Feel alienated

Affable

I feel the place I'm living in is soulless and lonely. I feel alienation and haven't found one single good relationship with the opposite sex, anyone that wants to stick around or that I connect with. I just don't have much to say to people these days socially, I sway between wanting a relationship and just despairing and pushing people away. I feel I'm seeking something that isn't there, and on top of it I'm 27 and feel like potential soulmates will be taken.

AngryBadger

Where are you living? Or was the reference to "where" you live a metaphor of some kind?

Sounds to me like you need a change in lifestyle, maybe a new location, maybe a new job, maybe you should join some kind of social group, or just come to a beers now and then.

From your (brief) post it sounds to me like you're reaching in all directions to get some kind of control on your life, which tells me you're obviously not happy as things are and you need to change something. Specifically what is the problem? Do you not know people where you are? Does the type of socialising that's available not suit you? Do you not have time to socialise?

From my own experience, and I'm not saying we're the same or anything, but I recently moved into the city center, and was shocked at the huge difference it made to my quality of life. Like you before I moved I often found myself wondering at why i didn't enjoy socialising whenever I got the chance, whether or not I wanted a relationship and so on. Since the move, a lot of those questions have evaporated and I'm happier than I've ever been.

Not saying you need to re-locate, just that maybe you need to change something.

STUBBORNGIRL

Affable wrote: »

I feel the place I'm living in is soulless and lonely. I feel alienation and haven't found one single good relationship with the opposite sex, anyone that wants to stick around or that I connect with. I just don't have much to say to people these days socially, I sway between wanting a relationship and just despairing and pushing people away. I feel I'm seeking something that isn't there, and on top of it I'm 27 and feel like potential soulmates will be taken.

Sorry to hear this OP.

Can i ask if you have felt this way for long? It is doing you no good being on your own as it gives you too much time to think about all the wrong in your life. (i talk from experience here)

I can only suggest the following as there isnt that much detail in your post- Get out more with your friends (assuming you have some) try to make the most of their company - you will drive yourself into a depression. I only say this because i felt myself going down this road not so long ago but i gave myself the kick up the ar*e i needed! i realised i was feeling sorry for myself because all my friends around me now have the one thing i want the most, a boyfriend. It is only now i have decided i am not goign to sit back and feel sorry for myself anymore - i am going to go out and do something about it!

If you know you are pushing people away then why not try to stop doing this! Nobody likes the sad person in the corner who has no life in them! Get up and Change this situation you are in - only you have the power to do this and you have already acknowledged why you are in this situation - now you need to turn it around!

Enjoy looking because you have to kiss alot of frogs to get to your prince.

There is someone out there for everyone so dont give up - might just take you a little longer than all your friends. I will say one thing - do not settle for second best out of desperation! And i commend you because you havent so far! you know what you want and thats not a bad thing!

Good luck

pwd

despair tends to be self-perpetuating.

Lots of people have felt like that.

"I do believe if you don't like things you leave to somehwere you've never been before"

I strongly believe that learning to be ok by yourself gives the strongest foundation to any relationship.

27 isn't old at all. You can ban anyone in their 20s at 27 according to the divide-by-two-and-add-7 formula

STUBBORNGIRL

AngryBadger wrote: »

Where are you living? Or was the reference to "where" you live a metaphor of some kind?

Sounds to me like you need a change in lifestyle, maybe a new location, maybe a new job, maybe you should join some kind of social group, or just come to a beers now and then.

From your (brief) post it sounds to me like you're reaching in all directions to get some kind of control on your life, which tells me you're obviously not happy as things are and you need to change something. Specifically what is the problem? Do you not know people where you are? Does the type of socialising that's available not suit you? Do you not have time to socialise?

From my own experience, and I'm not saying we're the same or anything, but I recently moved into the city center, and was shocked at the huge difference it made to my quality of life. Like you before I moved I often found myself wondering at why i didn't enjoy socialising whenever I got the chance, whether or not I wanted a relationship and so on. Since the move, a lot of those questions have evaporated and I'm happier than I've ever been.

Not saying you need to re-locate, just that maybe you need to change something.

+ 1

This is also what i wanted to say in my post! Def agree - location can totally change things! when i moved to Dublin first i was in a depression living in Raheny so far from the city and then i moved into Portobello and havent looked back - that was 4years ago! Social scene way better and you can accept an invitation at the drop of a hat!

This is probably a first - me thanking Angry Badger! but credit where credit is due

Affable

STUBBORNGIRL wrote: »

Sorry to hear this OP.

Can i ask if you have felt this way for long? It is doing you no good being on your own as it gives you too much time to think about all the wrong in your life. (i talk from experience here)

I can only suggest the following as there isnt that much detail in your post- Get out more with your friends (assuming you have some) try to make the most of their company - you will drive yourself into a depression. I only say this because i felt myself going down this road not so long ago but i gave myself the kick up the ar*e i needed! i realised i was feeling sorry for myself because all my friends around me now have the one thing i want the most, a boyfriend. It is only now i have decided i am not goign to sit back and feel sorry for myself anymore - i am going to go out and do something about it!

If you know you are pushing people away then why not try to stop doing this! Nobody likes the sad person in the corner who has no life in them! Get up and Change this situation you are in - only you have the power to do this and you have already acknowledged why you are in this situation - now you need to turn it around!

Enjoy looking because you have to kiss alot of frogs to get to your prince.

There is someone out there for everyone so dont give up - might just take you a little longer than all your friends. I will say one thing - do not settle for second best out of desperation! And i commend you because you havent so far! you know what you want and thats not a bad thing!

Good luck

Yeah, it's kind of strange but I hark back to good times in the past and a meaningful relationship because it has been so rare and it seems like these days it's never as good. I've had some depression and stress in my adolescence, which for certain reasons, got delayed for years(my development that is)this had a cumulative effect and then I had worries and frustrations at uni, it was a viscious circle because I couldnt get on top of my work and career prospects, and so I got down and that made finding social things harder. I am picky and cold sometimes i guess too.
Sometimes I am reclusive because of genuine feeling that there isnt anyone that nice to hang about with, sometimes because i have genuinely valued introspection, but it has become a convinient habit I've taken too far.
I just became so pessimistic about human nature I never assumed that anyone would stick around or that I could find anything meaningful.
My relationships with the opposite sex have amounted to nothing more tha meaningless casual sex with people I don't even like.

Also, people here who I know through my Dad know too much about me and they are not new contacts, they are like people who are trying to mentor or help me and I hate that. I need to get out.

Affable

AngryBadger wrote: »

Where are you living? Or was the reference to "where" you live a metaphor of some kind?
.

My hometown, Cambridge England.

pwd

well you seem articulate and genuine. Probably have better chances than average of getting the sort of relationship you want so.

STUBBORNGIRL

Affable wrote: »

I just became so pessimistic about human nature I never assumed that anyone would stick around or that I could find anything meaningful.
quote]


This is where the problem lies - your negative attitude. This is what you need to learn to change!

you have to believe in yourself and know that you are more than worthy of a good relationship! The ones that dont stick around arent worth it and you are better off without them.

LEarn to believe in yourself a bit more! i dont know if you have read it but there is a book called the secret and it is all about attraction and attracting bad into your life - negative thoughts lead to more and more negativity! I havent read the entire book but the Jist of it is very good and i think you would do well to read it and maybe this might help you! Cant guarantee it though but if you want help then it may.

Affable

pwd wrote: »

well you seem articulate and genuine. Probably have better chances than average of getting the sort of relationship you want so.

You would think so but there is a dearth of people I feel I relate to. Can't find anything tbh.

Monkey61

In fairness dude you have posted this exact same issue about four or five times before!!!!

If you don't like living in Cambridge - move!

I have suggested it before but I really do think you need you need to talk your issues through with a professional because until you do, you are never going to be satisfied with your life.

LegacyUser

I feel the same way as the OP....its a catch 22 situation where Im feeling lonely and alienated but at the same time when I get the opportunity to make friends I find myself pushing them away or I just cant connect and I dont really want to make the effort after that.


I always had loads of friends and this is only a recent thing....even when Im out with the one close friend I have left (who I have known all my life) I just feel we are completely different and he does'nt get me at all.


Its very disheartening and depressing.


Im starting a new course next month so Im really going to try and make an effort and hopefully it will be a positive experience.........really feel at the moment though I just dont get people and they dont get me.

Beruthiel

Affable
There is no need to start a new thread every day, you can put all your comments down in your thread "Thoughts of inferiority"
B