Wedding Hair & make up - who pays ?

Niamh:>)

Hi Ladies & gents,

I suppose my subject line says it all.
I will be a very honoured bridesmaid on the 4th of September.
All four of us are booked in for hair & make up that morning. I know its costing € 90.00 each - im just wondering what the normal ettiquette is here ?
Should i just offer to pay, dont want to insult either - just havent come across this situation before ??

Anyone here know ?

kizzyr

Niamh:>) wrote: »

Hi Ladies & gents,

I suppose my subject line says it all.
I will be a very honoured bridesmaid on the 4th of September.
All four of us are booked in for hair & make up that morning. I know its costing € 90.00 each - im just wondering what the normal ettiquette is here ?
Should i just offer to pay, dont want to insult either - just havent come across this situation before ??

Anyone here know ?

I've been a bridesmaid twice and each time the bride paid for everything.

Honey-ec

The bride pays.

ash_18x

the bride doesnt always pay, i am paying for my bridesmaids make up and hair but i know a girl who was chief bridesmaid and she had to pay for everything herself! only found out the morning of the wedding too!

Glowing

The bride normally pays but you should DEFINITELY offer!!

egan007

ash_18x wrote: »

the bride doesnt always pay, i am paying for my bridesmaids make up and hair but i know a girl who was chief bridesmaid and she had to pay for everything herself! only found out the morning of the wedding too!

I'd tell the bride to politely go ....herself

Her wedding she pays.

kizzyr

ash_18x wrote: »

the bride doesnt always pay, i am paying for my bridesmaids make up and hair but i know a girl who was chief bridesmaid and she had to pay for everything herself! only found out the morning of the wedding too!

I know one of those too. The bride told the bridesmaids that she wanted them to get the acrylic fake nails, fake tan, hair and make up done in a certain place and made the appointments for them.
The girls all assumed that she was paying the bill but when the time came each one of them was expected to stump up the cash. She also made them pay for their own shoes and didn't give them a present either. Then the very next morning she told the girls where to take their dresses for dry cleaning, they (foolishly) went along with this under the assumption that they would be keeping the dresses (although why they'd want to is beyond me as they were horrible) but the day after they collected the dresses the lovely lovely bride went around to their houses and took the dresses as she had a buyer for them.
Nice nice girl...........her wedding was dreadful too:D

kizzyr

Glowing wrote: »

The bride normally pays but you should DEFINITELY offer!!

I don't think so. The bride has asked you to be her bridesmaid for the day she should pay, why should someone who is doing a favour pay for the privilage?

Glowing

I certainly woulnd't *expect* the bride to pay for my hair and makeup - I mean weddings are expensive enough and she'll have already forked out for dresses and shoes ... I would have no problem stumping up for hair and makeup myself, and it's only polite to offer .....

kizzyr

Glowing wrote: »

I certainly woulnd't *expect* the bride to pay for my hair and makeup - I mean weddings are expensive enough and she'll have already forked out for dresses and shoes ... I would have no problem stumping up for hair and makeup myself, and it's only polite to offer .....

They are asking you to do them a favour so of course they should pay for the dress, shoes, hair etc

BroomBurner

Glowing wrote: »

The bride normally pays but you should DEFINITELY offer!!

100% agree with this. While it is normally the bride that pays, as a bride myself, it is lovely just to have the offer. It probably won't be accepted, but it's still polite to offer.

Or, OP, you could just ask her outright do you pay, or does she pay.

To anyone saying that the bridesmaid is "doing the bride a favour" by being their bridesmaid, that doesn't allow you to be rude by just coasting along and expecting her to pay for everything without even being a decent enough person to offer.

Glowing

I was Bridesmaid at a friends wedding in Sydney. We were all going out to get spray tans done, and the bride went in first, but had to leave early for another appointment. I full expected to pay when I was finished, but found out that she had settled the bill entirely before she left.

It was a lovely thing to do, I appreciated it, and certainly didn't EXPECT it! She's a friend and I certainly didn't feel like I was doing her a 'favour', it was an honour for me. I was treated like royalty on the day, carted around in a posh car, wearing a gorgeous dress and shoes ... and I didn't have to put my hand into my pocket once. That was way more than I expected to be honest .....

BroomBurner

That's a lovely thing to do! I think a lot of brides would look after their party, and the best things always come to those not expecting it

I'm paying for my BM, Mother and MIL's hair and make-up on the day, but in saying that, they all offered (I declined). My BM paid for her own shoes and handbag as they were slightly more expensive than I expected (we're on a fairly tight budget and think they were designer), so there'll be a lovely pressie for her on the day.

kizzyr

BroomBurner wrote: »

100% agree with this. While it is normally the bride that pays, as a bride myself, it is lovely just to have the offer. It probably won't be accepted, but it's still polite to offer.

Or, OP, you could just ask her outright do you pay, or does she pay.

To anyone saying that the bridesmaid is "doing the bride a favour" by being their bridesmaid, that doesn't allow you to be rude by just coasting along and expecting her to pay for everything without even being a decent enough person to offer.

I wasn't being rude when I said that, look at it this way: the bride asks you to be her bridesmaid, she knows when she does this that it will incurr the cost of a dress (of her choosing most often), shoes again of her choosing, she wants you to look great for her photographs so this necessitates getting hair done, make up done, and for some fake tan and nails.
Given that she asked you to be the bridesmaid then it is only fair IMO that she pays. If you were invited as another guest then its up to you whether you go or not, and what to wear, something new or something you already have.
The way I see it the bridesmaid is facilitating the bride in her wishes for the day and so should not be expected to see this as a privilege or be expected to fork out for the ensuing bridesmaid requirements.

Emerald Lass

I think a bit of pampering and a hair do could be considered compensation for the god awful dresses some brides make the poor BM wear! i suppose the 'honour' of being a BM all depends on whether the bride is a bridzilla wil bad taste! lol

Its a funny situation though, in the US a lot of BM's pay for their own attire and are expected to pay for their own hair and make-up. If this is the case, most times they get to choose the dress themselves (with brides approval) and keep it afterwards.

BroomBurner

kizzyr wrote: »

Given that she asked you to be the bridesmaid then it is only fair IMO that she pays.

Simple answer to your problem, just decline the offer of being a bridesmaid.

kizzyr

BroomBurner wrote: »

Simple answer to your problem, just decline the offer of being a bridesmaid.

I'd have no problem with that, and then you are subjected to the "its such an honour and you're being rude and selfish by declining" etc etc etc.
As I said already, the bride asked you to be in her wedding party. She requests that you dress in a certain way, have hair done to suit her and so on. As they are her requests (and in some cases demands) then she should pay. I did a little poll here at work today as there has been a rush of weddings this summer. Each and every one of the brides I asked said that they feel the bride should of course pay and never expected the bridesmaids to offer.

Whispered

Being bridesmaid is an honour, if you don't think so then the bride made the wrong choice as far as I'm concerned.

I would not expect the bridesmaids to pay for anything, I would imagine that they will keep the day running smoothly and keep the groomsmen in check so thats enough me. However, if I had a bridesmaid who was pouting and stamping her feet at the very thought of maybe having to put her hand in her pocket, I'd be reconsidering my choices.

I intend on spoiling my bridesmaids, they can choose their own dresses (colour my choice), they will be a huge part of the day and I am grateful to them. But I know that if I went to one of them and said I was stuck, could they cover their own makeup, they would be happy to do so, because they are my friends and don't feel like they are doing me a favour.

kizzyr

helena.ryan wrote: »

Being bridesmaid is an honour, if you don't think so then the bride made the wrong choice as far as I'm concerned.

I would not expect the bridesmaids to pay for anything, I would imagine that they will keep the day running smoothly and keep the groomsmen in check so thats enough me. However, if I had a bridesmaid who was pouting and stamping her feet at the very thought of maybe having to put her hand in her pocket, I'd be reconsidering my choices.

I intend on spoiling my bridesmaids, they can choose their own dresses (colour my choice), they will be a huge part of the day and I am grateful to them. But I know that if I went to one of them and said I was stuck, could they cover their own makeup, they would be happy to do so, because they are my friends and don't feel like they are doing me a favour.

How and why is it an honour? I am also waiting to be convinced as to why these girls should be expected to pay for something the bride expects? Also if you are stuck financially then really you shouldn't have as many (or any) bridsemaids, have a smaller wedding, etc. The entire wedding industy has gotten to crazy proportions and expectations. Essentially it is your marriage that counts, not the party of the wedding day.

Niamh:>)

Hi,

I am the original poster. I hadnt realised what a can of worms I had opened
I fully intend to offer to pay , i was just wondering what the general opinion was.
I thought at first we where only getting our hair done and then make up was meantioned & booked very quickly. I would have been happy to do my own but im happy to let a professional at it too !!

For the record we did buy our own shoes & i did offer to pay some of the cost of the dress, as they where exceptionally nice & pricey too.

Looking forward to the day now.. just wanted to be able to budget for any extra expense. I can see how its a bit tricky..

Thanks for all the views..

Whispered

kizzyr wrote: »

How and why is it an honour? I am also waiting to be convinced as to why these girls should be expected to pay for something the bride expects? Also if you are stuck financially then really you shouldn't have as many (or any) bridsemaids, have a smaller wedding, etc. The entire wedding industy has gotten to crazy proportions and expectations. Essentially it is your marriage that counts, not the party of the wedding day.

If I was to choose a bridesmaid who went on about how much of a favour she was doing for me I would be disgusted with her, it's disgraceful carry on. It's an honour because you are being asked to share in one of the most special days of someones life. Really, can you not see that?

Would you feel put upon if you were asked to be someones bridesmaid? I would hate friends like that TBH.

As for smaller wedding/less bridesmaids etc, I was saying that hypothetically, if I needed my bridesmaids to do anything I know they would very happily. Thats why they are my bridesmaids, I can rely on them 100%.

Whispered

Niamh:>) wrote: »

Hi,

I am the original poster. I hadnt realised what a can of worms I had opened
I fully intend to offer to pay , i was just wondering what the general opinion was.
I thought at first we where only getting our hair done and then make up was meantioned & booked very quickly. I would have been happy to do my own but im happy to let a professional at it too !!

For the record we did buy our own shoes & i did offer to pay some of the cost of the dress, as they where exceptionally nice & pricey too.

Looking forward to the day now.. just wanted to be able to budget for any extra expense. I can see how its a bit tricky..

Thanks for all the views..

Hey, I dont think there is any need for you to pay unless you want to. The important thing is you're there to support your friend.

kizzyr

helena.ryan wrote: »

If I was to choose a bridesmaid who went on about how much of a favour she was doing for me I would be disgusted with her, it's disgraceful carry on. It's an honour because you are being asked to share in one of the most special days of someones life. Really, can you not see that?

Would you feel put upon if you were asked to be someones bridesmaid? I would hate friends like that TBH.

As for smaller wedding/less bridesmaids etc, I was saying that hypothetically, if I needed my bridesmaids to do anything I know they would very happily. Thats why they are my bridesmaids, I can rely on them 100%.

I have never gone on about how I was doing someone a favour by being bridesmaid. My point was the bride asks you to be in her wedding party and you say yes. By asking you she should know and accpet the costs incurred.
Everyone who is invited to the wedding is sharing in the day in the same way as the bridal party is. They are all there to see people take their vows and for the reception afterward.

Malari

helena.ryan wrote: »

Would you feel put upon if you were asked to be someones bridesmaid? I would hate friends like that TBH.

I think people are being very objective in this thread! In the abstract, it can sound like bridesmaids are put upon and brides can be demanding and selfish. The instinctive response is "I wouldn't put up with that!"

But if you think about a really good friend who might ask you to be bridesmaid then surely you wouldn't hesitate to help and it would be an honour. And as you say, if a bride doesn't have a closer friend than someone who thinks "what a hassle" then she's got problems.