6yr old boy out of control

jojo88

I hope someone can give me insight into this - any comments hugely welcome..

A 6yrs old boy who shows huge signs of agression and other odd behaviour. Example parents have no control over him and he seems to do as he pleases his agressive behavious is targeted at anyone in his path and particularly smaller kids.

Recently I noticed an incident with this boy and his younger 3yr old female relative which, involved the boy pulling down the girls pants and kissing on bum. I know the boy has show signs of wanting to kiss bellies since he was 2yrs old and this seems to have progressed over the years.

I am currently studying psychology but I am only in first year and don't have the capabilities for this.

I guess my main concern is that the boy has known no boundaries from his parents and has learned no consequences for his actions and therefore I have a 2yr old girl that has contact with this boy but it is always under my watchful eye. I am anxious to know what I should researching for his personality and what concerns should be focused on..

The Black Oil

Uh, well if it's impacting on his and their quality of life then professional intervention is probably required. The sooner the better too.

jojo88

well if it's impacting on his and their quality of life then professional intervention is probably required. The sooner the better too.

Thanks Black Oil, where do I start with this as it's a very delicate issue as the parents are oblivious to the situation.

eth0_

TBH all you can do is bring this to the attention of the parents. Other than that, it's none of your business.

It sounds like his parents have never disciplined him, which is something most parents seem to have trouble with these days...I wouldn't be too worried about him kissing a girl on the bum, he's only 6 ffs, kissing her on the bum is hardly overtly sexual for a child that age!

jojo88

Thanks for the response etho, I agree with black oil that if his actions have a negative impact on another child then it does require more attention. In this case his 3yr old relative has been distressed during their last encounter as he threatened that he would hurt her if she didn't pull down her pants for him and this lead an adult intervening at this point..

Queen-Mise

go and find the social worker department in your university and speak to someone there. tell them your concerns, thoughts & feelings.

I will be particularly blunt (and may be a long way of the mark - hopefully): find out if the child's behaviour may be linked to abuse in any way. Let the experts tell you, if you are right to be concerned.

jojo88

queen-mise thank you for this reply as you so bloody right, I would not have been concerned if I felt it was all innocent and really to should listen to my instincts. I'm back in college mid Sept so will start asking the right lecturers there.. Thanks again.

axer

queen-mise wrote: »

I will be particularly blunt (and may be a long way of the mark - hopefully): find out if the child's behaviour may be linked to abuse in any way. Let the experts tell you, if you are right to be concerned.

I would agree with this especially when the OP said:

he threatened that he would hurt her if she didn't pull down her pants for him

jojo88

Axer, appreciate your reply and yes I would consider the agression side of this more questionable. I'm all for innocent investigation into body parts at 6yrs old but not under these circumstance bearing in mind that this child has no boundaries and does not understand consequences for his actions...

axer

I asked the girlfriend (psychologist working with children such as the one you described) there for you. She said it is most likely looking for attention but you would need to give more information such as what does the boy say if confronted in the middle of the act with questions such as "why do you want to pull her down her pants?, why do you want to kiss her on her bum?, where did you see that before? or who kisses people on the bum?". What other signs of aggression is there? How does the child respond to his parents when they give out to the child or do they not even try to give out?

She also says you need to establish boundaries for the boy when in the presence of your child since the parents wont.

The threat of hurting the 3yr old if she doesn't pull down her pants is suspicious though since it looks like he is copying someone.

jojo88

Axer thanks for this, really appreciate it... In answer to the following -


"what does the boy say if confronted in the middle of the act with questions such as "why do you want to pull her down her pants?, why do you want to kiss her on her bum?, where did you see that before? or who kisses people on the bum?"

He denies it and tries to convince the adult that they didn't see him and when confronted with the truth he throws a huge tantrum.

Other signs of agression that I am aware of are -

1. Hitting out at his mother with strong force
2. An incident involving his younger sister, he plugged an iron and burned her hand.

He shows huge signs of social anxiety, learning difficulties. His temper would be frightening.

I think the parents way of dealing with this is to bury there heads in the sand with the hope it will go away...

Creachadóir

I'm surprised that his teacher hasn't suggested that he get assessed. He must be at school at least one year if not two if he's 6. ADHD/ODD are usually noticed fairly quickly by teachers and they wouldn't usually hesitate to tell the parents that behaviour of that nature was not appropriate and recommend that he get assessed (for their own sanity). However, if he has only completed one year of school, perahps the teacher could think that he was just settling in...

jojo88

Crachadoir, he has completed one year in national school and he was assessed for autism but this was ruled out along with adhd etc.

Odysseus

Another option if your are really concerned is to contact your local health centre ask to speak to the duty social worker and tell them what your seeing. This can be done anonymously if you really want, but it carries more weight if you give your name. However, most social work teams are overloaded with their caseloads, but you never know the family may already be known to them.

jojo88

thanks Odysseus, I feel concerned enough to seriously consider your option, my first step is to see what the Lecturers say at college and then take it from there. In the meantime I'll keep a close eye on the situation without intruding on the family as it's such a delicate situation..

Queen-Mise

Talking to the Duty social worker is also a good idea. Because off-the-record they can talk to teachers, if they think it is needed/appropriate.
Talking to a social worker, doesn't necessarily mean a direct intervention.