STIs and sex education

trio

I went out with a guy. Well on the first night that we ended up in bed together, he tried for HOURS to convince me to have sex without a condom.

He basically said that he couldn't get hard with a condom on, whinge whinge moan moan. And keep in mind that we were fooling around at the time - I wanted things to keep going, if you know what I mean. So I was trying to keep the mood lighthearted and sexy but NO WAY was I DTD without one.

He started banging on about how I was on the pill anyway so what did it matter, blah blah blah. Like, what the hell has that got to do with it, dude? I barely know you!!

So just at the point where I was basically thinking "Oh just kick him out already" he relented. Put one on and immediately he went to half-mast. He was dead in the water. So he started whinging again, trying to convince me AGAIN to let him do it without. And worse, he was all exasperated at ME! Like it was my fault!

At that point I told him tersely that I was going in next door to sleep with my friend and he could let himself out in the morning. Talk about killing the mood!

He kept ringing and ringing the next day and I told him that frankly, it was a dealbreaker for me and he should find someone that suited him better.

But it boggled my mind. I've never in my life met a guy that had that reaction from condoms. To this day I don't know if it was a physiological reaction to the feel of them or if he just hated the things with a passion and wanted to see if I'd give in.

LolaLuv

Wow, you have the patience of a saint. I don't think I would have lasted 5 minutes with someone telling me he can't keep it up with a condom. That's only half a man, imo. :rolleyes:

Nevyn

trio it happens and I reckon that it's more common then people think.
The thing it is something that guys can over come and I think that someone trying to badger me into having sex with out a condom is disrespectfull and who know how many other people they will have talked into it and what they could have.

From my point of view I want to be around on this earth and living life to the fullest and being there for my kids and any grandkids that happen for the next 30 to 40 years, I don't want to cut my life expectancy in half and be ill and constantly on meds due to having become HIV positive due to taking a risk on a guy who whinged and moan and didn't want to wear a condom.

Madame Razz

trio wrote: »

I
But it boggled my mind. I've never in my life met a guy that had that reaction from condoms. To this day I don't know if it was a physiological reaction to the feel of them or if he just hated the things with a passion and wanted to see if I'd give in.

What age was he??

I have found some older men have more objection to them; most likely cos they've been in a good few longterm relationships and have gotten used to the feeling of doing without them!! And it is better without, but its such a dumb attitude and a silly risk to take initially, an STI really isnt worth any increase in sensation, and yet i've encountered a few men who have been more than prepared to take the risk!!

And Thaedydal, u r right, demanding to do without is very disrespectful to the woman involved!

LolaLuv

Thaedydal wrote: »

The thing it is something that guys can over come and I think that someone trying to badger me into having sex with out a condom is disrespectfull and who know how many other people they will have talked into it and what they could have.

That's exactly what it is, disrespectful. Any sort of badgering on a topic like that would indicate to me that the man didn't respect my ability to make decisions. And when it's something like one's health, there's very little room for tolerance for that sort of thing.

Zaph

Any guy who wants to have sex with someone for the first time and not use a condom is an idiot and shouldn't be allowed have sex until he grows up and realises that he's putting himself at risk as much as the other person.

LolaDub

I've met two guys in my life that actually went half mast to no mast after putting on a condom but i have met a fair number of guys that claimed they had a reaction to condoms or couldn't come with one on to try to convince me to go without. When they start moaning don't you care about my pleasure so you will go bareback its a flashing warning sign. Just wondering on that point how often to people go for std tests? And if somebody asked you would you be honest about it?

Madame Razz

LolaDub wrote: »

Just wondering on that point how often to people go for std tests? And if somebody asked you would you be honest about it?

I have had one every year for the last while, as part of smears and on their own, even though i rarely go 'bareback'.....he has to be a special gentleman for that;). And if I was seeing a guy and we decided to do without, well then i would insist that we both went and got tested first, as its better safe than sorry.

I think its so important, a large part of my time at uni was spent on microbiology, in particular STIs, so i've freaked myself out enough to make myself go get tested.


I'd be totally honest about it if somebody asked me. My tests have always been clean thankfully, but I think its better to know that than not know it.
And I think this attitude that if you go get yourself tested its indicative in someway of your promiscuity is so ridiculous. Most women worry about getting pregnant from unprotected sex, and forget about STIs. The saintliest woman/man can wind up with an STI very easily, and ignorance is not bliss when it comes to an STI.

For a smear test a lot of surgeries still dont automatically test for STIs, you have to ask them to do it. With the recent surge in STIs in Ireland i think this is so ridiculous, and I think more needs to be done to make people aware of the importance of testing, its a health area that vastly underfunded and underpublicised.

Madame Razz

On the point of STIs, a GP friend of mine once told me about a sixteen year old patient of hers who had gotten Chlamydia as a result of unprotected sex.

The girl was from one of the more well to do areas of Cork. Anyway, typically, when a woman is diagnosed with an STI there is a reaction of embarrassment, shame, upset etc, as you can imagine.

So the GP told this girl " you have Chlamydia"

Girl: "Oh right, So im not pregnant tho"

GP: "No, you're not, but we'll have to get you on an antibiotic and when you're finished that im going to put you on the pill and you should try to use condoms in future.

Girl: "well, sure, Grand, give me the antibiotic so then and i'll come back for the pil in a few weeks" (shes cool as a breeze at this point)

GP: Its not as straight forward as that, you're going to have to tell everybody you have slept with unprotected or not, and they'll need to have themselves tested also, Chlamydia is a fairly serious STI and should be treated sooner rather than later. How many men have you slept with?

Girl: 17

GP:(nearly falls off chair) ok, did you use a condom with all of these partners.

Girl: Only if i didnt know them, if I knew them i didnt bother, sure they're friends like, they'd be grand.
:eek::eek::eek:
That story is absolute gospel. We're going to have an STI pandemic in a few years time!!!

Bijoux

manukahoney wrote: »

On the point of STIs, a GP friend of mine once told me about a sixteen year old patient of hers who had gotten Chlamydia as a result of unprotected sex.

The girl was from one of the more well to do areas of Cork. Anyway, typically, when a woman is diagnosed with an STI there is a reaction of embarrassment, shame, upset etc, as you can imagine.

So the GP told this girl " you have Chlamydia"

Girl: "Oh right, So im not pregnant tho"

GP: "No, you're not, but we'll have to get you on an antibiotic and when you're finished that im going to put you on the pill and you should try to use condoms in future.

Girl: "well, sure, Grand, give me the antibiotic so then and i'll come back for the pil in a few weeks" (shes cool as a breeze at this point)

GP: Its not as straight forward as that, you're going to have to tell everybody you have slept with unprotected or not, and they'll need to have themselves tested also, Chlamydia is a fairly serious STI and should be treated sooner rather than later. How many men have you slept with?

Girl: 17

GP:(nearly falls off chair) ok, did you use a condom with all of these partners.

Girl: Only if i didnt know them, if I knew them i didnt bother, sure they're friends like, they'd be grand.
:eek::eek::eek:
That story is absolute gospel. We're going to have an STI pandemic in a few years time!!!

And she was sixteen?
Jesus Christ!!!

How could she not take such a thing seriously?

I don't speak for everyone but I got lots of sex education in school, not only the physical side of things but also about respect and other issues that can arise from it....and I was in a convent school.....surely sex ed. is good in most schools now? If so, theres no excuse for that sort of irresponsible behaviour...

Madame Razz

Ha!! I went to a convent school and our sex ed was ridiculous..... obviously we did the science bit in biology, but other than that in 5th year we were all packed into the library and made watch a video of a vacuum abortion....I kid you not!! That was the extent of it as far as i can remember; that video pissed me off so much tho, but then in the same school they prayed over the intercom,so that gives you an idea of the type of situation we were dealing with!!!

Nevyn

manukahoney thats already the case,

http://www.irishtimes.com/newspaper/breaking/2008/0605/breaking70.htm

Madame Razz

Thaedydal wrote: »

manukahoney thats already the case,

http://www.irishtimes.com/newspaper/breaking/2008/0605/breaking70.htm

No investment has happened yet, and given they're barely buying toilet roll in the public hospitals at the moment, i wouldn't hold my breath for any radical changes in the near future!!

Bijoux

manukahoney wrote: »

Ha!! I went to a convent school and our sex ed was ridiculous..... obviously we did the science bit in biology, but other than that in 5th year we were all packed into the library and made watch a video of a vacuum abortion....I kid you not!! That was the extent of it as far as i can remember; that video pissed me off so much tho, but then in the same school they prayed over the intercom,so that gives you an idea of the type of situation we were dealing with!!!

Jesus, I remember being in 6th year in Religion (At 9am on a monday)..anyways we were all sitting there, and our teacher (70 year old nun) comes in, and switches on the tv.....normally the videos would be something about Lent or having a spiritual experience.....anyways I was talking to my friend, completely ignoring what was going on.....turned around and it turned out that the video was a FULL FRONTAL childbirth documentary from the seventies!
At 9am.
Hungover.
Scary shít at the time!

Haha in our place they prayed over the intercom too! :pac:

Madame Razz

Bijoux wrote: »

Haha in our place they prayed over the intercom too! :pac:

Haha, was it a pres??Anybody i ever tell that to has such a laugh. but seriously, it was everyday there was a feast day of somebody or other, so a decade of the rosary or two would have to be said!!

We also had a religion room with books in it from the fifties that said things like homosexuals are the spawn of the devil, women who have sex out of wedlock will burn in hell and other such lovely sentiments!!!

Bijoux

manukahoney wrote: »

Haha, was it a pres??Anybody i ever tell that to has such a laugh. but seriously, it was everyday there was a feast day of somebody or other, so a decade of the roasary or two would have to be said!!

We also had a religion room with books in it from the fifties that said things like homosexuals are the spawn of the devil, women who have sex out of wedlock will burn in hell and other such lovely sentiments!!!

Ah Catholicism.....so much for the 'god is love' theory :rolleyes:

Curlypinkie

manukahoney wrote: »

On the point of STIs, a GP friend of mine once told me about a sixteen year old patient of hers who had gotten Chlamydia as a result of unprotected sex.

The girl was from one of the more well to do areas of Cork. Anyway, typically, when a woman is diagnosed with an STI there is a reaction of embarrassment, shame, upset etc, as you can imagine.

So the GP told this girl " you have Chlamydia"

Girl: "Oh right, So im not pregnant tho"

GP: "No, you're not, but we'll have to get you on an antibiotic and when you're finished that im going to put you on the pill and you should try to use condoms in future.

Girl: "well, sure, Grand, give me the antibiotic so then and i'll come back for the pil in a few weeks" (shes cool as a breeze at this point)

GP: Its not as straight forward as that, you're going to have to tell everybody you have slept with unprotected or not, and they'll need to have themselves tested also, Chlamydia is a fairly serious STI and should be treated sooner rather than later. How many men have you slept with?

Girl: 17

GP:(nearly falls off chair) ok, did you use a condom with all of these partners.

Girl: Only if i didnt know them, if I knew them i didnt bother, sure they're friends like, they'd be grand.
:eek::eek::eek:
That story is absolute gospel. We're going to have an STI pandemic in a few years time!!!

Holy.......:eek::eek::eek:

A no way, seriously? Don't yez get $ex education in schools?? How can someone be so, in lack of other words... stupid

That is crazy.
I'm very shocked.

Madame Razz

Curlypinkie wrote: »

Holy.......:eek::eek::eek:

A no way, seriously? Don't yez get $ex education in schools?? How can someone be so, in lack of other words... stupid

That is crazy.
I'm very shocked.

Ya, the doctor was incredibly shocked too.

By her attitude generally, by the fact she didnt take having chlamydia seriously at all, and by the fact that she was a right little 16 year old tart.

I really dont know what the sex ed is like now, i think they've improved it...what we got was laughable tho.

brianthebard

One class in religion in five/six years of school doesn't really cut it imo.The little i know bout std's and such is from articles and the net.It hasn't and isn't getting better either.

Zaph

Discussion moved from worst dates thread

Curlypinkie

Oooh, catholic school stories!

I went to a private really small one, in a country where non-religious school are in majority. It was really exotic back then to mention I went to one, everyone was like "Do you have nuns? How do they look like? What do they wear? Do they smell? Do you have to pray everyday?"
It was that unusual.

Anyway, one day the boys were told to have a longer break and we were supposed to have a "talk"

So here we are, 15, embarrassed girls, being shown this big overhead of a penis's anatomy. And the nun goes:

ZIS (she raised her stern voice. She was German.) is ze PENIS! ZIS, is ze shaft. ZIS is ze ureeeeeethra!

....and so on and so on, every time hitting the picture with her pointing stick. Like she wanted to spank it or something.
One of my best friends is from this elementary school and we still like to remember with a giggle.

Zaph

I went to the Christian Brothers, and the full extent of our sex education was a very quick run through the reproductive sysyem chapter in our science book when we were in third year. It was purely the anatomy and mechanics of the process, nothing more, and I don't recall spending as little time on any of the other chapters. Admittedly this was 26 years ago, I'd like to think that they've improved things since then.

brianthebard

Elementary school??How old were you when you got that talk?I was fifteen when they did it in my school.Ffs if i hadn't stumbled across a sex ed programme one sick day when i was six or so i would never had known what sex was.

Curlypinkie

Eeehmm, maybe it wasn't elementary school? We were like 12 or 13 I think. It was in 7th grade. What do you call it over here then?

brianthebard

That would be the last year of primary school here i think.That would still be too young in the eyes of the nations deducators to lecture on sex though.

Drift

I agree that the sex education programmes in Irish schools are a joke. We got a few classes on it when I was in fourth year and to be fair to our teacher she tried to cover everything she could and she got into quite a bit of detail about the mechanics, contraception, sti's etc. but really she didn't have us for long enough to cover enough.

One point that hasn't been made yet in this thread is that when it comes to what could be generalised as "relationship and body education" really the primary teachers should be parents. I think Ireland has suffered quite a lot from the fact that sexuality was completely suppressed in our parents era and quite a lot of the time they are either uneducated themselves or too uncomfortable to talk to their children about sexual issues. I hope that the current generation of younger parents won't have the same issues but I'm not holding my breath.

Either way if/when I have kids (a few years down the road yet I hope!) I'll count it as my duty to ensure that I teach them these things and what they learn in school is only a backup. Having said that I know it can't be easy explaining to the apple of your eye what anal sex is :rolleyes:

Zzippy

manukahoney wrote: »

On the point of STIs, a GP friend of mine once told me about a sixteen year old patient of hers who had gotten Chlamydia as a result of unprotected sex.

The girl was from one of the more well to do areas of Cork. Anyway, typically, when a woman is diagnosed with an STI there is a reaction of embarrassment, shame, upset etc, as you can imagine.

So the GP told this girl " you have Chlamydia"

Girl: "Oh right, So im not pregnant tho"

GP: "No, you're not, but we'll have to get you on an antibiotic and when you're finished that im going to put you on the pill and you should try to use condoms in future.

Girl: "well, sure, Grand, give me the antibiotic so then and i'll come back for the pil in a few weeks" (shes cool as a breeze at this point)

GP: Its not as straight forward as that, you're going to have to tell everybody you have slept with unprotected or not, and they'll need to have themselves tested also, Chlamydia is a fairly serious STI and should be treated sooner rather than later. How many men have you slept with?

Girl: 17

GP:(nearly falls off chair) ok, did you use a condom with all of these partners.

Girl: Only if i didnt know them, if I knew them i didnt bother, sure they're friends like, they'd be grand.
:eek::eek::eek:
That story is absolute gospel. We're going to have an STI pandemic in a few years time!!!

Sweet Jesus! :eek::eek::eek:
The mind boggles. So glad I don't have any kids, and if I do, I hope to God they're boys! :pac:

On the sex ed thing, we had a very progressive teacher in 6th class in primary school, he took the boys for a class one day and explained the facts of life etc, and a female teacher took the girls. Then I went to the Christian Bros in secondary and it was like being back in the dark ages. The teacher who gave us sex ed (once) in religion class was so awkward and embarrassed himself he made us laugh, then he got thick and we had to write out the whole chapter 4 times. That was the extent of sex ed in secondary school for me! :rolleyes:

I've learned a good bit since then though.....

cuckoo

Zzippy wrote: »

Sweet Jesus! :eek::eek::eek:
The mind boggles. So glad I don't have any kids, and if I do, I hope to God they're boys! :pac:

Your potential future sons could catch STIs too.

While there isn't enough education for anyone, there in particular doesn't seem to be enough of a push to educate males. There seems to be a casual assumption that an STI will show up in a routine check/will show symptons for a female, and then she can go track down her partners and tell them to get tested. What pitiful attempts there are to inform seem to be limited to poster campaigns in the womens toilets in pubs, GPs reminding women when they're in for pill prescriptions and British women's magazines.

Or, is there a secret campaign out there informing men? One that my breasts and high levels of estrogen prevent me from identifying?

Last year George Hook was doing a lot of hooplah on his radio show about raising awareness about testing for prostrate cancer:

http://www.cancer.ie/prostate/prostate_week_2008.php

This inaugural Prostate Cancer Awareness Week (PACW) campaign will comprise a national radio advertising and public relations campaign and the publication of a new magazine ‘MANHOOD’. Broadcasters Charlie Bird, George Hook and John Giles along with Singer Christy Moore have kindly agreed to front all aspects of the awareness campaign.
The key objective of the week will be to encourage men over 50 years to be more prostate aware, to open discussions about their risk of developing prostate cancer with their General Practitioners, to consider the merits of screening and to call our Prostate Cancer Information Service (Freefone 1800 380 380) for advice, information and support

I'd love to see an equivalent campaign run for STIs, with sports men or someone, to get young(ish) men more aware.

gcgirl

Zzippy wrote: »

Sweet Jesus! :eek::eek::eek:
The mind boggles. So glad I don't have any kids, and if I do, I hope to God they're boys! :pac:

as the saying goes '' With boys you only have to think about the One prick But with Girls you have to think about all the pricks in Ireland!!''

Wibbs

The sex education I got in school was of the old style catholic Ireland variety. back when it was in full sway. We were basically told to avoid innapropriate touching of women or indeed ourselves. When one brave cove asked how one would recognise said touching, he was reliably informed that if it felt good t was probably bad. And we were told that if we had any night time emissions, we were to roll over and say a little prayer.:D

I had hoped it had gotten much better in the intervening years. It seems not.

carolmon

manukahoney wrote: »

On the point of STIs, a GP friend of mine once told me about a sixteen year old patient of hers who had gotten Chlamydia as a result of unprotected sex.

The girl was from one of the more well to do areas of Cork.

Great to see doctor/ patient confidentiality alive and kicking.......

Madame Razz

carolmon wrote: »

Great to see doctor/ patient confidentiality alive and kicking.......

Well, to be fair its a pretty exceptional scenario, the doc didnt tell me the specifics, she just told me what i posted earlier in the thread. I really wouldn't see that as a breach of confidentiality to be honest.

LolaLuv

I don't know how it works in Ireland, but in America you can tell about experiences with patients as long as you don't give names or identifying details.

Madame Razz

It would be much the same in Ireland also.

Nanaki

In primary or secondary school we never got any sex ed. bar the chapter in junior cert science :P lol I know in some other local schools they did, and that in some of the mixed schools, the boys were brought somewhere else and the girls were told all about that time of the month (this was in primary school sometime)

brianthebard

Oh from what i remember at least one girl in our year was already knocked up by the time we got the talk in religion.

john_aero

trio wrote: »

But it boggled my mind. I've never in my life met a guy that had that reaction from condoms. To this day I don't know if it was a physiological reaction to the feel of them or if he just hated the things with a passion and wanted to see if I'd give in.

i used have similar problem, putting them on was a turn off and i ended up from then on every time i saw condom that thats it sex is going to work as i cant use them right.

heard of good few people who have problem with them and loose feeling with them on

just need patience and re assurance,

but as for your particular instance he should have asked you help him along with his problem and not bang on about how doesnt want to use them.

john_aero

as for the STI clinics, you can go in, give any false name etc you want as they say you can go by any name you like to make sure your info is kept confidential. then you get a number, when you call back you tell them the nnumber and they give you your results. no requirement for phne numbers, names and adresses if you prefer not too. but i still gave mine as anted any results to go to my doc as its good to keep record