Pregnancy fear

unreg222

I'm 23 and have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. We have a great relationship and a great physical connection but my fear of pregnancy means that we haven't had full penetrative sex yet. Pregnancy just isn't any kind of option for me now. I'm on the pill and we would obviously use condoms but even though the chances are miniscule I'm still petrified! I know that this is my issue and as time goes on it's becoming a bigger thing in my head, am I being ridiculous and unfair on my very understanding boyfriend.

Have you thought about trying Implanon with condoms.
Implanon is as effective as the snip.

MagicMarker

Yep, you are being extremely unfair on your bf and you're lucky he's stuck it this long.

My advice is to either stop being paranoid and grow up, or dump your boyfriend as you obviously aren't ready for an adult relationship.

Phototoxin

you can have a healthy adult relationship without having sex. A romantic relationship doesnt have to revolve around sex.
Wait till you're married/viable to support kids.

dubsgirl

OP I really think your fears are unfounded. You are on the pill and also condoms really don't see why your worrying so much. Usually if something goes wrong with a condom you will realise and can then take morning after pill if you are still worried.

Glowing

MagicMarker wrote: »

Yep, you are being extremely unfair on your bf and you're lucky he's stuck it this long.

My advice is to either stop being paranoid and grow up, or dump your boyfriend as you obviously aren't ready for an adult relationship.

That's a bit unfair. Although the chances of getting pregnant are tiny when on the pill and using condoms, it HAS happened.

It's not like it'd be a bit of an issue, getting pregnant, its life changing! I'm not surprised she's a bit wary, particularly becuase she's not ready for the responsibility.

And before you come back with 'oh she shouldn't be having sex if she's not ready for a baby', if that was the case, it'd rule out pretty much everyone.

LadyMayBelle

Some of the comments have been a bit harsh, the OPs fears are real and validated. It's a big deal for her and she has a very kind and understanding boyfriend.

It is a decision she needs to make, and with the support of her boyfriend. Okay, it may be highly unlikely that she will get pregnant, but as another poster put it, it can happen.

Don;t do anything OP without thinking things clear out in you're head. You're not alone in this, there are many girls like this.

b3t4

You're fears are understandable but i'm sure they are inteferring heavily with you relationship with your boyfriend.

Why don't you both pop into your local family planning clinic to discuss your situation.

A.

MagicMarker

Phototoxin wrote: »

you can have a healthy adult relationship without having sex. A romantic relationship doesnt have to revolve around sex.

An romantic relationship without sex is unhealthy. True, it doesn't revolve around sex, but to say sex isn't as important as every other aspect is just being naive.

Glowing wrote: »

That's a bit unfair. Although the chances of getting pregnant are tiny when on the pill and using condoms, it HAS happened.

It's not like it'd be a bit of an issue, getting pregnant, its life changing! I'm not surprised she's a bit wary, particularly becuase she's not ready for the responsibility.

And before you come back with 'oh she shouldn't be having sex if she's not ready for a baby', if that was the case, it'd rule out pretty much everyone.

If that's the case, then i assume the OP doesn't leave her padded room for fear of what the world has to offer?

OP, everyone has your fears, but you've taken it to the next level. And like i said, if you're not ready to face those fears, then you're not ready for a healthy adult relationship.

GrumPy

I echo Magic's comments 100%.

Your boyfriend is too understanding tbh. A relationship that has lasted as long as yours without sex isn't a relationship imo. Either get your problem sorted asap, or he will get up and leave. It's not fair on him, maybe try see someone about your fear?

05D

I think you are over reacting a bit, you should wiki the menstral cycle and learn about how your body works i.e when your ovulating and that,

You can't get pregnant just after your period.

also there are spermicides and other contraceptive options for you.

Miss Fluff

05D wrote: »

You can't get pregnant just after your period.

I'm afraid you can, everybody's body is different so I wouldn't just assume that this is the case.

I do think the OP seriously needs to get herself to a Family Planning Clinic and take time to go through all her options. Her BF must love her dearly and obviously have the patience of a saint but you are missing out on SOOOOOOOO much by not having a fulfilling sexual relationship. I think you owe it to both him and to yourself.

seamus

Magicmarker, I think you're probably being a bit unfair.

OP, what exactly is it about pregnancy which terrifies you so much? Would you say that, "Pregnancy just isn't an option at the moment", is a convenient excuse for not confronting the actual reason why you don't want to get pregnant?

Perhaps that sounds a bit harsh, but there are millions of people out there for whom pregnancy isn't an option at the moment, who are "afraid" of getting pregnant, but who proceed anyway, despite the risks. I would say that most people accept that the risks exist and have some idea of how to deal with them.

What I'm getting at here is that it's possible you may have a very real phobia:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tocophobia

The level of your fear indicates to me that it may be more than a simple worry about becoming pregnant. But I'm not a psychologist, far from it. I just want to give you some pointers for further reading - if you decide that you don't have a phobia, then no harm done.

It's a phobia which has until recently gone ignored or unresearched, but I've heard of plenty of women (and talked to a couple) who would agree that it's the main reason why they won't/haven't had children.

LadyMayBelle

05D wrote: »

I think you are over reacting a bit, you should wiki the menstral cycle and learn about how your body works i.e when your ovulating and that,

You can't get pregnant just after your period.

I think you should check it out for yourself too,you can get pregnant at ANY stage during your cycle. There are no 100 percent effective pills/barrier but if the op is strict with her pill taking and using a condom she is certainly lowering the off chance of getting pregnant.

insomnia08

The only chances of getting pregnant with the pill are: missing a pill, having diarrea or vomiting (and even if you were ovulating you would only have 20% chances). If you have any of those you should use extra protection such as condoms.

You just don't get pregnant with the pill if you follow the instructions carefully. However, the pill does not protect you agains STD´s. So in case of a minimun doubt about your boyfriend do use condoms.

If you are using both condoms and the pill, its practically impossible to get pregnant. If I were you I would only use one or the other. There´s no point of taking any drugs if you are using condoms.

However, in the rare event of getting pregnant it would not be the end of the word. Life life with no fear!

Faith

If I'm not mistaken, there's 13 different forms of contraception available. The pill is great and one of the most reliable, provided it's taken correctly. You could alternatively get the implant, which means there's no fear of forgetting to take a pill, and it's extremely effective (99.9%, I think). As a back-up, you can use condoms. To make them even more effective, use spermicide with them. You could even be extra safe and use a sponge, cervical cup or diaphragm. That's 4 different contraceptives at work right there.

Fear of pregnancy is very common, and one I share with you. However, if you're careful, there's no reason to abstain from sex because of it. You're missing out on one of the most wonderful experiences due to a completely preventable fear.

Finally, if you did fall pregnant, there's options available to you. It's not the 1950's anymore, you don't have to have or keep the baby. Also, if you got pregnant despite all those precautions, I'd say the Universe has decided you're having a baby no matter what!

BC

insomnia08 wrote: »

The only chances of getting pregnant with the pill are: missing a pill, having diarrea or vomiting (and even if you were ovulating you would only have 20% chances). If you have any of those you should use extra protection such as condoms.

This is not true.
The pill is approximately 98% effective IF USED CORRECTLY(different brands/types have different levels of effectivness some are 99% some are 96% hence the approximate). That means that even if everyone is using it perfectly, then on average 2 out every 100 women still get pregnant if using it for a year. If it is not used correctly (e.g missing a pill) or you are vomiting etc then that reduces the effectiveness. To say that the pill is 100% effective if used correctly is untrue.

RuailleBuaille

I don't understand why you are filling yourself with artificial hormones 21 days out of 28 and you won't allow yourself the pleasure of having sex? What's the point?

This might sound harsh OP, but get over yourself. Sometimes our minds can be our greatest enemy. You're overthinking it and denying yourself and your boyfriend a very important part of a loving relationship.

I can't understand either why he's willing to put up with this because it is irrational. Using condoms AND pill properly should mean you can relax and enjoy sex.

Stop overthinking and give yourself a chance to enjoy it!

RuailleBuaille

Phototoxin wrote: »

you can have a healthy adult relationship without having sex. A romantic relationship doesnt have to revolve around sex.
Wait till you're married/viable to support kids.

Healthy adult relationship with no sex?
That's what I have with my mam.
:rolleyes:

eveie

05D wrote: »

I think you are over reacting a bit, you should wiki the menstral cycle and learn about how your body works i.e when your ovulating and that,

You can't get pregnant just after your period.

also there are spermicides and other contraceptive options for you.

i very surprised a mod didnt pull you up on this! whata stupid stupid stupid statement to make! yes you can get pregnant just after your period its less likely but can and does happen. every women is different and ovulation can occur at different days eacyh month, there is no such thing as a "safe" day sperm can survive inside inside you for up to 7 days so although you may not have been ovulating on the day you had sex you may release an egg 4 days day and then wham bam thank you mam