Thankfully no abortion required.

banjaxx

I've been going out with my gf for best part of a year (living together a few months). There's been lots of good times... but also plenty of arguments.
For me it's too early to say if it's going to be a long term thing or not.

Anyway last week we decided to take a pregnancy test (turned out to be negative).
So the night before the test we had an interesting conversation.
Granted okay, she might have been a bit stressed, but she said that if she were pregnant, and I forced her to have an abortion, she'd tell my
family. Probably by "force", I think she meant that I wouldn't stand by her.

So why would she tell my family?..."Because they would deserve to know" she replied. There was no arguing with her...this is what she reckoned she would do. In reality of course, I guess what she was saying, was that if she did have an abortion, then I would deserve to be disgraced, and if this
involved causing pain to my family, then so be it.

Anyway after the negative test the next day, she says she was only testing me, and that she would never have an abortion anyway because of its adverse effects on women. Strangely she also says that she has no "moral objection" to abortion.

Anyway even though I guess the pill is what...99% effective?...we've now stopped making love. Any possible scenario where pain is caused to my family is simply unacceptable to me.

Not sure where we go from here.

MagicMarker

You've stopped 'making love' with her because of the off chance she'll get pregnant and you'll force her to abort?

Would you force her to abort?

TBH, she sounds like a nutcase. No one can force her to do anything, and 'threatening' to tell your family just to make a show of you is just so incredibly immature.

Yep, nutcase.

Darragh29

I'd be gone to be honest OP. "Testing" you like that is abnormal behaviour. If she was pregnant, you could have had a terrible predicament on your hands if it turned out that she wasn't "testing" you. Ultimately it is entirely her decision what to do if she finds she is pregnant. If she wants to have an abortion, she can. I don't agree with this, but these are the facts. Clearly wanting to punish you for such a decision on her part by dragging your family into unnecessary conflict and turmoil on a decision with regard to which they should have absolutely no input, (assuming that your family would be disgusted by such a situation, she has obviously copped that this would be the case, if it wasn't, I can't see why she would be threatening to drag your family into it).

I'm not telling you what to do but if someone said that to me and tried to put me in a corner like that, once it turned out that she wasn't pregnant, I'd be gone like a bolt of lightening and I wouldn't be coming back...

Darragh29

MagicMarker wrote: »

You've stopped 'making love' with her because of the off chance she'll get pregnant and you'll force her to abort?

Would you force her to abort?

TBH, she sounds like a nutcase. No one can force her to do anything, and 'threatening' to tell your family just to make a show of you is just so incredibly immature.

Yep, nutcase.

+1 OP. It's worse than immature, it's malicious and like something you would expect from a bunny boiler...

JonathanAnon

Is a bad sign alright. it's immature at best, and would leave you wondering what other little revenge plans she has ready for you.

Phototoxin

That's pervese. Firstly in Ireland you cannot have an abortion except in exteremly limited circs. and that they dont occur in ireland.

Second

Granted okay, she might have been a bit stressed, but she said that if she were pregnant, and I forced her to have an abortion, she'd tell my
family.

How would you 'force her to have an abortion' ? coat-hanger & vodka with a nazi accent and a monocle? :eek:

Incidentally its not exactly your familys business, she sounds like a control freak "if you ruin my life I will ruin yours"

K-9

It must be remembered she was under intense stress and pressure.

If you forced her to have an abortion, she'd have every right to tell your family, but it's rare in this day and age women are forced to have abortions.

My worry would be how she has reacted to that stress and pressure and how she changed her mind after the test. Sounds like somebody looking for somebody to blame!
The sex thing is very strange!

OP, it is common for somebody to personally disagree with abortion, but have no moral objection to it! It isn't a black & white issue!

miss_shadow

sounds as though she wasn't on the pill at all and was trying to get pregnant?then when she realised that being pregnant you can't force a man to stay and had an 'abortion' talk to see what would happen if she were pregnant and now not having sex, just sounds very suspicious.
This is very dangerous territory that you are situated in, i'd say get the hell out of it and run for your life.

Marksie

I think the abortion conversation is a symptom not an issue.

There are other things going on here.
You say you argue a lot.... are they of a similar nature.
You also say you are not sure whether this is a long term thing or not.

Perhaps her "tests" are designed to find out and are because she is insecure.

Either that or game playing.
Either way, its not an attractive trait to be doing.

But we only have one half of the equation. So I will hold fire on what your OH mind state is.
After all we do not know whats happeing your end to trigger insecurities, though the admittance that you are not sure where this relationship and its stormy nature is going would indicate to me, that her "tests" are attempts to draw information out of you for her own peace of mind. So it is, in the bigger scheme, communication after a fashion

RoosterIllusion

Firstly, is her name Liz?

Secondly, she sounds like an idiot.

Thirdly, why would your family give a f*ck whether she has an abortion or not? As long as your ok they shouldn't really care what she does.

Fourthly, where is the shame in an abortion? If she gets pregnant, and either both of you her alone does not want a to have a child then get an abortion.

Seanies32 wrote: »

It must be remembered she was under intense stress and pressure.

Yeah and by taking it out on you she proved herself to be a f*cking idiot.

Catari Jaguar

Seanies32 wrote: »

If you forced her to have an abortion, she'd have every right to tell your family, but it's rare in this day and age women are forced to have abortions.

THOUSANDS of women go to the UK every year to have an abortion. Men turning their back on them, denying paternity, telling them to raise the baby alone etc is a way of forcing a woman to have an abortion.

It's a huge decision that really affects a lot of women mentally in a horrible way, but at a time of crisis pregnancy, they can be easily talked into thinking it's the best option (which is forcing)

OP, She sounds very controlling and vindictive and I think you should part ways

Karen_*

Unless you like being in a relationship where games are played and threats are made then get out of it.

Don't like the use of the word force. The girl has problems. She needs time to sort them out before she can be in a grown up relationship. Point that out kindly to her and leave her to it.

Lil Kitten

Lil Kitten wrote: »

THOUSANDS of women go to the UK every year to have an abortion. Men turning their back on them, denying paternity, telling them to raise the baby alone etc is a way of forcing a woman to have an abortion.

It's a huge decision that really affects a lot of women mentally in a horrible way, but at a time of crisis pregnancy, they can be easily talked into thinking it's the best option (which is forcing)

OP, She sounds very controlling and vindictive and I think you should part ways

When you make the decision to have sex, you make the decision to accept the consequences.
We live in a country where everyone has the opportunity to support themselves and the child should an unplanned pregnancy occur.
We are very lucky in that regard, there are several countries where women genuinely are forced into abortions for such reasons.

LolaDub

When you decide to have sex you should accept the consequences but many people do not.

In this case anybody facing an unplanned pregnancy would be going through a lot of stress and doubts. Perhaps OP if your relationship has weakened she was feeling along and trying to see what was happening with you. Personally if she was pregnant i think your family have a right to know as the baby is in their family too. I'm not clear on whether she was saying sh would go to your family to complain about your behaviour or to look for support. In all honesty i think you should both sit down and try to have a civilised conversation about what happened and another one about your relationship.

Chinafoot

OP you haven't given any indication of how you were reacting to this pregnancy scare. Did she have reason to think you'd be unsupportive? What did you say to her when she told you she was late?

I don't condone game playing at all but I think it's a bit unfair to jump in with "she's a bunny boiler. run run!" You both sound young, and she was probably freaked out. You said yourself you don't know if this is a long term thing so it can't have been too easy for her to have a pregnancy scare when the dad isn't sure of the relationship.

Talk to her about it. Tell her you're pissed off about her comments regarding telling your family (although I agree 100% with LolaDub on that score although I don't think you can see that that may be what your gf meant instead of trying to "disgrace" you) but perhaps you should take into account the fact that she was probably freaked out and stressed and worried about how you'd react if she was pregnant. If you can't get beyond what she said under those circumstances then you shouldn't be with her.

Also, as another poster pointed out, it's not unusual to see nothing morally wrong with abortion but to never consider it for yourself.

K-9

Lil Kitten wrote: »

THOUSANDS of women go to the UK every year to have an abortion. Men turning their back on them, denying paternity, telling them to raise the baby alone etc is a way of forcing a woman to have an abortion.

It's a huge decision that really affects a lot of women mentally in a horrible way, but at a time of crisis pregnancy, they can be easily talked into thinking it's the best option (which is forcing)

OP, She sounds very controlling and vindictive and I think you should part ways

And many choose not to have an abortion in the exact same circumstances! Anyway, this isn't an abortion debate!

Getting back to the OP:

Banjaxx wrote:

Anyway last week we decided to take a pregnancy test (turned out to be negative).

How do you decide to take a pregnancy test? It usually isn't an option!

Banjaxx wrote:

So the night before the test we had an interesting conversation.
Granted okay, she might have been a bit stressed, but she said that if she were pregnant, and I forced her to have an abortion, she'd tell my
family. Probably by "force", I think she meant that I wouldn't stand by her.

And what did you say? Did you mention an abortion?
If she's against abortion, I'm not surprised she would react like that.

Banjaxx wrote:

So why would she tell my family?..."Because they would deserve to know" she replied. There was no arguing with her...this is what she reckoned she would do. In reality of course, I guess what she was saying, was that if she did have an abortion, then I would deserve to be disgraced, and if this
involved causing pain to my family, then so be it.

Some people are very touchy about abortion. If there is a big gap in your outlook on it compared to hers, it's decision time.

Banjaxx wrote:

Anyway after the negative test the next day, she says she was only testing me, and that she would never have an abortion anyway because of its adverse effects on women. Strangely she also says that she has no "moral objection" to abortion.

Sounds like she was testing you to see if you would stand by her. As I said before, many people personally disagree with abortion, but are still pro-choice.

Banjaxx wrote:

Anyway even though I guess the pill is what...99% effective?...we've now stopped making love. Any possible scenario where pain is caused to my family is simply unacceptable to me.

Any scenario? Over reacting a bit yourself there? If you want to put your family ahead of pain to your girlfriend, I think it's time you told her that, don't you? Personally I wouldn't blame her for telling people you wanted an abortion and she didn't in a scenario like that. I think you're more worried about your own ass in that situation, not your families.

Banjaxx wrote:

Not sure where we go from here.

I think we need a lot more info on how you reacted to the pregnancy scare before anybody can say dump her!