The Beach Survival Guide

jester77

Looks like I'm being dragged to the beach for a few weeks To me the beach is somewhere that has too much sand, too much sun and not enough beer. So how is a brother to survive?!

Need some tips here. What's the etiquette for large semi-hairy pale people going topless, I presume I should keep covered!! Apart from buying a good set of shades for perving saving my eyes and factor 50 cream, what else can I do? The only redeeming thing is there will probably be some nice eye candy and hopefully some of these new c string things on show

enda1

http://www.productdose.com/article.php?article_id=7835

Nuff said.

smashey

Careful jester, I'm just back from holiday where I spent a few days on the beach and I was totally shocked at what goes on there. It would appear that our continental cousins are all shameless metrosexuals. :eek: They prance around the beach thinking they are alpha males (not realising that I was the only alpha male in the vicinity but couldn't be ar$ed ) with their all over tans. It gets worse than that though. There appeared to be a distinct lack of body hair on them which leads me to the obvious conclusion...

They feckin wax. :eek::eek::eek:

Also, dare I say it, they accessorise.:eek::eek::eek::eek: They have no shame whatsoever.

Prepare to be traumatised. Just bring some beer in a cooler box and your i-pod to distract yourself.

enda1

If your looking out for the other men on the beach there are problems...

Shades, beer perve. Easy!

Fratton Fred

Be proud, get your gut out.

heavy perving shades, a good book and a few tinnies. make sure you get there early so the jermins don't get all the beds.

missingtime

Big towel

Dun laoire

This is probably not want you want to hear my friend but rule no1 is don't go mad gargling during the day. A couple yeah and a few at night but don't go heavy during the day trust me. Get plenty of water into you. You will benefit come the end of the day when you sit down and relax that evening with a few san miguels. Another thing to do is get up early and grab a few loungers and a big ass umbrella before all ze germans get them. It'll be important to cover your pasty ass with some shade cause that sun aint gonna give a damn about you.

Enjoy my man

taidghbaby

white socks and sandals are a must!

Victor

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055310268

ShayK1

jester77 wrote: »

these new c string things on show

I was intrigued, I googled, I like!!

Can anyone tell me how they like...stay on...? the mind boggles

Tom Dunne

I suggest you make a sign.

For what, you may ask. Well, I am going to tell you. A sign that says "This is not a dead sealion, it is a Brother. He is fine, he is sleeping. Do not touch".

I had an embarrassing incident one Summer recently, where the local wildlife sanctuary was called. Apparently, with my ape-like hairy back, some of the locals assumed I was some form of sea creature washed up on the sand.

I was asleep, ffs.

Galvasean

Step 1: avoid

minidazzler

Brother Jester, I am shocked, you actually planned to hide a Manly Gut?

Surely you have to show all thosse damned metro's how they should look.

Remember

NO GUT, NO GLORY.

John Mason

Jester, you need to get the smallest thong ever and stand round and proud

_blank_

irishbird wrote: »

Jester, you need to get the smallest thong ever and stand round and proud

ORLY?

John Mason

Des wrote: »

ORLY?

Yes