How do you grease a wall

dbnavan

Am sick of kids walking along my back wall, what is the best thing to grease it with

monkeyfudge

Their blood?

dbnavan

monkeyfudge wrote: »

Their blood?

LOL, I wish

el_tiddlero

some jerk did that to us when we were kids - he got no end of stick for it..
don't start a war you can't win boyo..

StalkerBoy

try getting some grease... and then spreading that on the wall

The Master

Molest one of them , then there'll never be any kids near your place ever again

copeyhagen

dont put broken glass on the wall, not sure what the legal side of doing that is these days.

monkeyfudge

StalkerBoy wrote: »

try getting some grease... and then spreading that on the wall

Just make sure it's grease you get and not geese... I made that mistake once and it didn't end well.. I can tell you that much.

gino85

build the wall higher but taper it up to a fine point at the top, let them have fun trying to walk it then

Dave147

Found a useful video on youtube with a couple of tricks you might be able to use.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rATP-4GQCbY

Homer

Dig a moat around your entire property and fill it with various dangerous creatures garry glitter and joseph fritzel?

Heisenberg.

This post has been deleted.

seamus

Buy five of these:
http://www.halfords.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/product_storeId_10001_catalogId_10151_productId_172551_langId_-1_categoryId_77314

And spread liberally on the wall.

MOH

Cover it with dog crap. May have a downside though.

SoupyNorman

Grow a bush, you cant climb a bush.


May take a while, but you need to look at the whole pie...

Time+effort+Invesment = Reward Given, recieved AND Shared.

ssmith6287

barb wire and nails, the odd land mine wud suffice

Winters

Put a load of used condoms and needles all over the wall.
And a few copies of "Men's Health" about.


Kid's wont be coming back anytime soon.

And if they do they will be the ones you can beat up easy. Pussys.

Voodu Child

Just do the old 'I think i'll trim the hedges at night, with sunglasses on' trick. Works every time, watch those ankles fly!:)

Zangetsu

Woman down the road from me mate used to put glass and tar on the walls, evil bitch.

Naos

Tar on public walls deserves a beating.

dbnavan

seamus wrote: »

Buy five of these:
http://www.halfords.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/product_storeId_10001_catalogId_10151_productId_172551_langId_-1_categoryId_77314

And spread liberally on the wall.

Best answer, will pick some up this evening.

insinkerator

bravestarr082 wrote: »

Grow a bush, you cant climb a bush.


May take a while, but you need to look at the whole pie...

Time+effort+Invesment = Reward Given, recieved AND Shared.

You can burn/climb through a bush though.

I would say just getting buckets of tar and smearing it all over the wall

fitz0

Glass is illegal but you're free to put a load of boards with nails on the ground your side of the wall. Grease that bitch up good, sit back and relax

Archeron

Some of those weird homeware catalogues sell rubbery strips that have small pointy rubber cones on them. You can stick them to the wall, and while they are very uncomfortable to handle or sit/kneel on, they wouldnt puncture flesh. They are a bit expensive though. Betterware is one catalogue I've seen them in. I think they are legal too.

Or rosebushes. Big mofo rosebushes that could cut someones arms off with one thorn and would sit there laughing its inane flowery laugh as the lifeblood gushes from the tattered arm socket of your victim. That would also put people off.

Fishyfreak

dbnavan wrote: »

Am sick of kids walking along my back wall, what is the best thing to grease it with

Eh......... Grease....


Only joking, That Castrol stuff should do the trick. It'll wreck their Air-Max Runners and their skanger stripey jumpers.

FruitLover

Replace the top bricks with wobbly and/or crumbly ones. Then make sure to leave plenty of sharp, rusty garden implements right beside the wall, so if someone were to fall, say from a wobbly and/or crumbly wall....

diamondp

i get a bus every morning to work and the old man who owns the house beside the bus stop greases his wall so people waiting on the bus wont sit on it. now how petty is that. 8 o'clock in the morning and your legs arent awake yet so you sit down on the nearist available wall and you get you work trousers destroyed cause the old git dosent want anyone sitin on his wall. anyway was there one day when a man went to sit on the wall i warned him that it was greased and he said the it was illegal to do that now. So before you do what you want to do just check out its legal cause if anyone falls from your greased wall you could be in deep dodo.

Smart Bug

Decapitate one of the sods and impale his head on the wall as a warning.

Zangetsu

People grease up walls should be locked up... Who gives a **** if someone is on your wall? Are they hurting you? Are they in your way? Or are they just sitting on your wall, boo - ****ing - hoo ... ... ...

Naos

diamondp wrote: »

i get a bus every morning to work and the old man who owns the house beside the bus stop greases his wall so people waiting on the bus wont sit on it. now how petty is that. 8 o'clock in the morning and your legs arent awake yet so you sit down on the nearist available wall and you get you work trousers destroyed cause the old git dosent want anyone sitin on his wall. anyway was there one day when a man went to sit on the wall i warned him that it was greased and he said the it was illegal to do that now. So before you do what you want to do just check out its legal cause if anyone falls from your greased wall you could be in deep dodo.

And what about when a group of little sh1ts want to sit on it at night?

Numina

Zangetsu wrote: »

People grease up walls should be locked up... Who gives a **** if someone is on your wall? Are they hurting you? Are they in your way? Or are they just sitting on your wall, boo - ****ing - hoo ... ... ...

Are they on your property? are they littering in your garden? are they causing too much noise pollution?

seamus

Zangetsu wrote: »

People grease up walls should be locked up... Who gives a **** if someone is on your wall? Are they hurting you? Are they in your way? Or are they just sitting on your wall, boo - ****ing - hoo ... ... ...

If a child is walking on your wall and falls headfirst into your garden, they can sue for damages.

So if they're going to fall, you may as well help them and make it spectacular.

Degsy

Its a good idea to dig a trench at the base of the wall.
Place sharpened stakes(covered in excrement) at the bottom of the trench and then cover the whole thing over with sacking and leaves.
Then when a kid either deliberatly jumps in,or falls,they end up impaling themselves in the spikes.

Smart Bug

Expose yourself to the kids. Nice big trenchcoat & wellies job. That'll solve the problem.

Turd Ferguson

F*ck all of their ma's and then any time they are on the wall,go out and slag them about it...

Its win-win!

Zangetsu

Ok let me ask you this... How many times have you sat down on other peoples walls as a kid? Now how many times have you been chased off with water hoses, covered in that tar/grease crap, diced up by crazy people puttiing shards of glass on the wall?

Do you not think its a little OTT to be tormenting kids like that? Litter won't be a problem if instead of saying "get the **** off my wall" you walk over and ask them not to leave litter there, and do it NICELY. Try to be sound about it and you'll get respect in return. I know it worked with me and my mates when I was younger.

On your property? I'm sorry but that made me laugh... Are they stealing from you or destroying your precious wall by sitting on it? Sharing is a beautiful thing!

Noise pollution, maybe a fair point but they are hardly doing this at all hours of the night are they?

I really hope that you aren't as uptight as that post suggests, loosin up a little cause no matter what you do, kids will be kids and making an enemy of them is a terrorable idea. Remember holloween is coming around and I remember what happened to 'those' houses at that time of year!

Sorry if my post seems a little aggressive but ya sound like a 90yo granny that hates the world.

DonJose

What you need is non-drying paint, they sell it in DIY shops

http://www.decoratingdirect.co.uk/viewprod/t/TORACP/

Frisbee

Knock down your wall and turn your garden into a free state where one and all can come in and are accepted.

Or tell them your a dentist, that'll scare em....

Smart Bug

Tell 'em Gary Glitter's cummin to stay for a while...

fitz0

Smart Bug wrote: »

Tell 'em Gary Glitter's cummin behind the wall

fixed

ciano1

Smart Bug wrote: »

Tell 'em Gary Glitter's cummin to stay for a while...

Nice Idea

He looks as if hes lookin for work......:D
After al that time spent in asia he'll surely work for less than Min Wage

Archeron

ciano1 wrote: »

Nice Idea

He looks as if hes lookin for work......:D
After al that time spent in asia he'll surely work for less than Min Wage

Min Wage is the name of my housekeeper, and for your information, I pay her quite well. Well guessed though, she is from Asia.

taidghbaby

cross breed a rothweiller with a hive of bees, so you have a dangerous dog thats shoots bees from his mouth when he barks!!

then train him to attack anything that walks on your wall!

Fringe

Spread lube all over. It'll also make molesting them easier since you don't have to run back in and get the lube.

Nevyn

monkeyfudge wrote: »

Just make sure it's grease you get and not geese... I made that mistake once and it didn't end well.. I can tell you that much.

You gave up trying to juggle them ?

Slutmonkey57b

taidghbaby wrote: »

cross breed a rothweiller with a hive of bees,

That's the first time I've ever seen that particular bogtrotter mispronunciation misspelled as well.

m83

I suggest the following:

http://www.odinartcollectables.com/images/record%20grease.jpg

two tea spoons should do the trick

JangoFett

Engine grease?

Wait, no, thats mean dude, they're just kids on the wall, they could be doing a lot worse

m83

JangoFett wrote: »

Engine grease?

Wait, no, thats mean dude, they're just kids on the wall, they could be doing a lot worse

QFT!

They're just kids on a wall ffs!!! Better than snakes on a plain! (sic)

connundrum

Boards always has the answer -> Bing!

AckwelFoley

where are these children you speak of?