Overly Suspicious?

LegacyUser

Hey Guys,

Just a quick question. I've started seeing a guy recently who's known as being a bit of a Jack-the-lad but so far things are
going well. He cancelled plans on me last weekend and I didn't hear from him all week until this morning. My intuition says
maybe he scored somebody else last weekend or something and the fact that I was feeling paranoid and mistrustful this early
on (3 months) I decided to call it a day. No trust = No relationship in my book.

I know that might sound a bit harsh and quick to jump to conclusions but I've been burnt before and his has a reputation for
being a bad boy but we get on great and I really like him so I was trying to be positive. I said I thought it was best to not see
each other anymore and he said he'd really like to give it a shot and go out this weekend. For some reason my intuition is telling
me something's not right. Anyway, I suggested Saturday but he said he could only meet on Friday because his boss is coming
over from London on Saturday and he has a work meeting followed by drinks. For some reason this just doesn't sit right with me.
What company organizes a meeting on a Saturday and drinks?

Does that strike you guys as a bit strange? I know some people will say I'm being overly suspicious but I'm just trying to protect
myself and be cautious. I haven't agreed to meet up yet cause my tummy is in knots with thoughts that he's lying. If he said he
had a work thing on a Friday I'd believe him no questions but a Saturday seems odd. He works for a small enough company that's
not very well known and is a ver laid back company.

What do you think? We're not kids by the way, we are both 29. Thanks for reading.

john_aero

i find a lot of times that your instinct is usualy right when it comes to these things.

but other hand is some companies do organise weeked outings with higher up members and nights out. but if he is interested he should be making big effort not just arsing about as you make it sound like he is.

Karen_*

If you're seeing him three months he should be contacting you every day and not cancelling plans and then contacting you midweek. You're a bit more important than that.

And he's got a reputation which he's not exactly trying his best to prove to be wrong. Are you in the relationship you want to be in and you think you deserve? However you answer that question should give you a clue as to how to proceed.

Dragan

Overthinker wrote: »

What company organizes a meeting on a Saturday and drinks?

Plenty of them, to be honest. Often times you end up bending for the person who is traveling over and if you need to be around you need to be around. I don't know about other people but this is actually covered in my own contract, that work essential things could happen outside of normal hours and i will need to attend.

I think you are letting the lads reputation play too much on things and you should judge him for how he has been with you, not with other people.

Give him **** for cancelling then not being in touch, that directly affected you, but that is really the only issue i can see here.

AngryBadger

john_aero wrote: »

i find a lot of times that your instinct is usualy right when it comes to these things.

What?

OP I usually go with my instinct on these things, but in this case I think you are over-thinking it, and you're probably not giving this guy a fair chance as a result. So he cancelled plans one time, so what? People have lives that are seperate from anyone they've just started seeing, maybe his goldfish died, or his cat got stuck up a tree? If you're that bothered by him cancelling then why don't you do the adult thing and ask him why exactly he cancelled?

Also, why do you care what his reputation is? Are you dating this guy or are your friends dating him through you?

Decide if you like this guy or not, ask him why he cancelled, and if you feel that insecure about things tell him that if he cancels again he'll be shwon the door. Although to be honest, if a girl I was only seeing 3 months said that to me then she'd be getting the boot.

P.S. It's fairly common for companies to arrange stuff on the weekends.

Burial

Overthinker wrote: »

Hey Guys,

Just a quick question. I've started seeing a guy recently who's known as being a bit of a Jack-the-lad but so far things are
going well. He cancelled plans on me last weekend and I didn't hear from him all week until this morning. My intuition says
maybe he scored somebody else last weekend or something and the fact that I was feeling paranoid and mistrustful this early
on (3 months) I decided to call it a day. No trust = No relationship in my book.

I know that might sound a bit harsh and quick to jump to conclusions but I've been burnt before and his has a reputation for
being a bad boy but we get on great and I really like him so I was trying to be positive. I said I thought it was best to not see
each other anymore and he said he'd really like to give it a shot and go out this weekend. For some reason my intuition is telling
me something's not right. Anyway, I suggested Saturday but he said he could only meet on Friday because his boss is coming
over from London on Saturday and he has a work meeting followed by drinks. For some reason this just doesn't sit right with me.
What company organizes a meeting on a Saturday and drinks?

Does that strike you guys as a bit strange? I know some people will say I'm being overly suspicious but I'm just trying to protect
myself and be cautious. I haven't agreed to meet up yet cause my tummy is in knots with thoughts that he's lying. If he said he
had a work thing on a Friday I'd believe him no questions but a Saturday seems odd. He works for a small enough company that's
not very well known and is a ver laid back company.

What do you think? We're not kids by the way, we are both 29. Thanks for reading.

At the end of the day no trust = no relationship is bang on in my books. However, this work thing is pretty normal. I know plenty of people who do this. Why did he cancel the plans last weekend? Tbf, if this guy has a record of cheating, he shouldn't be cancelling dates and/or not contact you for ages after without a good reason. If you think this guy is worth it, meet with him on Friday. If he isn't, then don't. Simple. Don't waste your time on a guy who you can't trust and your instincts hate... It'll never work because you'll always won't trust him and you'll always wonder what is he really doing, etc, etc...

*EDIT*

Had you not known this guy cheated before, I would say your being unfair, however he has, and old history or not, he cheated on his GF and you would be no different. If I was you, I wouldn't give him the benefit of the doubt.

meglome

You're jumping to a lot of conclusions there. You have no way to know whether they're the correct ones or not. As has been already said plenty of companies arrange nights out on a Saturday so not usual at all. The fact he disappeared off the radar for days when he was originally supposed to be meeting you isn't good at all but there could be several reasons for it. Why don't you ask him what happened? If you don't like what you hear then don't see him any more.

AARRRGH

Overthinker wrote: »

he has a reputation for
being a bad boy

Let some other sucker waste their time on this 29 year old bad boy.

Good call.

LegacyUser

Thanks guys, I feel better now.

I had just never heard of companies organising things on a Saturday. I asked him why he didn't contact me last weekend when we were meant to meet up and he said he went on a bender and didn't wanna turn me off cause he was a drunken mess.

He also said he really wants to give it a shot and wants to go out on Friday so I guess I'll give him a chance and see ho wit goes. I just don't wanna be kicking myself in a few weeks time. I'm gonna proceed with caution and hope he doesn't abuse my trust.

It would be alot easier to trust people if so many of them didn't cheat and lie but fact is most people do. I hang around with a big bunch of lads and nearly all of them have cheated at some stage. These are well brought up, 'nice' guys whose girlfriends are clueless and would be shocked. Every woman thinks her man is different but I don't agree. Women cheat too, big time. It just sucks that people can be such assh*les.

john_aero

AARRRGH wrote: »

Let some other sucker waste their time on this 29 year old bad boy.

Good call.

sounds bout right,

3 months is good bit time be seeing some one now and agin and still they not made an effort.

Karen_*

Judge each person on their own merits and never just assume that people are going to cheat or lie.

But if you're getting alarm bells then don't ignore them either. And really OP if you're seeing him three months then its obviously very casually because he should be contacting you a bit more than once in five days.

STUBBORNGIRL

Karen_* wrote: »

Judge each person on their own merits and never just assume that people are going to cheat or lie.

But if you're getting alarm bells then don't ignore them either. And really OP if you're seeing him three months then its obviously very casually because he should be contacting you a bit more than once in five days.

Im with Karen on this one!

Whats one mans medicine is another mans poison! so in saying he is a bad boy doesnt necessarily mean he will be one with you! Once he finds the right girl all that will change thats why he shouldnt be judged before he has actually cheated on you!

Sometimes we girls are our own worst enemy - overanalysing everything and literally driving men away from us, because of our insecurities.

If you have been going out 3 months then the least i would have expected is a drunken call during that bender of a weekend! Would that be normal for you Op to go days without contact? because if it is then those 5 days with no contact doesnt seem so abnormal anymore!

i think he deserves a chance and once is all it will take for him to fcuk things up and for you to kick his ass to the kurb!

Go out with him on Friday night and enjoy yourself -

Best of luck

Burial

STUBBORNGIRL wrote: »

Im with Karen on this one!

Whats one mans medicine is another mans poison! so in saying he is a bad boy doesnt necessarily mean he will be one with you! Once he finds the right girl all that will change thats why he shouldnt be judged before he has actually cheated on you!

Sometimes we girls are our own worst enemy - overanalysing everything and literally driving men away from us, because of our insecurities.

If you have been going out 3 months then the least i would have expected is a drunken call during that bender of a weekend! Would that be normal for you Op to go days without contact? because if it is then those 5 days with no contact doesnt seem so abnormal anymore!

i think he deserves a chance and once is all it will take for him to fcuk things up and for you to kick his ass to the kurb!

Go out with him on Friday night and enjoy yourself -

Best of luck

He had his one shot.... He blew off Saturday because he got really drunk and didn't talk to her for 5 days. You could say oh well it's fair enough, but does a hangover last 5 days? Did he have to drink that much KNOWING that they had a date planned? (If it was a business night drink thing like Saturday, I MIGHT understand) This guy had his one chance and I wouldn't give him another, he's very lucky your giving him another. Though, you've now goto deal with your lack of trust in him, and I will not be suprised to find you questioning his actions again within 2 weeks. Will you give him another chance again? I think your just leading yourself to be hurt from this guy, unless you make it hugely clear that if your slightly suspicious in any way with him, it's over, and even then I don't think your safe...

Karen_*

I think at the beginning of any relationship we get clear signals as to what to expect going forward and alot of the time we choose to ignore them. And then we're gobsmacked when it all goes wrong and wonder how we choose the wrong people. How could we not have seen that it would go this way? But usually we did see but through rose tinted glasses. Take off the rose tinted glasses. I certainly will be in future.

And thats not to say that you should imagine and pre-empt that someone will cheat and lie. All men are not cheating bastards and liars. But if someones been a bad boy in the past and they aren't treating you like a princess then they haven't changed. I wouldn't even waste another week on this guy.

SpookyDoll

Hmm, I would be 50/50 on this one.

Ive had times where my instincts have been right and also a few where I was delighted to find were also wrong so you just cant tell till you get to know him better.

Maybe the fact that he now knows you sort of sensed something was not quite right will motivate him to prove to you that there is nothing to fear...

Either way I think the ball is in his court to reassure you, he knows your spidey senses are tingling and if he is keen on you he should do an about turn pretty soon!

Hope it works out well anyway OP.