what to do?

LegacyUser

right, this is a problem thats been going on for awhile. ive a really close group of mates in college, were all close as can be, anyway i started liking one of the girls as more than a friend, although i knew it would get awkward if it ever came out, so i told one or two of the lads and didnt want her to find out, i kinda knew it was a passing thing, even though everyone who saw the 2 of us together said there was something brewing up between us and it was only a matter of time etc etc. anyway talking about it once, a girl i dont really know overheard and told the girl, who was one of my best friends at the time, and she got really upset and told one of our mates she was afraid of our friendship changing. anyway it was a little awkward for a while but then it was fine. although recently (randomly) it's gotten really REALLY awkward, to the point where we cant even talk anymore, and when we do, she's being an absolute b***h to me, snide comments left right and centre. my friends have noticed it and are really annoyed with her about it, and i want to talk about it with her cos i miss our friendship, but then again my friends are saying friends don't treat each other that way and i shouldn't be ar*ed. it's really horrible like. i don't even like her in that way anymore. it's just she helped me through some really difficult times and it so doesn't have to be this way, it's been awkward for a good while now. she hasn't really come out with the group over the summer, like we all used to in college, i think she feels like the group is turning on her. see the thing is i know she's a little awkward socially and just doesn't know how to deal with me. but that doesn't excuse being so horrible. like she's been really horrible when i've talked to her since she found out i liked her and hasn't even bothered to acknowledge me other times. it just sucks so much cos we were really close before and i miss it. my friends are saying f**k her, totally taking my side on it, but i dont want her losing friends over it cos no one had a bad word to say about her before, and i dont want it to be my fault she's on the outs with the group. also, i know it's probably best to just say f**k her and get on with it, but it's the fact we're in the same circle of mates and i know she's always gonna be around when we go back to college, and to be honest i can't take the awkwardness. i can't enjoy myself when we're both out in the group cos i feel so awkward. it's awful. i wish i could talk to her about it, but it's gotten so bad that i'm afraid she's gonna be real spiteful and im gonna be more upset than before.

advice? this is driving me mental.

The_Minister

Paragraphs please.

My eyes are burning:)

The_Minister

Sounds kinda cyclical to me.

You (accidentally) made her anxious and defensive, which makes your friends dislike her, which makes her even more.....etc.

Personally, I hate when arguements between two of my friends ripple over to me, and people start taking sides.

Handsome Bob

randomlyposting wrote: »

right, this is a problem thats been going on for awhile. ive a really close group of mates in college, were all close as can be, anyway i started liking one of the girls as more than a friend, although i knew it would get awkward if it ever came out, so i told one or two of the lads and didnt want her to find out, i kinda knew it was a passing thing, even though everyone who saw the 2 of us together said there was something brewing up between us and it was only a matter of time etc etc. anyway talking about it once, a girl i dont really know overheard and told the girl, who was one of my best friends at the time, and she got really upset and told one of our mates she was afraid of our friendship changing. anyway it was a little awkward for a while but then it was fine. although recently (randomly) it's gotten really REALLY awkward, to the point where we cant even talk anymore, and when we do, she's being an absolute b***h to me, snide comments left right and centre. my friends have noticed it and are really annoyed with her about it, and i want to talk about it with her cos i miss our friendship, but then again my friends are saying friends don't treat each other that way and i shouldn't be ar*ed. it's really horrible like. i don't even like her in that way anymore. it's just she helped me through some really difficult times and it so doesn't have to be this way, it's been awkward for a good while now. she hasn't really come out with the group over the summer, like we all used to in college, i think she feels like the group is turning on her. see the thing is i know she's a little awkward socially and just doesn't know how to deal with me. but that doesn't excuse being so horrible. like she's been really horrible when i've talked to her since she found out i liked her and hasn't even bothered to acknowledge me other times. it just sucks so much cos we were really close before and i miss it. my friends are saying f**k her, totally taking my side on it, but i dont want her losing friends over it cos no one had a bad word to say about her before, and i dont want it to be my fault she's on the outs with the group. also, i know it's probably best to just say f**k her and get on with it, but it's the fact we're in the same circle of mates and i know she's always gonna be around when we go back to college, and to be honest i can't take the awkwardness. i can't enjoy myself when we're both out in the group cos i feel so awkward. it's awful. i wish i could talk to her about it, but it's gotten so bad that i'm afraid she's gonna be real spiteful and im gonna be more upset than before.

advice? this is driving me mental.

I think you need to take the initiative here man and contact her, ask her to meet you one-on-one and try to clear the air. Tell her what you told us, that you hate that your circle of friends are cutting her out and this is the last thing you wanted to happen. Also tell her you have no issue whatsoever (as you said that you don't like her that way anymore) with her not wanting to take things further and you just want to make things "normal" again.

At the same time tell your Uni mates the situation and that if she decides to hang out with you all again that to give her a chance.

It will be initially awkward, but if you were all as close as you say you were things should gradually get easier. Good luck man.:)

Wagon

Just tell her you don't see her in that way anymore. And leave it to her to decide. If she's awkward and wants to not be friends because of you being a human being then who cares? She's a crap friend. Simple as.

LegacyUser

you see i wish i could contact her, but you see the thing is we never really spoke outside college before the summer (cos we saw each other for about 10 hours a day!) so it would be weird to just randomly text her now, you know? like i dont think ive ever actually text her in my life, there was no need.

also i doubt she'd be able to meet up with me, i think shes working all hours god sends.

and the thing is i cant really talk to her about the fact that i dont like her in that way anymore, cos we never talked about it at the time, just kind of waited for the awkwardness to blow over, and it did (for a while). so it would be weird to bring it up now.

if i talk to her itll have to be about the way shes acting more than anything else.

its a bit of a sticky one :P

LegacyUser

maybe she too has feelings for you and just doesn't know how to go about it? Do ask her why she's being so bitchy or whatever!
I know I sometimes don't know how to react to certain things girls do or say and just start talking rubbish, or even worse ignore them

entropi

randomlyposting wrote: »

you see i wish i could contact her, but you see the thing is we never really spoke outside college before the summer (cos we saw each other for about 10 hours a day!) so it would be weird to just randomly text her now, you know? like i dont think ive ever actually text her in my life, there was no need.

also i doubt she'd be able to meet up with me, i think shes working all hours god sends.

and the thing is i cant really talk to her about the fact that i dont like her in that way anymore, cos we never talked about it at the time, just kind of waited for the awkwardness to blow over, and it did (for a while). so it would be weird to bring it up now.

if i talk to her itll have to be about the way shes acting more than anything else.

its a bit of a sticky one :P

It IS a sticky one alright, but what has been pointed out here already is that you really need to talk with her face to face and discuss the whole situation from the point the random girl told your mate you fancied her.

You will more than likely see her again within your circle of friends through college, maybe one day you can ask her for a quiet chat away from everyone else and do it then? But the only way this is gonna be sorted out is by doing this, ending the tension and being able to get on with your lives.

MAYBE she does have an interest in you i dunno, but acting like a right b|tch is a defensive mechanism for some reason, maybe trying to deflect your attention and bringing things back to the way they were, but it backfired on her as you explained with your mates turning on her a bit.

Hopefully what i've said can be of help, havent experienced anything much like it before.