mortgage and pay them the equivalent shares.

seamus

loyatemu wrote: »

I can understand people having a sentimental attachment to the home they grew up in, but unless its some georgian pile thats been in the family for generations I think the simplest thing is to sell the f*cker and split the proceeds. Less aggro.

Indeed. Unless there's a very specific reason for holding onto the house (i.e. somebody is still living in it who can't afford to move out), I don't understand this attachment to bricks and mortar and why some people feel they have a right to the place they grew up in.
Yes, I was a tad peeved when we moved out of the home I'd lived in all my life, but I would never have expected to be "given" it at any stage.

I'm also not understand these "callous" and "morbid" comments. People die. Accept it. I don't know why it's taboo, but if you stop denying it then you might actually enjoy life more. If you have assets and family it makes sense to make plans for your death, because it's going to happen one way or another. So you may as well make the experience as easy for your family as you can.

I would never discuss the contents of the will with my parents, I would simply check to see if they'd made one.

I know in my family, it wouldn't be a concern anyway. All cash and assets would be split four ways. The biggest arguments would be about who the dogs go to live with
But other families aren't quite so close and sometimes there are sisters and brothers and dependents aunts who expect something.

If we enforced by law that everything went to the State when you die, we'd all spend our time enjoying our money instead of misering it away.

LovelyHurling

seamus wrote: »

If we enforced by law that everything went to the State when you die, we'd all spend our time enjoying our money instead of misering it away.

I don't agree, I think you'd have a lot of bitterness, a wealthy state, and an assett impoverished, very poor population!

Also, bear in mind some properties have been in families for many generations and there is a real sense of identity attached to them. To have such things eaten up by the state machine would spell disaster for our national heritage and the very essence of how the Irish family tends to identify itself.

heyjude

One Cold Hand wrote: »

If funny how many famlies in Ireland have massive arguements over wills. I guess wills are pretty complicated and people can get bitter if they feel they haven't been looked after in the will.

Often this stems from lingering feelings of favouritism towards one or siblings while the parents were alive. If a child believes that they have been poorly treated by a parent while they were alive, then a will can sometimes be seen as an opportunity to put this right and an equal split isn't seen as fair for someone that may have spent years looking after a sick parent.

Jeremiah 16:1 wrote: »

I must be judgemental, but anybody thinking about wills when the parent isn't even dead just seems very callous to me.

And presumably thinking about life insurance or taking out a VHI subscription when you are fit and well would be similarly callous. The fact is that death is inevitable, so planning for it should be inevitable too.

WindSock wrote: »

Threads like these just remind me to get the family together while we are all still here and have a pow-wow on who gets what and finalise it properly with a will. the sooner the better, methinks.

Too true and its never too soon, so long as you remember to update it to allow for changes in circumstances. My dad point blank refused to even discuss a will for years, feeling that if you discussed a will it meant you were going to die, now he has dementia, so he can't make a will even if he wanted to.

DanGerMus

Dave! wrote: »

Think I started a thread on this before, but.......

Would anyone actually begrudge their parents if, in their retirement, they sold the "family home" and moved in to somewhere cheaper/smaller (even rented), and spent their remaining years spending the money on whatever they want? eg. travelling

I think that would be a better plan than for them to hang onto it until they die and then split it up amongst the kids.

That would be the perfect way for someone to spend there hard earned cash before the passed on. But who knows when they'll die and what will be left.

I think everyone should write a will before they die it's just prudent. I will because i'd rather just take the hit of feeling mildly depressed for a day or so while i write it out and be done with it than leave a situation for my kids that could leave them bickering and possibly never speak again.

celticcutie

DanGerMus wrote: »

That would be the perfect way for someone to spend there hard earned cash before the passed on. But who knows when they'll die and what will be left.

I think everyone should write a will before they die it's just prudent. I will because i'd rather just take the hit of feeling mildly depressed for a day or so while i write it out and be done with it than leave a situation for my kids that could leave them bickering and possibly never speak again.

Is it true that the Government are now talking about taking some of the value of an older person's home should they need to be cared for in a Nurinsg home? If that's the case it's unlikely wills will need to be written in this mental country anymore

shenanigans1982

I think the whole thing just leads to too much infighting.

About a year and a half ago my Grandad died, he had four kids and my ma was the only one he still had contact with. In his will he left his share of his house to me, my brother and my sister. He also left money but we gave this to our ma because nothing had been left to her.

As soon as the will was shown to my granny she was quick enough to point out how they had come to an arrangement that we could not sell the house until she dies. She has been in ill health recently and knowing that the day is probably going to come soon that the whole will thing is going to come to a head makes me sick.

I know that my ma's brothers and sisters will want to keep the family home. And my Uncle still lives there and has basically no chance of getting a mortgage to buy out our half. To be honest I don't want to force the house to be sold and just f*ck him out on the street but the money would go a long way toward helping me and my OH getting our own home.

No matter which choice I make someone is going to lose out.

Actually reading back through that post its probably better suited to Personal Issues :rolleyes:

Kintarō Hattori

shenanigans1982 wrote: »

...Actually reading back through that post its probably better suited to Personal Issues :rolleyes:

No it highlights perfectly the whole topic of this thread.