Help me prevent a suicide.

LegacyUser

I have a friend, who I'm worried about. He moved here a couple of years ago from another country. He doesn't seem to keep in contact with his family and they don't seem to try to keep any contact with him. He's 22 years old. He doesn't work and hardly ever goes out. He stays indoors all day and only gets contact with other people because he lives with 2 other guys, one of whom is a friend of his and the other, well they don't like each other. Me and a couple of other people are friends with his friend and so we visit their house regularly, and the person in question has become a friend. He hardly ever talks though, and when he does all he ever talks about is killing himself, and says that he will do so one day. He harms himself with sharp objects, once so bad that he had to be taken to hospital. The others don't seem bothered. The one who doesn't like him always says "well stop talking about it, just hurry up and kill yourself." The one who is his friend says well, he's gonna kill himself one day no matter what we do, why bother trying to stop it. Another so-called "friend" has given the man in question something that he can use to commit suicide, saying, well he's gonna do it anyway, why not help him. All this man does all day is stay indoors, alone most of the time while the others are at work, and look up disturbing things online, which is not helping. He already knew his housemate before he moved here and doesn't make any effort to go out or meet anyone else.
What can I do? He won't talk about his feelings except to say that he's gonna kill himself soon. As well as the thing the "friend" gave him, he has collected an assortment of objects with which to harm and kill himself. I can't call his parents for help as I don't know them and they don't seem to care. He's an adult and if I tried to get a mental health professional he would probably tell them he's fine and it's not true. What should I do, I really like him and have already lost one friend to suicide, I don't want to lose another. I've tried to persuade him to go outside, get a hobby and a life etc but he absolutely refuses and he can have a very bad temper when people annoy him. He injured one of his housemates once because the bloke was making too much noise when he was trying to sleep. Help!

Davei141

You cant do anything the chap sounds like an attention seeking twat. Not surprised his house mates are fed up with his whinging. From the post above it sounds like you barely even know the guy so dont be judging the others who have to put up with his **** all day everyday and are rightly sick to death of him.

Burial

helphelphelp wrote: »

I have a friend, who I'm worried about. He moved here a couple of years ago from another country. He doesn't seem to keep in contact with his family and they don't seem to try to keep any contact with him. He's 22 years old. He doesn't work and hardly ever goes out. He stays indoors all day and only gets contact with other people because he lives with 2 other guys, one of whom is a friend of his and the other, well they don't like each other. Me and a couple of other people are friends with his friend and so we visit their house regularly, and the person in question has become a friend. He hardly ever talks though, and when he does all he ever talks about is killing himself, and says that he will do so one day. He harms himself with sharp objects, once so bad that he had to be taken to hospital. The others don't seem bothered. The one who doesn't like him always says "well stop talking about it, just hurry up and kill yourself." The one who is his friend says well, he's gonna kill himself one day no matter what we do, why bother trying to stop it. Another so-called "friend" has given the man in question something that he can use to commit suicide, saying, well he's gonna do it anyway, why not help him. All this man does all day is stay indoors, alone most of the time while the others are at work, and look up disturbing things online, which is not helping. He already knew his housemate before he moved here and doesn't make any effort to go out or meet anyone else.
What can I do? He won't talk about his feelings except to say that he's gonna kill himself soon. As well as the thing the "friend" gave him, he has collected an assortment of objects with which to harm and kill himself. I can't call his parents for help as I don't know them and they don't seem to care. He's an adult and if I tried to get a mental health professional he would probably tell them he's fine and it's not true. What should I do, I really like him and have already lost one friend to suicide, I don't want to lose another. I've tried to persuade him to go outside, get a hobby and a life etc but he absolutely refuses and he can have a very bad temper when people annoy him. He injured one of his housemates once because the bloke was making too much noise when he was trying to sleep. Help!

Sounds to me like he won't commit suicide. If they've been telling him for ages to do it and he hasn't, then thats what is keeping him alive. It really sounds as though he's waiting for someone to start caring about him so someone will care for his death. I've lost a friend to suicide too, but in this scenario, it's best to contact the authorities and then just let it go. I know it'll be hard to do, but you can't help everyone. My friend worked in a shop and would always talk to this guy when he came in. Anyway, one day he texted my friend, "I hate my life, somedays I want to kill myself", and it continued for a few months, anyway after my friend had never heard from him or talked to him in ages received a text saying, "I can't live anymore. Noone cares. Save me if you care." My friend didn't know where he lived or anything about him. The guy committed suicide that day. My friend didn't lose sleep and neither should you. You can't be at their whim, "saving" them all the time. My friend tried to tell him life was better for the first few texts but repeatedly got threats of suicide, he just got sick of it and didn't respond and left it.

LolaDub

It sounds like this guy is using suicide to try and 'blackmail' people into being his 'friends'. Perhaps his lack of social interaction means he doesn't know what to do and he's doing this out of lonliness. Does he not have a job? To be honest if i were you i'd ask him to ring the samaritans or ring them myself.

00_katie_00

This friend of yours needs serious help from a professional. He is unwell & the longer he spends in that house, the more of a threat he becomes to other housemates & himself.

May I ask, out of interest, if your friend has no money etc, how does he pay his rent for this house? Is he involved in a crime gang perhaps?

MissThing

This chap is wallowing 'cause he's got nothing else to do with his time, if he'd a job and some structure to his day his mind would be filled with other thoughts than suicide and self wallowing - its easy to be suckered into 'caring' and taken hostage by the continual threat of suicide - mind yourself, perhaps keep some emotional distance in an effort to self protect.

Give this chap the number for the samarathans and then hand him the wanted ads, there must be something/someway he can fill 40 hours a week.

MT

LegacyUser

He's not attention seeking, he's serious. On the wall they have put a photo of him that was taken when he cut himself severely. In the photo blood is absolutely pouring down his arms. He is obsessed with death and strange things. I really think he's going to do it. His friend invited him to live with him thinking that he would get a job. Years later he still hasn't got a job and lives off his friend's small earnings. They are so poor that they usually don't have any food at all and the one I'm worried about especially is getting really thin and pale, he's always covered in bruises I think he's anaemic. The others say that they just keep him in the house because when he kills himself they'll all get to be in the paper.

Burial

00_katie_00 wrote: »

This friend of yours needs serious help from a professional. He is unwell & the longer he spends in that house, the more of a threat he becomes to other housemates & himself.

May I ask, out of interest, if your friend has no money etc, how does he pay his rent for this house? Is he involved in a crime gang perhaps?

I too would like to know how he raises his money to buy things and pay for rent...

I do think it's social blackmail, but not blackmail into getting friends. I think he wants people to care and then notice/care he's gone. If it was blackmail to get friends, he wouldn't continue talking about killing himself to two housemates he's known for awhile. (especially since one of them was his friend before) I think he's confused at his life and what to do. I think, he may think, he doesn't live up to expectations of people [possibly family or him who saw Ireland as a great/better place and he arrived finding out, it's all the same/worse..]. This is all speculation, and I'm no doctor, I'm just throwing my two cents here. The OP should just contact the relevent authorities and leave it be. No point worrying about this guy. Like I won't lose sleep over him....

TradLad

Hi OP. Have to agree with others. I have experience with friends and suicide. I lost my best friend to suicide 8 years ago this year. He never, ever once mentioned killing himself or feeling down in the dumps etc. I have another friend who was always threatening to kill herself. One day I told her if she was going to kill herself, go do it already! I said how dare she put this at my door after I had already lost my best friend. It was a huge risk but she did snap out of it. Suicide and self-harm issues are extremely sensitive and also vary wildly from person to person. In my opinion, this guy has no notion of harming himself but likes to keep you all on your toes. It sounds like he resents the fact that you and your friends are happy. You have to tell him that life is not always a bunch of roses but at the end of the day it is what ou make it.

Self-harming is a sign that it is attention he wants and then when you give him that attention he rejects it knowing that he succeeded in getting it in the first place if you get my understanding. I do feel for this person as something is obviously making him very sad but at the end of the day, we are all responsible for our own lives, you cannot carry his cross.

LolaDub

Burial wrote: »

I too would like to know how he raises his money to buy things and pay for rent...

I do think it's social blackmail, but not blackmail into getting friends. I think he wants people to care and then notice/care he's gone. If it was blackmail to get friends, he wouldn't continue talking about killing himself to two housemates he's known for awhile. (especially since one of them was his friend before) I think he's confused at his life and what to do. I think, he may think, he doesn't live up to expectations of people [possibly family or him who saw Ireland as a great/better place and he arrived finding out, it's all the same/worse..]. This is all speculation, and I'm no doctor, I'm just throwing my two cents here. The OP should just contact the relevent authorities and leave it be. No point worrying about this guy. Like I won't lose sleep over him....

this is what i meant-much better put burial!!!

His friend isn't going to be too sympathetic if the guy has lived for years here off his wages and then goes on at him and his friends non stop about suicide. The guy needs to help himself, by getting out, getting a job, going back to his family and talking to someone.

Honestly if anyone was in their room all day every day, had no job, no money and were sponging off their friends for everything i think they'd be feeling pretty low too.

Morlar

Davei141 wrote: »

You cant do anything the chap sounds like an attention seeking twat. Not surprised his house mates are fed up with his whinging. From the post above it sounds like you barely even know the guy so dont be judging the others who have to put up with his **** all day everyday and are rightly sick to death of him.

Thats pretty much my take on this too. This guy needs to get off his ass feeling sorry for himself and get a job. Even if its one he doesnt like . . .then he will have something to actually moan about.

RossFixxxed

I have to agree with everyone else really. You can't do anything for him, and this sounds entirely attention seeking. I've lost people to suicide and they just went and did it no warning. Frankly, bluntly in fact, i'm more concerned with the guys he lives with. They have to put up with this rubbish day in and day out.

Although, if you guys have seen 'The Bridge' about the suicides one guy was obsessed with killing himself for years and eventually did do it. You can't stop it and HE is responsible for getting himself help.

This sounds like 'Fibbers' syndrome (don't start on me, lots of nice people there etc too) but people would do the cutting and the I'm going to do it someday rubbish there a lot. And never did.

He has to own up and get help. You are better off, and I am loath to say this, to leave him to his own devices. If it was a close friend, or if he asked for help you should. But he isn't and doesn't.

Sorry it's not what you want to hear.
R

Burial

Helphelphelp wrote: »

He's not attention seeking, he's serious. On the wall they have put a photo of him that was taken when he cut himself severely. In the photo blood is absolutely pouring down his arms. He is obsessed with death and strange things. I really think he's going to do it. His friend invited him to live with him thinking that he would get a job. Years later he still hasn't got a job and lives off his friend's small earnings. They are so poor that they usually don't have any food at all and the one I'm worried about especially is getting really thin and pale, he's always covered in bruises I think he's anaemic. The others say that they just keep him in the house because when he kills himself they'll all get to be in the paper.

He lives off his friends earnings??? Seriously, I'd be more concerned about the friend then the guy threatening to kill himself all the time. Chuck him out. He's only saying he'll kill himself because it gives him a place to stay FOR FREE! They should contact the relevent authorities and move on. There is no point wasting your life on a guy who is wasting theres. If he never threatened to commit suicide, would he be out the door?? I think so.

*EDIT*

YEARS???? He's been living there for years... Talk to your friends and tell them to kick this guy out.

Nevyn

You can not stop it, only he can by choosing to go and get help.

LolaDub

They have a picture of him covered in blood up on the wall? Most people who comtemplate suicide go to great lengths to hide it from others and usually don't want to be reminded of doing something before. Seriously it sounds like this guy has nothing to do with his time other than get obsessed about something and suicide gets the pity vote. I seriously doubt if he hadn't been going on about killing himself that his friend would be paying for him for everything and i'm surprised their flatmate puts up with it.

If i were you i'd ask his friend to contact his family or other friends (at home or wherever), contact the samaritans, ask him to contact the samaritans and encourage him to get a job and get outside. Then leave it, some people don't want to be helped.

Kiera

People who really want to commit suicide will just do it. Talking about it is a cry for help.

LegacyUser

Kiera wrote: »

People who really want to commit suicide will just do it. Talking about it is a cry for help.

I have to disagree, years ago I had a friend who committed suicide. For weeks before hand he went around telling everyone he would do it and no-one believed him. Then his body was found on the railway tracks. I don't want this to happen again. Despite his craziness I really do like him, I was told that he had been through a serious trauma in his youth which is what made him crazy. I can't just sit by and watch him die, I'm sure he will do it.

LegacyUser

btw he doesn't cost much to keep (I know it sounds weird that he lives off his friends earnings). But his friend owns his house, he inherited it from his dad, there's no mortgage. His friend's wages are for food and utilities, and since this guy spends all of his time in the dark he doesn't use much electricity and they can't afford much food anyway so it's not like he's eating them out of house and home.

Kooli

It's a myth that people who talk about suicide don't do it and people who do it never talk about it (and just because you know someone who killed themselves without ever talking about it, it doesn't make it a pattern). Research has shown that people who kill themselves have usually mentioned it to someone beforehand.

And what if it is a cry for help? Does that mean he shouldn't get any help?

I agree that this is not your problem, OP, and that you really need to mind yourself as you seem to be taking way too much responsibility for this guys life. You can NOT stop him killing himself. You can only point him in the direction of his GP, or A&E or the Samaritans or a psychologist. You cannot force him to actually follow through with any of these.

So basically what I'm saying is that you SHOULD take him seriously, but you should NOT take responsibility for him.

Craft25

hi OP.. that sounds like a one messed up house, i myself wouldnt be into spending to much time there at all; bloody pics, suicide threatening hermit, suicide weapons as pressies.. i mean WTF??

if it was me i WOULD do something, but only ONCE!!.. id give him a note of how you feel.. "think your sound.. but also think you might be attention seeking.. theres better ways about it.. etc. etc.., heres the number for samaritans/psychiatrist.." (i believe u can get it free(though probably crap) if ur unemployed??).. contact the relevant authorities yourself.. make it clear its the last time you'll mention it as you dont wanna be dragged into his spiel..

after that Id distance yourself from his whole drama if i was you!!.. personally i wouldnt really go back to the place at all, but maybe theyre sound

LolaDub

Op if his friend is working and owns the house then all of his wages are going between food and utilities? Sounds like not having to pay rent from his income should bring more for the house owner unless he's contributing a lot more or doing more than you think. The house owner could be renting this room out to someone paying for it and he can't with this guy. Could drugs or excessive drink be a factor in this situation?

We all see that you're concerned and understandably so. Your friend is obviously in need of help so point him in the direction of it. You can't take on board his problems, especially as he's so unwilling to get help for himself he'll probably drag you down with him. Clearly this is already upsetting you. Just give him the samaritans number and tell him if he wants to get help you'll help him get it. These days its not that hard to google counselling or samaritans etc and everyone has access to free help.

Being honest this reminds me of something i came across a few years ago. A guy i hardly knew from work called me to say his cousin just killed himself and he was hugely upset and having very dark thoughts and wanted me to come over. When i got there he got a bottle of bubbly and some snacks and put on a film in his room and asked me to get into his bed. Turned out the guys cousin hadn't killed himself he just wanted a date with me and being a weirdo thats how he figured he'd get it. I would have time for people with genuine feelings but someone who puts up pictures of themselves, doesn't work or contribute or go outside sounds like they want to be a victim. In all honesty if you encourage him to talk to samaritans and he refuses i think you'll know how genuine he is.

Wibbs

Thaedydal wrote: »

You can not stop it, only he can by choosing to go and get help.

That's the best concise advice you'll get really. You can suggest professional help, or inform family members of your concerns, but it's down to him at the end of the day.

LegacyUser

00_katie_00 wrote: »

This friend of yours needs serious help from a professional. He is unwell & the longer he spends in that house, the more of a threat he becomes to other housemates & himself.

I'm amazed at the 'experts' on here.
Firstly I am a health care professional but no expert on suicde or self harm. However this man dererves referral to the health services. I am sickened by 'amateur' experts who have diagnosed him, t'hird-hand' as not needing help.
Persuade him, or ask his friend to persuade hm, to seek help.

JuliusCaesar

helphelphelp wrote: »

btw he doesn't cost much to keep (I know it sounds weird that he lives off his friends earnings). But his friend owns his house, he inherited it from his dad, there's no mortgage. His friend's wages are for food and utilities, and since this guy spends all of his time in the dark he doesn't use much electricity and they can't afford much food anyway so it's not like he's eating them out of house and home.

There's two of them in it so. Could be a folie a deux. Anyway, the guy who is supporting him is facilitating the self-harmers' behaviour. Either or both should seek help.

But it is not your responsibility. Beyond mentioning to the GP, if you all have the same GP, there's nothing you can do. As adults they are responsible for themselves. It's hard to stand by, but bar physically dragging them off to the mental health professionals there's nothing else you can do. Just don't fall into their game -if it is a game.

Jack Sheehan

I fall somewhere between the two opinions. While he is clearly attention seeking that won't necessarily stop him from attempting suicide, albeit probably half-heartedly. Still, it is true that him and only him can seek help. You could always sit down and have a serious talk with him. The next time he says 'I'm going to kill myself' ask him why. Discover the root of his unappiness and he might get himself help for it, whatever it may be.

aislingm137

it looks like you are the only friend he has got, they are not his friends helping him to commit suicide by getting him things to do it. i think he is very unwell because its the facts say it all he never leaves the house and doesnt talk about anything other than suicide at all because if suicide is in his mind. i know when suicide is in some people's mind for a long time, it kind of can take up all their spirit so its hard to fight it more. i know its horrible but is their anyway he can be sectioned? because maybe it will save his life literally if he gets help and he can start to get better. Something has got to give sooner of later in his situation

aislingm137

i just want to also say that everyone is different and of a different mentality and psychology. u cannot say all the people who did kill themselves never spoke about it to anyone before.

JonathanAnon

I would agree about him being attention seeking. I have a friend who "tried to kill himself" too. He slits his wrists in the carpark, and then started texting everyone. Three guys from my class in school killed themselves and not one of them contacted anybody before they did it.

A lot of the time seriously suicidal people see themselves as being a burden on relations, friends etc etc, so the last thing they would want to do is to impose themselves further on people by sending them "SOS" text regularly.

The guy has the right not to work, and to stay indoors if he wants, but he does not have the right to deliberately make other people worry about him by what he says and texts. You could say to him "Look, if I can help you, or help you find a counsellor, then I will. But it is not fair to send me texts at all hours". To be honest I kind of get the feeling that you are not really friends, but you just feel that you should help out of kindness.

Aurora Borealis

It is social blackmail but he may not even realise that's what he is doing. There is something seriously wrong if it takes that to get the attention of those around you so I would not dismiss his cries for help and would talk to him.

Burial

aislingm137 wrote:

it looks like you are the only friend he has got, they are not his friends helping him to commit suicide by getting him things to do it. i think he is very unwell because its the facts say it all he never leaves the house and doesnt talk about anything other than suicide at all because if suicide is in his mind. i know when suicide is in some people's mind for a long time, it kind of can take up all their spirit so its hard to fight it more. i know its horrible but is their anyway he can be sectioned? because maybe it will save his life literally if he gets help and he can start to get better. Something has got to give sooner of later in his situation

I agree. having suicide on the brain for ages, means it'll be harder to get it out of it. However, to say the OP is his only friend is unfair. This guy has been blackmailing his original friends and he has gotten free food and rent because of it... It's happened for years and I can't see it changing overnight with the OP confronting him about it. I agree he needs professional help, but if you try and he rejects it, theres (sadly) nothing more the OP can do.

helphelphelp wrote:

btw he doesn't cost much to keep (I know it sounds weird that he lives off his friends earnings). But his friend owns his house, he inherited it from his dad, there's no mortgage. His friend's wages are for food and utilities, and since this guy spends all of his time in the dark he doesn't use much electricity and they can't afford much food anyway so it's not like he's eating them out of house and home.

It doesn't matter he costs nothing to "keep". He is not their "pet". He could be rent money for your friend, as he's taking up a room in the house. Then he wouldn't be all pale and sickly looking because he'd have extra income and more food to eat. If your friend can't see that the suicide guy is actually affecting his life, then you must open his eyes. I personally wouldn't go malnurished for this guy.

helphelphelp wrote:

have to disagree, years ago I had a friend who committed suicide. For weeks before hand he went around telling everyone he would do it and no-one believed him. Then his body was found on the railway tracks. I don't want this to happen again. Despite his craziness I really do like him, I was told that he had been through a serious trauma in his youth which is what made him crazy. I can't just sit by and watch him die, I'm sure he will do it.

As everyone has been saying, get this guy some help, and then leave it. You tried.

CONCERNED8 wrote: »

I'm amazed at the 'experts' on here.
Firstly I am a health care professional but no expert on suicde or self harm. However this man dererves referral to the health services. I am sickened by 'amateur' experts who have diagnosed him, t'hird-hand' as not needing help.
Persuade him, or ask his friend to persuade hm, to seek help.

So what your saying is, your advice is the same as everyone elses because none of us are experts, but everyone elses advice is wrong because you say your a health care worker who has no experience with suicide??

....

LegacyUser

Jack Sheehan wrote: »

I fall somewhere between the two opinions. While he is clearly attention seeking that won't necessarily stop him from attempting suicide, albeit probably half-heartedly. Still, it is true that him and only him can seek help. You could always sit down and have a serious talk with him. The next time he says 'I'm going to kill myself' ask him why. Discover the root of his unappiness and he might get himself help for it, whatever it may be.

I asked him last night why he he is so unhappy. I spoke to him when the others weren't there so he could open up a bit. It seems like he can't be himself in front of them, he said everyone is interested in his "outward" personality, no-one wants to know the real him. That's just why he can't show them his real self though, that's not why he wants to die. He said he felt uncomfortable about going into details but he had 2 serious traumas when he was young, one when he had an accident and had a near death experience, now he is obsessed with death. The other trauma was what makes him so unhappy. He won't tell me what it is but says that it involves his dad. I can only guess that maybe his dad either abused him in some way or neglected him, I don't know. He clearly doesn't want to talk about it. He genuinely does want to die though, but he says that first he wants to visit a country that he is interested in. (He is interested in the country in question because it has a macabre and horrible history.) He says he will kill himself either: once he has visited this country, or: when he realises it's going to be impossible to visit the country due to lack of money or whatever. I asked, wouldn't he like to get a job and earn some money to visit this country (thinking that a job might improve his spirits) but he says no. Honestly, if you could see the state of him you would see that he cannot get a job right now. His eyes are totally dead, I want to cry when I see him. When his "friends" are not there he is so nice and does open up just a little. I think his "friends" are a very bad influence, tbh I only made friends with them because we have a shared hobby, the more I get to know those ones the more I realise that I wouldn't associate with them now if I hadn't grown to care about the suicidal bloke. They are all weird, they collect weapons (which I guess must be illegal) and encourage the bloke to harm himself. The one who owns the house only works part time in a shop which is why they are skint. He doesn't mind paying the suicidal bloke's keep because he likes having someone so disturbed in the house. The local townspeople avoid this house and won't let their kids go there. I think the houseowner likes having the suicidal bloke there to give them more kudos as weirdos. But still, when I get a rare glimpse of the real bloke underneath like I did last night, I realise that he could be such a nice person if only he wasn't so distubed and hadn't had a traumatising life.

LolaDub

This isn't a forum where we all pretend to be experts and dish out professional advice. Its a place where you can ask honest opinions from other people who would like to help and contribute.

Op i think while people are of different opinions as to whether the guy is suicidal or not everyone is united in their opinion that he does need some help and he is not yur responsibility. Your efforts and concern are admirable but don't get yourself dragged into someone elses depression. Its a hard place to crawl back out of and it won't do you or him any good to have him dependant on you. If he wasn't so dependant on his flatmate for food and the room he would have had to go get a job or go to his family long ago. Honestly i think you should call the samaritans and give him the number as well

RossFixxxed

I realise that he could be such a nice person if only he wasn't so distubed and hadn't had a traumatising life.

I'm sorry, I've had some HUGE traumas in the past but I would NEVER inflict this kind of self absorbed, whinging, worrying behaviour on anyone. It is NOT acceptable. I'd usually say help him, but in this case walk away. Only HE can help himeslf. Don't get dragged into his little world. Seriously you will regret it.

Ross

Monkey61

I'm also pretty disgusted at people's attitudes. This guy sounds horrendously depressed and the pair he lives with sound like absolute monsters. They want him to stay in the house so that when he kills himself the rest of the housemates will get to be in the papers?? And they put a photo of him covered in blood on the walls?? They are cruel bullies and very disturbed individuals and are keeping this man in misery for their own enjoyment.

As anyone who has experience with depression will know, it is not as simple as recommending that somebody just gets a job. This can be impossible without them getting treatment first.

The best thing you can do OP, if this man really is your friend is to recommend that he goes home. If he has a home to go to that is. Either way he needs to get out of the house that he is living in and away from those people. Neither care about him and seem to enjoy abusing him.

If leaving the country is not an option, then your options are limited. Is it possible in Ireland to call an emergency nurse out to visit the house and assess him?? If not then bringing him to an A and E and refusing to leave until they do something and find a psychiatrist to see him might be an idea. He needs far more help than a GP can instantly provide. He also needs temporary accomodation while a treatment plan is being devised.

The macabre house situation is very disturbing. If indeed these weapons are illegal I would reccomend calling the police.

Either way OP he needs to get out of the house. Depending on what country he is from he could be eligible for an accomodation benefit.

I really wish I could help more. Very disturbed by this.

Morlar

helphelphelp wrote: »

I asked him last night why he he is so unhappy. I spoke to him when the others weren't there so he could open up a bit. It seems like he can't be himself in front of them, he said everyone is interested in his "outward" personality, no-one wants to know the real him. That's just why he can't show them his real self though, that's not why he wants to die. He said he felt uncomfortable about going into details but he had 2 serious traumas when he was young, one when he had an accident and had a near death experience, now he is obsessed with death. The other trauma was what makes him so unhappy. He won't tell me what it is but says that it involves his dad. I can only guess that maybe his dad either abused him in some way or neglected him, I don't know. He clearly doesn't want to talk about it. He genuinely does want to die though, but he says that first he wants to visit a country that he is interested in. (He is interested in the country in question because it has a macabre and horrible history.) He says he will kill himself either: once he has visited this country, or: when he realises it's going to be impossible to visit the country due to lack of money or whatever. I asked, wouldn't he like to get a job and earn some money to visit this country (thinking that a job might improve his spirits) but he says no. Honestly, if you could see the state of him you would see that he cannot get a job right now. His eyes are totally dead, I want to cry when I see him. When his "friends" are not there he is so nice and does open up just a little. I think his "friends" are a very bad influence, tbh I only made friends with them because we have a shared hobby, the more I get to know those ones the more I realise that I wouldn't associate with them now if I hadn't grown to care about the suicidal bloke. They are all weird, they collect weapons (which I guess must be illegal) and encourage the bloke to harm himself. The one who owns the house only works part time in a shop which is why they are skint. He doesn't mind paying the suicidal bloke's keep because he likes having someone so disturbed in the house. The local townspeople avoid this house and won't let their kids go there. I think the houseowner likes having the suicidal bloke there to give them more kudos as weirdos. But still, when I get a rare glimpse of the real bloke underneath like I did last night, I realise that he could be such a nice person if only he wasn't so distubed and hadn't had a traumatising life.

It sounds like you are bending over backwards to blame everyone else for this persons arseholish behaviour. He needs to get a job & I dont think your being helpful to him in encouraging this nonsense with your empathy /sympathy however well intentioned it might be.

Do you actually fancy this person ?

Or are you genuinely trying to get them fixed out of the rut they are in ?

If you really want them to get better encourage them to get a job. No excuses.

They need to break out of a cycle of dependency and self indulgent/self pity.

Once they get off their arse feeling sorry for themselves all day and work for a living (being in social situations dealing with real people) that will put things in perspective for him.

LegacyUser

its good of you to help this person but why are you doing it? Are you hanging around him to try and help him?

i had a friend who committed suicide (and who told me he was going to do it ). Then someone i vaguely knew (who was a friend of his not not mine) would phone me and tell me she was going to do the same thing(s=he had problems but she wasnt that bad) i tried to help her but i shouldn't have. i should have have told her to F' off

Give this a phone number and/or an address where he can get help eg social workers, make it clear you cant help him no more, tell his flat mates that he shouldnt be living there in those circumstances.(but dont fall out with them they sound like wierdos and could take a spite at you)

LegacyUser

Monkey61 wrote: »

I'm also pretty disgusted at people's attitudes. This guy sounds horrendously depressed and the pair he lives with sound like absolute monsters. They want him to stay in the house so that when he kills himself the rest of the housemates will get to be in the papers?? And they put a photo of him covered in blood on the walls?? They are cruel bullies and very disturbed individuals and are keeping this man in misery for their own enjoyment.

The one who invited him to come and live with him was the only one he knew before he moved here. And he had never even met him in real life, they had just been penpals for a while beforehand, they met through the penpal section of a magazine. To clear up something that people have been asking about, the man does not have his own room in this house. He has to sleep in the living room because there isn't a room for him. This makes the situation worse because the housemate who doesn't like him goes out of his way to annoy him. The horrible housemate stays up all night playing new age music and dance music on full volume in the living room, knowing that the suicidal bloke hates that music, and of course it keeps him awake because he has nowhere to sleep. When this happens the bloke has been known to sleep in the garden but sometimes the horrible one goes out there to annoy him. Those two are always arguing. The one who owns the house does not go out of his way to upset him, but aside from supporting him financially he doesn't help him in any way. He can't really go home, like I said he had problems with his dad and none of his family stay in contact with him. So if he went back he'd be in an even worse state with nowhere to live at all. Yes Morlar I admit I am starting to care for him in a more than friendly way (I am a girl btw). He is extremely attractive and although he gets angry with his housemates (he once punched the horrible one for annoying him with the music) he has always been nice enough to me.

Morlar

helphelphelp wrote: »

He is extremely attractive and although he gets angry with his housemates (he once punched the horrible one

Good luck with that.

sam34

it all soubds a bit dramatic tbh. from what youre saying, he has the means to commit suicide, but has not yet done so, despite claiming he really wants to... so why hasnt he? now, this could all be attention seeking behaviour,but the other side is that he could well be at risk of suicide.
but, op, it is not up to you to "prevent" this or to "save" him. you cannot do this.

from your posts it looks like youre already being sucked into a threat/manipulation thing with him. if you start this pattern, he will learn to repeat it. you will have taught him that if he threatens suicide you will do whatever to alleviate that threat. thats setting up a horrendous cycle for yourself.

my advice to you op is to direct him to a gp and distance yourself.

Davei141

I doubt anything anyone says will change the OP's mind cause she fancies him.

Kooli

Morlar wrote: »

If you really want them to get better encourage them to get a job. No excuses.

They need to break out of a cycle of dependency and self indulgent/self pity.

Once they get off their arse feeling sorry for themselves all day and work for a living (being in social situations dealing with real people) that will put things in perspective for him.

oh my god what a genius.
The problems of youth suicide and male depression in Ireland have been solved.

Who'd have thought it was so simple?

aislingm137

Its a fright to read some of the comments here some people dont see bottom line at all. How can they judge only by what you read about the situation do u know for sure if he is an attention seeker? do you know for sure anything only what u have read. I would be very worried about the mental health of anyone who never leaves the house i would be very worried about anyone who wants to stay all time in the house its obvious something is not right with him. it makes me wonder how some people on here are living, being that stupid.

Phototoxin

with all the *lovely* comments here no wonder we have such a high
suicide rate

Sounds to me like he won't commit suicide. If they've been telling him for ages to do it and he hasn't, then thats what is keeping him alive

People who talk about suicide often will do it, part of him may be holding back as he wasnt someone to get help for him as he feels as if he cannot get it himself such is his dispair.

I doubt anything anyone says will change the OP's mind cause she fancies him.

right, saying that someone is attractice ≠ they fancy them, and if she does its irrelvant anyway.

Get him to talk to a doctor.

Davei141

aislingm137 wrote: »

Its a fright to read some of the comments here some people dont see bottom line at all. How can they judge only by what you read about the situation do u know for sure if he is an attention seeker? do you know for sure anything only what u have read. I would be very worried about the mental health of anyone who never leaves the house i would be very worried about anyone who wants to stay all time in the house its obvious something is not right with him. it makes me wonder how some people on here are living, being that stupid.

Nobody knows anything for sure, but from the OP's extremely biased point of view the guy STILL comes across as an attention seeking gimp. Laying all that **** on people going on about suicide ALL THE TIME. No wonder the housemates arent wrapping him in cotton wool.

Phototoxin wrote: »

with all the *lovely* comments here no wonder we have such a high
suicide rate

Yeah im sure thats why we have a high suicide rate. :rolleyes:

right, saying that someone is attractice ≠ they fancy them, and if she does its irrelvant anyway.

Yes Morlar I admit I am starting to care for him in a more than friendly way

Its not irrelevant when she starts making excuses for him punching a housemate and basically slagging them off like shes his only "true" friend. I absolutely hate that ****, some person who barely knows him starts judging his friends because they are sick of listening to him clown on for 2 years.

LolaDub

I'm going to be 100% honest here and say i prob was this person at some stage. For the sake of helping the op i was going to post anonymously but what the hell under my own username anybody can pm me if they want. Op i went through a lot growing up, i saw my parents go through an awful break up when i was very young, my father hooked up with the biggest goldigging whore who insisted he contribute the least possible to my mother and us while they lived it up, my mother turned towards religion to get over it and found the wrong kind. When i was a teenager and went against it i was 'exorcised' - not a nice experience i tell you! In my later teenage years i went abroad after failing out of college to get away and find some meaning in 'life'. On this trip in a third world country where my purpose was to help people and hopefully help myself in some way i was shot, raped (more than once) beaten and had pretty much every possesion stolen from me. When i returned here i was in the deepest of depressions and contemplated suicide at every thought. I didn't speak to people about it and attempted it three times before the hospital caught on and i was ordered to psychiatry. This didn't do anything.

I 'guilted' a few very close people i'm ashamed to admit, none of whom are my friends today and righty so-i had no right to impose on their lives. Because of the extremely unhappy selfish place i was in i thought it was reaching out but it wasn't. Its not hard to look up a freephone free counselling number these days but few people do it, i'm sure reasons vary i guess mine was fear. I didn't want to hurt anyone i just wanted to end my own pain but i couldn't see what i did was affecting so many people. When i eventually saw it-it was my mother having a nervous breakdown it dragged me back to thinking what am i really doing? I went to several counsellers before i found one i both liked and felt comfortable with and rebuilding my life went from there. I would definitely say thathaving a job/ a daily structure where you see and interact with other people is huge in a recovery. It sounds awful but sometimes things aren't as bad as you think. I know i'm not portraying my experiences in the most articulate of ways-i do find this upsetting and i'm only hoping to help the op and offer a different insight on this.

In conclusion nobody but the person in this situation can help them. Nothing will work unless they can see what they're doing is wrong and look for help. It isn't for you to take on their problems. I do admire your concern and feeling and i would suggest as before you call the samaritans yourself as they are the professionals and give him the number.