Sick to death of my friends

LegacyUser

They say when you go to college you make the best of friends of your life, I went to college in a different county so I hoped this was the case because I left everyone behind. But anyway this (great college friends) was the case-up until recently. Now I really dont know what went wrong.

1. My absolute best friend broke up with her longterm boyfriend a good few months ago and since then has treated me like dirt. She continually chooses going out with guys over meeting me. Now i know its all new and exciting when you get back on to the single scene but apart from anything else im single too, so we could easily go out together, we went out loads b4 she broke up with her ex and i was there 4 her the whole way through her break up. Then when we did organise a night to get together after constantly being put off, we agreed it would be a girls night in because i didnt have the money to go out. Then a few days later i read on bebo of all things that she has organised 4 loads of people to head out that exact nite, hasnt informed me of these change of plans and knows that i cant afford it. And this was after we hadnt seen each other for over 2 months and right b4 she was heading abroad for a few weeks, I at least thought she might want to meet up b4 she went away.

Then while she was away she got in touch with guys she was seeing but not once with me even though I contacted her, and at least once I contacted her at the same time as a guy but he got a reply not me.

There are quite a few more things but basically when she came home-even after not getting in contact with me to let me know she was home-I got in touch with her and asked her straight out what the problem was and she said that I had been treating her badly!!! Im not perfect but it was me all along trying to sort things out and meet up and never once treated her badly.

2. Now since xmas above friend has been really mean towards our other best friend, though not obviously so. She was bit more underhand and done it by trying to exclude her. I wasnt around at this time, we took different classes but they were together. But she was always on phone to me bitching about her and being her best friend I'd listen but I'd always stick up 4 our other friend and I spent the year trying to bring them together and sort out any problems, even though they were pretty much imagined by my first friend.

Now though with my first friend treating me so badly, I've turned to my second friend not looking for her to take sides, just to have someone to talk things through with and try understand things. But my friends does seem to have taken sides-my first friends! There is no reason for her to take sides but if anything you'd think she'd take mine, although she doesnt know the extent of the bitchiness my friend directed towards her and how much I stuck up for her. My second friend wont listen to a word I say, I dont "bitch" Im just trying to understand WHY, but b4 a sentence even leaves my mouth my second friend comes up with excuses for my first friend or even tells me something my other friend has obviously done wrong against me is my fault. She literally has never once tried look at things from my point of view.



--I know this is a really long message but its a good few months worth of hurt Im trying to deal with and I have neither of my best friends to talk to. Just looking for some opinions on the above.

Kevster

Unfortunately, we encounter people like this in our lives every now and then. What is important for you is to realise that they are not worth getting angry over. All you must do is erase her email address, erase her phone-number, and erase her from your life. Don't devote any of your time to her and, if she tries to contact you, don't even read or listen to what she has to say - Just ignore it and/or delete it straight-away.

Oh, and take pride in the fact that you have your own life in your control, not in someone else's.

Take care,
Kevin

Suzyq

Yeah I would move on if I were you - if she were interested in being your friend she wouldn't be behaving like this. It seems to me that she has for whatever reason decided that she doesn't want to be friends with you any longer and in order to justify that decision has painted you as the 'baddy' in the friendship.

While it's upsetting and frustrating there isn't much that you can do about it and probably anything that you do do only cements this image in her mind. Move on and leave her to it would be my advice. There's a good chance that the other friend will come knocking on your door some point as she'll probably be victim of the same behaviour but there's no point in bringing it up with her, she'll have to find that out for herself.

Get out and about and make new/better friends who don't power-play like your current best friend.

Josie_dub

Ditch them. A real friend would never let you feel like this. You mentioned college so these girls should be old enough and grown enough to not act like petty bitchy little kids. Move on, don't get caught up in it anymore.

SpookyDoll

justdontgetit wrote: »

They say when you go to college you make the best of friends of your life, I went to college in a different county so I hoped this was the case because I left everyone behind. But anyway this (great college friends) was the case-up until recently. Now I really dont know what went wrong.

1. My absolute best friend broke up with her longterm boyfriend a good few months ago and since then has treated me like dirt. She continually chooses going out with guys over meeting me. Now i know its all new and exciting when you get back on to the single scene but apart from anything else im single too, so we could easily go out together, we went out loads b4 she broke up with her ex and i was there 4 her the whole way through her break up. Then when we did organise a night to get together after constantly being put off, we agreed it would be a girls night in because i didnt have the money to go out. Then a few days later i read on bebo of all things that she has organised 4 loads of people to head out that exact nite, hasnt informed me of these change of plans and knows that i cant afford it. And this was after we hadnt seen each other for over 2 months and right b4 she was heading abroad for a few weeks, I at least thought she might want to meet up b4 she went away.

Then while she was away she got in touch with guys she was seeing but not once with me even though I contacted her, and at least once I contacted her at the same time as a guy but he got a reply not me.

There are quite a few more things but basically when she came home-even after not getting in contact with me to let me know she was home-I got in touch with her and asked her straight out what the problem was and she said that I had been treating her badly!!! Im not perfect but it was me all along trying to sort things out and meet up and never once treated her badly.

2. Now since xmas above friend has been really mean towards our other best friend, though not obviously so. She was bit more underhand and done it by trying to exclude her. I wasnt around at this time, we took different classes but they were together. But she was always on phone to me bitching about her and being her best friend I'd listen but I'd always stick up 4 our other friend and I spent the year trying to bring them together and sort out any problems, even though they were pretty much imagined by my first friend.

Now though with my first friend treating me so badly, I've turned to my second friend not looking for her to take sides, just to have someone to talk things through with and try understand things. But my friends does seem to have taken sides-my first friends! There is no reason for her to take sides but if anything you'd think she'd take mine, although she doesnt know the extent of the bitchiness my friend directed towards her and how much I stuck up for her. My second friend wont listen to a word I say, I dont "bitch" Im just trying to understand WHY, but b4 a sentence even leaves my mouth my second friend comes up with excuses for my first friend or even tells me something my other friend has obviously done wrong against me is my fault. She literally has never once tried look at things from my point of view.



--I know this is a really long message but its a good few months worth of hurt Im trying to deal with and I have neither of my best friends to talk to. Just looking for some opinions on the above.

Get rid of them both, they sound like a right pair of high maintenance sh1theads!

LolaLuv

justdontgetit wrote: »

They say when you go to college you make the best of friends of your life, I went to college in a different county so I hoped this was the case because I left everyone behind. But anyway this (great college friends) was the case-up until recently. Now I really dont know what went wrong.

1. My absolute best friend broke up with her longterm boyfriend a good few months ago and since then has treated me like dirt. She continually chooses going out with guys over meeting me. Now i know its all new and exciting when you get back on to the single scene but apart from anything else im single too, so we could easily go out together, we went out loads b4 she broke up with her ex and i was there 4 her the whole way through her break up. Then when we did organise a night to get together after constantly being put off, we agreed it would be a girls night in because i didnt have the money to go out. Then a few days later i read on bebo of all things that she has organised 4 loads of people to head out that exact nite, hasnt informed me of these change of plans and knows that i cant afford it. And this was after we hadnt seen each other for over 2 months and right b4 she was heading abroad for a few weeks, I at least thought she might want to meet up b4 she went away.

Then while she was away she got in touch with guys she was seeing but not once with me even though I contacted her, and at least once I contacted her at the same time as a guy but he got a reply not me.

There are quite a few more things but basically when she came home-even after not getting in contact with me to let me know she was home-I got in touch with her and asked her straight out what the problem was and she said that I had been treating her badly!!! Im not perfect but it was me all along trying to sort things out and meet up and never once treated her badly.

2. Now since xmas above friend has been really mean towards our other best friend, though not obviously so. She was bit more underhand and done it by trying to exclude her. I wasnt around at this time, we took different classes but they were together. But she was always on phone to me bitching about her and being her best friend I'd listen but I'd always stick up 4 our other friend and I spent the year trying to bring them together and sort out any problems, even though they were pretty much imagined by my first friend.

Now though with my first friend treating me so badly, I've turned to my second friend not looking for her to take sides, just to have someone to talk things through with and try understand things. But my friends does seem to have taken sides-my first friends! There is no reason for her to take sides but if anything you'd think she'd take mine, although she doesnt know the extent of the bitchiness my friend directed towards her and how much I stuck up for her. My second friend wont listen to a word I say, I dont "bitch" Im just trying to understand WHY, but b4 a sentence even leaves my mouth my second friend comes up with excuses for my first friend or even tells me something my other friend has obviously done wrong against me is my fault. She literally has never once tried look at things from my point of view.



--I know this is a really long message but its a good few months worth of hurt Im trying to deal with and I have neither of my best friends to talk to. Just looking for some opinions on the above.

My opinion is that it's absolutely ok to break up with friends. It doesn't make you a bad person, it doesn't make you disloyal or intolerant, it just means you've outgrown each other. Just start distancing yourself and find people you enjoy more.

anucksunamun

you poor thing, I know how you feel, the best thing in my opinion would be as has been said before to move on, forget them both, I can almost guarantee you friend no.2 will come knocking on your door reminiscing about good time you two have spent together.. cause friend no.1 will show her true colourse sooner rather than later if she doesnt have you to bitch at/to...

Please dont let them get to you, you seem to be a smart and very nice person (read some of your posts) you neither deserve this treatment, or have to take it!! look after yourself, and forget bitchy people, ya dont need em!!

LegacyUser

anucksunamun wrote: »

Please dont let them get to you, you seem to be a smart and very nice person (read some of your posts) you neither deserve this treatment, or have to take it!! look after yourself, and forget bitchy people, ya dont need em!!

Well i like to consider myself as a nice person, I truly try see the best in everyone and give them the benefit of the doubt but...i posted this as a guest and have never used this username so I dont think it's my posts u read?? Unless u know my registered username, would actually like an answer to that one!

While I know moving on is the logical solution I was finding it really hard to do this, I also know that as I dont live near my other friends from college and cant financially afford or due to personal reasons am unable to go out as often as these two friends with our group from college that I knew that if sides were taken, which most people consciously or unconsciously do, then well it wouldnt be my side that people chose. Also the fact that there is two of them and only one of me.

But I know this is what has to happen. As I said before, I text my friend to arrange to meet up and talk things through but she got very vague and then just stopped replying altogether. So I waited all week to hear from her-I'd been doing all the running around at this stage-but nothing, until today I get a message from her..just to lay into me!! My second friend went and told her EVERYTHING I had said to her in confidence and obviously didnt point out fact that I hadnt been bitching just looking for answers, actually Im not entirely sure that friend number 2 didnt deliberately put a negative spin on it.

Anyway friend number one ripped into me, we argued all that and then she said shes decided she does want to meet up after all, I had to pick a day next week to meet there and then just because she said jump I had to say how high. I cant do next week and I told her that and now I-the person who has gone to all lengths to fix this-"obviously dont give a **** enough to try sort things out, dont care about her, dont care about our friendship" although not said that nicely! Then she basically told me to go **** myself, that she has put so much work into this "has tried so hard" after I have treated her like dirt and she wants nothing to do with me.

Shouldnt that be my line??!!

Oh and I asked my second friend what she was doing breaking my confidence and making out that I was bitching behind my friends back, and let me add that anything I had said to my second friend I was going to say to my first face to face as soon as I had the chance, there was nothing sneaky about it at all. And she just replied "its a free world".

To quote Josie Dub

"You mentioned college so these girls should be old enough and grown enough to not act like petty bitchy little kids"

How true!!! But her reply is what you'd expect from a 12 year old.