How do I know if its right?

VW08

This is a bit of a long one - just needed to get somethings off my chest.

Ok this all just hit me last night. I friend of mine got engaged resently, she's 25 years old and Im 26. Initially I was happy, and I have to say a little jealous that her relationship, (that started a few years after I started a relationship with my boyfriend) had gotten to this stage before me.

Then last night, I was chatting to another friend of mine about this engagement, when it just hit me...I dont know if I could ever see myself getting married!! Its a huge committment. And it all really started to freak me out. It just all became very real.

How do you know for certain that your with the right person? If one person in the relationship is all for marriage, and one isnt, should these people really be going out - as one may get hurt 8 years down the line, if the other persons feelings still havent changed? How do you know that the person you are engaged to, wont change once your married? How do you know that you wont wake up 20 years down the line and realise that you just dont love this person anymore?

My own boyfriend has had these same feelings for as long as Iv know him, but I always thought that it was just so far away that when it came to it that it would be ok. It cannt be good that now both of us are having these worries. We've had chats about it before, and Iv have told him that its a leap of faith, and that both people in a marriage need to make it work - it cannt just be that sometimes you make an effort and sometimes you dont. But, nothing has ever eased his mind with it came to marriage, and now Im feeling the same way. We have a long distance relationship, he's not even sure that if it wasnt long distance that he'd want to live with me. We've know each other for 8 years, and been going out on and off for most of that time.

Am I wasting my time with him?

Does everyone go through this, or is it something that I should be worried about?

Its probably just one of those things that I'll just have to wait and see what happens.


Thanks

Aquitaine

...

beaushalloe

you're right it is a leap of faith, you just cannot predict what is going to happen in the near or even far future. i was similiar in opnion to you about not ever seeing myself being able to totally and honestly stand in front of someone and promise to love them forever. forever is a long time and how would i know how i would feel then? but then you meet somone and you soon know (as cheesy as it might seem) that no matter what happens you WANT to be with them forever, will you or wont you dosnt come in to the equation. it feels right and you can see yourself in your 80's grey and old rocking side by side on armchairs! (maybe im getting a little too sentimental here!)

it would cause me concern that you are eight years into a relationship and have not 'moved' on in terms of commitment, i.e. moving in together, getting a dog/cat/terrapin! and even getting engaged (provided you are of the age to marry, you wouldnt expect someone of 21 or 22 to rush into marraige)

this may just be minor niggles about your relationship situation as opposed to how you feel about marraige or commitment for that matter. maybe chat to your partner and explain how you are thinking and then anaylise it further, if they decide, (or you do) that marrige now or in the future is not an option you will have to decide if this is somthing that sits well with you.

if this is fine with both of you , great. if not it may be time to rethink your relationship.